


Star Crossed

by RiverFord



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama & Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, LGBTQ Themes, Romance, Sex, Teen Angst, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-02 20:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 125,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14553408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverFord/pseuds/RiverFord
Summary: Neither of them were looking to fall in love. It must have been written in the stars. A Marauder era fic. Basically starts with some back story. Maybe a lot of back story. Usually centers around main character of Addy. Then there's a lot of Sirius. Then the story of how they get together. And then them being together. I'm terrible at making summaries. But it's good, I promise. At least I think so. Rated M because I'm paranoid.





	1. First Year

Staring back into the blank face of her mother, Addy struggled to remain expressionless as her mother kept a firm grip on her shoulder, holding her at arm's length. Her mother was a tall, slender woman, with the black hair and permanent haughty expression that could be expected in their society. Addy sometimes thought she looked as though she had smelt something rotten.   
'You know what's expected of you Adhara.'   
Addy was stood in front of the Hogwarts Express, with her sister Aludra, as their mother bid them goodbye before her first year at Hogwarts. Her father, a man of average height, golden hair, and a generally silent, authoritative demeanor, as was not unusual, was off with his little group of fellows. He'd been gone for four months this time already. Addy didn't know what they got up to, and she didn't want to know. She had been overwhelmed with her answer the one, and only, time she had asked.  
'You better not disappoint us. We do not need any more embarrassment coming from you.' While her expression remained impassive, her eyes shone with the warning of her words. Addy gave a curt nod, and her mother released her hold of her in favor of saying goodbye to her sister.  
'We'll see you at Christmas,' their mother said to them both, quirking a brow.  
'Yes mother,' Aludra answered brightly. They each stooped to pick up the end of their trunks and turned toward the train. 'Don't think you're sitting with me,' Al sneered, once they were out of earshot. Aludra favored their mother’s black hair and haughty expressions, though seemed to inherit their father’s shorter stature, while Addy had been graced with the awkward combination of her mother’s height and build, resulting in her now lanky limbs, as well as her father’s golden hair and quiet disposition. She often hoped that was as far as the resemblance between them would go.  
'Like I'd want to,' Addy grumbled, scowling back at her.  
'Just so we're clear,' Al retorted, quickening her pace, and Addy stuck her tongue out at her back in reply.  
'Adhara!' She turned toward the familiar voice, a polite smile spreading across her lips.  
'Carina.' Carina Selwyn was a girl with brown hair and brown eyes that often held a look of boredom.  
'Sit with me?'  
She gave a small nod. 'Sure.'  
'You don't have to sit with Aludra?'  
'No, thank Merlin. She's being a right cow.'  
'So, the usual?'  
'Obviously,' Addy smiled. They boarded the train and found an empty compartment near the middle, settling down for the long journey ahead. Addy watched a few families still out on the platform, hugging and crying and carrying on, and she frowned. As a pureblood, such behavior was unacceptable. Emotions were beneath those of her birth. Honestly, she felt a bit jealous. It would have been nice to feel as though her parents would have missed her, rather than knowing she was just a disappointment to them.  
'Are you nervous?' Carina asked, bringing Addy out of her stupor.  
'More excited really. Glad to be away from both of my parents, even if it's only for a little while.'  
'Still have to deal with Al though.'  
'Not if I can help it.'  
Carina sent her a skeptical look. 'You don't want to be in Slytherin?'  
Addy frowned. 'I just don't want to have to deal with Aludra all the time. You know what she's like.'  
Carina nodded slowly. 'Yeah, I do, but I also know what your parents are like, and if you're not in Slytherin, you'll have to deal with them right?'  
Addy grimaced. 'Ravenclaw wouldn't be so bad, would it?'  
Carina frowned at the ceiling. 'I suppose.'

Following Professor McGonagall into the great hall, with all those eyes watching them pass, was when Adhara did become nervous. So overwhelmingly nervous, she thought she might get sick all over the tattered hat as it was set on the stool before the group of incoming first years and began to sing.  
'Nott, Adhara.'  
She could feel her hands shaking and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself as she sat on the stool and Professor McGonagall placed the hat on her head. She managed a quick glance at the Slytherin table where Aludra was sat with the other third years, and made eye contact, before the hat fell over her eyes.  
'Ah, another Nott, I see,' a raspy voice spoke in her ear, nearly causing her to gasp in surprise. 'You're very strong-willed. Determined. Proud. You have a lot of ambition, I see. A strong desire to prove yourself. You could do well in Slytherin-' 'Please not Slytherin!' She thought loudly. 'Not Slytherin, eh?' 'NO.' 'Alright then. Better be  
Gryffindor!'  
The hat said the last bit out loud, and Addy breathed a sigh of relief as the hat was pulled from her head. That is until she saw the look on Carina's face and turned to see that Aludra had narrowed her eyes. She gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head. Addy swallowed thickly. Aludra would tell their parents. She could only imagine what they would do. This would be considered a deliberate act of rebellion.  
Addy made her way to Gryffindor table amidst a smattering of clapping, to sit by a girl with dark red hair.  
'Adhara, is it?'  
'Call me Addy,' she smiled.  
'I'm Lily,' she said with a smile.   
A girl with dark brown hair, sitting on the other side of Lily, leaned forward to see around her, her light blue eyes twinkling in the light from the candles floating above the table. 'Mary,' she said with a small wave.  
'Marlene,' said a girl with long brown hair and brown eyes, sitting opposite.  
'Right,' Addy nodded. She somewhat knew of Mary and Marlene already; the pureblood society was relatively small, though the Macdonalds and the McKinnons were regarded as unacceptable to associate with.   
Addy twisted her hands together beneath the table as she watched the next Gryffindor first year, James Potter, join a boy with sandy hair, and the black-haired boy she knew to be Sirius Black, on the other side of the table by Marlene. Sirius clapped James on the back and smiled, greeting him as though they were best mates, and she wondered if they had known each other long. Addy knew of James in the same sense she knew of Mary and Marlene, the Potters were on the same list of unacceptable associates, though she had seen Sirius at a tidy few functions over the years.  
Addy directed her gaze back to the stool, where a small boy had been sitting for quite some time. She thought she heard some of the professors mutter something about a hat stall, before the hat finally shouted 'Gryffindor,' and the boy scurried over to sit next to her. He offered her a nervous smile, which she tried to return, though it came out as more of a grimace.  
'Selwyn, Carina,' went to 'Slytherin,' and Addy was sure her heart stopped beating for a moment. She really hoped it wouldn't affect their friendship, if you could call it a friendship. While they normally navigated toward each other during gatherings, due in part to their mutual lack of options, they had hardly anything in common. Carina tended to do and think as she was told, never wanting to cause trouble or draw attention to herself. Addy rarely agreed with what she was told to do, and thoroughly resented being told what to think; though she would often do and think as she pleased, she rarely came right out and blatantly disobeyed the wishes of her parents. Not often. Not anymore.   
Addy tended to be relatively secretive, and wait until she wasn't being watched, to do as she liked. She hardly ever got caught, though when she did, it was most often by Aludra, who never hesitated to rat her out, which was a major reason she didn't want to be in Slytherin; she had hoped for Ravenclaw, though she was fairly certain either was a disappointment in her parents' eyes (Hufflepuff would have most likely resulted in an immediate disowning).   
As soon as the feast was over, and Dumbledore sent them off to bed, Addy tried to make her way over to talk with Carina, but Carina managed to slip out before she could get there, so she was forced to follow the prefects up to Gryffindor tower with the other first year Gryffindors.  
Addy followed the other three girls into the round room designated for first year girls, and took the last bed, stating it made no difference to her, as her stomach churned with anxiety. She quickly got ready and climbed into bed, chewing her lip, her mind spinning with the events of the day, the possible events of the next, and the likely punishment she would receive from her parents.

The next day Addy quietly followed the other girls down to breakfast, where Professor McGonagall passed out their time tables. Addy wasn't able to catch Carina until that night, as they were entering the great hall for dinner.  
'Carina! I've been trying to catch you. Bit disappointing, we can't be in the same house...how is it in Slytherin?'  
Carina chewed her lip and glanced around uncomfortably. 'Er. It's alright.'  
'Looks like we'll have potions together though. We can sit together?' She said, trying to ignore the uneasiness rising inside her due to Carina's demeaner.   
'Er...I don't know if that's the best idea Adhara.'  
'What do you mean?'  
'I mean...it's not exactly accepted for Slytherins and Gryffindors to sit together. It's...sort of frowned upon.' She furrowed her brow and Adhara frowned.  
'Well. Maybe we could get together on Saturday? In the library? We could study together or something...' Not that she was keen on studying.  
'I'm not sure that would a good idea either...'  
Addy's brow knitted together. 'Why not? We're still friends, aren't we?' If they even were friends to begin with.  
'Er...the thing is Adhara. I don't think we should hang round each other anymore. My parents told me I'm not allowed to associate with you...now that...you're in Gryffindor.'  
Her eyes widened. 'You told them already?'  
Carina nodded and glanced around again. 'I wrote them last night to tell them about being sorted into Slytherin. I was a bit upset you weren't too, so I mentioned it then. Look. I'm sorry, but I should go.'  
Addy turned and watched her go, a frown on her face, before she slowly made her way to Gryffindor table. Losing Carina as a friend wasn't necessarily what bothered her, as they didn't have much in common, and was more out of a lack of options. What bothered her more was that it was difficult, almost impossible, for her to make friends. She was so painfully shy, talking to new people made her feel sick with anxiety. In that type of situation, where nearly everyone was either fairly or completely unknown to her, she felt as though she were on the verge of chundering. By the time she would feel comfortable enough in a situation to get to know people, most people had given up on her, either assuming her to be some sort of mute freak or stuck up. Unfortunately for her, most people tended to stick with their first impressions, not bothering to get to know the real her. Luckily for her, she had done enough spell work ahead of time that the classes would be altogether manageable, since the multitude of new people was enough to overwhelm her.  
Addy sat down, starring at her plate, willing herself not to cry. 'I can figure something out. I can find someone. All I need is one. One person to call friend,' she thought to herself.   
'Are you alright?' A voice asked softly from the table opposite. Addy started, not having heard someone arrive, and looked up to see the sandy haired boy from the night before. 'Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you.' She blinked several times. 'Are you ok?' He looked sincere enough, his brown eyes full of concern. She nodded quietly and looked back down at her plate for a moment to compose herself, and the boy and the one sat next to him glanced at her before turning back to their food.  
Sirius had seen Addy having an obviously awkward discussion with Selwyn from where he was sat at Gryffindor table, but chose not to comment. He was sure she’d be fine. She had always seemed to like being on her own in any case, she was so quiet. And he really didn’t want to get involved. He hated everything to do with his family and that whole society. He was determined to have a fresh start at Hogwarts and was elated to have been placed in Gryffindor. He wasn’t going to let her being placed there too, change anything. He didn’t exactly hate her too, quite the opposite really, but she was a part of that society, and therefore a part of what he had hoped to leave behind. He’d just have to ignore her. Should be easy enough.  
By the time Addy looked back up, the boy had turned and engaged in conversation with Sirius, James, and the small boy. 'Bollucks. What's his name? And what's brown eye's name?' Addy thought, as she pulled chicken, mashed potatoes, and a roll onto her plate, and filled her goblet with pumpkin juice, and quietly picked at her food until the desserts appeared, then ate a bit of chocolate pudding, before following the surrounding Gryffindors to the tower. 

The following morning at breakfast, the Nott family owl dropped a letter into Addy's cereal bowl. She snatched it up quickly before the milk could render it unreadable, and opened the letter finding the familiar neat cursive of her mother.  
Adhara,  
Aludra wrote to us and let us know of your sorting. We will deal with this when you are home for Christmas. Your father is most displeased.  
Mother  
Addy frowned. 'Well that was rather vague and ominous,' she thought.

As the days wore on, Addy became more acclimated, and gradually began to feel more comfortable, though she felt as though Mary, Marlene, and Lily had become fast friends, and she was merely an observer, watching their interactions from the sidelines.   
‘I don’t understand her,’ Mary told Lily and Marlene quietly one morning, as they followed Addy out of the Great Hall after breakfast. She was walking distractedly with her gaze on the floor. ‘Why doesn’t she talk to us? Did we do something to offend her?’  
‘She probably just thinks she’s better than us,’ Marlene had said, narrowing her eyes.  
Lily shook her head. ‘I think she’s just shy.’  
Mary hummed thoughtfully while Marlene scoffed. ‘I don’t know Lily. I’ve met her family…’  
Lily shrugged. ‘I may not have met her family, but I’ve met her, and I really think she’s just shy.’ Marlene looked skeptical for a moment before she glanced over at Addy thoughtfully and shrugged.   
A few months in, and they were to be practicing levitation charms in Charms class. While Addy's dorm mates didn't outwardly express a dislike of her, she still felt she didn't fit in with them, so she chewed her lip nervously, sliding into a spot close to them. As she pulled out her text, a short Ravenclaw girl with light brown hair and hazel eyes, slipped into the empty seat beside her.  
'Hello!' She said brightly.  
'Hi,' Addy greeted quietly.  
'I'm Darcy.'  
'Addy,' she said with an uneasy smile.  
'You're in Gryffindor?'  
Though she thought it was obvious, Addy answered, 'yeah.'  
'Cool,' Darcy nodded.  
They sat in silence for a while, Addy scratching her elbow uncomfortably, until she felt it only polite to ask the follow up question she already knew the answer to. 'You're in Ravenclaw, yeah?'  
'Yeah,' Darcy nodded again.  
Addy found Darcy to be a bit odd at first and wasn't entirely sure if she could really be bothered. But Darcy proved persistent, if anything, and just kept coming back.  
'So how are you finding Hogwarts?' Darcy asked one day.  
Addy shrugged. 'Fine.'  
Darcy narrowed her eyes. 'Fine?' Addy nodded. 'Just fine?' Darcy said incredulously.  
Addy shrugged again. 'I'm just glad I'm not in Slytherin with my sister. We don't really get on...'  
Darcy's expression tensed. 'Your sister's in Slytherin?' Addy nodded. 'You must be a pureblood then?'  
Addy's brow knitted in confusion, wondering why Darcy would want to know something like that. Had someone said something to her? 'Erm...yeah. Uh. What about you then?' she asked, trying to be polite.  
'I'm a muggleborn,' Darcy said hesitantly.  
Addy nodded. She had already cottoned on to that. 'So, you don't have any siblings here?'  
'No. I have a younger brother though.'  
'Do you get on?'  
Darcy shrugged. 'Well enough.'  
'That's nice...' They were quiet for some time, the only sound that of charms being cast around them, before Addy decided she may as well continue the conversation. 'So how did you find out about magic then?'  
'Professor McGonagall came round to mine back in July close to my birthday. Until then, I had no idea the stuff I could do was magic.'  
Addy smiled, trying to imagine a life like that. 'Like what kind of stuff?'  
'Made bubbles float round the bath and down the hall...made my brother shut it when he was bothering me too much...made the blender burst once when I was scared...'  
'What's a blender?'  
Darcy erupted into giggles, and Addy smiled broadly, a chuckle escaping her lips.  
'Settle down there girls,' Professor Flitwick admonished.  
'Sorry Professor,' they mumbled together.   
After that Darcy started sitting next to Addy in every class, and it slowly became easier for Addy to talk with her. Darcy asked her to study with her in the library, like the Ravenclaw she was, and from that point on they became close. Addy didn't enjoy studying quite as much as she did, but Darcy didn't care who Addy's family was, and for that she was grateful. Though they came from seemingly different worlds, they soon found they had a lot in common. Addy shared things with Darcy about the magical world and Darcy educated Addy on all things muggle. Addy was fascinated to hear about all the ways they got around not having magic, and she found the muggle pictures Darcy had highly amusing. 'I mean, they don't even move!'  
In late November, Hogwarts was hit with a winter storm, blanketing the castle and grounds in a thick layer of snow. Addy was staring out the window, watching the snowflakes fall lazily past the window, catching the dim sunlight ever so often and glittering distractingly. The flakes had started big and fat, whirling rapidly past the window, only to thin out and slow down. In addition to the few inches that had already collected, Addy expected there to be nice amount by then. Maybe she could convince Darcy to have a snowball fight later…  
‘Lyra!’ Professor McGonagall said sharply from the front of the class. Addy started, turning toward her and finding the professor’s eyes on her. Some of the students around her laughed quietly. ‘Lyra, what was I saying?’  
Addy glanced around her, brow knitted. ‘Do you mean me?’ she asked.  
‘Of course, I mean you, who else would I be talking to?’  
‘But-‘  
‘Detention Lyra, for not paying attention. Again. You really are wasting both of our time.’  
‘I’m sorry, but-‘  
‘Yes, what is it?’ McGonagall fixed Addy with her steely gaze, and she faltered. ‘Well, out with it.’  
‘Er… my name’s… not Lyra.’  
McGonagall’s brow knitted slightly. ‘What?’  
‘My name,’ Addy said quietly, twisting her hands in her lap. ‘It’s Adhara.’  
‘Right. Well, regardless, detention tonight. Be at my office at eight o’clock sharp.  
‘Yes, professor.’ Addy looked back at her parchment, noticing she had barely any notes taken, and forced herself to pay attention for the remainder of the lesson.

‘You like reading, right?’ Darcy said, as she joined Addy at a table in the library.  
‘Probably not as much as you,’ Addy muttered, shrugging. Darcy sat a stack of books in front of Addy that had her eyes widening. ‘Definitely not as much as you.’  
‘You can take them as long as you like. They’re mine. All muggle authors. I just thought you might enjoy them,’ Darcy said happily.  
Addy’s brow knitted as she looked down at the books. ‘The Great Gatsby… Call of the Wild… Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland… there’s like… fifteen books here!’ she whisper-shouted.  
‘That’s why I said you could have them as long as you like,’ Darcy smiled cheekily.  
Addy frowned. ‘Fine, fine. I suppose I’ll read them eventually.’  
‘It’ll give you something to do when you go home for Christmas.’  
Addy snorted. ‘Home.’

By the time Christmas Holiday came, Addy and Darcy were best mates, though the fact that Addy felt she had to hide it from her family made her feel sick. As they prepared to take the Hogwarts Express back to London, they sat in a compartment with a few of Darcy's dorm mates, and Addy closed the curtains, blocking the view of any wandering eyes, afraid that Aludra might see her with Darcy. It wasn't that she was ashamed of her, but she was afraid if Al were to see her with Darcy, she would tell their parents, and there was no telling what they would do to her, and more importantly, to Darcy. Addy had once been punished severely for befriending a muggle boy at the park when she was eight.  
When the train pulled into Kings Cross, Addy quickly said goodbye to Darcy and wished her Happy Christmas, before she dashed out of the train to the platform, slowly making her way to the back of the platform to where her parents were stood with her sister. Both of them. Her father didn't usually turn up that early before Christmas, and it made her uneasy. Her mother merely looked at her blankly, acknowledging her presence, her father not even managing that. She grimaced at her mother's pincher-like grip on her upper arm, while her father took hold of Aludra, as the disapparated with a sharp crack, appearing at the end of the walk leading up to their manor. It didn't look like much, seeming a townhouse nestled in the heart of London, but it was bigger on the inside.  
As they entered through the front door, Addy made to head straight up to her room, when she was stopped in her tracks by the sharp sting of a slap across her cheek before she even had a chance to recognize her mother's presence. 'Dinner will be ready in an hour Adhara,' she seethed, 'make sure you're on time.'  
'Yes, mother,' she said through gritted teeth.  
Addy dressed in a set of royal blue robes that matched her eyes almost perfectly and pinned her golden tresses back in a knot. Family dinners weren't exactly formal, but it was expected you look 'presentable.' She made her way to the dining hall where Gilly, their house elf, was putting food on the table. Father was sat at the head of the table farthest from the door, mother on the other end. Aludra sat at the table opposite, leaving the last space on the side closest to the door, for Addy. Marvelous for a quick escape if need be, she thought to herself. Her father stared stoically at his plate as he ate, he had yet to look at her.  
'Your father and I are quite disappointed in you,' her mother began.  
'Shocker,' she muttered.  
'How did you manage to get yourself sorted into Gryffindor? We made it quite clear, you were to behave yourself. Do you realize the shame you have brought us? The Rosiers sent us their condolences. The Rosiers! We were humiliated! What do you have to say for yourself?' Addy shrugged half-heartedly, staring at her plate. 'You will answer me when I bother to speak to you, you vile little disgrace!'   
Addy pursed her lips and sighed at the ceiling. 'It's not like the bleeding hat gave me a choice!' she lied. 'It told me I was a Gryyfindor. Definitely not a Slytherin. I tried to negotiate for Ravenclaw, but it wouldn't have it. There was nothing to be done. I'm sorry.' Not really, she thought to herself.  
'What about all those owls I received about your getting detention? Why can't you just behave yourself?' Addy shrugged again. It wasn't as though she had misbehaved per say. She had gotten detention for being late to class too often, or not paying attention during class. She found it incredibly difficult to pay attention to someone talking for long periods of times, so she would often space out. Professor McGonagall was good about catching Addy when she was lost in her thoughts, even if she did still call her Lyra half the time. 'Well you're just going to have to do better.' Addy nodded slowly, barely repressing the urge to roll her eyes. Because that's what I was missing. That's all I needed to do. Just do better. Simple really, she thought to herself.   
'I will not tolerate any more of your misbehavior,' her father cut in in a low, firm voice. 'Is that understood?' She nodded. 'I said,' he finally looked at her, his eyes cold. 'Is that understood?'  
'Yes father,' she said.  
'Now,' her mother continued, 'who are these girls you share a room with?'  
Addy sighed. 'Mary Macdonald, Marlene McKinnon, and Lily Evans,' she said quietly.  
'Evans? I don't believe we know any Evans.'  
'I believe she's muggleborn...'  
There was a loud clatter as her mother let her fork fall to her plate in exasperation. 'So, you're sleeping in a room with blood traitors and a filthy little mudblood?!'  
Addy frowned. 'She seems to bathe regularly.'  
'Adhara,' her father warned.  
'Sorry,' she mumbled.  
'Make certain you don't touch her or any of her things,' her mother said seriously. Addy stared at her plate, picking at the asparagus, biting back a scoff. Bit hard when her bed is next to mine. 'And don't you dare associate yourself with her.' She frowned again. That sounded like what Carina had said to her. What would they say about her friendship with Darcy? 'She must be a rather weak witch, is she not?'  
Addy's brow knitted as she looked up at her mother. 'Actually, she's quite bright. She's one of the best in our year.'  
'Well, she must have taken the power from someone. There's no other way that filth would have any magical ability. She shouldn't be allowed at that school. She shouldn't even be allowed out in civilized society. She needs to go back where she belongs. That Dumbledore is letting the school go down the drain.'  
It was all Addy could do to keep her mouth shut for the remainder of the meal, or rather, the holiday. It continued about the same; she received countless lectures on how disappointing she was, sometimes they included how brilliant Aludra was and how Adhara should be more like her. There was a formal gathering that she was forced to attend as usual, at the Averys', where she sat quietly the whole time, just waiting for it to be over. 

By the time the end of the holiday came, and they were back on Platform 9 ¾, Addy was racing away without so much as a backward glance, ready to find Darcy and attempt to recover. In her haste to get away, as she clambered onto the train, she collided with another solid figure, effectively sprawling both of them on the floor.  
'Oh, I'm so sorry!' Addy cried breathlessly.  
'That's quite alright.'  
'Remus!' She squeaked, climbing to her feet. 'Are you ok? I'm sorry! I wasn't looking. Here, let me help you with that.' She stooped to gather the items that had fallen from his suitcase in their collision, her face flushing in embarrassment.  
'You don't have to,' he said hastily, his own cheeks flushed.  
'I do. It's my fault. Oh, this is mine...' She looked down to see that her own suitcase had fallen open also.  
'Here. I think this is yours as well,' he handed over a red jumper without making eye contact, his face, if possible, growing even redder. Addy nearly laughed as she noticed this. It was, after all, only a jumper.  
'Thank you,' she said, stuffing the jumper away and shutting her suitcase again. 'I really am sorry,' she mumbled as she stood.  
He smiled softly as he stood and looked at her quickly. 'It's alright. Really. These things happen.'  
She nodded. 'Right. Well. See you Remus.'  
'Addy,' he nodded back. The use of her chosen nickname brought a smile to her lips before she continued past him down the corridor in search of Darcy. She found her a few cars down, sitting in a compartment with a few of her dorm mates.  
'What's happened?' Darcy asked, looking up as Addy closed the compartment door behind her. 'Why are you all breathless and flushed?'  
'I ran into Remus,' Addy gestured lamely behind her before she closed the curtains.  
'And? What? Do you fancy him?' Darcy said, her eyes growing wide in excitement.  
'What? No! I mean literally. I ran into him. We both fell down. Our suitcases flew open. Shit went everywhere...it was awkward...' Addy shrugged.  
'Awkward?'  
'Yeah, well. It's me,' she shrugged again.  
Darcy nodded sympathetically. 'Still. That Remus is cute. Really nice too.'  
Addy smiled at Darcy as she sat next to her on the bench. 'Do you fancy him then?'  
Darcy smiled and shook her head. 'You know who I fancy.'  
Addy’s smile broadened. 'Right.'  
Late in January, on the 26th, it was Addy’s birthday, and she awoke to a few wrapped parcels at the end of her bed. She was only slightly surprised; her parents insisted on maintaining appearances by buying the best and most expensive things, but she wasn’t entirely sure if they could be bothered with her, if she wasn’t just a complete waste to them. She was twelve that year, which wasn’t really a big year in leu of birthdays, so she found a new set of dress robes, green, and an emerald necklace on a silver chain. She was sensing a pattern… When Addy opened the package from Darcy she laughed out loud at the unabridged collection of muggle fairy tales. Leave it to Darcy. She knew Addy all too well.  
‘So, did you read it?’ Darcy asked Addy excitedly, about a week later, as she joined her at a table at the back of the library where they would often meet.  
‘Read it?’ Addy asked bemusedly, looking up from her transfiguration essay.  
‘The book I got you… for your birthday!’ she continued in exasperation.  
Addy rolled her eyes. ‘Part of it, but I do have other shit to do,’ she gestured to her essay. ‘We can’t all be Ravenclaws you know.’  
‘Obviously,’ Darcy scoffed playfully. ‘I just had another book I thought you’d like…’  
Addy sighed. ‘As much as I love reading Darc, maybe you could stifle your inner Ravenclaw just a bit?’  
Darcy mock glared at her. ‘Blasphemy!’   
Addy smiled. ‘Alright, alright. What’s this book then?’  
Darcy perked up immediately and pulled a small paperback from her robes pocket with flourish, smiling brightly. Addy had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at her antics. ‘Fellowship of the ring,’ Darcy said, holding the book between her hands as she squirmed delightedly in her seat. ‘It’s the first in the Lord of the Rings. It’s a fantasy series.’  
‘A fantasy?’ Addy hummed in amusement. ‘Learning about magic in a castle isn’t enough of a fantasy for you, you have to go and read about one?’  
Darcy laughed good naturedly. ‘Just read it, you tosser.’  
‘Fine, fine,’ Addy laughed, taking the book from Darcy’s hands. ‘I’ll add it to the list.’

'Addy you're soaked!' Lily exclaimed, as Addy sat near her at Gryffindor table. She had been playing out on the grounds in the snow with Darcy, making forts and having a snowball fight. She thanked Merlin her cheeks were already pink from the cold.  
'Oh, it's alright,' Addy said, waving Lily off.  
'No, it's not,' Lily said. And she promptly pulled out her wand and performed a drying spell on Addy's robes. 'There, that's better.'  
Addy smiled weakly, trying to quell the feeling of embarrassment. 'Thanks Lily.'  
She smiled brightly. 'You're welcome, Addy.'  
While Addy quite liked Lily, she was bright and friendly, she felt a bit resentful toward her. She had noticed Lily was friends with that Snape boy, who was in Slytherin, and despite the fact that Lily was in Gryffindor, they had maintained their friendship. They had probably actually been friends to start out, but still, their relationship, for whatever reason, bothered Addy. Why could he remain friends with Lily, when Carina didn't hesitate to cut ties with Addy? What's wrong with me? she thought.  
The remainder of term continued in much the same way, and it was with a sense of dread, that end of year exams finished, and Addy prepared to return home. Where she spent two months being lectured about what a failure she was. Where she attempted to avoid her family. Where she was forced to dress up and go to society functions and play nice. Where she counted down the days until she could escape again. Home....


	2. Second Year

Back on Platform 9 ¾, Addy's mother barely acknowledged her departure. She had taken to ignoring her, which was honestly a relief. Addy could hardly get away fast enough. As she climbed on the train, the Gryffindor boys in her year, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, pushed past her, only Remus pausing to offer an apologetic smile as she was pushed into the corridor wall. 'Prats,' she muttered. She found Darcy toward the back of the train in a compartment with a few of her dorm mates.  
'Don't you look fancy,' Darcy commented, eyeing the plum robes Addy was wearing. Addy grunted as she pulled them off. 'Where'd you get muggle clothes?' Darcy said with wide eyes.  
Addy smirked. 'I managed to get away one day. Went into some consignment shop.'  
Darcy smiled. 'You're such a rebel. Anything else exciting about your summer?'  
Addy chewed her lip, thinking about the society gatherings and the special meeting she had to go to. 'No,' she sighed, 'spent most of my time avoiding people and getting reminded of how big a disappointment I am.'  
Darcy frowned. 'Well, if it makes you feel any better, my holiday wasn't exciting. Just hung round Toby and saw Lydia, my friend from muggle primary school a few times.'  
'That doesn't make me feel any better. That sounds loads more fun!'  
Darcy grimaced. 'Sorry. But we'll find things to get up to now.'  
'I like the sound of that,' Addy grinned.

‘So you don’t like Killian anymore?’ Addy murmured. Darcy shook her head and glanced around, checking to see if anyone was listening to their conversation as they sat in a corner of Ravenclaw tower. Addy had sometimes wished she had been sorted to Ravenclaw simply for the view. It was simply fantastic, you could see the quidditch pitch and everything. ‘Who do you fancy then?’ Addy grinned.  
Darcy bit her lip, her eyes dancing with mirth. ‘John.’  
‘The Hufflepuff?’  
‘Shh,’ Darcy’s eyes grew wide and she looked around again. ‘Yes.’  
‘Merlin, what is it with you and the Irish blokes?’  
Darcy grinned and shrugged her shoulders. ‘What is it with you and the Scottish blokes?’  
Addy pressed her lips together in a suppressed smile. ‘I can’t help it if Sam and David are so fit,’ she shrugged. ‘It’s nothing to do with them being Scottish.’  
‘Sure, sure,’ Darcy nodded. ‘Because you’ve got standards.’  
‘Naturally,’ Addy grinned. ‘Oi, who’s this then?’   
Darcy followed Addy’s gaze across the common room and turned back with a smirk. ‘First year Ravenclaw boy.’  
‘Obviously,’ Addy said, rolling her eyes. ‘D’you know his name?’  
Darcy shook her head. ‘Haven’t the foggiest.’  
‘He has an odd shaped head,’ Addy frowned thoughtfully. ‘It’s… rounder than normal innit?’  
‘Bit small too…’ Darcy mused.  
‘Like… a pea,’ Addy pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile.   
Darcy snorted. ‘Which happens to be what he smells like.’  
‘Peas?’ Addy said, her eyes wide, ‘or pee?’  
‘Pee,’ Darcy grimaced. Addy snorted with laughter and a few third-year boys at the table nearest theirs turned and looked at her strangely, causing her cheeks to flush in embarrassment.  
‘Well,’ Addy began when she had composed herself. ‘If he doesn’t have a name, we shall give him one,’ she said as she waggled her eyebrows.  
‘Technically he has a name…’  
‘We shall call him… peehead,’ Addy grinned.  
Darcy chuckled. ‘How witty. Why ever were you not sorted into Ravenclaw?’  
Addy threw a pillow at her head. ‘Shove off!’  
Some time in mid-October, Professor Slughorn set the second years to brew a Hair-Raising Potion, and Addy was just setting up her cauldron at her spot in the back row toward the end of the Gryffindor side after having gotten her supplies, when someone slipped into the seat across the aisle from her. She stiffened when she glanced up, recognizing the now familiar sneer of Graham Avery. She decided to focus on her work and stared down at the table to prepare her ingredients.   
'Too good to talk to me now Nott?' Addy felt her cheeks flush uncomfortably and pressed her lips together. Apparently, he had different ideas. 'Though you didn't really talk before, did you? Can you talk? Or are you mute?' Her brow furrowed. They'd had to talk at functions plenty of times in the past. 'Guess that would explain why you're such a freak.' Addy's head snapped over and she looked at him with blazing eyes. 'Well,' he said smugly, 'at least you're not deaf as well.' He looked bored as he turned back to his table surface, and she turned her scowl down, collecting her silver knife. What a git.  
That wasn't the last time Avery decided to bother Addy either. In late November, Professor Slughorn had them working on a Girding Potion, and Avery, along with Randall Mulciber in tow, decided to have another go at her. 'S'alright. I like the quiet ones,' Avery said in an undertone to Mulciber, though Addy knew it was directed at her. 'Means they're more submissive.' Her hand slipped, and she gasped, turning her head toward them.  
'What? Are you actually going to say something?' Mulciber said mockingly.  
Addy huffed, 'why can't you just leave me alone?'  
'Woah, woah, woah! She does speak!'  
'Still didn't hear what she said.'  
'True, but I thought she was mute.'  
'Fair point.'  
Addy’s jaw tightened, and she looked back to her cauldron. 

In early December, Gryffindor was to be playing Hufflepuff in the first quidditch match of the season.  
'You're going to the Gryffindor Hufflepuff match with me, right? You'll sit with me?' Addy said nervously.  
'Course, calm down,' Darcy said in mock irritation.  
'Sorry. You know I love quidditch, I just don't love sitting alone amongst all those...' James Potter had made the Gryffindor team as a chaser that year, and he, along with all his friends, would not shut up about it. They were driving Addy mad.  
'I know,' Darcy rolled her eyes. They walked down to the pitch and found a spot in the middle of the Gryffindor stands in front of Hagrid. Belatedly Addy realized they were also two rows behind the other second year Gryffindors. Oh well.  
As fifteen brooms rose into the air and the match started, Addy lost track of her surroundings and became lost amongst the sport, as usual. Her eyes followed the quaffle and scanned for that glitter of gold. She loved quidditch more than anything. 'Oh, bugger that Hooch! That's a foul!'  
'What?' Darcy said, her face scrunched in confusion.   
'You can't have a go at the keeper when he's not in play!'  
'Wood seems fine,' she rolled her eyes.  
'That's not the point,' Addy scowled. As she turned back to face the pitch, she found a few faces turned toward her, mixed looks of amusement on their faces, before they turned back to the pitch. Her face flushed in embarrassment.  
'Didn't know you were such a quidditch nut Nott,' Sirius said, eyebrow quirked.  
Addy shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. 'Course. How could I not? It's bloody brilliant.'  
Sirius’s eyes widened briefly in surprise and he smirked. 'True.' He turned back to face the game and Addy forced her attention back to the quaffle that was quickly approaching the Gryffindor keeper under the arm of a Hufflepuff chaser.  
'YES! Nice save Wood!' She jumped up and down, pumping her fist in the air.  
As they left the stands, a hand clamped around Addy's arm, pulling her to the side as soon as her foot hit the grass. 'You were making a fool of yourself.'   
Addy looked down into the sneering face of her older sister and wrenched her arm free of her grip. 'I thought we greed to act as though we don't know each other?'  
Aludra's eyes narrowed. 'When did we agree to that?'  
'It was more of an unspoken agreement,' Addy rolled her eyes.  
'Well when you behave like you were-'  
'And how is that?' Addy asked, her voice rising, 'as though I'm not dead inside, like the lot of you?' She gestured wildly. 'Like I'm enjoying myself? Merlin forbid!'  
'When you behave like you were,' Al repeated as if Addy hadn't interrupted, her voice deadly quiet, 'it makes it difficult to ignore you. Father will be most displeased.'  
'Yeah? What else is new? What, are you going to run and tell mummy and daddy? Add that to the list?'  
Aludra’s eyes darkened. 'I'll be watching you Adhara.' She turned and marched away, her head held high in an arrogant posture, and Addy sent a rather rude hand gesture at her back.  
'Watch it there Nott,' a masculine voice said from her left, where the stairs to the stands were.  
'Oh, sod off!' Addy turned to the voice and her eyes widened in horror at the sight of Daniel Clarke, a sixth year Gryffindor prefect. She wasn't sure how he knew her name. 'Sorry,' she mumbled quickly as he cocked his head questioningly to the side. 'It's just...my...sister was just...I'm sorry.'  
He glanced in the direction of Aludra's retreating form. 'Family troubles?' He asked, a look of recognition on his face.  
'You could say that. Nothing I'm not use to...' Addy’s face felt like it was on fire.  
He nodded with an understanding expression. 'Alright then, I won't recommend you for a detention this time,' Addy breathed a sigh of relief. She already had two detentions for being late to herbology and spacing out in transfiguration. 'But you need to be more careful. Don't want to be flipping the bird and telling McGonagall to sod off now do you?' She swallowed thickly and shook her head, and Daniel laughed. 'Go on then,' he nodded, and Addy scurried off ahead of him, finally finding Darcy at the edge of the castle.  
'Where'd you go?' Darcy asked, 'I was talking to you, and when I turned round, you were gone.'  
'Aludra had a few choice words for me,' Addy grumbled, as they made their way into the entrance hall.  
'Oh no,' Darcy said apprehensively, 'what'd she say?'  
'That she'd be watching me. Whatever that means.' Darcy frowned in concern. 'Don't worry. I can handle my sister. I am bigger than her now,' Addy smiled, trying to ease the tension she still felt, and reassure Darcy.   
'You're taller than her. She still looks like she weighs about a stone more than you. She could just sit on you.'  
Addy frowned. 'Nah, she hasn't done that in about four years.'  
'What?'  
'Relax, I'm kidding...not really. But she wouldn't do that now. Muggle fighting is beneath someone like her,' Addy said, imitating her sister's haughty expression.  
Darcy's brow knit together. 'Just...be careful, won't you?'  
'Your concern warms my heart,' Addy said, giving her a sardonic smile, and Darcy hit her arm lightly.

Christmas Holiday had come on quickly, and before Addy knew it, as before, she was forced to endure lectures on how she wasn't living up to the family name. She avoided everyone as much as she could. At the formal gathering of the year, held at the Selwyn's that time, she slipped outside to a small garden once all the formalities had been taken care of. As long as she was back when it was time to leave, no one would notice she was even gone. They wouldn't want to have to look for her after all. That might be embarrassing.  
By the time she was back on Platform 9 ¾, Addy felt as though she hadn't smiled in ages. She found Darcy in the corridor, and quickly pulled her into an empty compartment. 'I need some chocolate. Now.'  
'That bad?' Darcy asked, her eyebrows furrowed in concern.  
'It was bloody awful!' she groaned, 'If I didn't have to go back there, I wouldn't.'  
'Why don't you come to mine?'  
Addy grimaced. 'You know I'd love to, but-'  
'Why don't you then?'  
'You know my parents wouldn't let me...'  
'What if you told them you're staying at Hogwarts?'  
She paused. 'What, for Easter Holiday?' Darcy nodded. 'I think they'd notice when I walked past them on the platform.'  
'We can wait for them to go. They usually disapparate, don't they?'  
'Yeah...'  
'Then it's settled. My mum can't wait to meet you.'  
'Really? Me?'  
'Of course, silly. You are my best mate.'  
Addy felt her cheeks heat up. 'I'm just...not use to parents wanting to meet...children. My parents certainly don't.' She chewed her lip uncomfortably.  
'Well,' Darcy shrugged, 'no matter. You're not your family.' Addy smiled at that and Darcy smiled back at her.

'Where'd you get them?'  
'Nicked them off my dad on holiday. You sure you still want to try them?'  
Addy nodded. 'Yes. Give it here.' Darcy handed her a fag and she lit it with her wand as she placed it between her lips.  
'Different 'innit? I'm still not sure what all the fuss is about.' Darcy pulled the cigarette in her hand back to look at it curiously as she blew smoke from her mouth.  
Addy shrugged. 'S'pose to be relaxin' or somethin...not so bad.' She took another puff.  
'Do you think we're doing it right?'  
Addy's brow knit together. 'What d'ya mean? What's there to do but take a puff, blow it out, and repeat?'  
'I dunno,' Darcy shrugged, 'how much should we inhale?'  
Addy frowned. 'As much as you like I suppose.'  
'Aren't we supposed to cough or something? The first time?'  
'How should I know?'  
'Maybe I'm overthinking it,' Darcy shook her head, 'guess it doesn't matter.'  
'It really doesn't,' Addy said, looking at her pointedly.

If she'd thought Avery and Mulciber had lost interest, Addy was mistaken. The brief reprieve she'd had must have lulled her into a false sense of security, because she was caught completely off guard one day in potions, when Avery sidled up to her cauldron just as she was preparing to start on a Wiggenweld Potion, and stuck his nose into her hair, breathing deeply. She jumped away hastily.  
'What the bloody hell?' Addy hissed.  
'You're growing lovelier by the day, I'd say,' Avery smirked.  
'Much more attractive than that sister of yours,' Mulciber added.  
Addy's cheeks flared in embarrassment. 'What do you want?'  
They acted as though they hadn't heard her, though maybe they hadn't. 'You even smell divine. Nothing like that filthy mudblood you've been hanging round.'  
'What?' She peeped. They couldn't possibly know...  
'You do just about everything together, don't you?' Mulciber went on. 'Do you shower together?'  
'Do you kiss the mudblood?' Avery whispered in her ear, his hot breath sending chills down her spine.  
Addy jerked away. 'Don't call her that!' They merely laughed. In her face. Their volume rising as the heat in her cheeks grew. 'Don't use that word!' Addy pushed Avery into Mulciber, who stumbled into his cauldron. The cauldron teetered and bumped into the ingredients on the desk, causing them to scatter, some falling, glass shattering on the floor.  
'Oh, ho ho! Now, what's going on here? Miss Nott, Mr. Avery, Mulciber? What happened?'  
Avery and Mulciber scrambled around, righting themselves with frowns on their faces. Addy scowled back at them, willing the daggers she was shooting through her eyes to kill them.  
'Nothing,' Avery said.  
'I tripped,' Mulciber added, 'fell into him.' They gave Addy warning looks as Slughorn turned to her.  
'Is this true Miss Nott?' Her eyes narrowed, and she clenched her jaw, before conceding with a curt nod and turning back to her cauldron.  
'Very well,' Professor Slughorn said. 'Back to work with all of you then.' At his words, Addy noticed most of the class was blatantly watching and had most likely watched the previous interactions. The rest were trying poorly to act as though they hadn't been paying attention the whole time. As they left the classroom later, Mulciber pulled Addy aside and leaned in close to her ear.  
'I'll be watching you.'  
Addy’s blood boiled at the words. The same words that came from Aludra. Mulciber pulled back with a smug smirk that quickly dropped from his face. He must not have expected Addy's reaction. He was attempting to intimidate her, yet she was filled with a sudden rage that must have shown on her face.  
'Watch this!' she snapped, as she pulled her arm back and balled her hand. Her fist connected with his nose before he had a chance to react, a satisfying crunch filling the dungeon hall. Mulciber staggered back, clutching his hand to his face where blood was quickly seeping through his fingers and down his face. Avery stood gobsmacked next to him, watching silently. Addy felt two hands grip her upper arms from behind before she was led from the dungeons toward the entrance hall. A low whistle was issued, followed by muffled sniggering.  
'What was that about?' Marlene asked, as she spun Addy around once they had climbed the stairs.  
'Not that we didn't enjoy it,' James said, joining them with an easy smile.  
'It was bloody hilarious,' Sirius added.  
'Are you alright?' Remus asked, lifting Addy's hand into both of his to inspect it.  
'I'm fine.' Addy pulled her hand free, suddenly feeling embarrassed and quite uncomfortable with all the people around. She didn't do well with all that attention.  
'Are you sure?' Lily asked. 'You don't look fine. You look rather upset,’ she said softly.  
'What happened?' Mary asked sincerely.  
Addy shook her head, looking at the floor. 'Nothing I haven't dealt with before. They like to bother me,' she shrugged, 'I'm fine.' She really just wanted to get away. Away from the situation. Away from the people. She needed to be alone.  
Marlene nodded, though she didn't look convinced. 'If you're sure?'  
Addy nodded again, though part of her wanted to tell them. To be able to talk about it. But a bigger part of her, couldn't. She wouldn't be able to get the words out. When she was overly uncomfortable, she had the bad habit of bursting into tears, rendering her physically unable to further communicate. The group cast her doubtful looks, before heading into the Great Hall. As the large oak doors closed behind them, Addy hastily shuffled into the girls' toilet and washed the blood from her hand, wincing slightly at the pain. Ah well, it was worth it.  
‘I told you,’ Lily said quietly as she sat with Mary and Marlene at Gryffindor table. ‘You heard what she said, right?’  
‘I also heard what they said to her,’ said Mary, her face scrunched in revulsion. ‘They’re disgusting.’  
‘They’ve talked to her like that before though,’ Marlene said. ‘I’m surprised that’s the first time she’s hit one of them.’  
‘I hope she doesn’t get in trouble for it,’ Lily said, frowning. ‘He certainly deserved it. It’s boys like that that give Slytherin a bad reputation.’  
Marlene shared a look with Mary. ‘Yeah. Boys like that…’  
‘Don’t even start,’ Lily warned.  
‘I didn’t say anything,’ Marlene held her hands up in surrender.  
‘And let’s keep it that way.’ As Lily turned away Marlene crossed her eyes, pulling a face behind her back, and Mary suppressed a smile.   
‘Merlin, who knew Nott would have such a mean right hook?’ James laughed.  
‘Do they really always bother her like that?’ Remus asked bemusedly.  
Peter shrugged. He hadn’t noticed, but then, he rarely paid attention to things outside his three best mates.   
Sirius nodded slowly. He had noticed, but as she seemed to have a handle on it, he hadn’t said anything. ‘She usually just ignores them though.’  
‘I’m so glad she didn’t this time,’ James said, still sniggering. ‘Watch this! Ah, the look on Mulciber’s face!’  
‘Mulciber, what about Avery?’ Sirius said, joining in James’s laughter as he imitated the dumbstruck expression. ‘Oh, that’ll be one for the pensieve.’

Addy had thought it was worth it at the time. While she had acted impulsively in hitting Mulciber, she had rather hoped it would deter them from messing with her. Though, if anything, it seemed to have the opposite effect. They seemed to up their efforts in whatever little game they were playing. After that, it wasn't just a few muttered words in potions. It started between classes, in the corridors, the library. They would corner her with slanderous words, hug her inappropriately, trap her between them and touch her. The only place they couldn't find her was in the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw common rooms, so she spent a great deal of time in the Ravenclaw common room with Darcy until Easter Holiday came. Her family didn't mind when she owled to say she would be staying at Hogwarts. There were no society gatherings, so she wasn't needed to make an appearance.   
Darcy assured Addy her mum was more than willing to wait a bit longer for Addy's family to leave in order for her to come back to Darcy's for holiday. So, that afternoon, after taking the train back to Kings Cross, they scoped out the platform, watching and waiting for Addy's family to leave.  
'It'd be a lot easier to sneak you out if you weren't growing to the size of a giraffe ya know?' Darcy said, a playful grin tugging at her lips.  
'Just because you're the size of a bloody hobbit-'  
'Oi!'  
'-doesn't make me a giraffe,' Addy snapped back, poking her tongue out at Darcy, a gesture Darcy was quick to return.   
'Alright. I think we're clear,' Darcy glanced out the window and nodded, and they collected their suitcases.  
'You go first, just to be sure,' Addy said, as they approached the barrier.  
'Lot of bloody good that'll do,' she muttered. 'What am I s'pose to do? Block you?' Darcy gestured lamely at their height difference and Addy stared back at her blankly.  
'I dunno. Warn me somehow?' she said, her eyes growing wide in a form of pleading. Darcy grimaced slightly, but continued toward the barrier, and Addy took that as her acquiescence. They saw no sign of her family though, as they made their way out of the platform to where Darcy's mother was stood.   
Darcy's mother was a few centimeters taller than Darcy, though she was still shorter than Addy, and slightly plump, with Darcy's hazel eyes, and dark brown hair.  
'Nice to meet you Mrs. Williams,' Addy said politely, extending a hand.  
'Oh pish-posh! Call me Judy!' She bypassed Addy's hand and went straight in for a hug, leaving Addy sputtering and wide eyed. 'It's so nice to finally meet you!' she went on. 'Darcy's told us so much about you-'  
'Mum,' Darcy hissed. Mrs. Williams looked at her expectantly. 'Shouldn't we get to the car?'  
'Oh right, right! Where's my brain? Let's get to it then.' They followed her on to the car, where she opened the boot for their suitcases, before they climbed into the back seat.  
'So, Adhara. That's a lovely name. Where's if from? Are you named for someone?'  
'Erm....it's a star actually. But yes. I'm named after my great-great-grandmother or something. On my father's side...' She trailed off chewing her lip uncomfortably.  
'Well it is a beautiful name.'  
'Thank you. I much prefer Addy though,' she smiled wanly.   
'Alright,' Mrs. Williams smiled through the rear-view mirror.  
When they arrived at Darcy's house, (or should she say the Williams?) she introduced Addy to her dad, Mr. Williams, or as he said to call him, Bert, and her younger brother, Toby. Her parents were all smiles and friendly chatter. Darcy and Toby got caught up in some good-natured bickering. It was strange for Addy to see how...open? they were with each other. How close. Accepting. It made something in her chest tighten, and she was painfully aware of how uncomfortable it all made her. Her family certainly didn't behave that way. It wasn't acceptable. Feelings weren't allowed.  
‘What is this, then?’ Addy said curiously as she eyed a large box in the Williams sitting room.  
‘It’s called a television,’ Darcy said. She pushed a button on the front of it and a light flashed out of it before a picture appeared. Addy started in surprise but leaned in closer then.   
‘It’s like wizard photographs… it’s not magic?’ Addy said, straightening and turning to look at Darcy.  
‘No,’ Darcy smiled. Then she leant forward and pressed another button, and Addy could suddenly hear voices coming out of the box.  
‘Woah…’ Addy leaned in again. ‘You muggles are fascinating.’ She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a sudden ringing and clamped her hands over her ears. ‘What is that?!’  
Darcy laughed. ‘It’s just the telephone,’ she said, before she turned to leave the room. The ringing stopped then and Addy removed her hands to hear Darcy talking in the other room. Addy followed her into the kitchen and was able to hear another voice as she drew near to Darcy.  
‘And what does that do?’ Addy asked, her voice one of shocked confusion as she pointed to the object that Darcy was now connecting with one of the same sunny yellow.  
Darcy laughed again. ‘The telephone allows me to talk to people over a long distance.’  
‘It looks like that thing inside those boxes…’ Addy mumbled.  
‘You mean a phone booth?’ Darcy giggled.  
Addy scowled. ‘Yes, I suppose that’s it.’

Addy finally became accustomed to the ringing, more or less, and Darcy and Addy spent a good portion of the holiday watching this moving picture box. The ah... phellatone? No. That's not right. Any roads, Darcy had Addy watching some of the movings, like Willy Wonka and The Wizard of Oz; and then there was something about a doctor that travels through time in a police box? It really was quite fascinating. Darcy also had Addy listen to some music on the muggle gramophone, that's not a gramophone, like the Beatles and Rolling Stones. Addy found muggle music to be...in a word: brilliant.   
Addy felt like she barely had time to enjoy herself before they were back at the castle, resuming classes, getting bogged down with homework and detentions. For the next few months, aside from potions class, she managed to avoid certain Slytherins, by spending any free time in the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor common rooms with Darcy. End of term exams were on them quickly, and before she knew if, Addy was back to a life of degradation and avoidance at Nott Manor. The only bright side of the summer holiday, was that her family had gotten so use to her absence, they truly no longer noticed when she was gone, as long as she was present for dinner. Which was at the same time every day, so she managed to sneak out a fair few times and would explore muggle London. She even managed to make a few muggle friends down at the park. But the dark and suppressive atmosphere at home was still too much.


	3. 'Did you just make that awkward? How do you make a high five weird?'

By the time the 1st of September came round again, Addy was itching to get away. As she pushed her way onto Platform 9 ¾, she made to board the train quickly, but her mother blocked her path. 'I expect no misbehavior from you this year, is that understood? You've embarrassed us enough. You're not a child anymore Adhara. It's time you started acting in a manner that befits your birth.' Her mother gripped Addy's arm tightly and Addy clenched her jaw. 'I do not want any more disappointment. Do I make myself clear?' Addy scowled ahead without looking at her mother and nodded curtly. Seemingly satisfied, her mother released her arm and she pushed through the crowd without a backwards glance. The thing about that little lecture? Addy really hated being told what to do, or what not to do. Even if she knew it was in her best interest to listen, after that, she was much more determined to do what she wanted.  
Addy found Darcy sat in a compartment with a few of her Ravenclaw year mates, Saoirse and David, along with David's cousin John, who was in Hufflepuff, and his friend Killian. Addy's cheeks flushed as she knocked softly on the doorframe. Merlin, she knew she would be uncomfortable. Especially when everyone looked up at her, and a strange look crossed over Darcy's face as she took in the sight of Addy. Darcy pressed her lips together in a tight smile, while Saoirse, Killian, and John smiled politely.  
'Addy,' David nodded.  
'Can I, er...sit with you,' asked Addy hesitantly. Darcy was still looking at her strangely.   
'Course,' Darcy nodded, not quite meeting Addy's eyes.   
Addy pulled her trunk in, pulling off her robes and stuffing it in in the process of storing it in the overhead. She noticed David watching her out of the corner of her eye, but pretended not to, and sat in the last available seat between David and Killian. John was sat opposite, with Saoirse to his right, and Darcy next to the window.   
'You look like you got some sun,' Killian said, poking Addy's knee. Her cheeks flushed again.  
'Erm...yeah. I uh,' Addy glanced at Darcy, who was watching with a blank expression. 'I spent a bit of time at the park. Avoiding my, er, family...' She trailed off, not really sure she wanted to say any more.  
'Right,' Killian scratched at his neck awkwardly. Great. Did I just make that awkward? I think I did, she thought.  
'So...' John started, shuffling in his pocket. 'Exploding snap? Who's up for a game?' He held the pack up in the air, and Killian put his hand up like he was waiting to be called on.  
'I'll give it a go.'  
'Brilliant!' John glanced around at their current seating, pursing his lips.  
'Do you want to switch me?' Addy offered, gesturing a hand between them. Darcy frowned. Bollucks. Did she still fancy him? Addy wondered.   
John nodded. 'Yeah, yeah. I think that'll work best.' They both stood and awkwardly shifted around so he could sit next to Killian. Addy shot Darcy an apologetic smile to which she shrugged. Saoirse pulled out some muggle magazine, Honey, and opened it to a dogeared page.  
‘So, how were your hols?’ Darcy asked, finally looking like whatever storm had been brewing inside her head had passed.  
‘Curiouser and curiouser,’ Addy replied.   
Darcy smiled. 'Do you have any Witch Weekly's?' she asked hopefully. Addy suddenly noticed Darcy had a Jackie and a Vogue on her lap and sighed internally.   
'Who's that?’ Addy pointed at the Vogue.  
'Liza Minnelli.'   
Addy rolled her eyes and decided to ignore that bit. 'Yeah, I nicked a few off Al,' she said, standing up to pull the magazines from her trunk.  
'You've got Quidditch Weekly?' David spoke up.  
'Er, yeah. Do you want to look at some?' Addy asked, holding a few out to him. He reached out to them, smiling softly at her, and she felt her cheeks heat up.  
'Yeah, thank you.'  
'You're welcome,' she mumbled. Darcy winked at her as she sat again, shoving the Witch Weekly's at her and hastily opening another Quidditch Weekly. She pretended to read until she looked up at the shouting of victory on John's part, and painful surprise on Killian's.  
The next morning at breakfast, as Professor McGonagall passed out timetables, Addy looked her's over while munching on some toast. 'Have some bacon Nott, you're looking rather thin this year.' Potter tossed a pile of bacon onto her plate, and she gaped at him, slightly taken aback. While it was true, (she had grown ten centimeters last year) she wasn't sure whether to be offended or touched. She supposed it showed he cared, but who says something like that?  
'Muggle Studies?' Sirius said, looking at Addy's timetable. 'Won't mummy and daddy disapprove?' He said mockingly. She felt warmth spread up her neck and shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. Of course, they'd disapprove. That was the point.   
The next day when Addy walked into Muggle Studies, she found Sirius sitting there with James Potter. As she walked by their desk she raised an eyebrow questioningly. Sirius smirked back at her and leaned his chair back on the back two legs. Addy had the strong urge to push him over, but merely shook her head and continued down the aisle. Mary and Marlene had also taken the class and were sat together. There was a Hufflepuff boy, Arnold MacMillan, whom Addy didn't really get on with. He was a bit of a ponce.  
'You can sit here.' Addy looked over to see Hufflepuff, Emily Westwick, a tall girl with a stocky build, dark brown hair, and dark brown eyes.  
'Thank you,' Addy smiled politely as she sat down next to Emily.  
'Adhara, right?'  
'Addy. You're Emily?'  
'Yep,' she smiled, and Addy nodded.

'I really wish we didn't have to have potions with the bloody Slytherins every year,' Addy complained. She was sat with Darcy behind the quidditch pitch that Friday night smoking cigarettes. 'If I have to hear Avery and Mulciber make one more comment about us being mates,' she shook her head. 'I'd like to hit a bludger right at their stupid gobs.'  
Darcy frowned. 'What exactly do they say?'  
Addy grimaced, looking down and taking a drag off the fag between her fingers. 'Like I told you. They comment about us hanging round each other so much...'  
'Yeah? And?' Darcy prompted, puffing on her own fag.  
Addy shrugged. 'They call us names I'd rather not repeat. Asked if we like to kiss.'  
'What?' Darcy squeaked. Addy looked at her, and Darcy’s expression was pained.  
'Don't worry about it,' Addy shook her head. 'They're just trying to get a rise out of me. Have they ever bothered you?'  
'No, but...' Darcy’s voice cracked, and Addy saw her swipe at her eyes with the back of her hand. Darcy cared too much about what people thought of her.   
'Really. Don't worry about it. Nothing's happened this year. Maybe they've moved on?' Darcy frowned, gazing back at Addy with watery eyes. 'Besides. You know how stupid they both are.' Addy crossed her eyes and grunted, 'duhhh,' in a deeper tone, and the right corner of Darcy's mouth turned up.  
'Uhhh,' she grunted out dumbly.  
Addy chuckled lowly. 'I don't know how they made it to third year,' she shook her head.  
'I don't know how they make it around the castle without getting lost,' Darcy countered, grinning again.   
Addy laughed loudly.

'Thinking about trying out for the quidditch team?' Addy jumped, turning away from the notice on the board in the common room, to see Alice Fortescue standing behind her.  
'Erm...yeah. I was thinking about it,' Addy shrugged, 'since Harrison graduated.' Would Alice think it was ridiculous?   
'That's brilliant! I'll let Frank know to expect you!' Alice beamed at Addy before she continued through the common room to leave through the portrait hole, as Addy stood, gaping at her retreating figure. Well, there was nothing but to try out. She spent the next few weeks before tryouts just getting up the courage to follow through. On the morning of the last Saturday in September, Addy made her way down to the pitch without having breakfast, as she felt likely to lose it all if she had tried. Though she was beyond anxious, as soon as she took to the air on her Silver Arrow, all nervousness was forgotten, blown away with the wind. She smiled to herself and began taking laps around the pitch.   
'Addy!' As she rounded the pitch she saw some people coming out of the change rooms, Alice among them, waving up at her, so she flew down to meet her.  
'Hey Alice,' she said quietly, her stomach already churning uncomfortably again. Alice threw an arm over Addy's shoulder and she suddenly felt small.  
'Good to see you're already a great flier! I'm really pulling for you. You're the only girl trying out, and it'd be nice to have some support around here.' Addy glanced around nervously, seeing there were mostly boys, though she did see a few other girls. Alice must have seen the look of confusion on Addy's face, since she continued to explain, 'those girls aren't here to try out. They're fan girls.'  
'Fan girls?'  
'You'll see,' Alice said darkly.  
'Alright you lot, listen up!' Frank bellowed. 'We only have one spot open for a seeker, so those of you trying out gather up here,' he gestured in front of him, 'everyone else, off my pitch! Over here Carmichael.' Frank gestured toward the group forming in front of him. Addy chewed her lip and joined the three other boys trying out for seeker, while everyone else left the pitch for the stands.   
Alice squeezed Addy's shoulder. 'You'll do great!' She smiled and joined the rest of the team behind Frank. Steven Laurence and Allen Fry were the beaters, Henry Wood was the keeper, and Frank, Alice, and James were the chasers.   
Sirius, Remus, and Peter were among the spectators watching the tryouts from the stands, both to support James as well as trying to gage the ability of the team that year.   
'Nott's trying out for seeker?' Peter said in his squeaky voice. 'Is she even any good?' he mused.  
'She's a brilliant flier at least,' Remus said fairly.   
Sirius nodded absent mindedly.  
It took a little over three hours for seeker tryouts. The second-year boy, Christian Forrester, was a wobbly flier, so he was out straight away. Fifth year, Marshall Worthington, was a decent flier, though he was somewhat slow and had more of a beater's build. Joshua Carmichael, a fourth year, was a solid flier, but didn't seem to have as good of an eye as Addy. In the first round they had each taken turns catching the snitch; Addy caught it in the least amount of time, catching it in twenty minutes, while Marshall took forty-five, and Joshua an hour, so it was down to two. Then Frank set everything up with the keeper, beaters, and chasers, and had Marshall and Addy give it another go. Addy caught the snitch in thirty minutes that time.  
'Right then,' Frank called at the end. 'Looks like we have our team! We'll be taking...Adhara Nott as our seeker.'   
Addy exhaled the breath she didn't know she was holding and couldn't suppress her grin. Alice rushed forward and pulled her into a quick hug.   
'I knew you could do it!' she squealed, grinning broadly.  
'Thank you,' Addy breathed.  
'Nice one Nott,' James held up a hand and she slapped it tentatively. James chortled. 'Did you just make that awkward? How do you make a high five weird?' She felt her face heat up in embarrassment and shrugged. It's what I do really. Make things weird.  
The people who had been in the stands came back to the pitch then, including the girls Alice called fan girls, who were giggling obnoxiously. 'See? I told you,' she muttered, 'fan girls.' Addy's face scrunched in disapproval and Alice nodded in agreement. 'Exactly. Stick with me kid. I'll never steer you wrong.' She winked and threw her arm around Addy's shoulders again, making Addy grin. She was starting to like Alice already.  
'Congratulations Addy,' Remus said, as his group reached James. Addy’s cheeks flushed again.  
'Thank you, Remus,' Addy nodded, giving him a shy smile.

The Gryffindor Quidditch team began practices right away, practicing four nights a week. Alice had taken Addy under her wing, becoming a mentor of sorts to the girl, and under her tutelage, Addy had begun to come out of her shell a bit. She smiled and laughed more freely and made the occasional witty comeback. She was really quite sarcastic, a fact that was not lost on one James Potter, who rather enjoyed her humor. 'You know Nott, you're not half bad,' he said one day, as practice ended.  
'Gee thanks Potter. I can now rest easy, knowing I finally have your approval,' she said dryly, shooting him an amused grin. He laughed and pushed her playfully.  
'I know you were waiting with bated breath.'  
Addy chuckled, shaking her head. 'Sure, I was. That's just what I was doing these last few years.' As they entered the Great Hall for dinner, James went to sit with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, while Addy continued on to sit with Alice. It came in handy to finally have someone like a friend in Gryffindor.  
'What was that about?' Sirius asked, brow knitted, as James took his seat.  
James shrugged. 'What was what about?'  
'You and Nott. You're both all smiley.'  
'She's not so bad actually, once you get to know her. She's kind of funny.'  
'Kind of funny?' Remus said bemusedly.  
'I thought you said she didn't have much of a personality?' Peter piped up.  
James shrugged again. 'Like I said, once you get to know her.'  
'And you've gotten to know her, have you?' Sirius said, quirking a brow in question.  
'Do you have a problem with her?' Remus asked Sirius.  
'Not a problem...'  
'What do you think of her then?' Marlene interjected from the table opposite.   
Sirius frowned. 'I mean, I guess since she's in Gryffindor she must not be that bad, but she just seems a bit stuck up to me is all...' He kept his expression blank as Marlene smirked triumphantly. It hadn't escaped his notice that Marlene was a bit keen on him. He wasn't really sure if he wanted to encourage her.  
‘You think she’s stuck up?’ James muttered quietly when Marlene had turned away. Remus and Peter leaned in closer.  
‘I don’t know. Not really. I don’t really know her well enough to know anymore. I guess I just wanted to get McKinnon off my back.’

While Alice still spent a majority of her free time with her friend Hannah, and her boyfriend Frank, Addy still managed to spend a lot of time with her, further cementing their relationship. Darcy had taken to acting strangely. When Addy wasn't busy with quidditch, Darcy would make excuses about how she was too busy with this or that to hang round Addy. She was spending an increasing amount of time with Saoirse, her dorm mate, in their common room, and less time with Addy in the library, or anywhere else for that matter. Though when they would get together, she was mostly the same, so Addy pushed any doubts she had to the back of her mind and tried not to let it bother her.  
After a little over a month of practicing, Gryffindor had their first match against Slytherin, at the end of October. Gryffindor won, of course, though not by much.   
News of her making the Gryffindor Quidditch team must have finally traveled beyond the Hogwarts gossip mill, as a few days after the match, Addy received a note from her mother, dropped in front of her at breakfast by the family owl. It had the usual insults and qualms of disappointment and disgrace and left a distinct scowl on Addy's face and a bitter taste in her mouth. She had the strong urge to set the note on fire, though she managed to suppress that feeling and settled for crumpling it up and shoving it unceremoniously into her bad. She felt out of sorts for the rest of the week.  
On the Friday night before the first Hogsmeade trip for the third years, Addy was getting ready for bed as her room mates were chatting excitedly about what they would be doing the next day. Addy had been tuning their conversation out mostly, not really feeling she was a part of it, when Marlene addressed her. She stopped to peer at her confusedly, halfway between pulling her nightshirt over her head.  
'So, Addy?'  
'Hmm?'  
'I asked Sirius what he thinks of you.'  
Addy frowned. 'I don't know why you would do that,' she grumbled as she finished pulling on her nightshirt and saw Marlene share a look with Mary. Marlene paused, watching Addy as she crawled into bed.  
Addy's brow knitted. Right. She's waiting for me to ask what he said. 'Alright...what did he say then?' she sighed.  
Marlene smirked. 'He said that he guessed since you're in Gryffindor too, you must not be that bad, but he thinks you're a bit stuck up.' She looked so pleased with herself Addy nearly laughed out loud but settled for rolling her eyes.  
'Right. He would say that.'  
Mary glanced at Lily, looking a bit confused. 'How d'you mean?'  
Addy sighed at her canopy, then turned to look at her. 'Just that he's a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? We used to get on, and then he was just suddenly too good for me or something. But I'm stuck up?' Marlene frowned and shared another look with Mary. 'It's sort of funny,' Addy shrugged and turned onto her back. 'Night.'  
'Night,' the other girls chorused.

The next day Addy had planned to go to Hogsmeade with Darcy. Darcy showed up with Saoirse, Jenee, John, David, and Sam Gardener, another Hufflepuff in their year. Addy pulled her hood up over her head and wrapped her scarf around the lower half of her face as they walked into town, meshing into the group to hopefully avoid being seen by anyone like her sister. They went into Honeyduke's and Zonko's, then stopped in the post office so they could see all the different owls. Then they went to take a look at the Shrieking Shack, which had Addy standing there feeling entirely unimpressed. It just looked like a rundown old house.   
'Shall we go to Madam Puddifoots? I hear it has really good tea,' Saoirse suggested.   
Addy saw the boys grimace and she frowned herself. 'Can't we get tea any old time? Let's go to the Three Broomsticks. I've heard it's brilliant. And I could do with a nice warm butterbeer.' Saoirse and Darcy shared a look and Addy's frown deepened. Jenee shrugged.  
'Yes!' John exclaimed.   
'I've been wanting to go there,' David said.   
'Sure,' Sam agreed. They made their way down the street to the pub and as they entered they scanned the room for a spot to sit. It was relatively crowded, being a Hogwarts Hogsmeade Saturday.  
'Why don't you lot find us a table and I'll grab some drinks, yeah?' Addy said.  
'Yeah, sure,' Sam smiled. Jenee nodded.  
'I'll help you carry,' David said, coming up behind Addy.   
Her eyes widened briefly. 'Oh. Ok.' Her voice seemed to have raised an octave. They stood at the bar in awkward silence after Addy paid for the butterbeers. She caught David poorly hiding his ogling eyes at Madam Rosmerta, the curvy barmaid, out of the corner of her eye, and bit her lip to keep from laughing.  
'So, Addy,' David said, catching her eye, 'what's been with you lately?'  
'Er...how do you mean?'  
'You've been in a bit of a strop...'  
'I have not been in a strop!' she said indignantly.  
David's eyes widened. 'Well you've been...I dunno,' he shrugged, 'you've looked...upset about something this week,' he said quietly.  
Addy looked down at the bar. 'Oh. That.'  
'Yes, that. What's up?'  
Addy glanced at David before Madam Rosmerta plonked the butterbeer down in front of them. David took four while Addy took three. 'Well,' she said as they made their way to the table, 'I got a letter from my mother.'  
'Ah,' a look of recognition crossed over David's face and she wondered what Darcy had told them.  
'What's with the face mate?' John said as David and Addy got to the table. David glanced at Addy before looking back at John.   
'She told me what's been bothering her.' Darcy looked at her sharply.  
'Ah. So why have you been in a strop?' John asked.  
'I have not been in a strop!' Addy set the last butterbeer down a bit too forcefully and it sloshed over onto her hand and the table. Jenee frowned. Saoirse huffed and dabbed at the table with a wad of napkins.   
'What is it then? What's been wrong?' Darcy asked.  
Addy sighed. 'Got a letter from my mother.'  
She grimaced. 'Why?'  
'She's found out I'm on the quidditch team.'  
'So?' Jenee said. John looked confused.  
'But that's good innit?' Sam asked.  
'Well...not to them,' Addy frowned.  
'Why?' John asked. 'I think it's brilliant.'  
Addy sighed. 'Well...I'm on the Gryffindor team. Which makes it a... how did she put it? A disgrace. I'm not supposed to contribute to Gryffindor house any more than I have to.' John and David shared a look.  
'But that's ridiculous,' Sam said.  
Addy shrugged. 'That's my family.'  
'I think this calls for more than butterbeer,' David said. John nodded.  
'What d'you mean?'  
Thirty minutes later and they were sat amidst the rocky base of the mountains at the edge of town, and John was lighting a joint. Addy's eyes widened as he passed it to Darcy, who was sat next to her. 'Have you...?'   
Darcy shook her head as she took it and took a short puff. 'First time for everything,' she shrugged as she passed it to Addy. She took it between her fingers and eyed it apprehensively.  
'You don't have to if you don't want to,' Sam said quietly from Addy's other side. She nodded but took a hit before handing it over to him. It continued its way around the circle until there was nothing left.  
'So, what's the verdict?' John asked with a grin.  
'Feel any better?' David said. Addy looked down at her hands that were clasped tightly in her lap with wide eyes. She honestly wasn't sure if she felt better.  
'I feel...different.'  
'Good different?' John said.  
'Not sure...it's...strange.'   
Jenee nodded.   
Saoirse giggled.  
'I know what you mean,' Darcy said breathily as she gazed at her outstretched hand with a glazed look in her eyes.   
John smirked.  
'You look like you feel more relaxed,' Sam said with a lazy smile, throwing his arm around Addy's shoulders in a friendly way. She grinned back at him.   
David scowled.  
'I suppose I do,’ Addy said.  
'Good,' John said. 'Let's head back. It's about dinner time.'  
'Thank Merlin!' Jenee said loudly.  
'Yes, I'm starving!' Saoirse agreed. Darcy sniggered. They discussed what they hoped to eat all the way back to the castle. When they entered the Great Hall, Addy froze in her tracks, not wanting to be caught out at Gryffindor table. Darcy seemed to read her thoughts.  
'Just sit with us.'  
'You think I can?'  
'Yeah, John and Sam are,' David offered. 'Plus. You're pretty quiet. Bet no one will notice.'  
Addy nodded and hastily joined them at Ravenclaw table. Luckily no one did seem to notice, as no one said anything, and Addy ate amongst them quietly before retreating to the solitude of her four poster.

James, Sirius, and Remus normally enjoyed Defense Against the Dark Arts, in fact is was one of their favorite and best subjects, if it was taught well enough, which incidentally, it was not that year. The professor that year, a Professor Blaine, was a real piece of work, Sirius was sure he knew him to hang round a dark crowd, a real wank-stain he had called him. He had never said anything outright, but he had that arrogant air about him. In one such class, he had been presenting the day's subject of werewolves with a suggestion of disdain, and Remus had been shooting James and Sirius quelling looks each time they would huff or grind their teeth in protest. About halfway through the lesson they heard Adhara scoff. 'Typical,' she muttered, shaking her head at her book.   
'What was that Miss Nott?' Professor Blaine said from the aisle in front of her. He had obviously heard. Her shoulders tensed, and a blush spread up her neck and across her cheeks.  
James and Sirius shared a wide-eyed look, while Remus straightened in his seat.   
'Nothing,' she said quietly.  
'It didn't sound like nothing. Something on your mind?' He leaned over her, placing his hands on either side of her desk. Mary sucked a breath in sharply from beside her.   
'Always...' Addy said slowly. Professor Blaine starred intensely into her eyes. 'Don't,' she said, averting her gaze.  
'Then by all means Miss Nott, why don't you say it out loud?' he smirked.   
Sirius's brow knitted. That sounded suspicious.   
Addy took a deep breath and glared back at him. 'I was just wondering if Dumbledore was aware he hired such a bigot. Aren't you supposed to be impartial when you're in a position of authority?'  
Lily slapped a hand over her mouth while Marlene's eyes widened, and her mouth fell open in a smile. Mary was leaning back in her chair, feeling entirely too close to the situation.   
Professor Blaine stood up, narrowing his eyes at Addy. 'Why don't you take it up with the headmaster himself?' He summoned parchment from his desk, 'and while you're at it,' he took the quill from Addy's hand, dipping it in her ink, and she grimaced. 'You can discuss your detention for the next two weeks.' He finished writing out a note and pushed it toward Addy, then capped her ink bottle and held out her quill. 'Off you go.' He smirked again, and her face flushed a bright red. Addy shoved her book in her bag quickly and grabbed her ink, pointedly ignoring the quill as she stood and turned to leave. The door hadn't even shut before the sound of glass shattering could be heard from the corridor.  
'Uh, Professor, may I go to the loo?' James asked quickly. Blaine waved him off dismissively and James left hastily, Sirius frowning after him. He saw the ink stain on the wall opposite and heard Addy growl in frustration from where she was stood halfway down the hall.  
'Fuck,' she muttered, coming to a stop, her hands balled into fists at her sides.  
James smiled, barely containing a laugh. 'What was that?'  
Addy turned quickly, her face flushing again at the sight of James. 'Oh, you know,' she shrugged, trying and failing to act nonchalant. 'I just can't keep my mouth shut. Got to speak my mind and all that.'  
He did laugh at that. 'Right. I've been meaning to ask you to keep it down.' She looked at him blankly. 'I've never pegged you as being the type to talk to a teacher like that.'  
'Yeah, well...Blaine's a tosspot.'  
James's eyebrows shot up. 'Can't argue with that.'  
'Any roads, what are you doing out here?'  
'Goin to the loo?' he posed as if it were a question.  
Addy quirked a brow. 'Right...' James grinned and started to walk back toward the class. 'Oi!' He turned back around. 'D'you know where Dumbledore's office is?'  
James smirked and pointed down the hall. 'Behind the gargoyle statue.'  
Addy nodded. 'Right. Thanks.'   
He waved a hand lazily. 'No problem.'  
Addy continued down the corridor until she finally found herself in front of a gargoyle statue. She stared at it. It stared back. ‘Right. There must be a password… how am I supposed to get in and collect my punishment, when I don’t know the password?’ she muttered sarcastically. Addy frowned at the statue, unsure of what she should do.  
‘Ah, Miss Nott. To what do I owe the pleasure?’  
Addy nearly jumped out of her skin. She hadn’t heard Dumbledore walk up behind her. ‘Professor!’ Addy squeaked, holding a hand to her chest, willing her heart rate to slow. ‘I didn’t hear you come up.’  
Dumbledore smiled warmly. ‘My apologies. It certainly was not my intension to startle you.’  
Addy smiled back weakly. ‘Right. I, er… was told to come see you…’ she held the note out to him, looking to the floor when he took it from her.  
‘I see. Well, I suppose you’ll have to come up to my office then.’ Addy nodded. Dread filled her gut and she was sure her breathing was labored. Ok, stay calm. Relax, she told herself. ‘Sugar quill.’ Addy’s head snapped up as the gargoyle jumped aside. Interesting choice of password. She followed Dumbledore onto a rotating spiral staircase, then through the large wooden door at the top. His large round office was laden with tables full of tiny silver objects. A sizable wooden desk stood center opposite, and a golden stand stood next to it with a large, flame colored bird perched on it.  
‘Bloody hell,’ Addy mumbled. ‘Sir, is that a phoenix?’  
Dumbledore chuckled. ‘It is indeed, Miss Nott.’ He walked around to the other side of the desk and gestured at the chair across from his. ‘Have a seat.’ Addy swallowed thickly and quickly sat in the squishy purple chair indicated. ‘So, Professor Blaine suggested you might like to discuss some concerns with me regarding his teaching methods.’  
‘Er…’ Addy chewed her bottom lip nervously.   
‘He also mentioned you may have had a few choice words with him as well.’  
Addy looked up at Dumbledore slowly and he peered back at her over his half-moon spectacles. His face was impassive, but his gaze was piercing. It was unnerving, but it didn’t fill her with rage like Blaine had. ‘Er… well… yes…’ Addy spluttered. ‘I, uh… know him… from before… he was, uh, is… a friend of my father’s… and, uh… just, the way he was going on about werewolves and how they’re half breeds and how they’re monsters, I just… I wasn’t going to say anything, but then he got in my face and he tried to look into my mind, and I just… I kind of lost the plot… sir…’ There was a certain twinkle in Dumbledore’s eyes as he looked back at her. Addy fiddled with the hem of her sleeve nervously.  
‘I see,’ Dumbledore said after a few moments. ‘Well. While I do appreciate your, ah, insight into the matter Miss Nott, I do assure you that I have my reasons for employing each and every member of my staff, and I must ask that you refrain from any further outbursts from this point.’  
Addy hung her head ashamedly. ‘Yes, Professor.’  
‘Now, Professor Blaine had indicated he feels you should be given two weeks of detention from his standpoint. I see no reason to add to that punishment.’  
‘Yes, Professor.’  
‘Therefore, you are free to go.’  
‘Yes, Professor.’ Addy scrambled out of her chair and toward the door.  
‘And Miss Nott,’ Professor Dumbledore called as she reached for the doorknob. She turned back to look at him. ‘If you should have any more insight on such matters, please, don’t hesitate to come to me again.’ His eyebrows rose pointedly, and Addy smiled back at him.   
‘Yes, Professor.’

When James had returned to the classroom, Sirius knitted his brow questioningly at him, but he just shrugged back; Sirius waited until Blaine had stopped droning on, and class was over, to ask, 'what was that about? Why'd you go after her?'  
'Just wondered why she did that.'  
'Did she say anything?' Remus asked, turning around.  
James shrugged. 'Muttering a bunch of curse words when I got out there. Just said Blaine's a tosspot.'  
'Can't argue with that,' Remus said, frowning over at the professor as they left the room.   
'That's what I said,' James said with a grin.  
'She threw her inkpot?' Sirius said, a scowl forming on his face. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about this situation. It had turned out to be a lot more difficult to ignore her than he’d thought it would be.  
'Yeah,' James laughed out.  
'That's what that noise was,' Remus muttered to himself. They headed back to the common room and had just settled down around a table off to the left, when they heard the portrait open again. Addy climbed though distractedly, a small smile on her face.   
'So, how'd it go?' James asked her. Her head snapped over and the smile dropped from her face, being replaced with an uncomfortable expression as she glanced around at the group; her gaze lingered on Peter, who seemed to be staring off into space. Sirius's scowl deepened.  
'Oh, not bad. Pretty good actually,' she said quietly. She focused on James while fiddling with the hem of her sleeve nervously.  
'Did you get in any more trouble?' Remus asked. He seemed to be looking at her like he was seeing her for the first time.   
Addy glanced at him shyly. 'No. He reprimanded me and whatnot,' she gestured vaguely. 'But then he just wanted to know my side of the story and listened to me.'  
'And what is your side of the story?' Sirius asked moodily.  
Addy glared at Sirius and he suddenly realized what his face was doing. 'Any roads, it's just the two weeks of detention,' she frowned. Two weeks of extra time with Blaine.  
As they went down to dinner later, Sirius was a bit behind Addy, and frowned when he saw her veer off to Ravenclaw table.  
‘Why are you looking at her like that?’ James laughed.  
‘Like what?’ Sirius said.  
‘Like she’s some puzzle you need to solve,’ Remus offered, smiling amusedly.  
‘I can’t figure her out,’ Sirius said with annoyance.  
‘What’s there to figure out?’ Peter asked. ‘She’s just weird.’  
James laughed again. ‘I seem to recall a muggle saying Remus was telling me about that applies here. Something about knowing what you are?’  
‘It takes one to know one?’ Remus said, laughing too. ‘Yes, that certainly applies to this situation.’  
‘Shove off,’ Peter said grumpily before shoving a drumstick in his mouth.   
Sirius chuckled, shaking his head fondly. ‘It’s alright Petey. You’re our little weirdo.’  
‘Don’t call me Petey,’ he said, trying to sound cross, though he failed to suppress his smile.

'I've had a shit day,' Addy said, as she squeezed in between Darcy and a first year at Ravenclaw table, where she had sat with Saoirse and David. 'I need to...relax.'  
David looked up from his spot opposite. 'I think I can help you with that. Let me talk to John.'  
Darcy smiled sympathetically as David went to the Hufflepuff table. 'I heard about your little tiff with Professor Blaine.'  
Addy gaped at her. 'How did you hear about that?'  
Darcy shrugged. 'People talk.'  
'I'll say,' Addy mumbled grumpily.

'You called him a bigot?!' Darcy said incredulously.  
'He is a bigot!' Addy shot back.  
'That's not the point. He's a professor. And you said it to his face.' Darcy's eyes were wide.  
'I thought you said you heard about it already,' Addy scowled.  
'Apparently not all the details.' Her mouth hung open slightly. The other four sat around them, their heads snapping back and forth as they watched the two talking. They were sat under the stands on the far side of the quidditch pitch. It was December. In Scotland. Addy could no longer feel her face. She didn't care anymore. 'I never thought you would talk to a professor like that,' Darcy muttered.  
'I wouldn't...usually. But I know him. He's a friend of my father's. And he was messing with me. Just like my father would. Trying to look in my mind. Trying to change me, control my way of thinking. And I can't, I won't think that way!'  
'So...' John interrupted. 'You're not afraid of...I mean...you don't...'  
'Spit it out John,' David said exasperatedly.  
'Werewolves are monsters,' John said finally.  
Addy glared at him. 'Yeah, one night a month.'  
'But...I thought...when they get bitten. Becoming a werewolf...it changes them, yeah? The way they think? Feel?' John's brow knitted as he tried to mill through his thoughts.  
Addy shook her head. 'Not completely, no. It doesn't take over their entire being. Just one night a month. And only at night. So, don't go outside on a full moon...and you should be fine. But otherwise, if they were nice before, most likely, they'll still be nice.'  
'And if they were an arsehole before...' Killian added.  
'They'll still be an arsehole,' Addy smiled.  
'How can you be so sure about this?' David said suddenly. 'Doesn't your family...your society...think of them as monsters?'  
Addy scowled. 'All the more reason to doubt it.'  
'But, how can you? Haven't they always thought that way? Didn't they teach you that? I don't understand. When did you start to question it?'  
Addy shrugged. 'I don't think I've ever agreed with it. I've always questioned it. I don't fancy being told what to think...how to feel. And they...they have always been like that. I got punished for befriending muggles...for being nice to the house elf. They're meant to be the lowest of low. They're not worthy of my manners, my friendship...it just didn't feel right to me,' she shook her head again.  
'So... someone like me...a muggleborn?' Darcy said quietly.  
'To them, muggleborns are worse than muggles. They're muggles pretending to belong in a world they do not. And they're steeling magic from those that are truly worthy and deserving.' Addy took a long drag as a deafening silence followed. Even the animals seemed to have gone silent. 'Why do you think I hate them?'  
'Well, on that note,' Killian said.  
'This was supposed to be relaxing,' Saoirse said, frowning.  
'Sorry,' Addy mumbled.  
'No, I'm sorry,' said John. 'I guess I just need to question more, instead of taking everything adults tell me at face value.' 

 

The next night, after receiving a note of summons from a fourth year Ravenclaw boy at dinner, Addy showed up to Blaine's office at eight o'clock for her first detention.  
'Ah, Miss Nott,' he drawled as she entered. 'Right on time.' He gestured toward a desk that was placed in front of his own. 'You will be doing lines for me tonight.'  
Addy took the seat silently and pulled out parchment, quill, and ink. She looked back at him blankly.  
'You will be writing, 'I will not question my superiors.''  
Addy’s jaw clenched. She looked down at the desk and took a deep, steadying breath, before she opened her inkpot and dipped her quill to begin writing. Roughly two hours a night, for two weeks of endless lines written, and Addy was finally done with that detention.


	4. 'Oh, third person James Potter came to play today?'

Sirius slowly made his way across the platform toward where his brother was stood with their house elf. He paused, catching sight of Addy scowling and crossing her arms, exchanging unpleasantries with her sister at the other end of the platform before being apparated away by their own house elf, before wordlessly joining Regulus and Kreecher. He made his way upstairs to his room quickly, once they arrived inside. Things went much better at home if he could avoid his family; though, he couldn't completely avoid them, as he was expected to attend family dinners every night. 'Mistress is requiring Master Sirius to come down to dinner now,' Kreecher muttered, as he shuffled into Sirius's room.  
'Yeah, yeah. I'll be down when I feel like it.' Sirius turned another page of Quidditch Weekly lazily, not even bothering to look up at the house elf.  
'Such a disgrace. Mistress does not deserve this disrespectful treatment. No. He'll get what's coming to him, the ungrateful-'  
'Shut it, Kreecher!' Sirius threw the closest thing he could find, the magazine in his hand, toward the house elf that was slowly closing the door. The pages of the magazine flapped wildly, causing it to fall to the floor in front of the closed door and Sirius settled back into his pillow, picking up another magazine.  
'Sirius!' He heard his mother screeching a few moments later. 'Sirius, get down here! This instant!'  
Sirius huffed and slowly made his way downstairs, hands stuffed in his pockets. 'What?' he snapped.  
'You know very well, what,' his mother hissed. Sirius rolled his eyes. 'Dinner is ready. And we will sit down to eat it. All of us.' She gestured toward his seat and he took it roughly. 'What on earth are you wearing?'  
'Clothes,' he quirked an eyebrow toward his mother. His father, as usual, wore a bored expression, and didn't seem to be paying them any mind, choosing instead to pick at his food and swirl the contents of his wine glass.  
'Are those muggle clothes?' Sirius grinned. 'Why would you wear something so indecent?'   
Sirius shrugged. 'Because I'm indecent? Or maybe because they're comfortable? To drive you mad? Take your pick.' Regulus was looking between the two warily. He knew all too well what would come of this. Their arguments were routine by then.  
She narrowed her eyes at him. 'Where would you even get such...such-'  
'Clothes? James mostly,' Sirius grinned again.   
'Those Potters are disgraceful! When are you going to realize that? It's time you surround yourself with reputable companions instead of that riffraff you currently associate yourself with!'  
'Sod off! My friends aren’t riffraff, they’re bloody brilliant! And the Potters are twice the wizards you could ever hope to be,' Sirius shouted back.  
'Don't talk to your mother that way,' his father drawled.  
'Go to your room!' his mother spat. 'Get out of my sight!'  
'Gladly,' he grumbled, pushing his chair back with enough force that it toppled over.

Christmas evening, there was a society gathering at the Rosiers'. 'You will behave yourself,' Sirius's mother hissed at him, in a low, threatening, voice. He merely rolled his eyes and took his seat with a bored expression. He noticed the Notts arriving moments later, Addy trailing behind wearing a disgruntled expression. It was no wonder, Sirius thought with a small smile, as she was wearing a poufy, dark green, nightmare of a dress. She looks like a cupcake. As the desserts finished and the band started playing, signally the start of the night's dancing, Sirius saw Graham Avery waltz up to the Notts' table and tap Adhara on the shoulder. She turned and frowned at him as he said something, then as she opened her mouth to respond her father seemed to answer for her, as Avery wore a triumphant smirk and Addy gaped at her father. She then grimaced at Avery and stood, walking onto the dance floor with Avery trailing behind her closely. She stood stiffly and scowled as he put a hand to her waist. He started talking in her ear and she seemed to avoid looking at him. Sirius watched as their dance brought them closer to his table, his hand slid down to her arse and she slapped at his hand, scowling deeply as he pulled her in closer to mutter something else to her. As the song ended he held onto her hand and kissed the back of it. She wrenched her hand away and slipped gracefully through the crowd, causing Sirius to lose sight of her, though he caught sight of her again as she slipped out of the door to the ballroom.   
Curious, he followed after a moment, looking casually around the rooms downstairs, then heading upstairs, and finally finding the door to a balcony in a guest room cracked open. He found Addy sat on the floor of the balcony with her feet dangling over the edge, her forehead resting against the rail. 'What are you doing out here Nott?' She went to turn quickly and smacked her head against the metal in front of her.  
'Fuck!' Addy yelped, clutching her head. Sirius couldn't help but chuckle lowly in surprise and moved to join her quietly. She peeked open her eye at him as he stood over her. 'Could ask you the same thing, Black.' Sirius smirked and sat down next to her. 'I thought I was too stuck up for you anyway. Why d'ya wanna sit with the likes of me, eh?'   
Shite, he cursed internally. Leave it to McKinnon to gossip. He shook the thought from his head, trying to play it cool. 'I knew you had McKinnon ask me that.'  
'I did no such thing!' she said indignantly. 'Why the bloody hell would I have her ask you that? I already knew what you thought of me.'   
The way she'd said it, made Sirius think she did not, in fact, know what he thought of her. He cocked his head to the side. 'Oh, really? And what do I think then?'  
Addy shrugged and took a swig from the bottle of whiskey Sirius just realized she had. 'You don't like me. You're too good for me now.' She looked at him sideways and he frowned.  
'Where'd you get that idea?'  
'Oh, I dunno? When you stopped talking to me? We used to get on and then you just,' she shrugged again.  
'Well you had Carina...' he tried to excuse.  
Addy scoffed. 'I never had Carina. Especially not since Hogwarts. She was just the least obnoxious little twat to sit with at these...Merlin forsaken load-of-tosh...society functions.' Sirius's brow knitted as she took another swig of whiskey and he pulled it from her hand.   
'Drinking too? Merlin Nott, you really surprise me sometimes.'   
Addy’s brow knitted as she looked at Sirius while he took a generous gulp. 'What's that mean?'  
Sirius took another swig. 'Just that. You surprise me. How come I never knew you thought that way?' he blurted out.   
Addy's face became clouded with confusion. '...what way?'   
'That thing you said in defense. And last year in potions...I thought I was the only one...'  
Addy shot Sirius an annoyed look while he seemed to get his thoughts in order. 'I guess we never really talked about it…? I didn't know you thought that way either,' she shrugged.  
Sirius nodded and drank again. 'Why don't you hang round the girls? The other Gryffindor girls?' he clarified.   
Addy looked down at her hands. 'They're too...' She shrugged. 'They intimidate me. I'm not comfortable around them. I'm always all weird...' She turned her head to look at him, resting her temple against the rail.   
'You're not being weird now.'   
Addy quirked a brow and Sirius smiled easily. 'Yes, well, I can't exactly go round Hogwarts pissed now can I?'   
Sirius chuckled. 'No, I s'pose not. Why are you pissed now?' He looked at her sideways.  
'First off,' she sat up and held up a finger, so he turned to look at her properly. 'Look where we are. B,' she held up another finger. 'You've met my family. And secondly-'  
'I think that's third,' he grinned.  
'Don't interrupt me!' Her brow knitted. 'Where was I?'  
'Secondly?' he laughed out.  
'Ah yes. Third. Did you see who I had to dance with? And furthermore,' she flicked him the forehead.  
'Oi!' He swatted her hand.  
'Why the hell not?' She held her arms out, palms up, and he shoved her playfully, laughing when she toppled over, laughing breathily.  
Sirius shook his head and drank again. 'You know, James was right about you.'  
'How do you mean?'  
'You're not half bad. When you're not being weird,' he amended, looking down at her. She grinned up at him, looking so carefree she seemed to have a glow about her. Sirius looked away, looking out over the garden, suddenly uncomfortable with the familiar swooping sensation in his belly he'd felt for the same girl exactly six years ago. 'We should probably head back. It's almost time to go.' He saw her sit up, nodding wobbly, and stand, from the corner of his eye. She fumbled with the skirt of her dress and muttered darkly about the, 'stupid, societal expectations,' bringing a small smile to Sirius's lips. He finished the contents of the bottle, leaving it on the floor of the balcony, before he followed her down the stairs. When he got there, he saw her being accosted by her mother in the parlor.  
'Where have you been?' Her mother hissed, her fingers digging into Addy's upper arm.  
'Ow. Mother. What does it matter where I was? I was staying out of trouble,' Addy retorted mockingly. Sirius assumed she'd gotten a similar lecture to his prior.  
'Staying out of trouble? You've been drinking!'  
'So, what if I have?' Addy shrugged.  
'So, people will think you're a harlot!'   
'So? I don't care what people think of me.'  
'You should care. You'll never get any prospective suitors with your behavior.'  
'Good. I don't want to get married anyway.'  
Her mother then drew back her hand and slapped her hard across the cheek. Addy recoiled and clutched at her cheek, turning back to scowl at her mother. 'You will do as you are told and fulfill your duty to your family. We'll be lucky if we can get rid of you, with the reputation you've gotten.'  
'I could just leave and make both of us happy,' Addy hissed back.  
'And where would you go? It's not like there's anyone else who would take you in. Everyone's aware of how much of a disappointment you are.' Sirius frowned as Addy’s mother stalked past, back toward the ballroom, and Addy shot a crude hand gesture at her back.

Back at Hogwarts, nothing had changed. It was as if that conversation had never happened. Sirius continued to mostly ignore Addy's existence, which she was fine with, as she did not have an endless supply of firewhiskey on offer.  
When Addy's birthday came around, and she was unwrapping a few packages at the foot of her bed that morning, she frowned at what she received from her parents: a new set of green dress robes, and a pair of emerald earrings. Last year they had given her a bracelet, emerald, and a set of green dress robes. Basically, the same present every year. And she didn't even like green.  
'Oh, those are lovely,' Lily said politely. 'Happy birthday.'  
'Thank you.' Addy eyed Lily for a second. She had brilliant green eyes, almost the color of the robes, and she actually liked wearing green. 'Say Lily?'  
'Hmm?'  
'Your birthday is in a few days, yeah?' Lily looked surprised. Maybe didn't think she'd remember.  
'Yeah...'  
Addy held out the robes. 'Happy birthday.'  
Lily’s eyes widened. 'Oh no! I couldn't! Those must cost a fortune.'  
Addy rolled her eyes. 'Yes, you can. Please? I won't wear them. My parents just get them for me to make a point. You know I've got the same thing for the last three years? They don't care what I do and don't like.' Lily's brow knitted. 'Please? Really, they'd look great on you, and otherwise, I'm just going to sell them.'  
Lily hesitated. 'Well...if you're sure?'  
'Positive,' Addy smiled and handed them over.  
Lily smiled broadly. 'Thank you!'  
'You're welcome.'  
Addy's good deed only did so much to brighten her mood. The accompanying note of disappointment put her in a foul temper for weeks to come. The only benefit of that being that it helped her focus on winning their match with Hufflepuff. The down side was getting detention for hexing a group of first years when they got on her nerves for standing in the middle of the hall, blocking the way. Really though, figure out where you're going and go there! Don't just stand around!  
Some time in mid-February, as the class were leaving charms, David Gillem pulled on Addy's sleeve. She followed him to the side of the hall, and he fidgeted with the edge of his sleeve, looking at a spot behind her. She glanced behind her, confused. It was just a wall there. Nothing special. 'Was there something you wanted David?'  
He jumped as if he forgot she was there. 'Uh...yeah...well...er...' Her eyes widened. This could take a while. 'Um...I was, er...wondering...' She looked to the floor. His trainers were looking a bit worn. 'Are you going to Hogsmeade this weekend?' His face was red, and Addy's brow knitted.  
'Well yeah. I thought we were all going together?'  
David bunched a bit of his robes in his fists. 'Uh...well...I was, uh...wondering...' She looked down at her own trainers. 'If you would go with me?'  
Addy's head snapped up. He was still staring at the wall behind her. His face had grown redder. 'Oh! Like...like together? You and me?' Her voice had gone up an octave. Breathe Addy!  
David finally looked at her. 'Yes.'  
'Oh.' She felt a blush spread across her cheeks. 'Ok.'  
David smiled. 'Ok?' She nodded. 'Ok great! I'll um...see you later!' He suddenly dashed away, and she turned to watch him disappear down the corridor toward Ravenclaw tower. Well that was...awkward.  
'Alright there, Ad?' The voice snapped her out of her daze, and she turned to see Alice smiling cheekily at her.  
'Um, yeah...just,' her voice was still high. She cleared her throat, gesturing toward the hallway. 'You know.'  
Alice threw an arm around Addy's shoulders. 'I do know. You'll be fine,' she said knowingly. She steered them to the Great Hall, where they sat with Frank and Allen, and Alice's friend Hannah joined them a few moments later. 'You'll do great,' Alice went on, 'just act normal.'  
Addy grimaced. 'Easier said than done. Do you know me?'  
'What is it? What's happened?' Hannah asked.  
'First date nerves,' Alice said.  
'But is it a date?' Addy asked skeptically.  
Frank cocked his head to the side. 'What did he say?'  
'He asked if I was going to Hogsmeade. And I said, 'yeah, I thought we were all going together?' And he said he wanted to know if I would go with him.'  
'It's a date then,' Allen nodded.  
Frank nodded. 'That's what he wanted.'  
Addy's eyes widened. 'Oh,' she squeaked.  
Alice patted her hand. 'You'll be fine.' Addy nodded slowly and looked down at her plate.

On Saturday Addy met David in the entrance hall at ten o'clock. He was shuffling his feet, nervously kicking at the floor with his toes, his hands shoved in his pockets. She cleared her throat. 'Hi David,' she said in a broken staccato.  
David's head shot up and he smiled. 'Hi Addy,' he inclined his head. She felt her cheeks heat up. 'Shall we go?' She nodded and smiled back at him.  
They walked quietly down the street to Hogsmeade, and she became uncomfortably aware of her hands swinging awkwardly at her sides. What the bloody hell do I do with my hands? David still had his in his pockets, so she stuffed hers in her own pockets, balling them into nervous first. They tread through a puddle, her footfalls splashing mud onto his robes. Lucky it was black. She was no good at housekeeping spells. Real selling point for the future husband she never planned to have.   
The silence was deafening. 'So where do you-' she started to say, just as David said, 'will you be-'  
They both laughed. 'Go ahead,' he smiled, his cheeks flushing red.  
'No, it's alright. You go first.'  
'Er...ok. I was just going to say...' David shifted uncomfortably, and Addy stopped walking. 'Will you be my girlfriend?'  
'Oh!' Addy wasn't expecting that. She fell her cheeks flush too. 'Ok,' she squeaked.  
David looked over at Addy and a smile spread across his face. 'Ok?'  
She nodded. 'Yeah.' His smile broadened, and he started walking again. She hurried to catch up.  
'What were you saying?'  
'Oh...I was just going to ask where you wanted to go?'  
'Oh,' he shrugged. 'I dunno...I was so nervous about asking you...' He cleared his throat, 'I didn't think that far...er, where do you want to go?'  
Addy smiled and shrugged back at him. 'Honeyduke's? Zonko's? Three Broomsticks?'  
David smiled. 'Is that a question?'  
She shrugged. ‘I'm up for whatever.'  
He nodded. 'Alright then. We'll do all of those. In that order.'  
'Alright.' And they did just that. Their conversation was strained. Their behavior awkward. They both kept their hands shoved in their pockets for the most part. When they got to the Three Broomsticks they found Darcy, Saoirse, Jenee, John, and Killian sitting at a table and joined them without discussion. David sat next to Saoirse on the end. Addy sat next to Darcy opposite.   
'How's it going?' Darcy muttered. Addy shrugged. 'Well, I've got to go to the loo. Addy?' She looked at her expectantly.  
'Sure,' Addy nodded.  
'So?' Darcy said when they were safely hidden behind closed doors.   
'I dunno...he asked me to be his girlfriend,' she said, staring blankly at the floor.  
'Which is good, right?' Darcy's brow knitted together in confusion.  
'Which is good...' Addy confirmed. 'But...'  
'But?'  
'But...it's been weird. I dunno what to say to him. And he keeps his hands stuffed in his pockets. So, I do too...it's awkward,' she frowned.  
'Well...it's just the first date, right? I mean...it's a first for both of you. And you've never been alone together. It'll get easier...?' She didn't sound so sure.  
'I hope so,' Addy shrugged.  
Though it didn't get easier. Nothing seemed to have changed in their relationship besides the title. David didn't sit by Addy in class. He seemed stiff and kept his hands decidedly in his pockets when walking next to her. He continued to hang round Saoirse most of the time. The only change was that he would sometimes tap Addy on her shoulder, while standing on the other side of her, so when she would look round, there would be no one there. He would laugh while she looked at him blankly, trying to stifle the irritation rising inside herself. Darcy said he was flirting, but Addy wasn't so sure. After roughly three weeks, she had had enough. The confusion she felt about their relationship was exhausting. It was easier to just be friends. Addy had a feeling David really liked Saoirse but didn't have the guts to ask her out yet. And the fact that that didn't bother her in the slightest, told Addy it wasn't meant to be.   
Easter Holiday came round and Addy decided to stay at Hogwarts in earnest that time. Darcy was going on a trip with her family, and Addy wasn't close enough with anyone else. She didn't owl her parents to tell them she wasn't coming home. They must have been expecting her absence, as she never received a note of inquiry.   
When everyone came back from holiday, Darcy seemed strange to Addy, distant even, and with exams approaching quickly, Addy saw her less and less; though she did still sit with her in charms. After one such class, they were making their way out of the classroom, when Killian came up to them. 'Addy?' Her group stopped walking collectively.  
'Hmm?' She looked up at him.   
He glanced at Jenee, who was stood next to Addy. 'Will you go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?'  
'Er...' Addy's eyes went wide. She didn't know he liked her. She'd barely spoken to him before. Addy looked at Darcy over his shoulder. She looked back at Addy blankly and shrugged. Some help she was. 'Sure, Killian.'  
He smiled and glanced at Jenee again. 'Brilliant! Meet you at eleven?'  
Addy nodded slowly. 'Sure.'  
He nodded and turned away, running to catch up with John who was stood down the hall. Darcy gave Jenee a look and turned back around, walking with Saoirse. Addy turned her head in time to see Jenee frowning at the floor, before she jogged to catch up with Darcy and Saoirse. Addy walked to the Great Hall slowly, by herself, feeling like she had missed something. By the time she got to the Great Hall, they had already sat at their own tables.  
On Saturday Addy showed up in the entrance hall at eleven, but there was no sign of Killian. She waited around for a bit, but he didn't show. She huffed in annoyance, and was just turning to go back upstairs, when a familiar couple joined her. 'Addy! What's wrong?' Alice asked when she saw Addy's scowl.  
'Nothing. I just...I was supposed to meet Killian, but he never showed,' she shook her head.  
'Are you sure you have the right time?' Frank asked.  
Addy nodded. 'Pretty sure.'  
'Well, why don't you come into town with us?' Alice asked.  
'Oh, no,' Addy shook her head. 'I don't want to crash your date.'  
They both smiled and shook their heads. 'We're meeting Al and Steve,' Alice said.  
'To go over quidditch strategies for the last game,' Frank added.  
'You won't be crashing a date,' Alice said.  
'Besides, we'll be going over stuff you'll need to know anyway. This'll save me from having to tell you later,' Frank smiled.  
'Well...alright then,' Addy conceded. 'What about Wood and Potter?'  
'Huh?' Frank said.  
'Well, you're meeting Fry and Laurence. Then there's us three. What about Potter and Wood?'  
'We only decided on meeting up this morning. Wood said he already had plans. And we didn't see Potter,' Frank shrugged. Addy half shrugged in acknowledgement. When they got to the Three Broomsticks, where they were to meet Fry and Laurence, Addy froze in the doorway. 'Isn't that your little friend?' Frank asked.  
'And that Killian bloke?' Alice added.  
Addy nodded. 'And the rest of them,' she said quietly. Darcy, Jenee, Saoirse, Killian, John, and David, were sat at a table in the back of the pub. They noticed her entrance and went quiet, avoiding her gaze.  
'You should go say something,' Alice said.  
Addy shook her head. 'No.' It was obviously deliberate. Planned out. They didn't want her around. Fine. Addy was fine with it.  
'Are you sure?' Frank said, his eyes full of concern.  
'Yep. I'm fine.'  
'You're fine?' Alice said, glancing at Frank.  
'Yep.' Addy felt numb. 'Let's get a table.'  
They found an empty table near the middle, and Addy sat facing the front of the pub. Al and Steve joined a while later, and Addy stared blankly ahead as the four of them talked points and plays and blah blah blah.  
Some time later the group from the back filed past, and Addy clenched her jaw when Darcy glanced at her before they went through the door. 'I'll be right back,' Addy said as she jumped to her feet. She barely registered Alice responding as she hurried to the door. 'Darcy!' She cried, when she emerged from the pub. 'Darcy, wait up!' Addy saw her stiffen as she stopped.  
'You guys go ahead,' Addy heard Darcy say. The group glanced at her over their shoulders, then quickened their pace, leaving Darcy alone with Addy. Darcy sighed and walked to the edge of the road, and Addy followed.  
'Darcy...'  
'Look, I'm sorry,' Darcy said, not looking at Addy. 'Killian asked you to Hogsmeade to make Jenee jealous. And I guess it worked...'  
'I don't really care about that.'  
'Oh...'  
'I mean, yes, it's annoying. He should have just asked her. But what bothers me...' Addy sighed and looked at Darcy carefully. Darcy was staring at her feet. 'You've been...avoiding me. Haven't you?' Darcy glanced at Addy and back to the ground. 'And now you're all chummy with Saoirse.' Darcy scoffed. 'You're like...obsessed with her or something...'  
'I am not obsessed with her!' Darcy said indignantly. Addy's brow knitted, and she took a deep, steadying breath.  
'What did I do? Why don't you hang round me anymore? Why are you shutting me out?'  
Darcy wrung her hands together. 'You didn't do anything. I just...I can't take it anymore!'  
'Take what?'  
'You're so gorgeous! And I'm hideous. No one looks at me when I'm with you. They're too busy gaping at you.' She flailed her arms wildly.  
Addy's face flushed in anger. 'Nobody gapes at me!'  
'They do so! All the boys do!'  
'They do not! I'm not gorgeous. And you're very pretty. John looks at you all the time.'  
Darcy shook her head. 'Not when you're around. I'm just...I'm nothing compared to you.'  
'Don't say that!' Addy shook her head.  
'I'm sorry. I can't help it. I can't help the way I feel.'  
'And what about how I feel? What am I supposed to do? I don't have any other friends.'  
Darcy shrugged. 'I'm sorry.'  
Addy's jaw clenched. 'So that's it then? You just don't want to be friends with me anymore?'  
Darcy sighed and fixed Addy with a blank expression. 'It's my life.'   
With that Darcy turned and walked up the street back to Hogwarts. Addy's heart dropped into her stomach, and she willed herself not to cry, her face becoming a steely mask. She was still a Nott after all. The ability to hide emotions was one of the only useful things she had learned from her parents. That and Occlumency. Basically, not feeling. She became numb again. Sometimes she felt like a robot, though that would be much cooler.  
'Alright Addy?' She turned her head to find Alice had joined her. 'When you didn't come back I got worried.' Addy stared at her blankly. 'Are you alright?'  
'I'm fine.' Addy tried to smile, but it must have come out as a grimace, as Alice seemed to wince. 'Let's get back.' Addy followed Alice back to the pub but couldn't force herself to listen at all as they continued to talk strategy.

The only thing that caused Addy to falter, and nearly break down, was the suspicious behavior of Emily, her table partner in Muggle Studies. They had started the year amicably, even engaging in polite conversation here and there; but then she grew indifferent, and gradually cold toward Addy, even going so far as to ignore her completely when she'd ask her a question. Then one day Addy showed up and Emily was sitting with someone else, pretending like she didn't even exist. Addy found it quite odd, as they were only table partners. She wouldn't even have considered her a friend; but with other recent events, it was almost too much.   
'You can sit with me,' Elizabeth Fawley, another Hufflepuff, said quietly. 'Call me Effie,' she smiled as Addy sat down.  
'Addy,' she nodded. 'What's with her?' She gestured at Emily's back where she sat with Dorcas Meadows.  
'Oh, don't mind her,' Effie whispered. 'She's just a narcissistic, social climber.' Addy gave her a small thankful smile before settling in for the lesson. 

The next week, Addy was sat next to Alice at dinner, picking absent-mindedly at her food, as Frank droned on about the final match against Ravenclaw. Honestly, he could talk of nothing else. Addy wasn't really listening anymore and happened to tune in on a conversation a little way down the table from her. 'Really though, I'm easily the most attractive bloke here. It's a bit exhausting. I really don't have any competition,' Sirius was saying.  
Addy rolled her eyes. 'Like that's an accomplishment?' she scoffed. 'You're not even that attractive.'  
'Excuse me? I'll have you know I've been called godlike.'  
'Yeah? By who, your mum? Or James? Please. You're a loud, arrogant, bully. Your nose is too big and your chin...you literally have an arseface,' she said in a bored tone.  
Sirius bristled indignantly. 'Yeah, well...you're too quiet, and too skinny, and too tall for a bird...and... your... hair's all...big...' Sirius said half-heartedly, faltering when Addy smiled suddenly.  
'Exactly!' she said, picking up an apple. 'Thank you!'  
'What?'   
Addy just took a bite from the apple as she swung her legs around the bench and wordlessly left the Great Hall happily. Alice smiled sadly after her.  
'What the bloody hell was that about?' James said toward Alice.  
Alice grimaced and slid down the table a few spaces. 'She's been a bit...sensitive about her...' She gestured toward her face. ' At least since the last Hogsmeade trip.'  
James's brow knitted. 'What do you mean?'  
'What happened at Hogsmeade?' Remus asked.  
'That little friend of hers ditched her,' Alice said lowly.  
'Darcy? That little Ravenclaw girl?' Lily suddenly interjected, looking concerned.   
Alice nodded.  
'Why?' Marlene asked, leaning around Lily.  
Alice glanced over her shoulder uncomfortably. 'Said something about none of the boys looking her way when Addy was around because she's gorgeous and well...Darcy's...not...'  
Marlene frowned, and Lily looked toward where Addy had left the Great Hall with a worried expression. 'But that's horrible. Is she ok?'  
Alice shrugged. 'She says she's fine.'  
Sirius was still staring after the spot where he'd seen Addy slip through the doors into the entrance hall.

For the next few weeks, Addy wouldn't allow herself to feel anything more than anger on such matters and used that anger to focus on studying for exams and preparing for the final match against Ravenclaw. And Gryffindor slaughtered Ravenclaw.  
'Yeah!' James whooped, as he landed on the pitch after Addy. 'James Potter came to win!'  
'Oh, third person James Potter came to play today?' Addy said, half amused.   
'That's right! He got here early, and he did amazing!'  
'Alright,' Addy half shrugged. 'I didn't know third person James Potter was coming to the match. Is third person James Potter coming to the after party too?' James suddenly stepped forward and kissed Addy roughly before stepping back with a beaming smile. Addy looked at him blankly. 'Yeah, third person James Potter needs to never do that again.'  
'Sorry,' James laughed, running a hand through his hair. 'Just got a bit caught up in the moment.'   
'Right,' Addy quirked a brow at him. He suddenly lunged forward and took the snitch that was still clutched in her hand, before he darted away back toward the castle. 'Potter!' She huffed but didn't have the energy to follow after him.   
For the first time Addy couldn't get out of Hogwarts fast enough and was actually looking forward to summer holiday. At least she knew where she stood with her family. And she still had her muggle friends...she hoped.


	5. 'Did you not notice we've been in the same boat this whole time?'

Turned out she did, and Addy managed to slip away to meet up with them every few days. She had met Kate first a few years back. Then her slightly older brother Paul, and subsequently been introduced to his friend Ed. They were at the park most days, where Addy would meet up with them after breakfast. Then they would either stay at the park, go to Kate and Paul's house, or go round to the shops nearby.  
Midway through July, Addy was making her way to the park when she realized a few streets away that she was being followed. By Aludra. Addy quickly diverted her route to the house of the only person she knew who lived nearby and might understand.  
'What are you doing here Nott?' Addy smiled sardonically back at Sirius, shutting the door to his room behind herself after the house elf had let her in. He quirked an eyebrow questioningly, as she wordlessly strode to his window, looking out at the street below. 'Dara?'  
Addy grinned suddenly. She’d almost forgotten he used to call her that. Then she schooled her expression to smirk at him sideways. 'Sorry. Al was following me. I'll be out of your hair as soon as she stalks her little puppet arse home.'  
Sirius squinted back at her. He was laying on his bed reading a magazine. 'Where were you going?'  
Addy shrugged, turning around to face him fully. 'To the park.'  
'And is that not allowed?' he smirked.  
'To meet up with my muggle friends.' She walked over and sat on his bed, snatching the magazine from his hands. 'Is this the new quidditch weekly?' She started to leaf through it.   
He waved the question away lazily. 'Last weeks. Did you say muggle friends?' He looked genuinely interested.  
Addy quirked an eyebrow at him, smirking in amusement. 'Yes...' She said slowly. 'Ed's just got himself a motorbike. Promised to give me a ride on it.'  
'Motorbike?'  
'Yes. Muggle transportation. A bike. With a motor. Just like it sounds.' She flashed her hands dramatically and he scowled.  
'I know what a bloody motorbike is you bint.'  
Addy chuckled. 'Ok. Then why did you look confused?'  
'I'm not...confused. I...' Sirius frowned.  
Ah. I see. 'Do you want to come with me?'  
He looked hesitant. 'You wouldn't mind? I mean...we haven't...'  
'Sirius. It's fine. It'd be nice if you stopped pretending like you don't know me at school, but really? If you want, this can just be payment for letting me use you momentarily.'  
'I don't pretend like I don't know you.' She looked at him blankly and he frowned. 'Fine, fine. I'll acknowledge you at Hogwarts. Happy?'  
Addy looked down at the magazine still open in her lap. Not really, no. 'Sure,' she said vaguely, setting the magazine aside and standing up. She went back to the window, peering down at the street again. 'Looks like she's gone. Shall we?' She turned back around, and Sirius eyed her carefully.  
'Sure.' They slipped out of his house and down to the park where Kate, Paul, and Ed were waiting at the edge.  
'I was beginning to think you weren't comin,' Ed smiled his crooked smile. He was tall and wiry, with brown hair and brown eyes.  
'Sorry to disappoint,' Addy smirked and stole the fag from Paul's lips. He quirked a brow and smirked back at her.  
'Who's this then?' Kate asked, gesturing at Sirius, a twinkle in her eyes.   
'Oh, right. This is my, er...'  
'Mate,' Sirius shot Addy a look. 'From school. Sirius,' he held his hand out and Kate shook it, smirking.  
'Ah, so you go to that fancy boarding school too then?' Kate had blonde hair like Addy's and light blue eyes. She was a bit shorter with a curvier build. Sirius smiled and nodded.  
'Dara mentioned you'd got a motorbike,' he gestured toward Ed. 'That's brilliant.' Ed nodded and went into the whole story of how he got it and the rundown of all its features. Sirius was hooked.  
'So... Dara?' Paul said, pulling the fag from Addy's lips. Addy smirked up at him. Paul was tall and muscular, with dark hair and the same light blue eyes as Kate.  
'Only Sirius calls me that. I don't remember why,' Addy shrugged.  
Paul took a long drag and smiled. 'Alright.'  
'Ok, now we've heard what it can do, why don't you show me?' Addy waggled her eyebrows and hopped on the back of the bike behind Ed.   
Ed smiled broadly. 'Right then. Hang on.' Addy gripped him tightly round the middle as he started the engine and couldn't help but squeal as he pulled away.  
'This is brilliant!' Addy laughed as Ed rounded the park.  
'Isn't it though?' Ed shouted back. They were both smiling broadly when Ed pulled back into the spot at the edge of the park. Sirius was chatting amicably with Paul and Kate. That bloke could get on with just about anyone if he tried.   
'Have fun?' Paul smiled at Addy.  
'Loads! Yes! It's really, really fantastic! Thanks Ed!'  
'No problem, Addy.'  
'I'm hoping to get one. Next summer maybe?' Paul said.  
Addy smirked at him. 'That'd be so cute. Then you two could form like a little biker gang. Ride round together.'  
Paul shoved Addy playfully. 'Oh, shut it.' She grinned back at him cheekily.  
The time came when Addy needed to leave in order to get home in time for dinner, so Sirius and she said their goodbyes and headed off. 'Your mates seem great.'  
Addy smiled. 'They are.'  
'You fancy him, don't you? Paul?' Sirius said, when they were a safe distance away.  
'What? No! Of course not! He's just a friend,' Addy spluttered. Her voice had gone up a few octaves.  
Sirius smirked at her. 'That's too bad then, since he fancies you.'  
'What? No, he doesn't. What makes you say that?'  
'Oh, I don't know? The fact that I have eyes, maybe?'  
Addy shook her head. 'No. He would never fancy me.'  
Sirius's brow knitted. 'Why not?'  
Addy shrugged. 'Because...it's me. People don't fancy me. They might think I'm pretty, but...they're not interested in the real me. Not enough to fancy me,' she shook her head.  
Sirius frowned. 'You're ridiculous.'  
'What?'  
'Paul definitely fancies you. I saw how he looked at you. And when you were off with Ed he was asking about you. Like how did we meet? And how good of friends are we?' Addy frowned. 'And plenty of people would fancy you if you would just talk more. You're not half bad when you let people in.'  
'It's not like that's worked out well for me in the past,' Addy muttered.  
Sirius's brow knitted. 'What?'  
Addy shook her head. 'It doesn't matter. Either way. We'll be going back to Hogwarts. Paul will forget about me soon enough.'  
Sirius shook his head. 'If you say so.'   
They parted ways shortly after, and Addy didn't see Sirius again for the rest of holiday.

Sirius saw Addy greeting Alice warmly on the platform before climbing onto the train. He hadn't seen her since that day in July, the one bright spot in his otherwise horrible holiday. After a rather heated row with his mother his first night back, he'd been locked in his room for three days and she'd taken to intercepting his mail. He hadn't received one owl from his mates all holiday. He'd really enjoyed that day with Addy, he'd seen a different side to her. She seemed so at ease around her muggle friends. But she'd never come back.  
'What are you staring at, mate?'   
Sirius snapped out of his daze to find James stood next to him. 'Nothing,' he drawled in a bored tone, shrugging. 'Just waiting on your ugly mug.'  
'Sod off! My mum says I'm beautiful,' James said with mock indignance as they boarded the train. "Where's Pete?'  
Sirius shrugged again. 'You know he's usually late. He'll stroll in last minute.'  
James nodded. 'Feels wrong starting without Remus.'  
'Did you hear from him?'  
'Yeah, he owled me. Should be coming Tuesday morning.' Sirius nodded as they entered their usual compartment. 'So, did you get to do anything over holiday?'  
Sirius shrugged nonchalantly. 'Saw Dara one day. But that was about it. Spent most of my time rereading old quidditch magazines in my room.'  
'Dara?'  
Sirius cleared his throat. 'Ah, Nott.'  
'Since when is she Dara?' James asked, quirking a brow.  
Sirius shrugged again and was saved from commenting further when Pete walked in, panting and sweating, and shut the compartment door noisily. 'Merlin's hairy balls Petey, what'd you do, run here?'  
'Don't call me Petey,' he wheezed.   
James smirked suddenly, and Sirius followed his gaze, his eyes suddenly filling with the mischievous glint they'd lacked the last few months. 'How's about we start the school year off right with a prank in Remus's honor?'   
Sirius grinned. 'I like the sound of that.' Roughly half an hour later, they were retreating down the corridor, when Sirius spotted Addy again, as they passed the compartment where she was sat with Alice and her friend Hannah. He paused. Addy had taken her robes off and was wearing some flowy, white, muggle dress that made her skin look like it was glowing, and her hair was sun kissed. And she was coming toward the door.  
'Oh, look, it's Dara,' James said brightly. Sirius shot a scowl at him, but James just smiled widely as the door slid open and Addy called, 'sure thing,' as she stepped into the corridor. James shoved Sirius into Addy so forcefully, she gasped and tumbled over with him landing on top of her.  
Sirius went to get up quickly but stopped when he had pulled back slightly to see her smile softly. 'Your hairs getting long,' she murmured, tucking a lock behind his ear. It fell forward again.   
'You've got green in your eyes...' He said quietly. 'It's like a stitching or a web...' Her gaze snapped over to meet his. 'Fancy meeting you here...'  
'Yeah, you know? When I asked you to stop ignoring me, I meant give me a wave or say hello, not tackle me on the train.'  
'Blimey, are you going to let her up soon?' Sirius's eyes widened briefly. He'd forgotten James was there really. Addy's cheeks flushed before Sirius scrambled to his feet, then pulled her roughly to hers.   
She cleared her throat awkwardly. 'Wotcher Potter,' he nodded at her in acknowledgement. 'Pettigrew.' Peter squeaked, and Addy's eyes widened in surprise. She glanced at James who shrugged, smirking. Her brow knitted together then. 'Where's Remus?'  
Sirius cleared his throat. 'Er...'  
'We get Potter and Pettigrew and he gets Remus?' James said, quirking a brow.  
She mock glared at him. 'You stole my snitch. Which I still haven't gotten back, by the way.' James scratched the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. 'So. Where’s Remus?'  
'He's, ah...not feeling well. Be a bit late,' Sirius muttered.  
She looked at her watch. 'Oh...right.' James and Sirius looked at her curiously. 'Well, he shouldn't miss too much.'  
'Why do you say that?' Sirius said, at the same time James asked, 'why'd you look at your watch?'  
Addy's brow knitted. 'It's only Sunday,' she said, looking between them. Peter seemed to be backing away. 'And if he misses tomorrow, he shouldn't miss too much on the first day. Plus, you lot usually let him borrow your notes, yeah?' Addy gestured between them and they shared a look.   
'Yeah...'  
Addy rolled her eyes. 'Well, any roads, as fun as this is. Whatever this is...' She shook her head. 'I actually came out here with a mission. So, if you'll excuse me?' She turned heel and walked down the corridor.  
James turned toward Sirius, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and nodded toward Addy. Sirius scowled again, but James pushed him down the corridor in the same direction, where he could now see her approaching the trolley witch. She looked over her shoulder questioningly. 'We were going to get something off the trolley,' James replied easily.   
Addy smirked. 'I figured you were just pranking some Slytherins and were running from the scene of the crime.'   
Peter sniggered.  
'Well, that too,' Sirius grinned.  
'You should see Snivellus,' James added with a smirk.  
Addy pursed her lips together thoughtfully. 'That depends. Did you improve his appearance?'  
Peter sniggered again. 'Hardly.'  
Addy smiled, looking surprised. He probably hadn't ever talked to her before. 'I think I'll pass then. He's bad enough to look at as is,' she said. James and Peter chortled.  
'Suit yourself,' Sirius said, grinning. They collected their treats from the trolley and went their separate ways when Addy went back into her compartment, and the boys continued toward an irate Lily Evans. 'Good luck,' Addy waved. James grimaced.  
'What was that?' Alice said, quirking a brow as the compartment door closed behind Addy.  
'Ah, they pranked Snape. That Slytherin boy? Looks like Evans found out.'  
Hannah jumped up grinning. 'Gotta see this...' She moved out of the compartment quickly.  
Addy snickered. Alice frowned. 'Not that,' she waved Addy off. 'I meant your little tumble with Black.'  
'Oh, that?'  
'Yes, that!'  
Addy waved her off. 'They were just escaping Snivellus and he ran into me is all.'  
Alice's eyebrows shot up her forehead. 'Didn't look like that was all.'  
'What's that s'pose to mean?'  
'Mean's he looks like he fancies you.'  
Addy laughed loudly. 'No. No. Definitely not.'  
'What? It's true!'  
'No.'  
'Yes!'  
'NO!'  
'And why not?'  
'Because, we're barely even mates. We hardly know each other anymore. He definitely does not fancy me.'  
Alice shook her head. 'I wouldn't be so sure.'  
Addy rolled her eyes. 'Don't be ridiculous Ally.'  
The compartment door slid open and Hannah came back in, grinning broadly. 'Bloody brilliant,' she chuckled. 'He looks like a giant bat.'  
Addy's brow knitted. 'How's that different than normal then?'  
Hannah laughed harder. 'You'll just have to go see it for yourself.'  
Addy frowned, and Alice shrugged. The three of them got up and left the compartment, moving toward the high-pitched screeching still coming from Lily. 'Oh, Godric!' Alice laughed.  
'Alright,' Addy sniggered. 'That is pretty brilliant.'  
'He looks right at home up there doesn't he?' Hannah added.  
'Yeah. Too bad Evans is getting him down.' They all laughed and went back to their compartment. They spent the rest of the train ride eating their sweets and chatting and laughing.

Despite seeing Darcy, and pretending she didn't, the welcoming feast was as great as always, and Addy clapped on the Gryffindor firsties with the rest of her house. She resolved to spend a majority of her time around Alice. She was the big sister Addy wished she'd had. And Hannah wasn't too bad either.  
Next day, in Charms, for the beginning of that year, Addy sat awkwardly amongst the other Gryffindor fourth years, listening half-heartedly as Professor Flitwick prattled on about the expectations for that year, and trying to pretend like it didn't bother her being around Darcy and the other Ravenclaws and act as though they didn't even know each other.  
As Addy was leaving the greenhouses later that day, a somewhat familiar voice called out to her. She stopped and turned around to find Sam Gardener jogging up the lawns toward her. Arnie shuffled along behind him. Most of the other Hufflepuffs shuffled past. John shot her, what she assumed was supposed to be, an apologetic smile.  
'Hey, Addy. Can I talk to you?'   
She glanced around, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead. 'Er...sure Sam,' she nodded.  
'I'll catch up to you at lunch Arnie?' he smiled.  
'Sure thing, Sam. Addy,' he nodded to her. She smiled tightly in response.   
'Listen,' Sam said, scratching the back of his neck. 'I heard about what happened the end of last year.' She frowned at the ground. 'I just want you to know, I...' Addy looked up at him and he glanced at her nervously. 'I think it's shite, and I... I just. I don't agree. And I hope you and I can still be mates.'  
Addy smiled, feeling her cheeks heat up. 'I'd like that,' she nodded.  
Sam smiled. 'Great! That's great. I'll, uh...I'll see you around then?'  
She nodded again. 'Yeah.'

That night when Addy was sat in a corner of the common room with Alice and Hannah, she noticed Remus walk in, looking haggard. He was greeted by his three friends with woops and laughter and claps on the back. He had gotten taller over the summer, and Addy was thinking how fit he looked. He looked over at Addy suddenly, making eye contact, and shot her a small smile. She was torn between averting her eyes quickly, since she had been caught in the act of staring at him or waving and greeting him properly like she wanted. She settled for smiling back before she looked away, as she could tell she was blushing furiously. Alice caught Addy out, and turned round to see why she had gone weird. She turned back, quirking a brow at Addy, who shook her head in answer, and Alice smiled back knowingly. Addy would never let herself fancy him, as she knew none of that lot would ever fancy her, but she could allow herself to eye him up from time to time. There was certainly no harm in that.  
‘Remus, mate, your early!’ James said, clapping him on the back.  
‘Yeah, James said you weren’t coming until tomorrow,’ Sirius grinned.  
Remus glanced across the common room, smiling when he found Addy watching him. And was that a blush he detected? ‘A wizard is never early,’ Remus said distractedly. ‘Nor is he late. He arrives precisely when he means to.’  
Sirius looked around to follow Remus’s gaze, finding Addy blushing deeply and shaking her head at Alice.  
James laughed heartily. ‘Well there’s a corker. I’ll have to remember that one.’  
‘You keen on Nott now, Remus?’ Sirius asked casually, quirking a brow in question.  
‘What are you on about?’ Remus said dismissively.  
‘I thought it was Dara?’ James said, waggling his eyebrows teasingly.  
‘Oh, shove off!’ Sirius laughed.   
‘What’s this?’ Remus said, looking between the two.  
‘Nothing,’ Sirius waved him away.   
‘Apparently Sirius here refers to Nott as Dara now,’ said James, grinning and hitching his thumb in Sirius’s direction.  
‘Oh, really?’ Remus laughed. ‘Afraid you might have some competition then?’  
Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘No, it’s just what I used to call her. Besides, it’s not much of a competition,’ he said, smirking.  
James laughed loudly. ‘Arrogant much?’  
‘Hark, who’s talking?’ Sirius shot back easily.  
Remus chuckled. ‘Any roads, she didn’t seem to agree with your assessment last year, did she?’  
Sirius scowled moodily, and James laughed. ‘Yeah, what was that she said? You have an arseface?’  
‘Ha ha,’ Sirius said dryly as the three dissolved into sniggers around him. 

A few days later in the first Ancient Runes class of the year, Addy approached Patricia Tennenbaum's desk tentatively. 'Erm...'lo Trish. Mind if I sit with you again?'  
Trish looked up and smiled. She was a shorter girl with brown hair, deep blue eyes, and a bit of a unibrow. Addy didn't consider herself to be vain, but she gathered this girl put her studies above all else, which she found surprising for a Hufflepuff. 'Not at all.' She gestured toward the empty chair next to her. Addy sat in the empty seat and they chatted idly before class started, the usual small talk that both served to annoy her and make her uncomfortable. Although, Trish seemed to have an easy way about her that put Addy at ease. She didn't make her feel the usual intimidation she was want to feel around other people.  
'How are finding Ancient Runes?’ Trish asked.  
'Really well, actually,' Addy said. 'I find it fascinating. It's like being able to talk in our own secret language.'  
Trish looked back at her curiously for a moment. 'You know, I never thought of it like that. I quite agree.' She paused. 'How are you getting on in your other classes?'  
Addy shrugged. 'I do alright. Mostly O's and E's. Couple A's.'  
Trish nodded. 'What are your A's in?'  
'Herbology and Defense. I have a bit of trouble remembering all that bloody plant information. And the Defense Professor didn't like me last year,' Addy frowned.  
Trish frowned too. 'Yes, I heard about that...but we should study together. Every now and then. Effie and I are going to be in the library Friday after classed. You should join us. We're no Ravenclaws, but we're pretty decent at Herbology.'  
Addy nodded slowly. 'I might do.' It couldn't hurt to have a study partner, or two, she reasoned, if Effie was going to be there too. So, she did show up to the library on Friday, though it was with hesitation, and a sick feeling in her stomach. It wasn't easy for her to put herself out there.

Addy found Trish and Effie at a table in the back of the library near the restricted section, various books and parchment spread about them like they were researching some sort or experiment. Addy had taken to sitting with Effie again in Muggle Studies this year, though they still weren't close in any sort. Effie had blue eyes and light brown hair; she was also short and, er...plump, and the Slytherins would often poke fun at her. Addy was sure she had seen Effie crying in the loo. To the point she wondered if Effie was vying to take the position of the next Moaning Myrtle. 'Hullo...' Addy said quietly, sitting her bag down. 'Just got done with Transfiguration. You two been here long?'  
Effie glanced down at her watch before looking up at Addy. 'Only about twenty minutes.' She immediately looked back to her parchment and Addy's eyes widened. They certainly didn't waste any time.  
Addy did pretty decent in most of her studies, with the potential to be brilliant, though she tended to have trouble focusing long enough to revise well enough, and usually left things until the last minute. As it was, she still managed proficient marks.  
Addy sat in a chair opposite Trish on the corner, with Effie sitting on the same side but the other end to Trish. They looked to be working on separate things, so Addy pulled out her Transfiguration essay that was set for Wednesday, though twenty minutes in she found she was still alternatively reading the same sentence over and over and looking longingly out the window at the quidditch pitch. The sky was clear, the temperature mild, and she could see a few figures circling, seemingly passing a quaffle. Why had she agreed to meet here? It was a bloody Friday. And she had ages to finish that work. It was the first thing due and it wasn't even due until Wednesday. She could do it Tuesday night...Addy was just preparing her excuse to escape when Trish spoke, snapping her back to present. 'I'm done with this now, if you want to work on Herbology?'  
Addy shook her head, trying to focus back on the library. 'Er...yeah, sure. That'd be great.'  
'Brilliant! Effie has some really helpful ways of remembering all the information.' Effie nodded earnestly in confirmation. Trish pulled out her copy of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi. Cut to an hour later and they were all calling it a night as all three of their stomachs were grumbling in protest. They walked to the Great Hall together and parted ways at the door to get to their separate house tables. Addy made a beeline for Alice and Hannah.  
'Where've you been?' Alice asked, noting Addy's apparent bored expression.  
'Library,' she grunted.  
'Whatever for?' Alice smirked.  
Addy groaned. 'I'm trying, ok?' Alice shrugged. 'But any roads, I'm dying to get out on the pitch. Fancy having a fly?' Alice grinned.  
Hannah frowned. 'I'll just catch you in the common room then, yeah?'  
Alice nodded. 'We shouldn't go too long.' Addy grabbed a Cornish pasty as she stood and headed out through the giant oak front doors with Alice. 'So, what were you doing in the library? On a Friday no less.'  
Addy shrugged. 'Thought it couldn't hurt to have a few extra study partners. Especially as they're Hufflepuffs. They were helping me with Herbology. S'not my best subject.'  
'Still...Friday evening? I thought you were more fun than that,' Alice joked, poking Addy in the side.   
Addy chuckled. 'Alright, I concede, that part was rather ridiculous, but I didn't plan it, I was merely invited.'  
'Alright then, I suppose I'll forgive you this one time.'  
'Oh, thank Merlin!' Addy said dramatically, making Alice chuckled. They grabbed their brooms from the locker room, and spent the next hour flying round the pitch. There's nothing quite like feeling the wind in your hair, being high above the ground. It's absolutely delicious.  
A few weeks later was the trials for the Gryffindor quidditch team. With Frank and Allan gone, they had two spots open that year. Henry Wood was the new captain, and he had asked the current members to meet up fifteen minutes early, and be present for the entire try-outs, so they could give their opinions. He felt it would help him make the best decisions for the team. Addy stood on the end next to Alice, James on her other side, with Wood in the middle, Laurence on his other side. There were four people trying out for chaser that year, including two fifth year boys that had been there the year prior, a third-year girl, and Marlene McKinnon. It looked as if there were five trying out for beater, all boys, including one Sirius Black. After roughly three hours, Wood had it narrowed down, but paused to ask the rest of their opinions. 'I dunno why you're askin me,' Addy said when he'd looked to her. 'I'm the seeker. I'm not really part of this dynamic. I'm off doin my own thing...'  
'Because you're a part of this team and I asked for your bloody opinion, so just do as your captain asks and answer the sodding question Adhara!'  
Addy smirked at him. 'Alright, Henry, don't get your wand in a knot.' He quirked a brow. 'Clafkin's a solid flier and a decent shot with the quaffle, but he didn't really seem to work well with Alice and Potter. Carmichael seems to be too thick to fly and shoot at the same time. Jones is a good flier, not so good a shot. McKinnon outflew them all, she's a good shot, and with a bit of work, she may even be as good as Alice and Potter. And she seemed to work with them the best, so I think she's your best bet for chaser. That third year...'  
'Owens,' Steve supplied.  
'Owens, right. Shoddy flier. Pitts can't bloody well aim the damn bludger. And Martin and Morriarti seem like they've already taken too many bludgers to the head. Black's a solid flier, strong hitter, and has the best aim. Plus, he seemed to work the best with Laurence.' Steve nodded affirmation. Wood smirked at Addy and she quirked a brow questioningly.  
He shook his head. 'Alright then. Sounds like the vote's unanimous.' Their circle broke and Wood turned to address the hopefuls clumped at the edge of the pitch. 'Alright, you lot! We've made a decision. Marlene McKinnon will be joining out chasers, and Sirius Black will be our second beater.' Morriarti swore loudly and stalked off the pitch. Carmichael threw his broom down angrily. A few others gave out groans. Marlene looked to be suppressing a squeal as she did a little dance before jogging over to Mary, who had apparently been cheering her on in the stands. James and Sirius whooped and slapped each other's backs and were soon joined by Remus and Peter. Addy left the pitch with Alice in search of ice cream in the kitchens.  
The next morning Addy was sat with Alice at breakfast, when a small, raven-haired, first year girl came and sat opposite her with wide eyes. 'I saw your trials yesterday,' she said excitedly.  
'Mm,' Addy smiled and reached for the pumpkin juice, pouring herself a glass.  
'Did you?' Alice asked politely. Marlene turned her head, tuning in to the conversation like she could smell something good coming. She was sat opposite and one seat over with Lily next to her; Mary was now on the other side of the first year.  
'I did!' She squealed. Addy's eyes widened, and she glanced at Marlene, who was now thoroughly enjoying herself, while Addy picked up her goblet. 'It's brilliant. We just started flying lessons last week. I'm muggleborn, so it was my first time on a broom,' she beamed.  
'Oh?' Addy said, trying to sound interested.  
'And how did you find it?' Alice asked.  
'It's brilliant!' She said loudly, causing Addy to start. Marlene smirked. 'I can't wait to fly more. I hope I can get as good as you lot. Maybe in a few years, I can try out!'  
Addy smiled. 'Maybe.'  
'Liked it that much, did you?' Alice said. 'D'you know what position you'd try for? Which one is your favorite?'  
'I think I like yours,' she said, staring at Addy earnestly. 'What is it you play? Soaker?'  
Addy smiled. 'Seeker,' she said, before she took a drink of pumpkin juice.  
'And you catch the snatch?' Marlene snorted with laughter as Addy choked on her juice. Alice thumped her on the back.  
‘Yeah, Addy, do you catch a lot of snatch?’ Marlene sniggered.  
‘Fuck you,’ Addy wheezed.   
The first year’s eyes grew wide.  
Lily huffed. ‘Language Addy!’  
‘No thanks,’ Marlene grinned. ‘I don’t catch snatch.’  
Addy couldn't help but laugh. 'No, I don't catch snatch,' she said to the first year.  
A few familiar boys who were walking past on their way down the table paused.  
'Good to know,' said James.  
Remus smiled, while Sirius and Peter sniggered.  
Addy rolled her eyes. 'I catch the snitch,' she went on. 'It's called a snitch.'   
Alice finally broke, the laughter she had been suppressing bubbling forth as her shoulders shook violently. Addy grinned and shook her head. 'You're the worst,' she said, before she went back to eating her bacon.

A few weeks later, at the beginning of October, as Addy was leaving Ancient Runes, and slowly trailing down the corridor, William Harrington, a Ravenclaw, stopped her, and she looked at him expectantly. 'Hey, uh, Adhara...'  
'Addy,' she interrupted him.  
'Addy, right,' he nodded. 'I'm Will.'  
'I know who you are...'  
He grinned. He wasn't much taller than her, maybe a few centimeters, and he had sandy hair and green eyes, and a thin build. 'Great,' Will said. 'That's great. Um...' He glanced around nervously, so she did too. 'Hogsmeade,' he said, his voice raising on the end as if it were a question.  
'Hogsmeade?' Addy said slowly. His cheeks flushed, and she smiled, which seemed to give him courage.  
'There's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend, and I wanted to know if you'd go with me,' he said quickly.  
'Oh.' He looked at her expectantly, chewing his bottom lip. She scratched the back of her neck, giving him a once over. She didn't know him very well at that point, but what she did know she liked. He seemed bright, and nice, and funny; and he was pretty fit. 'Er, ok,' she said quietly.  
'Ok?' Addy nodded, and when Will grinned broadly, she found herself smiling back. 'Brilliant!' Instead of scurrying away, as others had done, he fell into step with her, and they chatted all the way to the Great Hall. Over the next few weeks he continued to pop up and would walk with her to classes or quidditch practice or whatever, and after a few days had started to take her hand. It felt strange at first, but she grew to tolerate it once she was used to it. On the Saturday of Hogsmeade Will asked Addy to be his girlfriend and she said ok. It was nice at first, and she thought she really started to fancy him, but he would often try to kiss her in front of people. She didn't have much free time, although they did manage a few detours into broom cupboards to snog, he seemed overly bothered by her refusal to do so in front of others, and after about a month, he had found someone else, who would. Addy was a little angry that he would be that petty, although she certainly didn't shed any tears over the end of that relationship. It had turned out that he really wasn't as nice as she had thought.   
In early December, after the first quidditch practice the Gryffindors had after Will had broken up with Addy, Alice decided ice cream was needed, even though Addy told her otherwise (she would have rather had firewhiskey); so, they went to the kitchens. Marlene decided to tag along, as she was sometimes want to do; since joining the quidditch team they had hung out more often. With Alice there as a buffer (she was much more outgoing than Addy), she didn't feel quite so awkward around Marlene. 'Honestly Alice, ice cream really isn't necessary, I'm not wallowing.'  
'But you said you could use a drink, and this is the best we can do.'  
Addy frowned. 'But that's always true...'  
'What is?'  
'That I could use a drink.'  
'I think we could get butterbeer,' Marlene interjected.  
Addy paused, a spoonful of chocolate and raspberry ice cream halfway to her mouth, with raised eyebrows. Marlene smiled and called a house elf over. 'Can we get some butterbeer too?'  
'Certainly misses.' The house elf scurried off and came back seconds later with three butterbeers.  
'So, what're we drinkin to?' Marlene asked as she held up her bottle.  
'To silly boys being cocks,' Addy held her bottle up too and Marlene sniggered. 'And being better off without 'em.'  
'Oi, not all boys are cocks!' Alice said with mock indignation.  
Addy chuckled. 'Mind, I said silly boys.'  
'Besides,' Marlene added, 'Frank's not a boy, he's a man.'  
'Fair point,' Alice said, raising her bottle.   
'Cheers,' they said, clinking their bottles together. As they all took large swigs of their butterbeer, there was a loud laugh from the entrance to the kitchens, and Addy turned round to see four familiar boys entering. They paused upon seeing the girls.  
'Speak of the devils,' Marlene muttered from her spot opposite. Alice and Addy sniggered. James smirked, Remus smiled, Sirius frowned, and Peter squeaked. What was with that boy?  
They sauntered over to the table the girls were sat at and plopped themselves down around them. 'What are you lot doing here?' James asked.  
Addy grinned. 'Toasting my freedom.'  
'Hear, hear!' Marlene clinked her bottle to Addy's again.  
Remus smiled. 'I didn't know you knew where the kitchens were.'  
Addy smiled back at him. 'I'm told I'm full of surprises,' she said with a shrug.  
'I suppose you are,' he said, his eyebrows raised. About that time a house elf came over and James placed their 'order' of various treats. Addy noticed then that Sirius was being rather quiet and staring sullenly at the table, so she nudged him with her toe under the table.  
'Why so serious?' Marlene snorted with laughter, causing Addy to chuckle. Sirius scowled back at her and remained quiet while his mates seemed to be suppressing smiles; they continued their chatter as the house elf brought back their treats.  
'Did you come here straight from practice?' James asked.  
'Whatever gave you that idea?' Marlene deadpanned.  
'You're still wearing your practice kits,' Peter offered.  
Addy couldn't help but smile. 'Didn't realize we'd have anyone to impress in the kitchen. We'll put on our dress robes next time.'  
Remus chuckled. 'I think you still look fine.'  
'Oh, we look fine.'  
'Don't think we smell so fine, do we?' Marlene said, raising her arm and pushing her armpit toward Remus's nose. Remus leaned away with a yelp, trying to push Marlene back. Everyone laughed. Everyone except Sirius. Sirius stabbed moodily at his food with a fork. Addy pulled out her wand, muttered 'lumos,' and proceeded to poke him with it from across the table. He stopped his stabbing and glanced at her wand, then looked over at her blankly.   
'What are you doing?'  
'Trying to get you to lighten the fuck up,' Addy said, smiling sweetly. Marlene laughed loudly. James and Remus froze, and Peter looked apprehensive. Sirius's eyes flashed before his face became impassive. Shite. Addy knew that look. She had worn it herself a tidy few times. He slapped his fork down on the table and wordlessly stood up and left the kitchen. Silence ensued. Fuck, fuck, fuck.  
Addy jumped up from the table herself and quickly followed him into the corridor. 'Sirius!' She saw his shoulders tense and he seemed to quicken his pace. 'Sirius, please! Wait up! I'm sorry!' He stopped suddenly but didn't turn round, and Addy hurried around to stand in front of him. He was breathing deeply and staring at the ground. 'Look, I'm sorry. I was only taking the mick, I didn't mean to upset you.'  
Sirius looked up at her slowly, his jaw clenched. 'You didn't.'  
Yeah. Right. Because these are the actions of someone who's calm. 'What's wrong? You've just got your wand in a knot for no reason?'  
His eyes narrowed. 'You wouldn't understand.'  
She quirked a brow. 'Try me.'  
Sirius took another deep breath, staring blankly at her, seeming to consider her. Addy crossed her arms over her chest, waiting. 'I got a letter from home,' he said finally.  
Addy frowned. 'Oh...' She uncrossed her arms. 'Was it...one of those letters?' He shot her a confused look. 'You know, the 'You're such a disappointment, you've brought shame to our family, blah blah blah...'’  
He smiled sadly. 'Something like that,' he said quietly.  
Addy nodded. 'I'm sorry. Those are hard to get. They usually put me in a strop too.'  
Sirius frowned. 'You get letters like that?'  
'All the time,' she nodded. 'Did you not notice we've been in the same boat this whole time?'  
His expression softened, and he gave her a small smile. 'Yeah, I suppose we are, aren't we?'  
Addy nodded again. 'Shame all we have to remedy the situation is butterbeer and ice cream.'  
Sirius smirked. 'I have some firewhiskey.'  
Her eyes went wide. 'And why did you come to the kitchen then?'  
He shrugged. 'That lot convinced me to.'  
Addy waved her hand. 'Well forget about them then. Let's go have a proper drink, yeah?'  
Sirius smiled, shaking his head. 'Yeah, why not?'  
'Exactly,' she grinned. They headed toward Gryffindor Tower, walking in companionable silence for a while. 'So, did you do something specific to warrant this love letter, or does she just send them at random?'  
Sirius looked at Addy sideways. 'She?'  
'Your mother. S'pose I shouldn't assume. S'my mother usually sends me letters. She does most of the yelling and slapping, though it's my father I have to worry about. Baubles,' she said to the fat lady. The portrait swung open and they climbed through the hole into the common room.  
'You're worried about your father?' Sirius questioned, when they reached the stairs leading to the boys' dorms.  
'Mm,' Addy hummed in response. 'He's the one that punishes me.' They continued on in silence into his room. Addy's nose scrunched in protest of the smell when they entered. Sirius crossed to what Addy assumed was his four-poster, and rummaged underneath it for a moment, finally emerging with a half empty bottle of firewhiskey. Addy quirked a brow in question.  
Sirius shrugged. 'It was like this when I took it.'  
'Half empty?'  
'I prefer to think of it as half full.' She rolled her eyes. He sat against the wall on the floor near his bed and Addy crossed the room and sat next to him as he opened the bottle and took a large gulp. Sirius passed her the bottle and began talking quietly as she took a few small swigs. The burning wouldn't allow Addy to gulp it as Sirius had done. 'It was my mother sent then the letter.' Addy turned her head toward him. 'She was basically summing up my misdeeds for the term. Joining the quidditch team. Beating Slytherin. Getting owls sent home for detention. Setting up a skating ring on the fifth floor.'  
Addy laughed out loud. 'I thought that was you lot. That was bloody brilliant.'  
Sirius smiled wryly. 'Course my mother doesn't think so.'  
She waved at him lazily. 'Yeah, what does she know anyway? She's no sense of humor, just like my mother. They're terribly dull, the lot of them.' He turned his head toward her and smiled while seeming to debate something internally. She sipped the firewhiskey and watched him patiently. Finally, he seemed to work up some courage.  
'Dara?'  
She smiled. 'Hmm?'  
'Why are you worried about your father?' The smile slipped off Addy's face and she looked down at the bottle in her hands. She hadn't been expecting that. 'You don't have to answer that if you don't want to,' Sirius said quietly.  
Addy paused, debating how much she wanted to divulge, but in the end, she decided she could tell him. She could trust him, because he would understand. She looked back up at Sirius; he was chewing his lip, watching her quietly, waiting. 'When we were eight,' she said quietly, 'I became mates with a muggle boy at the park. My governess was old, and she would fall asleep on the bench, so I guess she didn't know to scold me, and I didn't know...there was anything wrong with it...' She sighed. 'Aludra didn't usually go, she didn't like to get dirty, but then one day she did.... when she saw me playing with him...' Addy shook her head, closing her eyes. 'Of course, she told on me. She's their perfect little puppet. She would never do anything against their wishes. And apparently felt it was her. Duty. To prevent me from 'misbehaving.' My mother never said anything. She only frowned at me. That right there should have tipped me off. She's usually screaming at me. It's dangerous when she's quiet… any roads, my father pulled me into his study...and he cursed me.'  
It was quiet for a moment, then Sirius said, 'he...cursed you?' Addy nodded. 'How...w-what kind of curse?'  
She shrugged. 'His own creation. Some sort of burning curse.'  
'Burn? Where...?' Addy set the bottle down and turned toward Sirius, pulling her jumper up to reveal the gnarled scar across her right ribcage. Seemingly without thinking, he reached a hand up to her side and ran his thumb over the discolored flesh. A shiver ran down her spine and her breath caught in her throat. Well that was certainly different. She looked up at him and he held her gaze. It seemed almost as if time stood still, then just like that, the spell was broken when the door swung open suddenly. Sirius's hand dropped, and Addy let her jumper fall back down as both their heads snapped to the door. James, Remus, and Peter stopped, surveying the room curiously. James quirked a brow, Peter's eyes widened, and Remus smirked. What was that about? Addy's brow knitted in confusion.   
'We wondered where you two got to,' Remus said casually.  
James looked between them, eyes narrowed. 'What were you two doing?'  
Addy stood, wiping imaginary dirt from her trousers. 'Just talking about our shitty families,' she smiled and looked back down at Sirius. 'Thanks for the drink.'  
He nodded. 'You don't have to leave.'  
'No, no, it's fine. It's getting late, and I still have to finish that essay for potions that's due tomorrow.' Sirius grimaced and James cursed softly. 'Seems like I'm not alone there,' she smiled. 'I'll see you lot tomorrow.' She waved as she crossed the room and was met with a few grunts in farewell before she closed the door behind her, sighing deeply.  
'She has no idea you fancy her, does she?' Remus said once Addy's footsteps could be heard retreating down the stairs.  
'I don't fancy her.'  
'Come off it!' James laughed.  
'I don't fancy her! I don't fancy anyone. She's just...'  
'Fit?' Peter pipped up.  
Sirius scowled at him. 'I was going to say, my mate.'  
'She is fit though,' Remus said, laughing when Sirius threw a pillow at his head.  
Next day Addy was meeting up with Sam after dinner. They would still talk during Herbology, the only class they had together, and when they would bump into each other elsewhere, as well as get together every few weeks. He had also made the Hufflepuff quidditch team, as a chaser, and they would usually go out to the pitch, either to fly, or sometimes they would go under the stands to smoke. Sometimes John would come along, which Addy didn't mind. He had never really wronged her, per say, and he was a decent bloke. Plus, half the time he was the one with the supply. That night however, it was just the two of them that were sat underneath the far stands, smoking and talking quietly. Sam was becoming one of Addy's closest mates, aside from Alice. He was good about listening but would still tell her all about himself as well. He told her of how both his parents were muggleborn and had gone to Hogwarts and were both in Hufflepuff, how he was an only child and growing up his dad was his best friend; they would take flights together and he taught him how to play quidditch when he was young. He talked about how his favorite subject was Herbology and he wanted to be a Herbologist. Sam made Addy feel so comfortable, they could probably just sit like that and talk for hours; of course, the thing they were smoking probably didn't hurt. And it certainly didn't hurt that Addy thought he was beautiful with his light brown hair and dark brown eyes, and chiseled cheekbones, and was still harboring a secret fancy for him, so she could really just sit and stare at him for hours. And listen to him talk with that beautiful Scottish accent. She thought everything about him was beautiful really.


	6. Just looking for that little spark...

Christmas Holiday was quickly upon them, and soon Addy was holed away at Nott Manor, attempting to avoid the horrible people she was unlucky enough to call her family. That year the society gathering was to be held at their place, so Addy unfortunately had to make more of an appearance and greet the guests. She was sure she had to suppress the urge to chunder no less than ten times that night. Once dinner was over, Addy was attempting to make her quiet exit when both Avery and Mulciber cornered her together. She had managed to mostly avoid them so far that year, and apparently her luck had run out. They proceeded to croon and touch her, muttering vulgarities at her. 'Let me go, please,' she said quietly.  
'Not until you agree to dance with me,' Avery said as he caressed her cheek, causing her to wince as if he had struck her.  
'I think it's time you let the lady go.' Addy looked up to see Sirius standing behind them. She was too upset by that point to feel any sort of relief.  
'She hardly qualifies as a lady,' Mulciber scoffed.  
'This doesn't concern you, Black,' Avery said, not bothering to turn around.   
Sirius looked at her, his eyes searching hers, as she struggled to steady her breathing. He cut between Avery and Mulciber and grabbed her hand. 'Dance with me?' he asked, tugging her forward.  
'Ok,' Addy said shakily.  
He held her closer than usual, and she crumbled into his embrace, trying to stop herself shaking. 'Are you alright?' he asked after a while.  
'Yeah...I think so,' she said quietly. 'Thank you,' she looked up at him finally and he smiled.  
'No problem.' He glanced around. 'Wanna get out of here?'  
She exhaled deeply. 'Yes, please.'  
They swiped a bottle of firewhiskey on the way past the drinks table before they completed a circle round the room and deftly waltzed out the door of the ballroom into the hall beyond. They snuck up to Addy's room and settled themselves on the terrace. 'What was that about?' Sirius asked as she gulped down the firewhiskey, ignoring the burning in her throat. He looked at her with wide eyes when she finally handed him the bottle.   
Addy shrugged, and he took the bottle from her hand. 'They like to bother me. They always have. Last year Avery told me he'd make me his...' She frowned, taking the bottle back and drinking again.  
'They're prats,' he said, taking the bottle again.  
Addy shook her head. 'They're arseholes. They're...dickheads. They're...' She groaned in frustration.  
'Yes, exactly,' Sirius said.  
Addy smirked at him. 'You know for a while there you were a bit of a prat yourself?' He quirked a brow at her. 'Actually, you're still a bit of a prat sometimes.' He scoffed. 'I mean that in the most endearing way possible,' she said with a grin.  
'The highest form of praise, really.' He smirked, then frowned. 'That's why Sharon said she was breaking up with me.'  
Addy looked up at the starry sky above them. 'Oh, that's right. I'd forgotten you went with her...she broke up with you?' She turned to look at him and he shrugged, not looking particularly bothered.   
'Said I was an immature prat.'  
'Ah. That's why Will broke up with me,' Addy nodded.  
'Because you're an immature prat?'  
'No, because he's an immature prat.'  
'He said he was breaking up with you because he's an immature prat?'  
'Not in so many words.'  
'Huh?'  
'Subtitles.'  
'Subtitles?'  
Addy sighed. 'He didn't actually give me a reason. But it always seemed to bother him that I didn't want to snog him in front of people. Apparently doing it in private wasn't good enough, so he broke up with me,' she shrugged. 'Because he's an immature prat.'  
'Are you sure that's why if he didn't tell you a reason?'  
'Well since he immediately moved on with someone who would snog him in public, and I'm pretty sure he didn't even wait to break up with me before he moved on, and he always complained about it...'  
Sirius was quiet for a moment. 'You're right. He is an immature prat.'  
Addy smiled. 'Thank you.'  
'Snogging you in private would be good enough,' he mumbled, and she felt her cheeks burn. 'Unless you're a rubbish snog, in which case he wouldn't have wanted to snog you in public at all...'  
'I am not a rubbish snog!'  
'How would you know?'  
Addy huffed. 'Maybe you're a rubbish snog.'  
'I am not.'  
'How would you know?' she said mockingly.  
'I've been told I'm an excellent snog!'  
'Yeah? By what, one person?' His mouth opened and closed a few times and she sniggered at how ridiculous he looked. 'Excuse me if I don't take your word for it-'  
He cut her off by quickly pushing his lips to hers. She was so surprised she started, pulling back with wide eyes. He looked back at her nervously, searching her face. The empty bottle of firewhiskey sat next to them. They were both pissed at that point. Addy decided she didn't care in a split second before she kissed him again. His lips were soft, and he tasted of the firewhiskey they had drank. He smelled like cinnamon and his touch felt electric as he held her face in his hands, then wrapped his arms around her waist, up her back. She ran her fingers through his soft hair, then wrapped her arms around his neck. He was right. He was an excellent snog. Once they ran out of air, they seemed to decide mutually they should come up for it. They finally pulled apart, breathing heavily. Sirius smirked back at Addy and she chuckled at how ridiculous he looked again with his hair at odd angles, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen. He looked a right state. Addy was sure she didn’t look any better.  
'Well?'  
Addy suppressed a smile. 'Alright. I concede the point.'  
Sirius grinned triumphantly. 'I told you.' She quirked a brow at him. He bit his bottom lip and his gaze traveled to hers. 'You're not so bad either.'  
Addy smirked. 'Gee, thanks.' He chuckled and ruffled her hair, making her laugh.  
Something had sparked inside Sirius when he had kissed Dara. Something he wasn’t so sure he could name or was entirely ready to deal with. Why did she have to be so…? Ergh. He needed to get her out of his head. He needed to find someone else to snog to distract him, and he needed to distance himself from her, to forget about her for a while.   
Back at Hogwarts, nothing had changed, and a few weeks later Sirius started dating Claire 'something French' from Ravenclaw. Addy wasn’t surprised, but he had gone back to mostly ignoring her, which honestly had her a bit miffed with him. She had thought they were at least friends by that point.  
When Addy woke up on her birthday that year, it was to find no gifts at the end of her bed. She was none too fussed, as she had gone to Hogsmeade the day before with Alice and Marlene. At breakfast she received a customary note from her mother wishing her a happy birthday in her own way and stating Addy was free to buy what she wanted for her birthday, which was nice, but then she went on to say that as she was now fifteen they had started the process of picking a suitable match for her arranged marriage. Her vision blurred to the point she could no longer read, and her hands shook suddenly. Addy found it hard to breath and felt trapped. She had to get out. She needed air.  
Instinct must have kicked in, since a moment later a sharp wind snapped Addy back to present where she was sat on the front steps of the castle. She looked down at the letter still clutched in her left hand. She smoothed it out and as she finished reading her blood began to boil. She knew Aludra was in for an arranged marriage, but she would have thought that her behavior up to that point would have led them to the conclusion that she was not interested in following that same path. But here they were, trying to sell her off to the highest bidder like livestock. At that point, why did they even bother? Didn't they realize she would never follow through with something like that? She supposed they would have had to have known her. And they clearly didn't know her at all. They had made sure of that. They didn't care about knowing her, knowing what she did and didn't like. They only cared about maintaining their image. Tradition. Doing what was expected of them. What had always been done.   
Addy was so filled with rage she wanted to scream and pull at her hair and write back to her parents that they could go to hell. She settled for ripping the letter to pieces and running to the pitch and taking to the air. She flew faster and higher than she had ever before and allowed herself to do something she rarely did: cry. Addy cried the bitter tears of hurt and anger and frustration that had been building in her for so long, reasoning if anyone saw her tears she could blame it on the cold and wind. Though if she were being honest, she couldn't have held it in any longer at that point, even if she had tried. When she finally came down a few hours later she only felt marginally better. She splashed some cold water on her face and trudged back to the castle with a stony expression to drink firewhiskey from the confines of her four-poster.   
Addy was in a strop for the next few weeks, being cross with anyone and everyone. She even scoffed at the few Valentines she received and quickly chucked them in the bin. She was in no mood for romance.   
Claire had done nothing to distract Sirius. No, her blonde hair and blue eyes had been a poor replacement, and if anything, he had only thought of Dara more. Where Dara had been an excellent snog, Claire hadn’t been, and Sirius just found himself annoyed by her, and had dumped her in roughly a week. What he needed was a bird that was nearly, if not completely, the opposite of Dara. Maybe that would serve to distract him…  
‘Hello, Mary,’ Sirius said, sitting next to her on a couch in the common room and giving her his most winning smile. ‘How was your day?’  
Mary looked up from her Charms text at him blankly. ‘Fine…’  
‘So, Mary,’ Sirius went on. ‘Valentine’s Day is coming up.’  
‘No,’ Mary said, looking back down at her book.  
‘What?’  
‘No, Sirius.’  
‘But I didn’t even ask you anything yet.’  
‘Fine,’ Mary said in a bored tone, looking up at him again. ‘What do you want.’  
‘I thought it might be nice if we spent some time together, maybe. Would you be my Valentine?’ he said, batting his eyelashes at her.  
‘No, thank you,’ Mary said, looking back down at her book.  
‘What? Why not?’  
‘You’re not really my type,’ Mary said carefully.  
‘Rubbish, I’m everyone’s type. I’m charming!’  
Mary snorted quietly. ‘Trust me. You are not my type.’  
Sirius sighed heavily. ‘Fine,’ he said moodily, then he looked towards the portrait hole as Alice climbed through, with Marlene and Dara behind her. Dara wore the same blank expression she’d done since her birthday. Sirius had seen her get a letter from home. She’d risen from the breakfast table then and stormed out of doors and had taken to the air for hours. Now she continued up the stairs while Alice went over to Frank and Marlene approached Mary and Sirius on the couch. Sirius gave Marlene a once over. She was beautiful, to be sure, and he knew she’d been keen on him for a while. ‘Marlene. Hello,’ he said, giving her his most charming smile.   
Marlene stopped in front of Sirius and flashed him a coy smile, looking him over. ‘Sirius.’  
Mary looked up with a smirk that Sirius chose to ignore. ‘What say you be my Valentine?’  
Marlene cocked her head to the side. ‘What? Really?’  
‘Course,’ Sirius laughed.  
Marlene grinned suddenly. ‘Ok,’ she said brightly.  
‘Brilliant,’ Sirius said, though he felt the slightest bit guilty. But he pushed that feeling to the back of his mind. He had nothing to feel guilty about. Marlene was brilliant and beautiful, and she fancied him. He could have fun with her, which was what he was looking for; and everyone deserved a bit of fun on Valentine’s. Even Sirius.   
‘Morning, Marls,’ Sirius said, plopping down on the bench beside her next morning for breakfast.   
‘Good morning. Valentine,’ Marlene purred, snaking her arm around his waist to give him a side hug.   
Sirius managed to return the embrace and gave a tight smile as he glanced across the table, then he sniggered. ‘What’s wrong Nott, not get enough Valentine’s?’  
Addy turned her scowl from the card in her hand to him. ‘No, Black,’ she said pointedly. ‘I’m just not a fan of Valentine’s.’ She chucked the card on top of the others and went back to picking at her food with a disgruntled expression.  
‘What do you have against the most romantic day of the year?’ Marlene said, chuckling.   
‘Is it just that you don’t have a proper Valentine in that pile? Bit miffed that you’re single?’ Sirius added.  
Addy rolled her eyes. ‘Romance,’ she scoffed. ‘I’m not a fan of that type of romance.’  
‘How do you mean?’ Marlene queried.   
‘I mean, the soppy, superficial, commercial type of romance. The frilly, pink, Madam Puddifoot’s type of romance.’  
‘You don’t like all that stuff?’ Sirius asked.  
‘Not in the slightest. Besides, I’d much rather be single right now,’ she said, a dark look in her eyes.  
Sirius frowned.  
‘Well aren’t you just a ray of sunshine,’ Marlene laughed.   
Addy smirked. ‘Sorry. Don’t let me damper your day. I’ll just go back to pretending my pancakes aren’t heart shaped while I eat them.’  
‘Oh, we won’t,’ Marlene smiled and turned to kiss Sirius’s cheek.   
If Sirius thought being with Marlene would serve to distract him, he was sorely mistaken. Here he found that Dara couldn’t be bothered in the slightest that they were together. No, if anything, she didn’t even notice, she was too wrapped up in her own stroppy mood. And Sirius found himself annoyed at that. But why should it annoy him? What did it matter? It wasn’t as if he fancied her, so really, she was entitled to her indifference and he was entitled to snogging Marlene’s face off. Which he did. Often. She was better than Claire at least, though they were sorely lacking that spark.   
Addy finally calmed down by the end of February, and even agreed to go to Hogsmeade with Christopher Turner, or Kit as he liked to be called, the rather fit, dark skinned, dark eyed, fifth year keeper for the Hufflepuff quidditch team. He caught her eye, after Gryffindor had beat them in a match, to congratulate her on catching the snitch. He seemed incredibly sweet and was definitely cute, so she decided to give it a go when he asked her to be his girlfriend at the Three Broomsticks.   
It was a difficult relationship from the start. Kit remained sweet but was also shy, and with Addy also being shy, there was no initiative to be had. Since they were in different years and different houses, they had no classes together, and didn't share a common room. That, coupled with both of them having quidditch practice, at separate times, they didn't have a lot of free time together. What little time they did spend together was often awkward, and quiet, and awkward again. They didn't have easy conversation. Addy tried to give Kit hints, signals; he either didn't cotton on, or he didn't have the guts to act on them. Finally, after nearly two months he kissed her. Stiffly. Like everything else, it was awkward. She tried to give the relationship a proper effort, but it just couldn't be helped. There wasn't much there. They kissed a few times. They never held hands. Addy wasn't sure how Kit even felt about her, but when someone else tried to kiss her, and she told him about it, he couldn’t be bothered. She'd say it fizzled out, but that would have to imply there was any sort of fizz to begin with. The strongest feeling Addy had when it came to Kit was annoyance that he had wasted her time.  
‘No, Alice, I definitely do not need, ice cream,’ Addy said exasperatedly as they were leaving quidditch practice a few weeks later.  
‘What do you need then?’ Marlene asked.  
‘Please don’t say firewhiskey,’ Alice whined.   
Addy grinned. ‘No. Some chips maybe. And butterbeer I guess. But really, I’m fine. I’m just ready to be done with… silly boys.’  
‘Rethinking your previous proclamation that you don’t catch snatch?’ Marlene sniggered, grinning cheekily.  
Addy narrowed her eyes playfully. ‘Only for you McKinnon.’  
Marlene and Alice laughed.  
‘No, just for a while. They’re just so dramatic, it’s exhausting,’ Addy said.  
‘They’re dramatic? Girls are dramatic,’ said Alice.  
‘You’re not wrong there,’ Marlene rolled her eyes. ‘But I know what you mean,’ she said to Addy. ‘Sirius was dramatic.’  
‘Pot, meet kettle,’ Addy said, grinning broadly.  
Alice laughed loudly.  
Marlene narrowed her eyes. ‘That’s why it didn’t work out between us,’ she went on.  
‘Because he was dramatic,’ Addy said blankly.   
‘He was!’ Marlene wailed. ‘He was so dramatic!’  
Alice chuckled. ‘Ok, ok. What say we head into Hogsmeade? Go to the Three Broomsticks? Get some butterbeer and chips?’  
‘Sounds brilliant,’ Addy nodded.  
‘Yeah, ok,’ Marlene conceded as they ascended the stairs toward Gryffindor tower. ‘Let’s just shower and get changed first.’  
‘What, you don’t want to go like this?’ Addy said in mock incredulity.   
‘Are you trying to impress someone new?’ Alice queried.   
Marlene smirked. ‘I don’t have to try.’  
‘Arrogant much?’ Addy laughed.  
‘It’s confidence,’ Marlene said smugly.  
‘Sure, sure,’ Alice said placatingly.   
When they left the castle some twenty minutes later, the girls went straight to the Three Broomsticks and found a booth after ordering their food and drink.   
‘So, are we toasting the same? Something about silly boys with cocks…?’ Marlene posed, lifting her glass of butterbeer once they’d arrived.  
‘Silly boys being cocks,’ Addy laughed out. ‘And no. Let’s not toast that. But we can toast to my freedom. However short lived it may be.’  
‘What’s that mean?’ Alice asked.  
‘Nothing,’ Addy tried to wave her off.  
‘No, no, it’s not nothing,’ Alice went on undeterred. ‘That was far too cryptic to be nothing.’  
Addy sighed heavily and decided to just bite the bullet. ‘I’m to be married.’  
‘What?’ Marlene spluttered. ‘What… how do you mean?’  
‘After graduation. I’m to be married. My parents are arranging it.’  
‘They’re arranging your marriage?’ Alice exclaimed.  
‘How archaic!’ Marlene said.  
‘I’m told it’s an honor.’  
‘That’s why you were in such a strop,’ Alice said solemnly.   
Addy hummed in agreement.  
‘Maybe we do need firewhiskey,’ Marlene added with a frown.  
Addy chuckled. ‘Don’t worry. It’s not as if I’m going to follow through with it.’  
‘Can you do that?’ Marlene asked. ‘Decide… just to not?’  
‘I don’t know,’ Addy said slowly. ‘But I can tell you what I can’t do. And I absolutely cannot do that. I can’t marry someone my parents pick out. I don’t want that.’ She rubbed a hand over her face tiredly.  
‘Don’t want what?’ Alice queried.   
‘What my parents have. It’s… dull. It’s horrid. It’d be terribly unhappy. I don’t want to continue that… cycle.’  
‘You wouldn’t do that,’ Alice said, smiling. ‘I know you. You’d find a way to make it fun. You’d still manage to be happy.’  
‘Your faith in me warms my heart,’ Addy said facetiously, though she honestly meant it.  
‘Well on that note,’ Alice smirked.  
‘We were supposed to be cheering you up,’ Marlene chastised.  
‘I told you I didn’t need cheering up,’ Addy smiled.   
‘Alright, alright,’ Marlene rolled her eyes. ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’  
‘Ok,’ Addy pursed her lips thoughtfully. ‘Did you know, that wit is a Shakespearean slang term for, erm… a wand?’ she said carefully.  
‘A wand?’ Marlene said confused.  
‘Not an actual wand, Marlene,’ Addy said, rolling her eyes.  
‘What?’  
‘I think she means it’s a phallic euphemism,’ Alice put in.  
Addy nodded, pointing her finger at Alice.  
Marlene laughed. ‘No!’   
‘Yes,’ Addy laughed too.  
‘So, wit beyond measure…’ Marlene sniggered.  
‘Is mans’ greatest treasure,’ Addy finished.  
Alice joined in their laughter. ‘That Rowena was one cheeky bird.’   
Their witty banter continued for the remainder of the time they spent in the Three Broomsticks, and it was with full stomachs and broad grins that they started their journey back to the castle. As they made their way along, Addy became distracted, stopping in front of a shop window, and Marlene and Alice continued on while talking loudly, oblivious.  
‘It’s pretty,’ a voice said over her shoulder.   
Addy nearly jumped out of her skin. ‘Merlin’s wand Sirius!’ she whisper-shouted, clutching a hand to her rapidly beating heart. ‘Where the hell did you come from?’  
‘Well, you see Dara, when a man and a woman-‘  
‘Ha bloody ha,’ she said dryly, glancing around. ‘Where’s your merry band of fools gotten to?’  
‘I could ask you the same,’ Sirius said with a smirk.   
‘Oh, they must not have noticed I stopped. It was a bit spontaneous of a detour…’ she trailed off, turning back to look into the shop window.  
‘What are you staring at that for? I thought you didn’t like jewelry?’  
Addy smirked. ‘I don’t usually. But this necklace… it looks like a broach my grandmother had. You know, the one that I actually liked?’  
Sirius nodded, looking over her shoulder. ‘Yeah. She was nice.’  
Addy nodded too. ‘She was the only one in my family that was ever nice to me.’  
‘Like my Uncle Alphard.’  
‘Yeah…’ They stood there for a moment in companionable silence, before Addy looked at him out of the corner of her eye. ‘Any roads. Did you come out here all on your own?’  
‘Nah, they just went ahead.’  
‘Hmm, and what, you thought you’d keep me company?’  
‘Something like that,’ he nodded. ‘I didn’t want you to end up walking back alone.’  
Addy hummed. ‘That was nice of you. I didn’t even know if you were speaking to me again.’  
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Sirius said vaguely.  
‘I’m sure you don’t,’ Addy said, raising her eyebrows at him.   
Sirius started walking then and Addy followed along. ‘You ready for our last match?’  
‘Definitely,’ Sirius said determinedly. ‘Ready to knock a few bludgers at Reg.’ Addy frowned at that. ‘What about you? Are you ready?’  
‘Ha! I’m always ready. What’ve I got to do to get ready?’  
Sirius shrugged. ‘I could throw some balls at you at random intervals, test your reflexes.’  
‘I think I’ll pass at having you send your balls flying at my face, thanks.’  
‘Aw,’ Sirius pouted. ‘Way to shatter a man’s hopes and dreams.’ Addy narrowed her eyes at him in confusion. ‘Any chance you’ll reconsider that some day?’  
‘I… what?’ Addy shook her head. ‘I think you lost me there.’  
‘Oh, dear. That’s the last thing I’d want,’ Sirius shook his head in mock sorrow.  
Addy pursed her lips. ‘I think I might be missing something here.’  
‘Where would you get that impression?’   
‘Hmm,’ Addy rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t know. Certainly not from you. The picture of innocence.’  
‘Certainly not,’ Sirius nodded.

‘Oi Nott! Dara!’  
Addy looked up from her dinner plate a few days later, just in time to see the object that was flying at her with incredible speed. She snatched it from the air and scowled darkly at the offensive apple now in her hand.   
‘Sirius!’ she chastised. ‘I told you I didn’t want your balls in my face!’ Sirius, along with Marlene, James, and various others around her, laughed loudly. Addy’s face was clouded in confusion for a moment before realization spread over her features and she blushed deeply. ‘Oh, ha, ha, very funny,’ she said irritably.  
‘It is pretty funny,’ Alice said with barely suppressed laughter.  
Addy sighed, now trying to suppress her own smile. ‘You’re literally the worst.’  
‘But not figuratively?’ Sirius said brightly.  
Addy couldn’t contain her grin then, and merely shook her head at him.  
Addy was terribly saddened by the end of that year, as it meant Alice would be graduating, and she would see her decidedly less. Alice did promise that they would get together as much as they could, though she was going to be starting Auror training, and Addy knew she was going to end up marrying Frank, so Addy really couldn't fathom when Alice would have time for her. Regardless, Addy was endlessly grateful that she could consider Alice her mate, and for the time she had already spent with her.


	7. Summer snogs, quidditch, and firewhiskey, oh my!

Once summer holiday had started, Addy snuck away as soon as she could to the park where Kate, Paul, and Ed were just where they always were. Kate jumped up and hugged her while Ed grinned his crooked grin and shouted a greeting, and Paul eyed her up quite obviously before making eye contact and holding her gaze with a look he'd never given her before. Addy realized then what Sirius had told her the previous summer, may have been true.   
'Got a motorbike like you wanted?' Addy asked.  
Paul nodded.   
'Will you give me a ride then?'  
Paul smiled. 'Sure, Addy.' She grinned. She loved hearing him say her name. And something unspoken had changed between them. Addy spent the whole day with them, not even bothering to go back for dinner, and when Ed and Kate decided to call it a night, Paul took her on a ride out of the city, where they pulled over to a field and sat under the stars. 'I spent all of last summer trying to work up the nerve to tell you how I... how I fancied you,' Paul murmured. Addy turned to look at him and he stared into her eyes. 'And I wouldn't have thought it possible, but goddamnit, you're even more beautiful now then you were then...and just as wonderful.' She felt her cheeks heat up and thanked Merlin it was dark. 'I don't want to waste another summer not...' He cupped her chin with his hand and leaned toward her, stopping just short of pressing his lips to hers. His breath tingled on her lips and she felt like her mind had gone foggy. Addy bridged the gap between them and Paul sighed into her, moving his hand from her chin to the back of her neck and deepening the kiss. They spent the entire summer going on doubles with Kate and Ed, who had gotten together, to eat or go to muggle movies like Monty Python, or they often split off to be on their own and snog each other senseless. Addy had had dreams about it, but she had never dreamt it could be so good. Though they got on fantastically and thoroughly enjoyed each other, as the summer came to an end they decided that since they wouldn't see each other for another nine months, they would see other people if they wanted, and if they were both still single the following summer and still felt the same way, they would get back together then.   
While Addy would miss Paul, all three of them really, she was feeling pretty good about how maturely she felt they had handled things and mentally patting herself on the back when she came home the night of the 31st of August. As she shut the door and was just turning away, she yelped in pain as she was hit in the arm with the same curse she had been previously. She clutched at her arm gingerly as tears of pain welled in her eyes and found the figure of her father glaring down at her in the dark. Aludra was stood on the stairs behind him, her smirk just discernible in the light from the lamps. Clearly, she had told on Addy again, and was quite pleased with herself. Addy was in too much pain to glare back at her.  
'If I ever find you've so much as thought about going near that filth again, you can count on much worse. Do I make myself clear?'  
Addy looked at the floor. 'Yes, father.' She waited for them to disappear and retreated to her room. Next day none of them spoke to her or even looked her way before Gilly apparated her and Aludra to Platform 9 ¾. Addy dragged her trunk onto the train and stopped just inside the door to pull off her robes as it was an exceptionally hot day in London, when she heard a scoff behind her.   
'You're even wearing muggle attire,' Aludra spat. 'You should be proud of your birthright. Instead you defile yourself associating with the filth you do.'  
'Merlin's saggy balls! Do you even have your own brain or are you just a mouthpiece at this point?' Aludra scoffed again. 'Wait! I don't care,' Addy said waving her off. 'Don't you have some fellow trouser snakes to find? Or were you planning on running to mummy and daddy and telling them how terrible I'm being again?'  
Aludra glared at her. 'I really should. Father told me to keep an eye on you.'  
Addy glared right back at her. 'Yes, because shorts are so filthy you really should.'  
'I hate you,' Aludra spat.  
'Good! I hate you too! Now leave! You're giving me a headache.' Aludra shot Addy one last glare before she stalked down the corridor away from her. Addy kicked her trunk. 'Fuck, I need a drink,' she muttered.  
'I could help you with that.' Addy started and wheeled around, clutching a hand to her chest.  
'Don't do that!'  
'Do what?' Sirius smirked.  
'Sneak up on me. Merlin knows I've had enough of that lately,' Addy muttered.  
Sirius eyed her up. 'When did you get tits Dara?'  
She smacked him in the chest with the back of her hand. 'Didn't we talk about you being a prat?'  
James grabbed her arm and she winced, yanking it back. 'What the fuck happened?'  
'Relax, I catch the snitch with my right hand,' she wiggled her fingers in James's face. 'I can still play just fine.' He scowled.  
Remus gripped her arm gingerly by her hand and pulled it in front of his eyes. 'This looks like a curse burn.'  
'Did your father do that one too?' Sirius asked.  
Addy pressed her lips together and sighed, pulling her arm away. 'Look, I'm fine. Really.' She bent and closed the lid to her trunk before standing up. They were all frowning at her. Even Peter, who was standing silently behind the other three.  
'We heard you and your sister,' Remus said.   
'Good on you,' she muttered sarcastically.  
'She told on you?' James said.  
'Again,' Sirius scoffed. 'What happened?'  
Addy took a deep breath and looked at him blankly. 'Paul.'  
He frowned, his eyes full of concern, and handed her a flask. She took a few deep gulps before handing it back with a small smile. 'You should see Madam Pomfrey when we get to Hogwarts,' Remus said. 'See if she has anything to put on that.'  
'I will take that into consideration,' Addy nodded, then caught sight of a flash of gold on his robes and smiled. 'They couldn't have made a better choice for prefect.'  
Remus smiled. 'Thank you.'  
'I resent that,' Sirius said.  
'Do you really?'  
He chuckled. 'No.'  
Addy found Marlene in a compartment with Mary and Lily and decided to join them. After spending so much time with Marlene last year because of Alice, she felt comfortable around her. And Mary and Lily weren't so bad. Lily had also been named prefect, so she left the compartment after a few moments for some meeting and didn't come back until halfway through the ride as she had stopped to talk with that Snape boy. Honestly, Addy didn't know why she was friends with him at all. He grew increasingly creepy as time went on and had taken up hanging round Avery and Mulciber, which didn't bode well for anyone.  
Dorcas Meadows joined them at one point to chat with Marlene, and Addy left for a while to talk to Sam who was sat in a compartment with Arnie and John. She met Wood in the corridor on her way back, who at least tried to hide the fact he was eyeing her up. What had they said about silly boys...? Wood waxed lyrical about needing to find a third chaser and their need to hold trials quickly and how this was his last year to win the quidditch cup. He didn't seem to appreciate Addy reminding him they had won both his fourth and fifth years, as he retorted that it was his only chance as captain. She rolled her eyes at that.  
The year started with the Professors launching right into their talks about the importance of OWLs, a seemingly daft new DADA professor, and an abrupt shift in the weather into autumn.  
Addy hadn't noticed any significant change in herself, however she did notice a major increase in the male attention she was getting that year compared with previously. While it mostly made her feel awkward and uncomfortable, a few more charming blokes did manage to make it flattering, which led to a few dalliances in broom cupboards, including her biggest mistake in David Gillem. He had been particularly charming during that Charms class, no pun intended, that Addy happened to be having a rather low self-esteem day, so they took a walk to a broom cupboard on the third floor and spent a little time alone. While it made her feel better momentarily, he wasn't that good of a snog and Addy ended up feeling worse about herself. She found herself drinking and smoking more on top of it all.  
After just two weeks Wood had decided to hold quidditch trials to fill the one open position for Gryffindor's team. While there were only about four hopefuls, three boys, and that Jones girl from the previous year, there was a much larger group of girls without brooms that appeared to be whispering and giggling. 'Ugh. Fangirls,' Addy muttered.  
Marlene's delicate nose crinkled in dislike. 'They're pathetic.'  
Sirius scoffed while James said, ‘hark, who’s talking?'   
Addy's brow knitted.   
'What are you on about?' Marlene said in a bored tone.   
'There's just as many blokes here to gape at the two of you,' Sirius said.  
'And half of them aren't even in our house,' James added indignantly.   
'That has to be against the rules,' Sirius said.  
Addy shook her head. 'Can't be really. Trials are open,' she said with a frown, crossing her arms in front of her.  
'That's not going to help,' Sirius said, giving her a pointed look.   
Her frown deepened.  
'I hope this Jones girl has been practicing and is a better shot this year,' Marlene said.   
Addy nodded. 'We need another girl on the team.' James scoffed. 'To keep it even,' she added, wide eyed. He rolled his eyes.  
It turned out that Jones had, in fact, been practicing, and was exceptionally good; she was even better than Marlene at that point, though Addy assured Marlene that she wasn't. After trials Marlene and Addy decided to drink some firewhiskey because, you know, why not? They were both single and didn't feel like doing their coursework that night. Lily was out doing rounds thankfully, so they drank in their dorm room, and Mary decided to join them. Over time Addy had grown comfortable with Marlene. She was witty, loud, and rather vulgar, which she thoroughly enjoyed. She gave her a laugh. And she was really starting to like Mary too. She wasn't quite as loud and vulgar as Marlene, but she was laid back and went with the flow and was also quite witty, and she shared a lot of the same views as Addy. Lily would hang round them too, though not as often. She was definitely witty, the brightest in their year. Lily was one of the world's most beautiful people in Addy's opinion. The type that you really want to hate, they're so perfect, but then to top it all she was also the most caring person she had ever met, and Addy couldn't help but like her. It was terribly annoying how lovely Lily was.   
As it was, Addy, Marlene, and Mary had made a solid dent in Marlene's bottle, when they decided what they now needed was chips. On the way down to the common room Addy tripped and took the remaining stairs on her arse. Marlene snorted with laughter and Mary shushed her loudly. 'Well that's the most action my arse has seen in weeks,' Addy muttered. Marlene and Mary both laughed.  
'That's not what you said yesterday,' Marlene said in a sing-song voice.   
'Shh, that was supposed to be a secret,' Addy said grinning.  
'Tsk-tsk, keeping secrets Nott?' Addy froze, Marlene and Mary close behind her, the three of them looking like they had been caught out. 'Merlin, are you three pissed?' Sirius went on, smirking.  
'Nooo...' Addy said, while Marlene made a 'pff' sound and Mary nodded her head.  
Sirius, James, and Peter sniggered, while Remus grinned from their spot by the fire. 'Whatever,' Marlene muttered. 'Let's just go.' Mary and Addy nodded their affirmation and they crossed the room and scrambled out of the portrait hole.  
'Where are you lot going?' James called after them. Apparently, they had decided to follow.   
'We're in need of sustenance,' Mary said.  
'In way of chips,' Marlene added. Addy nodded. They made it to the kitchen relatively easily, considering they were, in fact, pissed. They sat themselves around the table and they continued chatting while Addy talked with a house elf. She tuned back into the conversation to hear that for whatever reason, James had taken pictures of Sirius starkers. And he had kept them.  
'Woah, woah, woah,' Addy said, holding up a hand. Everyone looked at her expectantly. 'Let me get this straight. You have pictures. Of yourself. Starkers?'  
Sirius smirked. 'Yes.'  
'Why do you have pictures of yourself starkers?' She paused, raising her eyebrows at him as though she were concerned. 'And I don't?' He grinned. James, Remus, and Mary sniggered. Marlene snorted with laughter and pushed Addy, a little too hard, as she fell off the bench. 'Oi! I was only joking!'  
'No, you weren't!' Marlene sniggered.  
'I know,' Addy laughed out. 'Oo, chips!' She said suddenly, jumping up and reclaiming her seat, tucking in quickly.   
'You know, this would be great with some cheese,' Mary said.  
'Is this girl for real?' James said.  
'Hmm?'  
'Tell me you're taking the mickey, Nott.'  
Addy shook her head. 'I would never joke about something so...' She looked at Sirius. 'Serious,' she smirked. They all sniggered.  
'You're mad,' James said.  
'Barking,' Addy nodded, ‘We’re all mad here,’ she said, shoving another chip in her mouth.  
‘But you’re the only one who’s barking mad,’ Marlene countered.  
‘Nah, Sirius is too,’ James laughed out, with the other three boys joining him.  
‘What?’ Addy paused.  
‘Nothing,’ Sirius waved her off, still sniggering. She narrowed her eyes at him.  
Marlene rolled her eyes. 'So, did you hear?' she said thickly through a mouthful of chips.   
'Hmm?'  
'This lot have been calling themselves...the Marauders.' She pointed across the table at the boys who frowned while Mary sniggered.  
Addy paused with a chip halfway to her mouth. 'Makes sense,' she shrugged, and ate the chip. The boys looked at her in surprise.  
'What?' Marlene gaped at her.  
'How?' Mary asked.  
Addy finished chewing and swallowed. 'Well, we're Gryffindors.' She picked up another chip.  
'And?' Marlene said, her brow knitted in confusion.  
'And... they're boys.' The boys were watching the exchange with amused expressions.   
Mary leaned forward. 'I don't get it.'  
Addy sighed. 'We're Gryffindors,' she gestured around the table. 'So, we're lions. And they're boys. Or males.' Mary and Marlene looked at her blankly. 'Haven't you ever heard of marauding male lions?' Addy said skeptically.  
'No,' Mary said flatly.  
'Have you?' Marlene said indignantly.  
'No,' Addy deadpanned. James and Sirius sniggered, Remus smirked, and Peter was looking at her with an expression akin to awe. 'Marauding male lions are a group of male lions...roughly teen aged...that hang round together and cause trouble. Males don't usually hang round together. It's usually like...one male per group of females...any roads, if I remember correctly, they also team up to kill the young of the pride.' She pointed a chip at them, narrowing her eyes. 'Best tell Lily to keep an eye on the first years.' James quirked a brow, Remus smirked.  
'Brilliant,' Sirius muttered, eyeing her up. She grinned back at him and he winked at her, making her blush.

A few weeks later, after a Saturday practice, Addy and Marlene came back to their dorm, and joined Mary for a drink, or ten, of firewhiskey. Once again, they decided they needed sustenance once they were well and truly sloshed and headed towards the kitchens. Though that time around, they weren't as lucky. 'Bugger, it's Mrs. Norris,' Addy hissed.  
'Why do you think she's called Mrs. Norris?' Marlene mused. 'Who's Mr. Norris?'   
'And if she's married to him, then why is she with Filch?' Mary went on.  
'Will you two shut it?' Addy laughed out as they started down a passage.  
'Bollucks, the cat's following,' Mary grumbled when they heard the loud meow behind them. ‘The game is afoot!’  
'We need a quick getaway,' Marlene muttered.   
Addy nodded. 'Glisseo.' They shot down the chute the stairs had turned into, Mrs. Norris following quickly, yowling. 'Duro,' Addy shouted, once they had passed through the tapestry at the end of the stairs.  
'Did it work?' Marlene breathed. When they heard the soft thump and loud yowl of Mrs. Norris as she hit the stone wall, the three girls erupted into wheezy, drunken, sniggers.  
'I'd say so,' Addy said. Mary suddenly doubled over and chundered on the floor, which Marlene apparently found hilarious, as her voice went up about five octaves and she laughed out something neither Addy or Mary could understand.   
'Sod off, McKinnon,' Mary said with a smile as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.  
Addy vanished the puddle of sick with her wand. 'Are you speaking Mermish?' she laughed, looking at Marlene. Addy suddenly adopted a high pitched, breathy voice, and squealed out an indistinguishable string of sounds in imitation of Marlene, and Marlene started laughing so hard she became silent.  
'You're going to make me wet myself,' Mary giggled, crossing her legs.   
'We need to move along,' Addy sniggered, looking around. 'Filch is bound to show up with all this noise.' The yowling of Mrs. Norris could still be heard as they finally continued toward the kitchens.


	8. 'Padfoot! Padfoot! You in there?'

On the first Tuesday in November, the fifth year Gryffindors trekked down to the dungeons for the potions classroom, their first class of the day. Lily, as was usual, went to sit toward the left side in the front row next to Snape, while Marlene, Addy, and Mary sat to the right in the middle row, and the four boys sat behind in the back row. Once they had gotten their ingredients and were starting to prepare them, Mary frowned toward Lily, who was talking in fervent murmurs with Snape. ‘What could they be talking about so adamantly?’  
Addy and Marlene followed her gaze. ‘The quality of the lacewing flies?’ Marlene mused.  
Addy shrugged. ‘They’re supposed to be best mates, yeah? So, like…best mate things?’  
Mary smiled. ‘Like what?’  
‘You know. ‘Oh, Sev, did you hear?’’ Addy said, adopting a soft tone. ‘’That one Hufflepuff girl is going with that git from Ravenclaw. She deserves so much better, don’t you think?’ ‘I don’t know that anyone, bar you, deserves better, my dear Lily,’’ she said in a deeper tone.  
Marlene laughed lightly. ‘He wouldn’t say that to her.’  
‘Maybe not out loud, but it’s written all over his face,’ Addy said with a smile, and Marlene hummed in agreement. ‘Then, of course, they make plans to do things together, you know? Like, ‘oh Sev, do you want to get together after dinner to work on the potions essay?’ ‘Oh, I don’t know Lily. That might cut into my brooding time. You know how I like to brood.’ ‘Please Sev? You have such a way with potions. I’m sure it won’t take too long. Can’t you spare an hour or two?’’  
‘’I’ll have to check my schedule,’’ Mary said in a deeper tone, playing along.  
‘’But Sev, I though you said your schedule was ruined by an errant grease stain?’’  
‘’Lily! I thought we agreed never to speak of my errant grease stains? You know how sensitive I am about them.’’  
‘’I’m sorry, but if you would just use that lemon shampoo I got you, I’m sure it wouldn’t be such a problem.’’  
Mary shook her head. ‘’No, Lily. You know how I feel about lemons. When life hands you lemons…’’  
‘‘You say, fuck the lemons and bail, I know.’’ Marlene laughed out loudly, and Addy grinned while switching her stirring from clockwise to counterclockwise, glancing over her shoulder when the low chuckles behind her, told her they had had an audience. She smirked to herself, looking back to her cauldron to alter the heat of the fire beneath it.

After lunch the fifth year Gryffindors made their way to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Marlene had taken to asking the Defense Professor questions in order to rile him up. On that day, their discussion was on inferi, and Addy propped her chin on her hand, her elbow on the desk, as she watched with rapt attention, as Marlene's hand shot in the air. 'Yes, Miss McKinnon,' the professor acknowledged her warily.  
'Yeah, I was wondering. Inferi are dead bodies animated by a dark wizard and all, but...could you use the inferi for anything really? What if I wanted an army to like...dance maybe? Do they have to be used for dark purposes?' Addy chuckled lowly, cutting off with a cough when the professor looked at her sharply. She spaced out then, imagining what a dancing army of inferi might entail. She only snapped out of her musings when a hand was waved in front of her face.  
'Wake up Dolly-daydream,' Lily chuckled. 'Class is over.'  
Addy looked around to see that most of the class had already emptied out. 'Oh. Right.' She stood and started toward the common room with Lily. 'So how do you think inferi would dance?' Addy asked, once they had caught up with Mary and Marlene.   
'What the bloody hell are they doing?' James said bemusedly.   
Sirius followed his gaze to the portrait hole where the girls were...he shrugged. 'Girly things?'  
A small smile spread across Remus's lips. 'I think they're dancing inferi...' He said as Marlene laughed loudly while Addy moved around jerkily. Mary then threw her head and arms back and shimmied her torso. Addy leant over, clutching her stomach in breathy laughter. 'You should ask her now.' Sirius scowled.  
'Ask who what?' James said.   
'Ask Addy to come to his birthday party.'  
'I'm inviting all of them. They're all my friends,' he shrugged nonchalantly.  
'Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever,' Remus waved him off. 'Just go ask her.'  
Sirius huffed. 'Fine. I'll go ask them.' He got up and shuffled over to the girls.  
James shook his head after him. 'He's in denial. He totally fancies her.'  
'Like you can talk Prongs,' Peter said.  
James scoffed. 'I'm not in denial.'  
Remus grinned. 'Touché.'  
'Hullo, Dara,' Sirius greeted with a smile.   
She smiled back brightly, straightening up. 'Sirius. To what do we owe the pleasure?'  
'I, ah...was just letting you...all, know. We're having my birthday party here in the common room on Saturday. You're welcome to attend if you like. There'll be firewhiskey.'   
'You had me at firewhiskey,' Marlene grinned.  
'Sure,' said Lily.  
'Ok,' Mary nodded.  
‘Oh, that’s right,’ Addy said, looking down at her watch where a tiny moon and stars slowly rotated around the rim. ‘Happy birthday,’ she said, stepping forward and quickly kissing his cheek. Sirius cursed internally as he felt his cheeks heat up. He saw Marlene smirk from the corner of his eye. ‘Many happy returns.’  
He cleared his throat awkwardly, inclining his head. ‘Thank you.’  
'Sorry, I don't have a gift for you.'  
He waved her off lightly. 'Bring something to the party.'  
So, on Saturday the Marauders held their party for Sirius. It was the usual big do, with food, drinking, music, and dancing. Sirius was having the time of his life really, just drinking and taking the piss with the other Marauders. But Dara kept catching his eye from where she was dancing with Lily, smiling brightly and drinking a firewhiskey. She was wearing some flowy white top and dark bellbottom jeans, and her hair was down in its usual golden waves. As Wormtail switched the record over, he saw her fanning her flushed face with her hand and mutter something to Lily before she moved to leave the common room. He made a quick excuse and followed her out of the portrait hole. 'Oi, where are you going?'  
She turned around from where she was stood halfway down the corridor, grinning widely when she saw him. 'Sirius, hey.' She shrugged as he caught her up. 'Just needed a bit of air.'  
He nodded. 'Mind if I join you?'  
'I do, actually. Could you just stay here?' She said in mock seriousness, making him laugh. 'Are you sure you won't be missed?'  
'It's my party,' he shrugged. 'I can leave if I like.'  
'Alright then,' she laughed, opening a door to an empty classroom. She walked to the other side of the room, pulling out her wand, and unlocked the window, pushing it open. 'It was getting stuffy in there with so many people,' she muttered, smiling as the crisp night air hit her warm cheeks.   
'Yeah,' he smiled, watching her quietly from the door.  
She turned to face him, leaning against the windowsill. 'So, how was your birthday? Did you get everything you wanted?'  
'Not exactly,' he said quietly.  
'No? What're you missing then?' Sirius bit his lip, searching her face, before he crossed the room to stand before her. He reached up slowly, cupping her cheeks, something he'd been wanting to do since Christmas. He couldn't get the feel of her soft skin against his out of his mind. Her breath hitched in her throat.  
'This,' he murmured, before pressing his lips softly to hers. She tasted like strawberries and firewhiskey and she smelled like vanilla and lilac. Her skin was just as soft as he remembered, and he was just pulling her closer to deepen the kiss-  
'Padfood! Padfoot! You in there?' Sirius was snapped back to present by James who was waving a hand in his face. 'Where were you mate? Looked like you were miles away.'  
He hadn't gone after her at all it seemed. He was still sat on the couch with James, Remus, and Peter, taking shots of firewhiskey. He shook his head, trying to clear it. 'Not so far...just down the hall really,' he laughed, sitting forward to take the shot glass from the table. He really needed to get a grip on himself. If he didn't know better, he might think he actually did fancy her.


	9. Chapter 9

A few days later, Addy was listening to Marlene have a whinge about something or other, she couldn’t really follow, though she tried to offer the occasional hums or nods in response to show she was paying attention, as they walked back to the castle after quidditch practice. ‘Shite,’ Addy exclaimed sympathetically.  
‘Yes, that is definitely what I need to do,’ Marlene laughed, causing Addy to chuckle.  
‘Who is that?’ Addy said bemusedly, as they witnessed a figure emerge from the oak front doors, quickly descending over the grounds.   
‘I think it’s Mary,’ Marlene said, quickening her pace toward her.  
‘Odd…what’s she doing out here this time of night?’ Addy said slowly, ‘did she just take off her robes?’ she added quickly, as the two broke into a run.  
‘Oi, Mary!’ Marlene shouted. Mary stalled her walking, yet only briefly, glancing toward them before she pulled her school jumper over her head. ‘Mary, what are you doing?’ she asked as they converged on either side of her.  
‘Going for a swim. I’m to meet the mermaids,’ she said dreamily.  
‘Don’t be ridiculous Mary,’ Marlene laughed, ‘the Black Lake is freezing, you’ll catch your death,’ she said grabbing hold of Mary’s arm.   
Mary shrugged out of Marlene’s grasp, continuing toward the lake. ‘I’m to ask them about their staff…and if it can be used on a witch…’  
Addy’s expression tightened, and she grabbed hold of Mary by both of her arms, looking into her eyes intently, her own eyes widening in fearful surprise. ‘She’s got the imperius on her!’  
‘What?’ Marlene shrieked, ‘how is that possible?’   
‘I don’t know,’ Addy said through gritted teeth, trying to grab onto Mary, ‘but maybe it’s a discussion we should have after the fact. Sodding Hell!’ she yelped, stumbling back in pain as Mary had flailed wildly in her attempts to escape, her elbow making solid contact with Addy’s nose, where blood was now spurting excessively. Addy paused to swipe hastily at her face, which really didn’t help matters. Marlene had doubled her efforts to halt Mary’s progress toward the frigid waters, succeeding by clinging desperately to one of Mary’s arms with both of hers. ‘Bugger this,’ Addy muttered, before promptly tackling Mary to the ground and laying across her shoulders.  
‘Why don’t we bring our wands to practice?’ Marlene panted.  
‘Go get someone to help!’ Addy grunted, as Mary continued to struggle beneath her.  
‘Oh. Right.’ Marlene turned and ran back toward the castle, but fortunately didn’t have to go far, as James, Sirius, and Steve, were just returning from quidditch practice. While James, Marlene, and Steve brought the writhing form of Mary toward the infirmary, Sirius helped Addy to her feet and took her hand in his to guide her as her nose and eyes were now so swollen her vision had blurred.  
‘That looks broken,’ Sirius murmured, running a finger over the bridge of her nose delicately.  
Addy winced slightly, trying to play it off with a one shouldered shrug. ‘Nothing Madam Pomfrey can’t handle…’ her brow knitted as she looked in the direction of their clasped hands, stuffing the sleeve of her other arm to her nose in attempt to stave off the flow of blood. ‘Won’t Marlene have a problem with this?’ she asked, lifting their hands slightly.   
Sirius paused his walking and looked at her bemusedly. ‘And why would she?’  
‘Aren’t you two together?’  
His brow knitted. ‘That was last year. And it didn’t last long. We’re too much alike.’  
‘Oh, right,’ she nodded, ‘I can see that. Mary then? You’re with her now?’ she said as they started walking again.  
Sirius shook his head. ‘That ended before it even started.’  
‘Oh?... but then. Who’d I see you with the other day? After quidditch practice? Girl with dark hair innit?’  
His shoulders tensed. ‘That was nothing. Just a snog. A one-off.’  
Addy frowned. ‘Oh…ok. If you say so.’  
Sirius glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. ‘Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?’  
She shook her head. ‘I just didn’t want to upset anyone if you had a girlfriend.’ Honestly, Addy normally did feel uncomfortable holding hands, but for whatever reason, maybe it was the circumstances, his seemed to off her comfort.  
‘Well, I don’t.’  
‘Ok.’  
Once they had reached the hospital wing, Sirius directed Addy to a bed across from Mary’s, where Madam Pomfrey continued her complicated spellwork. Professor Dumbledore looked up at them from where he was stood next to Mary’s bed with Marlene, James, and Steve. ‘Ah, Miss Nott, Miss McKinnon was just recounting how the two of you came across Miss Macdonald leaving the castle for the Black Lake this evening?’  
‘Yedd, Pwofeddowr,’ Addy nodded, still trying to manage the persistently heavy flow of blood, pouring from her nose. Professor Dumbledore gave a small smile, waving his wand toward her and silently mending her broken nose. Addy breathed a sigh of relief when the sharp, burning sensation had ebbed away. ‘Thank you, Professor,’ she said, gingerly palpating her nose.   
‘You are quite welcome,’ he smiled before his expression turned somber. ‘Miss McKinnon also said that you were the one to recognize that our Mary here was under the imperius curse?’  
‘Yes, Professor,’ Addy said. Dumbledore nodded, gazing at her knowingly over his half-moon spectacles. Madam Pomfrey muttered something to Professor Dumbledore, who nodded, turning back toward Mary, who was now lying in her bed placidly.   
‘What’s he doing to her, now?’ Marlene said fretfully as she moved to sit next to Addy on her bed.  
‘I think he’s trying to use legilimency to figure out who did this to her,’ Addy said quietly.   
‘You all need to leave now, and let the Headmaster concentrate on his work,’ Madam Pomfrey stated, pushing James and Steve along in front of her.  
‘But can’t I stay here with Mary? She’s going to be alright, isn’t she?’ Marlene said worriedly.  
‘No, you most certainly may not stay. This girl has been cursed. She needs rest. But I’m sure she’ll be fine McKinnon. The Headmaster knows what he’s doing.’ Marlene nodded, though she didn’t look convinced.   
‘Don’t worry Marls, I’m sure Mary will be fine,’ Addy said, hoping she sounded sure. She wasn’t the best at comforting people.  
‘Yeah,’ James said confidently. ‘Dumbledore’s the greatest wizard alive. Mary’s in the best hands possible. He’s got this, no sweat.’  
‘That’s true,’ Marlene said quietly with a small smile, as James threw an arm around her shoulders in a friendly manner. Addy frowned. She wished she could do that, but whenever she tried to be consoling, it always ended up feeling strained and awkward.  
‘You ok?’ Sirius asked, squeezing Addy’s hand. She nearly jumped out of her skin, having forgotten he was holding her hand, but managed to cover with a shrug.  
‘Yeah…I just,’ she struggled to put her thoughts in order. ‘Who would do something like that to Mary?’  
Sirius shook his head angrily. ‘Clearly one of those wannabe Death Eater, Slytherin, pieces-of-shite, trouser snakes,’ he spat.   
Addy’s eyebrows shot up her forehead and she stopped in surprise, bringing Sirius to a halt with her, who gave her a questioningly look. ‘Yes, clearly…’ Addy said carefully. ‘I meant more specifically.’  
Sirius shrugged, looking down the corridor to where the others had reached the portrait hole. ‘We’ll just have to wait for Mary to tell us,’ he said, tugging her along again.  
‘If Dumbledore can get it out of her.’  
Sirius looked at Addy sideways. ‘You don’t think he can?’  
Addy shrugged. ‘If anyone could it’d be him. I just know it’s tricky business.’ Sirius nodded. ‘You know, I think my vision has cleared enough that I can find my way through the portrait hole,’ she said, looking pointedly at their joined hands and suddenly smirking at him.  
He laughed lightly. ‘Right,’ he said, dropping her hand and hoping his cheeks didn’t betray him.   
By the time Addy made it up to her dorm room, Marlene had finished telling Lily of the events of the evening. ‘But who would do something like that to Mary?’ Lily said quietly.  
‘Bloody Slytherin, wannabe, Death Eater obviously,’ Marlene ground out darkly.  
Addy frowned, crossing to her bed where she didn’t even bother to change out of her quidditch kit before she had collapsed onto her duvet. ‘You sound like Sirius,’ she muttered, more to herself than to anyone else.   
Next day Marlene left the dormitory to visit Mary in the infirmary before the others had managed to stir in their beds, returning just as Lily and Addy were descending the stairs to the common room. ‘Mulciber,’ Marlene growled without explanation.  
Lily’s brow knitted.  
‘I know our fathers may associate with each other, but please do not address me as that troglodyte,’ Addy said with mock indignation.  
Marlene huffed, obviously not amused. ‘Mulciber is the one what done that to Mary.’  
‘Well, he’ll be expelled, surely,’ Lily stated.  
Marlene shrugged. ‘Dumbledore said ‘he’d take care of it’ apparently. Whatever that means.’  
‘But he used an unforgivable! He deserves to be in Azkaban!’ Addy said indignantly.  
Marlene held her hands up in mock surrender. ‘You don’t have to convince me.’  
Mary was released from the hospital wing a few days later, and while Mulciber was gifted with a shit ton of detentions, he most certainly was not expelled, which quite frankly didn’t sit well with Mary’s friends. While they weren’t privy to the extent of his punishment, his continued presence at Hogwarts told them it was not enough, so they decided to take matters into their own hands.   
‘If he likes mermaids so much, he ought to resemble them more closely,’ Addy grumbled darkly as they left the potions classroom one day.  
Marlene nodded. ‘Let’s give him some slimy, green hair.’  
‘And make him speak Mermish for an hour… or twelve.’  
‘You can do that?’ Lily said, looking impressed and somewhat afraid.  
Addy adopted a sheepish grin. ‘Yeah, I looked up a spell after that time with Mrs. Norris,’ she said toward Marlene, who grinned broadly.  
‘That was brilliant,’ Mary put in reminiscently.  
‘Alright, I’ll do the voice change,’ Addy began.  
‘And I’ll get his hair,’ Marlene added.  
‘Maybe his skin too? That’s usually greenish, right?’ Lily said casually.  
Addy grinned. ‘Right.’  
‘But I saw nothing,’ Lily said innocently.  
Marlene and Addy would hex Mulciber frequently with Lily turning a blind eye, even joining in sometimes, as they felt he deserved it. And the Marauders upped their pranking of the Slytherin, to the point of almost being malicious, as again, he deserved it by their reasoning. One week all of his mail came as howlers, the next he found painful boils on a rather uncomfortable area, and once they even managed to slip an infusion of gillyweed into his morning pumpkin juice so that he was forced to shove his face in a cauldron of water and immediately leave for the infirmary and was gone for an entire potions lesson. It was the most hilarious and peaceful lesson they’d had.


	10. 'I dare you to lick Stebbins's mole.'

Within a few practices, the three chasers for the Gryffindor quidditch team had established quite the dynamic, and it was clear they were an even better team than the year prior. Though Addy still missed Alice dearly, that Gwenog wasn't half bad really.  
They won their first match in the third week of November against Ravenclaw and had a celebratory party in the common room after. The team, along with a few stragglers, were huddled around a table in front of the fire, taking shots of firewhiskey, and at some point, had started playing a rousing game of dare (because really, who wants to share truths?)   
'I dare you to lick Stebbins's mole,' Wood said to Sirius, who grimaced. Michael Stebbins was a sixth year, currently stood in the corner by the fireplace, with a large, rather hairy mole, on his neck.  
'Whose idea was this?' Marlene muttered from Addy's side.  
'Wood's.'  
'No, not the dare, the game.'  
Addy's face screwed up in thought. 'Still Wood I think...'   
Marlene grunted.  
Stebbins whirled around and shoved Sirius after he licked his neck and the lot of them laughed loudly. Sirius came back and took a shot before reclaiming his seat on Addy's other side. 'Right. My turn. Marlene.'  
'Hmm?'  
'I dare you...to serenade Moo-Remus!'   
Marlene smirked. That girl wasn't shy at all. Remus however, had gone a delicate shade of pink. 'Any song in particular?' she asked.  
'Anything but Celestina Warbeck,' Addy mumbled.  
Sirius glanced at Addy sideways. 'Surprise us,' he said to Marlene.  
Marlene chewed her lip for a moment, thinking, then stood and walked around the table to kneel in front of Remus's chair. His face turned red. 'It's a little bit funny. This feeling inside. I'm not one of those who can easily hide,' the common room went quiet around them and Remus had turned maroon, but Marlene didn't seem to notice as she continued to belt out her song.  
'This song sounds familiar, who is it?' Addy muttered to Sirius.  
He shrugged. 'Muggle singer...don't remember his name.'   
She nodded. 'She's pretty good, isn't she?'   
Sirius nodded absent mindedly.  
Gwenog cat called suddenly and still Marlene continued. She seemed to be putting a lot of feeling into it and Remus was watching her intently, despite looking thoroughly uncomfortable with being the center of attention. Addy wondered if she was missing something there. 'He's lucky you didn't ask me,' Addy murmured to Sirius. 'I'm a rubbish singer.'  
He smiled. 'Killing two birds with one curse then, really.' Well, that sounded suspicious. Marlene finished her song and stood to bow as various people clapped and cheered. Remus looked pretty pleased with himself.  
'Right then,' Marlene sat next to Addy again and fixed her with a look.  
'Shite,' she muttered.  
Marlene grinned wickedly. 'Addy.' She braced herself. 'I dare you...to dance.' Addy looked at her blankly. Was that it? 'On the table...' Addy quirked a brow. 'In your nighty.' A few people chuckled, and Addy frowned.  
'I don't have a nighty.'  
'Course you do! It's a pureblood staple.'  
'Mm. I sell things like that.'  
'You sell them?'  
'Mmhmm.'  
'Why?'  
Addy rolled her eyes. 'Too many reasons to go through right now. What do you want me to do instead?'  
Marlene smirked. 'Dance in what you do wear to bed.'  
Addy frowned. 'Can't I just do it in this?' She gestured to her undershirt and trousers. 'It's basically the same.'  
'Those shorts you wear to sleep are pretty skimpy,' Marlene smirked. Sirius sounded as if he had choked on his drink. Addy sighed, looking uncomfortable. 'Fine, fine,' Marlene waved. 'Let's see it then.'  
Addy rolled her eyes and took another shot, before she stood and pulled off her quidditch robes and everyone sat around the table hastily removed their glasses. She climbed up on the table and looked back at Marlene. 'I'm not really sure what you want me to do...there isn't even any music.'  
'Oh, grow a pair,' Marlene rolled her eyes.  
'I did,' Addy said, gesturing to her chest. 'I think they turned out quite nicely.'  
'I'll second that,' Sirius smirked and Addy narrowed her eyes at him but failed to suppress a smile.  
'I know you've got a few songs in your head, you sing to yourself all the time when you think no one can hear you. Now quit stalling and get to it,' Marlene waved at Addy.  
She sighed and looked to the ceiling for her Gryffindor courage, finding none, though it had helped that she'd had quite a bit of liquid courage. As she began to plie, eleve, passe, jete, glissade, pas de bourree, but as she began to pirouette, her liquid courage made her go dizzy, and on the third turn she slipped and fell right off the table and into Sirius's lap. 'So sorry,' Addy mumbled.  
'S'alright,' Sirius said amusedly as he righted Addy in her own chair. 'Are you?' He added, when she tipped to the side again.  
'Yeah...' Addy breathed. 'Just a bit dizzy.'  
Sirius smirked. 'S'your turn.'  
Addy sat up straighter, her eyes brightening. 'Right!' She smiled and looked around the circle. Who hadn't gone yet? 'Potter!' She exclaimed. Sirius flinched. 'I dare you...to run around shouting 'I'm the King of the castle!'  
'S'that it?' James asked.  
'No,' Addy smirked. 'Wearing this.' She summoned the glittery pink tiara she knew Mary had from her birthday.   
'Hey!'  
Addy waved her off. 'And in your skivies,' she pointed at him.   
Marlene and Remus laughed loudly.  
'Trying to get me in my skivies, Nott?'   
A few people sniggered.  
'Pff,' Addy waved her hand at James. 'You're just the only one who hasn't gone.'  
James smirked and stood up, stripping down to his pants without batting an eyelash. Addy handed him the tiara and he placed it jauntily atop his head, then took off around the common room shouting, 'I'm the king of the castle!' When he came back he sat down in his pants, still wearing the tiara. He was so full of himself, but to be fair, he was pretty fit. Addy might have been interested if it wasn't already blaringly obvious who he fancied. He took a shot and rubbed his hands together excitedly. 'Right then. Everyone's gone, so we can pick whoever?' They all mumbled agreement. 'Ok...Wood. I dare you...to kiss...the most attractive person in the room.'  
'Who?'  
'Whoever you think,' James said.  
'Most attractive female,' Sirius said. 'Let's be clear her Pr-James. Most attractive female. Because really, if we just say person, let's face it, I'd smoke all you witches.' Sirius smirked, and Addy tried to suppress her smile but nodded at him mockingly.  
‘Be honest, you’re just afraid if Wood snogs you, it’ll be so much better than Potter,’ she said patronizingly. Sirius didn't seem to hear her comment as he was too busy narrowing his eyes over her shoulder. Addy turned around in time for Wood's lips to come crashing into hers. Her eyes widened, and she pulled back. 'Wood! What are you doing?'  
'Kissing the most attractive person in the room.'  
'Female,' Sirius muttered.  
'Don't you have a girlfriend?' Addy whisper-shouted, glancing around. 'Who is now glaring at me like I asked you to kiss me.'  
'I was just doing my dare.' Wood knelt in front of Addy and gripped her arms. 'He said kiss the most attractive person and you are.'  
'Probably don't want to tell Susie...Sally...'  
'Sharon,' Wood said.  
'Right. Don't say that to Sharon.'  
'Go to Hogsmeade with me?' Wood said quietly.  
'What?' Addy squeaked. 'You have a girlfriend.'  
Wood looked in her eyes. 'So? What about it?'  
Addy took a deep breath. 'So, I'm not going to Hogsmeade with someone else's boyfriend.'  
'What if I wasn't her boyfriend? Then would you go with me?'  
Addy gaped at him. 'I... I mean I guess, but-'  
'Sharon,' Wood said loudly.   
Addy’s eyes widened. 'I didn't mean for you to break up with her right now!'  
'I want to go with you,' Wood said quietly, before he stood up and walked over to where Sharon was stood. Addy stared blankly ahead, gobsmacked, unable to process what had just happened. She did sort of fancy him, and they had been talking and, she thought, flirting at practice all year. She guessed that was confirmed then. She felt a little stuck in the middle though. Like she was breaking them up. Which she supposed she was. But she didn't like it.  
'You ok?' Marlene said quietly.  
Addy shook her head. 'I think I'm going to go to bed, I... I'm not feeling so well now, you know?' Marlene nodded as Addy stood and quickly left the common room. She hadn't even seen Sirius scowling through their whole exchange.   
‘Sorry, Padfoot, I didn’t think he’d go for Addy,’ James said later, as they ascended the stairs to their dorm.  
‘It’s fine,’ Sirius said in a measured tone. ‘I don’t care.’  
James raised his eyebrows, sharing a look with Remus. ‘You didn’t look like you thought it was fine…’  
‘You definitely looked like you cared,’ Remus added.  
‘Well I didn’t. Wood can snog who he likes. Though to be fair, you should have just named someone for him to snog. You know he’s been after Dara for ages, you’ve seen them at practice.’  
James frowned. ‘But I said in the room. His girlfriend was there!’  
‘So, it was an empty dare?’ Peter said in confusion.  
‘To be fair, he could have picked Lily,’ Remus added.  
James paled. ‘I hadn’t thought of that.’  
‘You don’t think she’s the most attractive?’  
‘Of course, I do!’ James said indignantly. ‘I just didn’t think Wood thought so…’  
‘Well, apparently he doesn’t. He thinks Dara is.’  
‘He’s not the only one, I’d wager,’ Remus replied.  
Sirius scowled. ‘Oh, sod off Moony.’  
Remus held his hands up in surrender.  
‘I really am sorry, Padfoot,’ James said.  
‘Forget it,’ Sirius sighed. ‘I don’t care.’


	11. 'Dance with me Dara?'

Next day Addy's plan was to avoid Wood, but he was sat in the common room, waiting at the bottom of the stairs when she finally came down the stairs around eleven. She tried to walk past, but he jumped up and grabbed her arm. 'Addy c'mon. I broke up with Sharon for you. Go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend.'  
Addy looked at the floor. 'You put me in the middle...' She shook her head. 'Why did you have to break up with her like that? She's going to hate me. She'll blame me for it.'  
'So? We've been dancing around this for weeks now. You've no idea how bad I've wanted to kiss you. I just didn't have the guts before. Please?'  
Addy shook her head. 'I've got to go. I'm meeting Sam.'  
'Sam? C'mon Addy, you're choosing him?'  
'He's helping me with Herbology. We already had this planned.'  
'Alright. Just say you'll go to Hogsmeade with me then.'  
She shook her head again. 'I don't know Wood. Just let me have a think on it ok? I need to process.'  
'Fine,' he sighed, 'practice tomorrow.'  
Addy nodded, and he let her pass. She went to the library and met up with Sam, as planned, though she couldn't concentrate, and he could tell. 'We'll meet up in a few days, when your minds not off in the clouds,' he smiled.  
'I'm sorry.'  
'S'alright. Something you want to talk about?'  
She shook her head. 'I just need to have a think on it really.'  
He nodded. 'Alright then. Tuesday?'  
She nodded back. 'After dinner?'  
'I've got quidditch practice. Before dinner? Say...half five?'  
She smiled. 'Sure. Thanks Sam.'  
'No problem.'

Monday came around and Addy still couldn't concentrate. She earned herself a detention for spacing out in transfiguration again. At dinner she poked halfheartedly at her jacket potatoes.  
'If you don't want to go with him, you could just say you're going with us to get dress robes for the Yule Ball,' Marlene suggested.  
'Bollocks,' Addy muttered. 'I'd forgotten about that.'  
‘No matter, that’s what I’m here for. To remind you of these things.’  
‘How do you forget something like the Yule Ball?’ Mary said in surprise.   
Addy shrugged. ‘I go to plenty of fancy affairs. I don’t exactly enjoy them anymore.’  
‘But this will be with people you like, as opposed to who you normally attend these things with,’ Lily argued.   
Addy smiled. ‘I guess that’s true.’

‘Moony, what the hell is that?’ Sirius asked, as Remus opened a package at dinner.  
‘They’re dress robes… for the Yule Ball, I expect,’ Remus frowned.  
‘Are you sure your mum didn’t accidentally send you her dress?’ James laughed. ‘Is there a bonnet too? Oh, there it is!’ he laughed harder as he pulled something white and frilly from the box, and Sirius joined him.  
‘Ha, ha,’ Remus said dryly.  
‘Oh, there’s no way you can wear those to the ball Moony! You’d look bloody awful!’ Sirius laughed out.  
‘Then what do you suggest I wear?’ Remus said irritably.  
‘We’ll figure something out, mate,’ James said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.  
‘Yeah, if anything, you can just borrow an old set of mine,’ Sirius said easily. ‘I’ve plenty.’  
‘I’m not sure they would fit me,’ Remus said slowly.  
Sirius waved a hand lazily. ‘You’re not that much taller than me. Besides, I know a few alteration charms.’  
Remus shook his head. ‘I don’t need your charity.’  
‘Fine, fine. You can pay me,’ Sirius said, smiling smugly.  
Remus’s brow knit together in a mixture of irritation and amusement. ‘I’ll work something out.’

By the end of practice, Addy still hadn't made up her mind when Wood steered her around the other side of the locker rooms. 'Addy, what do you say? Be my girlfriend?'  
'What? I thought it was just a date to Hogsmeade you wanted?'  
He shook his head. 'I fancy you. And you fancy me, don't you?'  
She glanced at him. 'I guess...'  
'So, be my girlfriend. And go to Hogsmeade with me.'  
'I dunno...'  
'C'mon, do you want to?'  
'Well...I guess but-'  
'But nothing! If you want to, then do it.'  
Addy looked at him properly and smiled at his bluntness. He must have taken her smile for a yes, as he didn't wait for a verbal response and was suddenly kissing her hard, pushing her up against the wall. She found his enthusiasm delighting, and soon lost herself in the kiss, matching it with her own. After some time, a gasp and muttered curse from behind Wood caused Addy to pull away. Wood continued to stare at her, holding her tight. Sirius stood there. Something flashed in his eyes before a blank expression spread across his face. Odd.  
'Sorry...didn't know you were...together. Back here.'  
'Something you need Black?' Wood said, without turning round.  
Addy was starting to feel uncomfortable, so she pushed Wood away with a look. He frowned.  
'No... I’ll just...I'll put the crate away myself, shall I?'  
'Yeah, that'd be great, thanks.'  
Addy smiled apologetically at Sirius, who pressed his lips together and nodded curtly before stalking off.  
'So?' Wood prompted.  
'So...?'  
'Be my girlfriend?'  
Oh...right. Addy had forgotten what they were talking about. She blushed and bit her lip. 'Ok,' she breathed. He grinned and took her face in his hands, kissing her again.

Sirius wasn’t quite sure why he was so cross at the sight of Wood snogging Dara, he just was. Probably because he’d be subjected to even more of their nauseating behavior. Yes, that was it. Because really, no one wanted to see that. Though he couldn’t fault Wood, he remembered how good a snog she was, he really couldn’t fathom why she’d want to snog Wood. Obviously, she could do better, she’d snogged him for Merlin’s sake. Oh, bloody hell… he needed to find someone to snog and distract him. Godric knew it’d been far too long if he was still thinking about snogging Dara after all this time. 

A few days later the fifth-year students were to have their meetings with their heads of house to discuss career paths and their options, so being close to the end in the year group, Addy was scheduled at three o'clock that afternoon. She left herbology early to make her meeting and had just reached the hall that McGonagall's office was located when she passed Marlene. 'How was it?'  
'Not bad,' Marlene shrugged. 'You know how McGonagall can be.' Addy nodded. That was an understatement. 'See you at dinner?'   
Addy nodded again. 'Laters.' She entered McGonagall's office after she knocked and was met with a 'come in.'  
'Ah, Miss Nott. Right on time. Have a seat,' she gestured to a wooden chair sat on the other side of her desk. Addy took it as indicated, and the professor held out a tartan tin. 'Biscuit?'  
'Oh...er, thank you,' she said quietly, extracting a ginger newt. McGonagall pulled out a file Addy assumed to be hers and opened it.   
'Now Miss Nott, have you given any thought to what you would like to do after you leave Hogwarts?'  
Addy nodded. 'Yes, I... I know it might prove difficult for me, but I...I've always wanted to be a healer. Or at least something in that field.'  
McGonagall nodded and looked down at the file. 'You seem to have adequate marks. It seems you've improved quite a bit in Herbology over the last year.'  
She nodded. 'Yes, I knew it would be important for healer training, so I've been working with...a few people.'  
McGonagall nodded. 'Well your Potion's marks will be adequate enough for Professor Slughorn to keep you on for NEWTs study with an E. Although you'll want to work a bit harder beyond that, as you'll need an O in your NEWTs for healer training, which shouldn't be too far out of your reach.' Addy nodded. 'You've got the required marks to continue with Transfigurations and Charms, which you'll need. And you have the required marks to continue with your other classes, should you choose to do so, though they aren't required...why would you think it difficult for you Miss Nott?'  
Addy frowned. 'Well...with my family...you see. They don't necessarily approve of my becoming a healer, or anything really, after Hogwarts. They are currently working to arrange my marriage.'  
McGonagall frowned so tightly her lips seemed to disappear. 'I see...and you are...still planning to pursue this career?'  
Addy nodded. 'There's nothing else I would want to pursue. And I think it's better than pursuing nothing. Plus, I sort of feel like...with everything else my family...my society, has done...it's sort of my duty to give back. And I'm not much of a fighter, so...I want to help people. And I feel like...with the things that have been happening...I think it's only going to get worse and... we'll need all the help we can get really.'  
McGonagall handed her a tissue and she suddenly realized she had begun crying at some point. What was wrong with her? Addy never cried... McGonagall studied her for a while, neither of them speaking. The silence was becoming almost unbearable. 'Well,' she finally said. 'I suppose the only thing to do is continue on your current path. If anything changes, we can adjust.' Addy nodded, staring at the half-eaten biscuit in her hand. 'You're free to go Miss Nott.'  
Addy nodded and left the office without looking at her. She didn't want to see the look on her face. She was sure it would be pity and she didn't want or need that, from her or anyone else.

Next Saturday marked the beginning of December and was the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, and Addy's first official date with Wood. They got some chocolate from Honeyduke's and shared a basket of chips and some butterbeer between snogs in a booth at the back of the Three Broomsticks. After they went to a quiet spot beyond the post office and snogged each other senseless. Their relationship seemed to naturally progress from that point, and while Addy thoroughly enjoyed their time together, Wood always seemed to be pushing the boundaries. Though Wood never complained and always stopped when Addy asked, she still felt pressured to do more than she was ready for. In the middle of December, after beating Hufflepuff in the second quidditch match, there was another celebratory party in the common room. Addy drank entirely too much firewhiskey and ended up sleeping with Wood. She woke up feeling entirely freaked out, her feelings for Wood seemingly changing instantaneously. Addy felt taken advantage of and became cross with him for not considering her feelings. When Wood started questioning Addy on why she was in a strop with him and had been avoiding him, she lost the plot. Wood asked if Addy had feelings for Sam, which Wood had regularly done for their entire relationship, though that time Addy confessed that she had, where previously she had denied it. Addy had decided she wanted out of the relationship and took the cowards way out; she got him to break up with her.   
Next day Addy met up with Sam after quidditch practice, as had become their Friday night ritual, and she told him about her break up from Wood as they sat smoking under the stands. 'Are you alright?' Sam asked, his eyes full of concern.  
'Yeah, I'm fine,' Addy said with a heavy sigh. 'It just...wasn't what I imagined it would be, you know? I let myself get carried away.' Sam nodded. 'And now to top it all, I've got to get another date for the sodding ball.' At that point it was only a week out, to be held the Friday before the start of Christmas Holiday.  
'Go with me then,' Sam said in a rush.  
'I thought you had a date already?'  
Sam shook his head. 'No, I... well, I wasn't even going to go.'  
Addy frowned. 'But...we sort of have to, don't we?'  
Sam shrugged. 'S'not like they take attendance. Any roads, now I'll go. What d'you say?'  
She paused. 'You mean, like as friends?'  
He looked away, his expression unreadable. 'Yeah, sure.'  
Addy chewed her lip. 'Ok...yeah. That'd be great. Sounds...fun.'  
Sam nodded. 'Great.'

On the of the ball, the four Gryffindor fifth year girls got ready together. They took scented baths before helping each other pick out complimentary jewelry and makeup. Lily wore an off the shoulder, emerald colored set of dress robes with long sleeves, that was fitted until just past her hips where it flared out. The color matched her eyes perfectly. They pinned her hair up in a French twist with a few curly pieces down to frame her face. Her makeup they left looking natural with soft blush and a nude lip but played up her big doe eyes with plenty of mascara and subtle eyeliner. She finished off the look with gold pumps, and emerald drop earrings and an emerald pendant necklace she borrowed from Addy. They stood out perfectly against her milky skin, and she looked brilliant. Quite the waste, Addy thought, as she was only going with Snape, but I digress.   
Mary had light blue dress robes, that also seemed to match her eyes, with a sweetheart neckline, that flared out at the waist, was made of tulle, and had delicate ruffles. They pinned her hair up in a lose chignon and she wore a pearl necklace and earrings, along with nude pumps. For her makeup they gave her a soft smoky eye and a pink lip. Addy thought she’d never looked better. And though they were just going as friends, Mary was looking forward to going with James.   
Marlene’s dress robes were a deep scarlet, with an open back, plunging neckline, long sleeves, and hugged her curves in all the right places. Her long hair was plaited loosely down her back, and for her makeup they gave her a smoky eye and a deep red lip. She wore a gold necklace with a black pendant of Lily’s that sat just inside her neckline and completed her look with a pair of gold pumps. She was going with Remus, and Addy knew they were both excited.  
Addy’s dress robes were gold. The bottom layer was tulle with a sweetheart neckline, while the top layer was of a gold, sparkling lace that went from the bottom of the dress and over her arms in sleeves. She wore scarlet pumps and ruby drop earrings and a ruby pendant necklace. Her hair was curled and pinned in a half up half down style. For her makeup Marlene gave her a gold shimmery eye and a deep red lipstick. They finished just in time to stumble down to the common room at quarter till eight, where Mary and Marlene were meeting their dates. 

The four Marauders also got ready together. James spent half an hour just spreading sleekeazy hair potion over his untamable hair trying to get it to lay right, only to conclude that it was a lost cause. While he was looking forward to going with Macdonald, she was a laugh really, he had been rather gutted to find Evans was going with Snivellus. Sirius ran a small amount of the potion through his hair and threw on his dress robes, effortless as ever. He'd probably still be the best-looking bloke at the ball, the bastard. Remus had been tittering about the dorm room nervously for the last fortnight, since he'd finally found the stones to ask McKinnon to the ball. Though they'd both been chuffed once he had. Peter was going with some fourth year Hufflepuff named Rita. They strode down to the common at quarter to, to wait it out for McKinnon and Macdonald. Sirius leaned against the couch, feeling bored already. He was going with Meadows. She was an alright bird, but really, it was more out of convenience that they were going together. Finally, at eight o'clock, the girls came down the stairs. All four girls were beautiful, it was obvious, but Sirius found his eyes drawn to Dara. That seemed to be happening more frequently as time went on and she grew into her looks. She loped down the stairs with her usual effortless grace that could only come from years of conditioning. She had on gold dress robes of some shiny, floaty material that was covered in a layer of lace that went over her arms. Her hair was mostly down and curly. She was smiling softly, seeing Marlene greet Remus, and Remus blush. The whole effect had her looking like she was glowing. Dara turned her smile to Sirius and he managed to keep his expression passive. 'You look nice,' he said, going for the least pratty thing on his mind.   
'You look nice too,’ Addy said, but nice didn’t really cut it, she thought. He wore a set of simple black dress robes that were cut just right and looked to cost a fortune. They complimented his shaggy black hair and his grey eyes looked to be sparkling in the lamp light of the corridor. In short, he looked gorgeous, but he always did. 'Who're you going with?'  
Sirius smiled, seeing her cheeks flush as she failed to hide the fact she was eyeing him up. 'Dorcas,' he nodded.   
'Oh? Are you two...?'  
'Together?' Dara nodded, and he shrugged. 'We're going as friends.'  
Dara nodded again. 'Me too.' Sirius looked at her questioningly. 'Sam and me. We're going as friends.'   
Sirius looked at her skeptically. 'Right.'  
Dara frowned in confusion. 'What's that supposed to mean?'   
Sirius shook his head. She really had no idea how he, or anyone really, looked at her. 'Nothing.' They reached the bottom of the stairs where that Hufflepuff git waited for Dara, running a hand through his hair nervously.   
'You look great,' he said to her, smiling when she reached him. She smiled back at him and reached up to smooth down his hair.   
'I'll see you later then,' Sirius said as he squeezed her elbow quickly and smiled tightly. He needed to get away from that annoying display. And he may as well find his date. Dorcas was stood closer to the doors into the Great Hall. She looked pretty enough in her deep purple dress robes, her brown hair knotted on top of her head. 'Meadows,' Sirius nodded to her and she took his proffered arm, smiling easily.  
'Sirius. You clean up nice.'  
'Thanks. You too.' They sat with the other Marauders, chatting and laughing easily through dinner, then danced for a few songs, though Dorcas wasn't much of a dancer, and she opted to sit out with Mary and Marlene for a spell. He spotted Dara near the bar talking with a few Hufflepuff birds from their year group, before she'd turned away. Maybe he could steal a dance while that git was off talking with his mates. He ended up meeting her halfway, as she seemed to be moving toward their table, and placed a hand to the small of her back, catching her attention. 'Dance with me Dara?' He breathed close to her ear, and she seemed to shiver, making him smile. She turned, smiling up at him.   
'What happened to Dorcas?'  
'She's not much of a dancer. She's sitting out for a bit,' he nodded toward the table.  
'And you're that desperate for a dance partner you asked me? Don't you have like...a dozen or so fangirls just panting after you to ask them to dance? And I'm, well...not.'  
He chuckled at her candor. 'Exactly.' She quirked a brow in question. 'I'd rather dance with you than some giggly girl who'd probably drool on my robes.' She frowned, and he felt a bit miffed. 'C'mon, we're friends, aren't we?'  
Dara smiled brightly then. 'Yes, I suppose we are, aren't we?'  
Sirius smiled and took her hand, tugging her forward. 'Then dance with me.'  
Dara’s smile broadened, and she set down her glass. 'Alright,' she inclined her head. As they made their way onto the dance floor, the song switched over to an upbeat number by the Weird Sisters, so they danced like mad and laughed. After another fast song, a slow song came on, and Dara glanced around hesitantly like she wasn't sure he'd want to dance it with her. So, Sirius held out his hand with a smile.  
'One more?'  
Dara smiled back and nodded. 'Alright.' She took his hand and he pulled her close, letting her familiar scent of vanilla and lilac wash over him. They danced in silence for a while until Dara frowned, her back stiffening. Sirius followed her gaze to see Wood snogging his old, and now current, girlfriend Sharon. Sirius looked back at Dara with a thoughtful expression.  
'What happened with you two?'  
Dara looked up at him. 'He didn't tell you?'  
Sirius shook his head. He didn't exactly talk to Wood outside quidditch practice. They didn't really get on. 'I gathered you broke up, but other than that...'  
'Well...he...we...' Dara shook her head. 'Well after the Hufflepuff match, we were drinking...and then he...we...' Dara bit her lip, looking pained, and Sirius suddenly had a sinking feeling in his gut.  
'Did you...did you sleep with him?' Sirius asked quietly.   
Dara looked up at him sadly and nodded slowly, making him frown. 'I wasn't really ready for that with him. And then...' She swallowed thickly. 'After that I...I just didn't feel like I could trust him. And I didn't want to be around him, and...' She shook her head. 'I told him I had feelings for someone else and he broke up with me.' She shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. 'It's for the best.'  
Sirius's brow knitted. 'He slept with you, and broke up with you? A week later?'  
'Less than a week, but yeah.'  
'And you're ok with that?'  
'Mostly, it's just...'  
'What?'  
'Well, he told me he loved me. And now a week after we broke up, here he is snogging that Sharon bird. It’s just...he doesn't seem all that bothered.'  
'Did you?'  
Dara’s brow knitted. 'Did I what?'  
'Love him?'  
'No,’ she laughed lightly, ‘I'm not even sure I believe in love.' Sirius frowned. 'It's just. I just don't think it’s a word you should use lightly.' He nodded. 'Any roads, tell me something good. Tell me about you. Do you fancy Dorcas?'  
'Not Dorcas,' he said without thinking.  
'But you do fancy someone?' Sirius hesitated before nodding. 'Who?'  
Sirius shook his head. 'Doesn't matter.'  
'Why would you say that?'  
'She doesn't fancy me back.'  
'No! I bet that's not true. Maybe she doesn't know you fancy her.'  
'She should,' he smiled down at her. 'I've given her plenty of signals.'  
Dara quirked a brow. 'Have you?' He nodded. 'Maybe she's just really thick then? Oh, poor dear. Is she a bit slow?'  
He chuckled and shook his head. 'She's normally pretty brilliant.'  
Addy frowned. 'Hm. Well, maybe she's just oblivious.'  
'I suppose that's possible,' he smiled.  
'Oh, come on. Out with it then. Who is she? I won't tell, I promise.'  
Sirius bit his lip. 'Alright. You want to know who I fancy?'  
'Merlin, yes!' Her eyes widened, and he opened his mouth.  
'Mind if I cut in?' That Hufflepuff git picked the absolute worst time to show up.   
But no, it was the best time really. 'Yeah, sure,' Sirius nodded, stepping away.  
'But...you were just about to...' Addy trailed off, looking disappointed.  
Sirius shook his head. 'I'll talk to you later,' he waved a hand at her.   
She frowned. 'Ok...I'm going to hold you to that.' She pointed a finger at him and he gave her a tight smile and nodded before he turned and disappeared into the crowd.   
It was better this way, really. Sure, he liked her. As a friend. And he thought she was brilliant and beautiful and witty and kind. But he didn't actually fancy her. He didn't fancy anyone. He just wanted to see what her reaction would be if he told her he fancied her. Right. He'd just keep telling himself that. He didn't need to fancy anyone. He didn't want to fancy anyone. He didn't have time for things like that. He was much too busy having fun with his mates.


	12. Christmases and Birthdays aren't always so Happy

From the moment she got home for Christmas Holiday, Addy received the silent treatment from her family. They carried on conversation as if she wasn't even there. The most interaction she had with them was a few days before the Society Gathering, when Aludra and Addy were being fitted for their dress robes, they still had to hold up appearances, and Aludra fixed her with a contemptuous look and scoffed. 'When did your breasts get bigger than mine?'  
Addy's eyes widened, surprised by her statement. Aludra had always been the shorter of the two, though much curvier, while Addy was taller and slenderer. She didn't think she had much in the way of a figure, though that may have changed at some point. She looked down, contemplating. 'I'm not sure...' Addy said eventually. 'This year I would guess, as you didn't mention anything last year,' she shrugged. Aludra narrowed her eyes. Her appearance was apparently very important to her, as all she had to look forward to was an arranged marriage and her continued life of puppetry. 

Sirius was still in a foul mood, which he’d been in for whatever reason he couldn’t figure, when he arrived at Black Manor with Regulus and Kreacher. Sirius had gone straight to his room and busied himself with quidditch and motorbike magazines, trying to stifle his temper. But really, it was a lost cause as always, his mother had a way of filling him with uncontrolled rage.   
Regulus had braced himself a few hours later, when Sirius had stalked down the stairs at the shrill call of their mother, and taken his seat roughly without a word and began stabbing moodily at his food. Regulus had had to brace himself even further when their mother had chosen to broach the ever delicate subject of Sirius’s friends, seemingly intent on getting a rise out of him. ‘Have you managed to come to your senses and disassociate yourself with those ruffians you call mates?’  
Sirius glared back at her. ‘They are my mates. I will never ‘disassociate myself with them.’  
‘When are you going to realize that that filth is toxic to you?’  
‘When are you going to realize that it’s you who are toxic to me? The whole lot of you!’ Sirius missed the flash of hurt that crossed Regulus’s face and went on undeterred. ‘You’re dark! You’re evil!’   
Their mother threw a plate towards Sirius that he managed to dodge.   
‘Don’t talk to your mother that way,’ their father droned, not bothering to look up from his wine glass.   
‘I will talk to her that way when she talks to me that way! I’m not just going to sit here and listen her talk about my friends that way!’   
She threw another plate, that caught Sirius across the shoulder this time. ‘It’s time you grow up and recognize the proper way to conduct yourself!’  
‘I’m all grown up now mother! So it’s high time you got it through your thick skull that nothing is going to change!’  
‘Why can’t you be like Regulus?’  
‘Because I’m not going to kiss your arse! I’m not going to take your bullshit!’  
‘He knows his place! He has found appropriate companions to associate with! He has found a proper figure head to emulate!’  
Sirius scoffed. ‘That’s exactly where you’ve gone wrong Mother. I do know my place. And it obviously isn’t here!’  
‘Then maybe you should leave,’ she sneered, pulling her wand.   
‘Maybe I should,’ Sirius said calmly, moving to leave the room.   
‘Crucio!’  
The spell hit home, and Sirius staggered into the doorframe in his haste to duck out of the room.   
His mother followed after him. ‘If you leave now, it’s for good!’ she said, sending another spell at his back.   
Sirius fell forward on the stairs but quickly got up. ‘Good!’  
‘Don’t bother coming back!’ She sent another spell towards him that went over his shoulder, connecting with the mirror hanging on the wall and sending shards of it flying. ‘You ungrateful little brat!’  
‘I would never be bothered with you,’ Sirius growled back as he entered his room, ducking another stream of light.   
She continued to shriek and aim various spells at him while he hastily grabbed his trunk and moved to push past her. ‘You traitor! You! Shame of my flesh! You are no son of mine!’ 

James was started awake in the early hours of the morning by the sound of distinct laughter. Sirius’s laughter. But not his usual, jovial barking laughter. His detached, maniacal, chilling laughter. And it sounded to James like it was coming from inside the house. He immediately got up, fumbling with his dressing gown, and followed the sound to what was considered Sirius’s room and then further into the wash closet. He found Sirius with a bloodied cloth, various cuts around his person, the hem of his sleeve singed, and just staring at himself in the mirror. Laughing.   
‘Padfoot?’ James addressed him softly.   
Sirius looked at James through the mirror, his laughter only quieting slightly. ‘Jovey let me in.’ He said in reference to the Potters’ house elf.   
James nodded slowly. ‘What’s happened mate?’  
Sirius shrugged, still laughing. ‘I’ve left,’ he said, trying to sound nonchalant, though his eyes filled with unshed tears. James just nodded and stepped forward, enveloping Sirius in a brotherly hug. ‘I’m not going back,’ Sirius murmured, suddenly sounding empty.   
‘Of course you’re not!’ James said easily. ‘You’re staying here!’  
‘Thanks mate,’ Sirius said hollowly.   
James nodded back, and no more was said on the matter. 

 

Addy had only received another note for Christmas, stating again that she was free to get herself her own present, which suited her just fine.  
That year the Society Gathering was held at the Blacks. When they arrived, Sirius was nowhere to be found, so Addy approached Regulus once she could finally get him alone for a moment. Addy had never had a problem with him. He was always the quieter of the brothers, calmer. It was his friends she couldn't stand. Regulus informed her that Sirius had left, though he would offer nothing more. The night was horrid for Addy on her own. She was forced to dance with both Avery and Rosier. Her skin was crawling by the time they made it back to Nott Manor, and she submerged her sorrows in a scalding hot bath and firewhiskey. The night before they were to return to Hogwarts, Addy's father decided to break his silent treatment of her and called her into his office. She glanced idly at his clippings from his days at Hogwarts and time with the Knights of Walpurgis, as he proceeded to inform her that Aludra was to marry Rabastan Lestrange in the summer holiday, and the prospective suitors they were arranging for her to marry had been narrowed to two, Evan Rosier and Graham Avery. Apparently, her options were severely limited based on her sorting and her continued delinquency. When he continued by saying she would be married the summer following her graduation, she lost the plot. 'But can't I decide who I marry and when?'  
Her father looked at her stoically. 'You will marry who you are best suited for,' he said slowly.   
'So, I get no say?' He said nothing. 'But I want to be a healer. I want to go to training after Hogwarts, not get married.'   
Her father stood, coming around his desk to stand next to her chair. 'That will not be happening. You will have no more business in school or working.'  
Addy stood to face him, looking up at him defiantly. 'And what if I decide to do it anyway? What if I don't want to get married at all?'  
She didn't see the crushing blow that cracked across her cheek, coming. Her father had never struck her physically, always preferring to use his wand. She thought vaguely that he may have broken her cheekbone, as she stumbled and fell feebly back into her chair. He leaned over her, sneering, while she clutched her cheek. 'You will do well to remember your place Adhara. You are lucky to have any prospective suitors, and when we have made our decision, your marriage will be arranged. You will fulfill your duty to your family and your society. Do I make myself clear?'  
Addy swallowed thickly. 'Yes, father,' she mumbled. He stood straight then and waved a hand at the door in dismissal. She left the room as quickly as possible for her own. Next day she woke early and left for Kings Cross on her own. She sat herself in the toilet at the back of the train, keeping her bruised and swollen cheek hastily hidden away from wondering eyes. She stayed there the entire ride and wondered fleetingly if she would be able to fake her own death and yet still continue at Hogwarts. She was still brooding over the possibilities of staying at the castle until graduation or spending the summer holiday living in the forbidden forest, when the train pulled into Hogsmeade station. She waited for everyone else to leave the train before she looked down at her feet and hid her face behind curtains of hair as she walked up the street to the castle alone, where she sought out Madam Pomfrey, who fixed her right up. The school was abuzz with gossip about Sirius leaving home, and no one seemed to know about Addy's little problem at home; or maybe big problem? Because really, it was one of the things that would ultimately drive her to leave.   
On her birthday, Addy woke up again to nothing. But, low and behold, she received a letter again while she was treating herself to waffles, strawberries, and bacon, with her usual tea. The letter started off alright. While devoid of any real sentiment, it did give her permission to again, buy her own present. However, the pleasantries ended there, as the letter went on to say that her husband had been decided and they would begin the process of arranging her wedding to Graham Avery. She barely registered the strangled noise of disgust that came out of her mouth, as she crumpled the letter and stabbed it with a knife. Next thing she knew, she was doubled over outside the front steps to the castle, emptying the contents of her stomach. She hadn't realized she had been followed until her hair was being pulled back and a comforting hand was placed on her shoulder. The icy breeze that blew across them and engulfed her in their warm and familiar scent, told her who it was. When she was finally done heaving, she took a deep breath and wiped her mouth as she stood, turning to see he held her crumpled letter in his hand.   
'You alright?' Sirius asked quietly, his steely eyes full of concern.   
She shook her head. 'No. No, I'm not. Not at all.' She pulled her wand from her pocket to shoot some water into her mouth, swish it around, and spat it onto the ground. 'I don't think I'm up to classes today. Call it a mental health day...Merlin, I need a drink.'  
Sirius frowned and glanced at the ground. 'On an empty stomach?'  
Addy frowned too. 'Those were good waffles too. My family ruins everything,' she muttered darkly. 'You didn't need to save that,' she said, pointing to the letter.  
'What's got you so bothered?'  
'See for yourself,' she shrugged.   
Sirius hesitated for a moment, then opened the letter carefully. His brow knitted more the further he got in the letter, before he looked up at her with his mouth agape. 'They're forcing you into an arranged marriage with Avery?'  
Addy exhaled a slow breath, looking to the sky. 'They think so at least.'  
'What?'  
'Well I'm obviously not going to marry that troll. I just have to figure out what I am going to do.'  
'How do you mean?'  
'Well, I'm hoping I can pretend to play along until seventh year before I just don't go back.'  
'How can you still just...play along?'  
Addy shrugged. 'I don't really have another option. We don't all have a Potter.'  
Sirius frowned, remembering the conversation he’d overheard between her and her mother, then looked up at her thoughtfully. 'So, how about that drink? I'll buy.'  
Her brow knitted as she looked back at him. 'You don't have to skive off on account of me. Besides, aren't you skint now?'  
He smirked. 'I'm not exactly destitute.' He put his arm around her shoulders and steered her toward the gates. 'How about the Hogs Head?'  
She looked up at him and smiled. 'Sounds brilliant.'  
They sat and sipped firewhiskey and he told her of how he had come to leave home. 'I'd just had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. Any of it. The Potters were really good about taking me in.'  
She told him how horrid the Society Gathering had been, more so without him there; how his brother would only say he had left; that she was forced to spend time with him and his mates, and did he know Regulus had a bit of a shrine to Voldemort? Sadly, he did. Also, she told him she noticed there was a right black hole where his name had been before on their family tapestry. He nodded grimly with an 'I figured as much.' She went on to tell him how Aludra was to marry the other LeStrange bloke, how the candidates for her had been narrowed and how grateful she was told she should be, and how her father had struck her for the first time when she'd talked back, and he'd said 'I'd wondered about that,' while brushing her cheek thoughtfully with his thumb. Apparently, he had gotten a glance in the entrance hall. 'Pomfrey said he'd fractured my cheekbone, but she was able to fix it right up.' He had nodded, frowning. They ate fish and chips and drank more firewhiskey and danced down the street to no music but what was in their heads. Addy couldn't remember what they talked about after that except that when she went to put her hair up Sirius said, 'no leave it down,' but it must have been more lighthearted as she distinctly recalled laughing quite a bit as they stumbled back to Hogwarts through some passageway she'd never seen before.   
They got back in time for dinner, but Addy decided against. She met up with Sam as they had planned. He looked at her with a spark in his eyes that she had never noticed before, saying a 'happy birthday Addy,' while holding out a small package wrapped in brown paper. She smiled as she took it from him and unwrapped it carefully, finding a book of unlined parchment. 'It's a sketchbook,' he said, causing her to look up at him. 'So, you'll have somewhere to put all those drawing of yours.' Emboldened by the liquid courage still coursing through her veins, Addy threw her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. It only took a moment of Sam being surprised before he had wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. They stayed that way for quite some time, wrapped up in each other in a quiet corner of a disused classroom. Sam asked Addy to be his girlfriend and she agreed without hesitation.   
Next day Avery pulled Addy aside as they were leaving the potions classroom. ‘Adhara. You’ve heard the news I assume?’  
‘Yes, and I’m just chuffed to bits,’ she said sarcastically.  
He took her hand, linking his fingers through hers. ‘Be my girlfriend then.’  
‘Ew,’ Addy said, pulling her hand away quickly and wiping it on her robes. ‘No.’  
‘Why not?’  
‘Why not?’ she laughed incredulously. ‘Because I don’t want to.’  
‘We’re promised to each other now.’  
‘That doesn’t mean I have to be with you now,’ she said decidedly.  
‘It does however mean, that you may not be with anyone else.’  
Addy scoffed. ‘And how, pray tell, do you come to that conclusion?’  
‘You belong to me now.’  
‘Belong to you?’ she sneered. ‘I am not your possession. I belong to no one.’  
‘I wouldn’t be so sure, Adhara.’  
‘Whatever,’ Addy said, turning to walk away, ‘You don’t own me.’


	13. Chapter 13

‘Mate, you’re staring,’ James muttered amusedly.   
‘Hmm?’ Sirius said eloquently.   
‘You’re staring,’ James said, raising his eyebrows pointedly.   
‘Into space maybe,’ Sirius muttered in a bored tone, trying to act casual.   
‘Sure,’ James said, stifling a laugh.   
Sirius grunted. He had been staring, he realized. After he’d transfigured his owl into opera glasses and back a few times, he’d grown bored and his gaze had naturally begun to wander. It hadn’t taken long for it to settle on Dara. It’d become almost instinctual. His eyes were just drawn to her. She always seemed to have this… glow about her. This carefree glow. She didn’t talk much, she never had really, but she had such an expressive face. He couldn’t help but watch her, trying to figure out her thoughts at any given moment. Just then she’d been biting her lip to suppress a smile, her eyes lit up with happiness, obviously trying not to laugh at Peter’s failed attempts at transfiguring his owl. Remus was silently sniggering beside Peter at Peter’s exuberant wand movement. She reached forward then and gently stilled his flailing arm, talking to him kindly in her quiet voice. Peter’s ears turned pink in embarrassment, but he seemed to follow her instruction and after another few attempts, managed to find a set of opera glasses on the desk in front of him. Dara smiled encouragingly back at him and nodded before she turned back to her desk where Lily’s and her glasses had sat for some time. Dara easily turned her opera glasses back into an owl and smiled happily as it ambled around their desk, all the while chatting with Lily.  
Sirius shook his head to clear it. He really did need to get it together. What he needed was a good old prank to distract him. ‘What say you to a prank, Prongsie?’  
‘You even have to ask,’ James said distractedly. Sirius followed his line of sight and rolled his eyes. Bloody hypocrite. Of course, he was staring at Lily.   
‘Ok. How about we turn Lily’s hair green?’ Sirius said quietly.  
‘Sounds… wait what?’  
Sirius laughed. ‘I knew you weren’t listening.’   
James frowned. ‘I was… sort of.’  
Sirius waved his comment off, satisfied that James was actually listening now. ‘What do you think about numbing a few arses?’  
‘What are you on about?’ James said bemusedly.  
‘We use this arse numbing hex I heard about, on a couple Slytherins.’  
‘And what does that do?’ James asked, his eyebrows disappearing into his fringe.  
‘When they go to sit down they just slide onto the floor. Looking bloody ridiculous.’  
‘You’re bloody ridiculous,’ James laughed.   
Sirius looked at him blankly, obviously not amused.   
‘But yeah, that sounds like a laugh,’ James amended quickly. ‘Who should we use it on?’  
‘Snivellus.’  
‘Obviously.’  
Sirius shrugged. ‘And I was thinking Avery. Mulciber…’  
James nodded. ‘Rosier.’  
‘So, all the blokes in our year.’  
James nodded again. ‘Sounds about right. So, when should we do this?’  
‘I was thinking right before lunch?’  
‘I call dibs on Snivellus.’  
‘Damnit Prongs,’ Sirius whined. ‘Fine,’ he huffed after a moment. ‘I’ll get Avery and Mulciber. You get Rosier and Snivellus.’  
‘Right.’

Addy had caught sight of James and Sirius in Transfiguration and knew that look on their faces. It could only mean they were planning a prank, and she could only hope she wouldn’t be the target, as their pranks were almost always hilarious otherwise. Addy was not disappointed when she walked into the Great Hall for lunch later that day and had to grip onto Mary to stop from falling over in breathy laughter. The sight of Avery slipping over the bench like a limp noodle was just fantastic.  
‘Oh, I wish I had my camera,’ Marlene interjected from behind Addy and Mary.  
Mary laughed loudly. ‘I know. This is one for the pensieve.’  
Addy was wiping tears of mirth from her eyes as they sat at Gryffindor table. ‘Nice one,’ she said quietly to Sirius.  
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Sirius said innocently. Here he was trying to distract himself…  
James beamed back at her. ‘Isn’t it though?’  
‘Definitely,’ she smiled. ‘Too bad you didn’t give them a bit of slime as well. Then they’d really resemble the snakes that they are.’  
‘Aw, why didn’t you think of that?’ James whined.  
‘Me? I came up with the arse numbing! Do I have to do all the work?’  
James shook his head. ‘We should have consulted Moony.’   
‘Or me!’ Addy exclaimed indignantly.  
‘Yeah, well… you’re not a Marauder,’ said Sirius.  
‘The one time it’s a problem I don’t have a cock,’ Addy mock huffed.  
‘Aw, it’s ok. I’m sure there’s at least one person that’s glad of that,’ James said coyly, glancing at Sirius.  
Addy’s face clouded with confusion. ‘What?’   
‘Nothing,’ Sirius said pointedly.

 

Just a few days later, Trish began acting strangely toward Addy. They really weren't that close, though they sat together in Ancient Runes, would chat if they ran into each other elsewhere, and they had attended a few parties together; but then Trish started acting indifferent, almost cold toward Addy, not talking to her outside of class, not meeting to study in the library, and barely acknowledging her in class. There was definitely a sudden tension between them that hadn't been there before. This went on for a few weeks before Addy couldn't take it anymore and decided to apologize in Runes one day. 'Look, Trish, if I've done something to upset you I really am sorry. I honestly was not trying to hurt you if I have in some way. Did I do or say something to offend you?' Can we be polite at least? Addy thought.   
Trish's expression softened, and she turned to look at Addy. 'No, it's nothing. You did nothing. I've just been stressed about OWLs.'   
Evasive much? 'Oh, I can understand that,' Addy nodded.  
Trish smiled. 'Effie and I are studying in the library on Thursday if you'd like to join us.'  
Addy smiled back. 'Alright.'

‘Hullo Dara,’ Sirius said as he took up a spot next to her at Gryffindor table, with James sitting on his other side and Remus and Peter taking up spots opposite.   
‘Good morning,’ Addy nodded to them all.  
‘Not scowling I see,’ said Sirius.  
‘Should I be?’  
Sirius pushed a plate of heart shaped toast towards her, his eyebrows raised.  
‘Oh. I didn’t even notice… Is it Valentine’s already?’  
‘Did you not get any this year?’ James asked skeptically, shooting a glance at Sirius.  
‘Post owls haven’t come yet,’ Addy shrugged.  
‘Well, do you mind if I try out a pick-up line on you?’ Sirius said slowly.  
‘What, for all your fan girls? I don’t think you need a pick-up line for them. They’re already panting after you.’  
‘No, not for the fan girls…’  
‘No?’  
‘Just tell me if it’s good, and if it works, then I’ll let you know who I used it on.’  
‘Ok, shoot,’ Addy said, looking up from her porridge.   
‘You must be a basilisk,’ he started, and she quirked a brow. ‘Because every time I look in your eyes, I go stiff.’  
Addy immediately broke out into snorting laughter, and her body shook to the point that Marlene leaned over and moved her tea aside for fear that it would get knocked over. Sirius couldn’t help but grin back at her. ‘Oh, that’s awful!’ Addy exclaimed once she’d gotten her voice back.  
‘Awful-ly brilliant?’  
‘Sure, sure,’ Addy sniggered. ‘As long as this bird has a sense of humor.’  
‘Oh, I think she does,’ he said softly. James elbowed him sharply and he shot a glare back.  
‘Here’s the post,’ Remus interjected pointedly.  
‘Oh, Sam sent me one,’ Addy said, looking a bit uncomfortable.  
‘Well, I should hope so, he is your boyfriend,’ Marlene said.   
‘Yeah, but I didn’t get him one.’  
‘You didn’t get your boyfriend a Valentine?’  
‘I forgot ok? I’ve told you I don’t like Valentine’s,’ she frowned.   
‘Yeah, well. This isn’t for your future husband. It’s for your boyfriend. Whom you actually fancy.’  
‘I’ll make it up to him,’ she shrugged.  
‘Oh, you will, will you?’  
Addy just smirked back at her.  
‘Ew, Addy. Ew,’ Marlene laughed.   
‘What’s that muggle saying about a pot and a kettle?’ Addy said pointedly as she turned to rise from the bench.  
‘Touché,’ Marlene nodded, grinning as Addy walked away towards Hufflepuff table.  
‘Addy has a boyfriend?’ Remus said, surprised.  
‘Yes,’ Marlene said, narrowing her eyes.  
‘Since when is she with that Sam bloke?’ James asked as he shot another glance at Sirius, who managed to keep his expression impassive.  
‘Since her birthday,’ Marlene said slowly.  
‘He got her a really thoughtful gift,’ Mary interjected.  
‘Better than firewhiskey?’ said Peter.  
Sirius shot him a glare and Marlene hummed thoughtfully.  
Sam and Addy had been spending all of their free time together, which admittedly wasn't a lot, but their relationship progressed rapidly regardless. They had been close friends for years at that point, so it didn't feel like it was too soon when they decided to take that next step a few weeks in and slept together. Addy didn't feel shy or self-conscious at all around him, nor him her, and they could find time every day, with or without libation, to enjoy each other properly; in broom cupboards, empty classrooms, his dorm room, the quidditch stands and locker rooms, they didn't need much time, which was lucky since they really didn't have a lot.

Addy was sat at Gryffindor table for lunch, sipping on her water while surreptitiously eyeing… erm, someone. Up. Why was it surreptitious? Because this someone was not, in fact, her boyfriend; but it didn’t hurt to look, right? That didn’t count as cheating… it wasn’t as if she would act on it. And it wasn’t as if this person would ever be interested in her. So she could just quietly appreciate how gorgeous he looked today, more so than most days, how is that even possible? ‘Hmm. He’ll make you cream your knickers that one,’ Marlene stated boldly as she took a seat opposite Addy at the table, both announcing her presence and pointing out to Addy that she wasn’t actually hiding her staring all that well. Addy spit her water across the table as she spluttered in embarrassment, effectively splattering both Marlene and Lily. Marlene frowned in distaste, while Lily simply pulled her wand and dried the two of them. ‘Someone really needs to teach you how to swallow,’ Marlene said, shaking her head in disappointment at Addy.   
‘Are you offering, since you’re such an expert then?’ Addy quipped.   
Marlene shook her head again. ‘Eyeing up Sirius and you can’t swallow?’  
‘Shut it Marlene!’ Addy hissed, her cheeks flushing deeply as she glanced around.   
‘Sam must be so disappointed,’ Marlene went on in mock sorrow.   
‘I’m allowed to look,’ Addy said sharply, before she suddenly suppressed a smile. ‘Besides he should be honored that I even bother. If you get the desired effect, who cares where… things. End up?’  
Lily and Mary made disgusted faces while Marlene laughed lightly. ‘Alright. I’ll give you that. But you may want to be a bit more discrete in future,’ she said, nodding down the table.   
Addy blushed brightly again, pulling an awkward face. ‘I couldn’t help it!’ she whinged. ‘What is it with him today? That’s not fair,’ she said mater-of-fact, her eyes wide.   
Marlene, Mary, and Lily merely laughed at her expense while she quietly grumbled and went back to her soup. 

Sirius frowned as his eyes were, once again, drawn to Dara. She was smiling brightly, while that git from Hufflepuff snaked his arm around her waist and snuck a kiss onto her cheek while Sprout’s back was turned. He wasn’t much taller than her. Though she didn’t seem to mind. They really shouldn’t be doing that, Sirius thought as she turned to quickly kiss the git’s lips. It could be dangerous.   
‘Padfoot mate, I know you think you don’t fancy Addy, but if you keep staring at her she’s going to think you do,’ James said in a hushed, albeit amused, whisper.   
Sirius shot a scowl at James. It was getting harder for him to deny to himself that he didn’t fancy her. Though he didn’t have to admit it to anyone else just yet. When he’d come to find that they’d gotten together on her birthday he’d been exceedingly cross, and it hadn’t taken long after that to realize it was because he had missed the opportunity to snatch her up himself. Although had he actually had the opportunity? he mused. He still felt as though she didn’t feel that way towards him. She’d never shown any interest. Apart from being mates. And that one snog. Though, to be fair, they’d both been pissed. So, he could hardly count that as a point in his favor. But he was Sirius Black! No girl could resist his charm. And his face. She had eyed him up… that one time. And then, hadn’t she said she found his arrogance off putting or something? Though that was before they’d become proper mates. Did she still think he was an arrogant bully? She usually laughed at their pranks, and even when she seemed to overhear his pratty comments, she would smile, so that must mean she thought he was funny. Right?  
Sirius frowned again as the lesson ended and Dara ran off with that git, probably to a broom cupboard or someplace equally disgusting. He really didn’t understand what she saw in him. But she did seem happy, so he supposed the git must treat her well enough.   
‘You coming Padfoot?’ Peter said suddenly from Sirius’s left.   
‘Let him finish his day dream,’ Remus commented as he rounded the work table and joined them.   
‘I was just thinking,’ Sirius said casually.   
‘That’s dangerous,’ Remus quipped.   
‘Yes, yes, it hurt,’ Sirius waved off the comment he predicted coming from James next; and rightly so, Sirius would wager, based on the disappointed look on James’s face. ‘We haven’t pulled a prank in a while. How’s about we think something up. I’m getting an itch.’  
‘Sounds like a personal problem mate,’ James laughed.   
‘I’m sure Poppy has something for that,’ Remus added.   
Peter sniggered.   
‘So, what do you think?’ Sirius said, choosing to ignore them.   
‘Let me have a think on it,’ Remus nodded, clapping Sirius on the back.   
James nodded too, his eyes alighting with mischief. ‘Right. We’ll talk tonight.’  
Peter gave a little squeak of delight. 

‘It has to be big.’  
‘But not too big.’  
‘There’s no such thing as too big.’  
‘Let’s just… keep it reigned in, yeah?’  
‘Oh, come on Moony!’ Sirius whined.  
‘We don’t want to keep it reigned in!’ protested James.  
‘Look,’ Remus said carefully. ‘It can be big, sure. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We need to keep that certain… finesse, if you will. That’s what makes it a prank from the Marauders.’  
‘Alright, alright,’ Sirius conceded.   
‘What did you have in mind?’ James said.  
‘Well… have either of you ever seen the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?’  
‘No…’ Sirius said slowly.  
‘Erm, no,’ said James.  
‘Oo, I have,’ Peter said, raising his hand like he was waiting to be called on.  
‘What about it?’ Sirius said impatiently.  
‘Well there’s this scene where Charlie and his grandpa get the hiccups after they drink this soda,’ Remus started.  
James stared at him blankly.  
‘Fascinating,’ Sirius interrupted.  
Remus rolled his eyes. ‘And it made them float into the air. They couldn’t get down.’  
‘Ok… but how do we get this…’ James trailed off.  
‘Fizzy lifting soda,’ Peter said helpfully.  
Remus shook his head. ‘I was thinking a variation of a hiccupping solution paired with a hybrid levitation charm.’  
Sirius grinned. ‘Now we’re talking.’  
Peter nodded. ‘Definitely.’  
‘Brilliant,’ James said, reaching out to give Remus a high five, which he quickly accepted.  
Admittedly it had taken them quite some time to perfect, well over a fortnight, but all the best pranks did take time. Right? They chose to add their solution to the evening pumpkin juice one night, at every house table, ensuring maximum effect. They’d just sat down and were quietly tucking into their shepherd’s pie, when they heard the first hiccup from Hufflepuff table. It wasn’t long before hiccups rang out from every corner of the Great Hall, and sure enough, after a few more moments, that second year Hufflepuff rose into the air, to be followed quickly by many others.   
Addy had been sitting just down the table next to Mary, opposite Marlene and Lily. She leaned back on the bench to look around Mary with a broad grin on her face and looked to Remus. ‘Are they going to have to burp to get down?’ she asked quietly, as Marlene rose into the air.   
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Remus said airily.   
‘I’m sure you don’t,’ Addy said easily, laughing as Lucy Macdonald soon floated toward the ceiling of the Great Hall. ‘But, since it obviously wasn’t you lot…’  
‘Obviously,’ Remus smiled.  
‘We would never,’ James added innocently, surreptitiously glancing at Lily, who remained quiet as she stared up the floating students.  
‘Right,’ Addy smiled again. ‘But whoever did,’ she glanced around. ‘Should probably get some extra credit in… what, potions? And charms maybe?’ she said as she looked at Mary.  
‘Maybe,’ Mary nodded, grinning too. ‘Probably. It is quite clever.’  
‘Clever? It’s bloody brilliant,’ Addy said quietly, before she suddenly erupted into loud guffaws.   
‘What?’ Mary said bemusedly.  
‘P-P-Professor Fl-Flitwick!’ she giggled out, pointing toward the ceiling over the staff table; she then leaned into Mary, who soon leaned into her, both shaking violently with silent laughter.  
Lily then put a hand over her mouth to suppress her laughter as she caught sight of the tiny professor bobbing around above the staff table.   
McGonagall was attempting, and failing, to pull Flitwick down.  
Professor Dumbledore was grinning openly.   
Addy often got the impression that the headmaster was quite fond of a little harmless pranking.  
Sirius couldn’t help but look back at her with a grin. With a big stupid grin. She didn’t notice as she was still sniggering with Mary and trying to goad Lily, but James did. James promptly elbowed Sirius sharply in the side, and Sirius cleared his throat awkwardly, finally averting his gaze.

‘Still going to tell us you don’t fancy her?’ James said pointedly, his eyebrows lost in his fringe. He at least had had the decency to wait until they had reached the privacy of their dorm room.  
Sirius rubbed a hand over his face tiredly. ‘Alright, I may have a little crush…’  
‘A little?’ Remus chuckled.  
‘Crush? Mate, you looked like you’d been dosed with amortentia,’ James said matter-of-fact.  
‘Come off it,’ Sirius waved him off.  
‘No, no. It’s true Padfoot,’ Peter piped up.  
‘It wasn’t that bad! I was just smiling at her!’  
‘You were all moon eyed! You looked like you were trying to stake a claim on Moony’s nickname,’ James laughed.  
‘Come on, Sirius, what would the problem be if you did fancy her?’ Remus asked calmly.  
Sirius shrugged. ‘She’s got a boyfriend for one.’  
‘She’s had ‘em before,’ James waved his comment off.  
‘But she seems happy with this one,’ Sirius said.  
‘True,’ Remus said slowly.  
‘Are you sure it’s just a crush?’ James asked carefully.  
Sirius rubbed a hand over his face again. ‘No,’ he sighed, looking at James. ‘But what am I to do?’  
‘Snog someone else? Move on?’ said James.  
‘I’ve tried that,’ Sirius said exasperatedly. ‘You’ve seen how well that’s worked out.’  
James and Remus shared a look.   
‘Wait it out?’ Remus suggested.  
Sirius sighed again. ‘Yeah.’   
Really, it wasn’t that simple. Sirius wasn’t even sure she fancied him. Or that she ever would. But he’d tried to distract himself, to snog other birds, to pull more pranks… And it hadn’t worked. He couldn’t get her out of his head. He was forever drawn to her. And it was driving him mad. Barking mad. Sirius shook his head. He’d just have to try harder to forget about her. Spend more time having fun with his mates. Because really, that was all that mattered. And really, what else was he to do?  
One Friday night in March after dinner, Addy and Sam went up to the prefects' bathroom, he'd gotten the password from Arnie, and they sipped firewhiskey and enjoyed the warm waters for quite some time, until someone started banging on the door that they wanted the bath. So, they went back to his room and pulled the hangings around them and put up silencing spells and drank and talked and laughed... some time around five Sam passed out, though Addy still felt wide awake, so she snatched his pack of cigarettes and snuck out of the castle to watch the sunrise at the edge of the forest. She leaned against a tree trunk and lit a fag with her wand, just as the first lights of dawn peeked over the tops of the mountains, casting the sky in a soft orange and the clouds glow a rosy pink. As she blew smoke to the slowly brightening sky, the peace was broken by loud laughing and whooping. Addy started and turned to find four figures, completely starkers, streaking away from the whomping willow, and she sniggered as they did some strange erratic dance moves before bending behind a clump of bushes. Peter straightened, looked over, and swore loudly, causing the other three to stand and look round inquiringly. Addy grinned and gave a short wave, still leaning against the tree. James grinned back. Boy was not short on confidence, that's for sure. Remus waved back awkwardly, and Sirius smacked Peter lightly on the chest saying, 'it's just Dara.' She smirked to herself. They finished pulling on their trousers, white oxfords, and robes, only Peter feeling the need to button up his shirt, before they sauntered over to where she was stood.   
'Like what you see, Nott?' James asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.   
Addy chuckled. 'Yes, thoroughly entertaining. That why they've been calling you Wormtail Pettigrew?' she said with a smirk while wiggling her pinky finger in the air. James and Sirius sniggered.   
'Bleedin no!' Peter spluttered.  
'Relax! I didn't actually see anything. I don't have my magnifying glass with me, you see.' She spread her hands out wide.  
'What are you smoking?' James asked, taking the fag from her mouth and putting it to his own lips.  
She waved lazily and dug in her robes pocket for the pack of cigarettes. 'Just a bit drunk still.'  
'A bit,' James laughed.  
'Well that explains it,' Sirius chuckled.  
'Hm?' He snatched a cigarette, then pointed toward her legs. She looked down to find she was wearing Sam's white oxford shirt that fell to her midthigh, her own cloak thrown over, but not done up, her black combat boots, and no bottoms. 'Hm. Thought it was a bit breezy,' she shrugged, then held the pack out to Remus, who took one, then to Peter, who did not, before she pulled another out for herself.  
Remus lit the fag with his wand then smirked at Addy. 'Drinking, smoking, and a dress code violation. Tsk-tsk Miss Nott.'  
She scowled at him mockingly. 'You going to report me Mr. Prefect, when you've broke dress code, and are smoking, and obviously broke curfew. Why are you lot out her anyway? It's not even...' She extended her arm, letting her sleeve fall back, and frowned at her bare wrist.  
'It's nearly half seven,' Remus said, looking at his own watch.  
'Hmm.'  
Sirius grinned, shrugging. 'Sometimes we just run round all night-'  
'Starkers?'  
'You're practically starkers.'  
'First off, don't exaggerate. Secondly, I have my whiskey coat on.'  
Sirius grinned wider. 'Right. Any roads, we weren’t starkers all night. That was just part of a...game.' His voice lifted at the end as if it were a question.  
Addy smirked. 'A naked game? Between the four of you?' They all seemed to pale. 'Well I'm not one to judge. If that's how you lot feel...' She pumped her fist in the air. 'That whole Marauder business makes even more sense now,' she muttered. They all made noises of protest and scoffed as she sniggered.   
'That's not what I meant!' Sirius said angrily.  
'Thou doth protest too much methinks,' she said in mock seriousness.  
Sirius huffed.  
'That's not even the quote,' Remus said.  
Addy raised her eyebrows. 'Well, I wasn't going to call him a lady...' Remus rolled his eyes. 'Merlin, I'm just having a laugh! What's got your wands in a knot?... your naked game not go so well?' she sniggered. Remus shook his head, James sighed, and Sirius smiled and pushed her playfully. 'Alright, you don't have to tell me if you don't want.'  
'Why're you out here then?' James asked.  
'Apparently I knew I would get some entertainment. You lot are a scream. If you're pranking me right now, I'm thoroughly enjoying it.'  
Sirius smirked. 'If you want us to prank you I'm sure we can work something out.'  
'It must be subliminal,' Peter interjected.  
Addy blinked slowly. 'What?'  
'You said you knew you'd get entertainment.'  
She frowned. 'I think you mean subconscious.'  
'Really though,' James said. 'What're you doing out here at six o'clock on a Saturday morning?'  
Addy shrugged and held up the fag in her hand. 'Sam passed out. I couldn't sleep. Came to watch the sunrise.'  
James shot a glance at Sirius who frowned. Remus's eyebrows raised. 'Ah, so basically, he fancied the pants right off you.'  
She snorted quietly, rolling her eyes. 'Something like that. May as well enjoy myself before I'm sold off into slavery.'  
'I thought you weren't actually going through with that?' Sirius said.  
'I'll figure something out,' she said, waving him off. She didn't really want to get into it with him, because she was going to figure it out. And she really was having fun.   
A few days later, after quidditch practice, Marlene and Addy headed up to their dorm, intent on working on their DADA paper. ‘You said you started already, right Ad? Mind if I take a look at it? Just to get an idea?’  
‘Yeah, sure,’ Addy said as she went toward the bathroom. ‘Should be in my book,’ she pointed toward the book on her bedside table before she entered the bathroom. Just as she was about to shut the door, Marlene gave a yelp of surprise. Addy came back into the room and had to slap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing, as she found Marlene completely covered in what appeared to be flour.   
‘What the bleeding hell?!’ Addy’s eyes went wide. ‘Did you do this, Addy?’ She shook her head. ‘Don’t you dare laugh!’ The trouble with someone saying that to you, is that you’re far more likely to then. So, Addy backed away, shoving her fist into her mouth. ‘ADDY!’ Marlene screeched, standing up. Addy bolted for the door as a laugh escaped her lips, tearing down the stairs. She found the Marauders sitting on the couch in front of the fire, watching the girls’ stairs rather expectantly, and she leapt over it, still laughing, to hide behind it.  
‘I’m assuming I have you lot to thank for this?’  
‘What are you on about?’ James said innocently, though she saw the glint in his eyes.   
‘Addy!’ Marlene yelled from the bottom of the stairs. The Marauders started laughing immediately.  
‘I didn’t do it, I swear!’  
‘Then why are you laughing?’  
‘Well, it is rather funny,’ Addy sniggered. ‘You should see yourself, you look bloody ridiculous. I believe you’ve been antiqued.’  
‘Get. It. Off. Now.’  
‘I don’t know how, I didn’t do it!’  
‘Adhara!’  
Addy stiffened. ‘Ask them!’ she said, pointing at the boys still laughing in front of her. Marlene growled in frustration and Addy started laughing again, which Marlene didn’t appreciate apparently, as she chased her round the couch and out of the common room.   
Sirius smiled fondly, shaking his head before a groan of frustration escaped his lips as the portrait swung shut behind them. ‘She even appreciates a good prank.’  
‘She’s always done, though,’ Remus chuckled.   
‘Why is she with that plonker? He’s no idea…’  
‘Exactly, mate. He’s no idea. He’ll fuck it up some way or other,’ James said with a grin, slapping him on the back.  
Sirius sighed. ‘Yeah, I suppose. Hopefully sooner than later.’  
‘That’s the spirit, Padfoot,’ Remus nodded.  
Sirius laughed, letting his head fall to the back of the couch and rubbing a hand over his face roughly.


	14. Everything's going to pot

Things were going smashingly with Sam until some time in late March, when in the throes of passion, he did something that deeply unsettled Addy. He told her he loved her. He assured her she didn't have to say it back but that he just had to tell her. 'I just thought you oughtta know.' He said this all so earnestly that Addy thought he must have meant it, or at least felt he did. She honestly couldn't be sure, as she had previously not even believed in love. She had at the very least become open to the idea of the possibility of its existence, though she still wasn't really sure what it was supposed to mean. Was there something you were supposed to feel? Other than thoroughly enjoying their sexual relations, she really didn't physically feel anything different for him than she had for anyone else; and while he had assured her she didn't need to say it back, which was good as she didn't feel she could, she did feel exceptionally guilty, and then awkward, in the situation. So much so, that she began to pull away, becoming emotionally distant and irritable. After a few weeks he began to respond in kind, then halfway through April, right before Easter Holiday, he approached her looking rather nervous and refusing to meet her eye. 'Addy, can I talk to you?' He glanced at a spot near her hairline and she felt a sinking sense of dread in her stomach. They settled into an alcove not far from the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. He took a deep breath and wrung his hands, still looking anywhere but at her. 'I've...I've made a mistake and I… I have to tell you about it. I don't want to hurt you...that's the last thing I want to do but...but I can't keep this to myself. It's killing me.' Her brow knitted as he swallowed thickly. 'I... last weekend when we won against Ravenclaw I drank entirely too much, and I slept with someone else,' he said quickly. Addy's eyes widened, and she stared at her hands. 'I didn't even really know what I was doing and when I woke up I felt terrible and I know..I know it's no excuse and I'm so, so, sorry I'm just the worst and... please say something.'  
Addy balled her hands into fists to keep them from shaking and tried to keep her expression blank before she looked up at him slowly. 'You said you loved me...what...why would you say that, when you clearly don't?'   
He shook his head desperately. 'No! I did love you!'  
She sighed. 'Did?'  
'I mean do! I do love you! I just...'  
'What? I know I'm not an expert, but I don't think you do things like this to people you supposedly love.'  
'I love you, I do. I just...I don't think I'm in love with you anymore.'  
Her brow knitted. 'What the fuck does that even mean?'  
His expression was strained. 'Look, you had to have felt it too. We haven't been getting on for a while now. You've been shutting me out for weeks.'   
Addy was struggling to remain impassive. 'What? So, you're saying this is my fault?'  
Sam held up his hands, back peddling. 'No! Well...' He frowned. 'No,' he shook his head. 'I'm sorry. I was being stupid. It's just...the way you were treating me, I just started feeling insecure and all-around shite.'  
She looked at him blankly. 'And how do you feel now?'  
He sighed. 'I've already said I feel terrible. But look, I was drinkin and she was bein really nice and complimenting me and it just happened.'  
'Who?'  
'What?'  
'Who. Was. She? Who did you have sex with?'  
He paled. 'Why does it matter?'  
She glared at him. 'Are you trying to protect her?'  
'Of course not!'  
'Then who was it?'  
Sam looked down and was silent for long enough that Addy thought he wouldn't answer. When he finally did he said it so quietly she barely heard it, but she did; and when she heard that name, her blood boiled. 'Darcy?' She said sharply. He seemed to recoil. 'Not only. Did you shag someone. Who wasn't me. But you chose to shag her? Darcy! Darcy bloody Williams? And you weren't trying to hurt me?' She stood up suddenly. 'I can't do this right now.' She had to get away. She walked determinedly toward Gryffindor tower, but Sam ran after her, grabbing her arm to stop her, and she swung around to face him, wrenching her arm from his grip, her eyes flashing dangerously. 'Don't touch me! Don't you dare!'  
'Please, can't we talk about this? Can't we work this out?'  
'Talk? Work it out? NO! We bloody well can't! You should have thought of that before! I can't talk to you right now. I can't even look at you! You make me sick!' She turned and stalked off, but she heard him following her again. As she neared the portrait hole she saw James and his lot rounding the other corner, also heading for the common room.  
'Addy, please!' Sam said, sounding desperate. The boys in front of her paused and turned. James quirked a brow, Remus and Sirius frowned when they caught her expression.  
'Sod off, Gardener!' she said loudly, as she pushed through the group.   
'Addy!'   
Sirius followed her closely while she heard James say, 'I think you should leave her alone mate,' as she climbed through the portrait hole. She was so full of rage she could only see red until she found herself screaming into a pillow.  
'Boyfriend trouble Dara?'  
'He's not my boyfriend anymore,' she said through gritted teeth as she chucked the pillow across the room and stifled a screech of anger. 'I need to hit something.' She looked around furtively, realizing she was in the boys' room. She hadn't registered the smell in her state. Remus wordlessly summoned the pillow she had thrown and handed it back to her with a concerned frown. For some reason his concern only served to make her angrier. 'This. Isn't. Good. Enough,' she grunted out, as she pounded the pillow into the floor. 'I need to hit someone. Preferably him,' she said, getting to her feet.   
'Dara!' Sirius said, putting a hand to her shoulder to stop her. 'What's happened?' he asked softly.  
She grimaced. 'Not really a good idea to touch me right now, Sirius.' He pulled his hand away and held them both up, his eyes wide in a silent surrender.  
'Whatever he's done,' Remus said carefully, 'it's not worth you getting detention over hitting him.'  
Her head turned slowly toward him, and while she tried to keep her expression blank, he seemed to flinch back. 'With all due respect, Remus, you don't even know what he's done,' she said quietly, suddenly feeling exhausted.   
'What did he do?' Sirius asked.  
Addy shook her head. 'I need a drink.' A glass of firewhiskey was hastily pushed into her hands as she sat on someone's bed and she downed it in one. She held it out wordlessly, and it was refilled quickly. She took another gulp and stared at the glass in her hands, taking a deep, shaky breath, before she was able to speak. 'That fuckwit bleeding shagged Darcy, the slag.' She looked up at them and found James had joined their little motley crew at some point. 'After claiming he was in love with me,' she said mockingly. James scowled, and Sirius's face went blank. He shoved the bottle of firewhiskey at Remus, who took it without looking, and stalked from the room, James following closely. Addy sighed. She wanted to be the one to hit him. But now she didn't have the energy. She felt numb. 'I mean, honestly,' she said to no one in particular, 'why do blokes keep saying that to me, when they obviously don't mean it? I mean...I don't exactly know what it is, but it seems like it should mean something. Why even say it to me? Do they think I want to hear it? Do I look like that's something I want to hear?' She looked up finally, finding Remus and Peter watching her with uneasy looks on their faces. 'You don't have to answer that.' She waved her hand lazily and finished the drink in her cup. Remus went to rummage in what Addy assumed to be his trunk and emerged a few moments later with an assortment of chocolate sweets.   
'Here,' he said, handing her a chunk of a Honeyduke's chocolate bar and a chocolate frog. 'You looked drained,' he said to her quizzical look. 'I think it'll help you feel better.' She looked at him blankly. 'Just try it,' he said with a small smile. Addy sighed and took a bite of the chocolate bar while opening the frog wrapper. She held it firmly in her hand and ripped its head off between her molars. It felt oddly satisfying to destroy the animated chocolate. As she finished off what was in her hands, he handed her the rest of the bar and another frog, and when she was done with that she looked up at him, managing a small smile. 'Better?'  
Addy nodded. 'A bit. Thanks Remus.'   
He nodded back. 'No problem. Anytime Addy.'  
James and Sirius came back looking pleased with themselves. 'What did you do?' Addy asked.  
James grinned. 'Squid tentacles.'  
'On his head,' Sirius went on.  
'Thought we'd make him look more appropriate,' James added.  
'Then a little petrificus totalis.'  
'And some boils.'  
'In a very uncomfortable area.'  
'Might make sitting on a broom difficult for some time.'  
'Then we stuck him to the wall in the entrance hall.'  
'Upside down.'  
'With a few choice words on his great slimy forehead.'  
Addy smiled and looked down at her lap. 'You didn't have to do that.'  
'Someone had to,' said James.  
She looked up at them again. 'You know you'll probably get in trouble for this.'  
Sirius shrugged. 'Worth it.' He sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. 'He deserves it. You can't treat our mate like that.'  
'Exactly,' James said.  
'Right,' Remus added.   
Peter nodded along.  
Addy smiled. 'Thanks.'   
After a pregnant pause, Sirius cleared his throat. 'Er, you're not going to cry on me, are you? Not that that's not ok. Just. Maybe warn me first?'  
She rolled her eyes. 'No, I'm not going to cry on you.'  
'Ok...well. Do you need anything?'  
She sighed and shook her head. 'I think I'm just going to go to bed.'  
He nodded. 'Right. Well, we'll be here then.' She nodded and left with a sad smile.  
‘I’ve never her seen her so…red,’ Peter said quietly, once they were sure she had gone. ‘I didn’t know she could be so…cross.’ He looked worriedly toward the door she had left through.  
'Told you he'd fuck it up,' James said.  
‘Yeah, but...' Sirius shook his head.  
'But what?' Remus asked.  
'But..' He rubbed a hand over his face roughly. 'I didn't want him to hurt her like that. She looked absolutely gutted.'  
Addy returned to her dorm room to get ready quickly and close herself away in her four poster. With the hangings pulled around her and a few silencing spells cast, she collapsed into her pillow. As the anger slowly subsided, she was left with a sick feeling in her stomach and a dull ache in her chest. She may not have known what love was, but what Sam did still hurt terribly. Regardless of what he’d been feeling for those few weeks, he had been a close friend of Addy’s for years at that point. She thought he would have respected her more than that. But she guessed she was wrong. She finally broke, sobbing into her pillow and clutching at the duvet, suddenly feeling as worthless as her family always told her she was. 

Next day, Sam accosted Addy fairly quickly in the entrance hall when she went down for breakfast. ‘Addy, please, can’t we talk about this? Work it out?’ He had pulled her aside at the foot of the marble staircase, and she pried her arm from his grip, shaking her head.   
‘I don’t think so Sam. Not right now any roads. Merlin, I can’t…look, maybe I can forgive you, if you give me time, but I’ll never be able to forget what you did. Maybe we can be friends again after I’m not so bloody cross with you, but I don’t think I could ever fancy you again.’  
‘Look, I know I messed up, it was a mistake. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’  
Addy shook her head. ‘You’ve said as much. But sorry doesn’t fix this. Not this time. Just…just leave me alone for a bit. Please? Maybe after holiday we can talk, but really, I can’t do this with you right now.’  
Sam nodded sadly. ‘Ok’

After classes had ended that day, Addy met Trish in the library to go over an Ancient Runes project they had set for after holiday. Addy told her about what had happened with Sam and she was empathetic and encouraging, summing it up simply and perfectly. ‘Boys are stupid.’ Addy nodded. ‘They need far too much reassurance and often think with the wrong head.’   
Addy managed a smile. ‘Maybe it was my fault though. I was a right bitch to him. And instead of talking to him about how I felt, I just shut him out…’  
Trish put her hand on Addy’s arm comfortingly. ‘No, no! That’s no excuse.’  
‘Still, maybe if I were capable of returning his feelings, he wouldn’t have looked to someone else.’  
‘Don’t think that way,’ Trish said, taking Addy’s chin in her hand, forcing her to look at her. ‘That street goes both ways. He didn’t talk to you either. This is not your fault.’  
‘Still,’ Addy shrugged, feeling a bit uncomfortable now, seeing as how Trish was still holding her chin. ‘It started because he did tell me how he felt. And I pushed him away. Maybe he didn’t think it was worth the bother.’  
‘Of course, you’re worth it!’ Trish cried, looking at Addy intently. Her eyes grew wide suddenly, and she pulled her hand away, turning back to their project and clearing her throat awkwardly. Addy had gotten the strange impression that Trish was about to kiss her, but that was just ridiculous, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it?!   
Addy shook her head bemusedly and turned back to the table. ‘Er, thanks,’ she mumbled. Trish nodded stiffly and no more was spoke on the matter as they focused their efforts back on Runes.

Holiday started, and Addy was nearly the only student left in the castle apart from a couple fourth year Ravenclaws and a second year Hufflepuff. She spent her time focusing on the important things: sleeping, eating, and occasionally, revision. Though that all changed on Friday, when she shuffled down to the Great Hall once she had finally woken up around noon, and McGonagall approached her at Gryffindor table as she tucked into a slice of steak and kidney pie, looking grave. ‘Miss Nott, have you seen the paper this morning?’  
Addy covered her mouth with a hand to mutter, ‘no Professor,’ without spraying bits of pie across the table.   
McGonagall nodded stiffly. ‘You are with Mister Gardener, are you not?’  
Addy frowned, wondering where this was going. ‘I was,’ she paused, ‘we broke up recently.’ She took another bite, not wanting to say anymore.  
McGonagall nodded again. ‘All the same. I think you should come with me.’  
Addy’s fork paused mid-air, halfway to her mouth. ‘Now?’  
McGonagall pressed her lips together in a tight frown. ‘Yes, I think that would be best, Miss Nott.’  
Addy sighed at her plate. ‘Alright,’ she mumbled, taking a last bite, before she stood and followed McGonagall to her office. As they took seats around her desk, McGonagall handed Addy a letter and began speaking as Addy looked down to read it. Once she got to the fourth line of a letter that had been addressed initially to Professor Sprout, Addy barely registered anything else. Her vision seemed to blur, and McGonagall’s voice sounded as though it were far away, with only a few words like Death Eaters and dark mark, making their way to her mind. After staring blankly at the parchment in her hands, for Merlin knows how long, Addy realized McGonagall was calling her name, and most likely had been for quite some time based on her tone, and Addy’s head snapped up to look at her.   
‘Are you alright Miss Nott? Perhaps you should go to see Madam Pomfrey for a calming draught?’  
Addy felt a flash of annoyance at the look of pity on McGonagall’s face, but pushed it away. ‘No, I’ll be…fine. I think I’ll just…go back to my room now,’ she said quietly.  
McGonagall clenched her jaw. ‘If you’re sure?’  
Addy nodded dumbly and rose to her feet. ‘I’ll be fine,’ she said again, thinking how her voice sounded foreign. McGonagall said something else that Addy really didn’t hear as she moved into the corridor and toward the portrait hole as though in a trance. She hadn’t even realized her feet had carried her to the fat lady’s portrait until her shout started Addy out of her daze. She muttered the password and the fat lady swung forward, complaining about Addy’s lack of manners as she did so. Addy wandered up to her four poster and collapsed into the duvet, feeling as though she should be crying or something, though having no energy to do so. She felt nothing as she stared up at her canopy blankly. She was numb. What is wrong with me?  
By Sunday night, the gravity of the situation had hit Addy, and she decided she needed confirmation of her theory, so she needed to talk to Aludra. So, she proceeded to garner courage for the confrontation the only way she knew how, she drank firewhiskey in the comfort of her four poster while she knew the other students would all be at dinner. Then she stumbled her way down to their common room, taking a passage most people didn’t know about so she wouldn’t have to talk to anyone she didn’t want to; when Addy got to the corridor outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room, she waited in the shadows for someone that would be able to let her in, thinking she was being sneaky but most probably not, in the state she was in. Finally, she saw someone she didn’t completely hate, so she stepped out. ‘Regulus.’  
He and the boy he was with stopped and turned. ‘Adhara,’ he said warily, apparently trying to gage the situation as she stumbled into the wall. Jugson sniggered and Regulus shot him a look, causing him to stalk off.  
‘Listen, could you get Aludra for me?’ Addy hiccupped uncomfortably.   
‘What’s this about?’ his eyes narrowed in calculation.  
‘I need to talk to her,’ she said with wide eyes, willing him silently to understand.  
His face tightened as he looked her over, then he nodded curtly and stalked away. Addy leaned back against the cold stone wall as she waited, for what seemed like ages, until Aludra emerged from the Slytherin common room looking bothered. ‘What do you want?’ she sighed exasperatedly.  
Addy walked toward her quickly and Aludra’s brow knitted as Addy shoved a Daily Prophet article in her face. ‘The Gardeners. Sam. Was it Father? Was this because of me?’  
Aludra smirked and Addy felt her blood boil. ‘You’re pissed, aren’t you?’  
‘Was it Father?’  
‘You really shouldn’t be drinking.’  
‘Was this because of me?!’  
‘Tsk-tsk,’ Aludra said, looking at her fingernails with a bored expression. ‘You really should learn to control that temper of yours, oh sister of mine.’  
‘Answer the bloody question!’ Addy shouted.  
Aludra dropped her hand to her side and shot Addy an icy glare. ‘Of course, it was. You didn’t think father would stand for your dalliances with that filthy little-‘  
‘Don’t.’ Addy took a deep breath. ‘That is none of his concern.’  
‘Of course, it is,’ Aludra scoffed, ‘you’re making a mockery of the name Nott.’  
‘You lot don’t need me to do that. You’re handling that well enough on your own.’  
‘You’re bringing shame on all of us. And you’ve been promised to another.’  
Addy shook her head. ‘That’s not…why would he…how did he even know?’ Aludra smirked again. ‘You? You told him?’  
‘He told me to keep an eye on you. And you didn’t exactly hide it well.’  
Addy shook her head again. ‘But it’s not as if I planned on marrying him. It was just a bit of fun. And we had broken up any roads.’  
Aludra shrugged. ‘Oh well. What difference does it make then? We’re better off with a few less mudbloods in the world.’ She dropped the prophet article with a tinkly laugh, waggling her fingers at Addy in a simpering wave, and turned back into her common room, leaving Addy staring gobsmacked at the place she had been stood. After a few moments, Addy pulled herself together as best she could, and stooped to pick up the article, before she turned to head back toward Gryffindor tower, though she didn’t make it far; after stumbling back into the passageway, she stared at the steps with trepidation for the longest time before she sat down on the bottom most one and slumped against the wall. Maybe after she sobered up a bit she could make it up…  
‘Padfoot mate, have you talked to Addy?’ said James.  
Sirius shook his head. ‘Nah, I haven’t talked to Dara since before holiday.’  
‘So, you’ve no idea why she’d be hangin round in that passageway by the Slytherin common?’ James hadn’t seen her little dot move on the map for quite some time, and he didn’t want to say he was worried but…   
Sirius looked up with knitted brow from the muggle motorbike magazine he’d been leafing through and snatched the map from James’s hands. ‘Odd. You don’t think something’s happened?’  
James shared a look with Remus. ‘Why don’t we pop down to have a look,’ Remus suggested lightly.  
‘Yeah, just to be sure,’ James said brightly.  
‘And when we find she’s alright, we can go round to the kitchens for a snack,’ Peter pipped in hopefully.  
‘Right,’ Sirius mumbled distractedly, sighing as he stood and roughly shoved the map at Remus before he quickly crossed their room to the door. Peter scuttled after him, and James and Remus shared another look, before they too followed. When they made it down to the passage, it was to find Addy curled up against the wall, snoring softly. Sirius crouched in front of her, shaking her awake. ‘Dara, what are you doing sleeping down here?’  
‘There were too many stairs,’ she slurred, her head flopping to the side as she turned to look round.   
‘Ah. She’s pissed,’ James chuckled, feeling relieved.  
‘Yes, but why are you down here?’ Sirius said.  
‘Aludra laughed in my face,’ she pouted.  
Sirius sighed. ‘Alright, up you get,’ he said, pulling her to her feet.  
Remus noticed a piece of parchment fall from her lap as Sirius pulled her arm over his shoulders, and stooped to pick it up, finding the Prophet article from a few days prior.   
‘Can we go by the kitchens still?’ Peter said in a whine.  
‘Go ahead, Wormtail,’ Remus muttered distractedly.  
Sirius sighed as Addy sagged again, and finally gave up, picking her up and starting up the passage as James laughed and followed behind. Remus shook his head and followed while Peter turned away for the kitchen. 

Addy took to spending a lot of time on her own, aside from classes and quidditch, and she noticed someone in particular who didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Trish had taken to acting strangely again, making snippy comments or just plain ignoring her, and after a few weeks of this, and one too many comments, Addy had had enough. She hadn’t been in the best of moods, and Trish was just adding to it. So, when she came in to Runes one day, sat next to Addy giving her a calculating look and said, ‘you’re not wearing any makeup are you?’ Addy sighed and set her quill down, looking over at her.   
‘No…’  
Trish looked down to pull her book from her bag. ‘Well you should.’  
Addy exhaled sharply. ‘Yeah? And you should pluck your eyebrow!’ Trish scoffed, and Addy heard a few muffled laughs around them, and heads turned toward them, but they paid them no mind. ‘Yes, there should be two of them!’  
‘Ergh. Why are you being such a bitch? I was just trying to be honest.’  
Addy laughed sourly. ‘Oh, I’m being a bitch?’  
‘Yes!’  
‘And how was what you said not bitchy?’  
‘I could have just told you, you look like shite, but I was trying to be a good friend.’  
‘Bollocks to that! You’re a shit friend! You haven’t been a good friend since before…holiday…’ Addy trailed off, then lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘Is this about…because you know I wouldn’t judge you…or tell anyone.’  
Trish turned away. ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she said quietly before she turned back to glare at Addy acidly. ‘Maybe I’m just afraid if I hang round you too much, I’ll end up murdered.’  
Addy gasped, feeling as though she had been slapped across the face. Trish’s expression registered a second of regret before she adopted a blank face and turned away to ignore Addy again. Addy stared back down at the desk as the professor started the lesson and couldn’t even muster the energy to pretend to take notes; she was the first out of the classroom when the bell signaled the end of the lesson, and she never sat with Trish in Ancient Runes, or anywhere else for that matter, again. At that point Effie decided to stop sitting with her in Muggle Studies as well. When Trish decided she didn’t want to be friends with Addy anymore, Effie took Trish’s side without question.   
A few weeks later, as Remus and Lily were coming back to Gryffindor tower on a Friday night after their rounds were finished, they found a figure sitting on the floor against the wall outside the portrait hole. ‘What’s wrong Addy, forget the password?’ Lily asked lightly. Though Addy didn’t answer, she just stared at the wall opposite as though it were the most interesting thing she’d even had the privilege to see. It was obvious from the near empty bottle clutched in her hand that she had been drinking.  
Remus knelt in front of her and placed a hand to her shoulder, shaking her lightly. ‘Addy!’ She didn’t appear to have heard him as she continued to stare through him as if he weren’t there. ‘Go get Sirius, would you Lily?’ Lily nodded and muttered the password to the fat lady, quickly disappearing through the portrait hole. A few moments later Sirius emerged, taking Remus’s place knelt in front of Addy.  
‘Dara! Dara!’ he said, taking hold of both her shoulders, shaking them lightly. This time his voice seemed to break through, as her gaze shifted to his suddenly. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’  
Addy shook her head, looking down to her lap. ‘I can’t…’  
After a long pause, Sirius asked, ‘you can’t what?’   
‘I can’t make amends.’  
‘I’m sure he knew,’ Sirius said softly.  
Addy shook her head again. ‘No! He’s gone! And I didn’t even have a chance to forgive him…’  
Sirius grimaced, not knowing what else to say. He moved to sit next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him. She gave a weighty sigh, resting her head against his shoulder, and they just sat there for a long time before he finally pulled her to her feet, guiding her in through the portrait hole. ‘Can you make it up the stairs on your own?’ Sirius asked. Addy nodded silently, still looking to the floor, and turned to ascend the stairs on all fours.  
‘She’ll be alright mate,’ James said from his spot on the couch next to the fire, Remus and Peter sat nearby, ‘she’s resilient that one.’ He clapped Sirius on the back as he sat next to him on the couch.  
‘Yeah,’ Sirius sighed, rubbing a hand over his face roughly.

Addy became so busy avoiding her feelings and everything else, that she ended up missing another gossip worthy event, namely the falling out of Lily with Snape, but also the shouting of Lily at James, having to be caught up after the fact in the dorm when Lily came in looking worse for the wear, followed closely by Mary and Marlene, where Addy had been brooding on her own. Lily swore up and down that she was done with Snape, while lamenting slightly how she had called James a toe-rag with a big head or something. Addy listened quietly while Marlene assured Lily James would get over it. Once term was over, Addy was sick with anxiety to be going back to Nott Manor. With everything that had happened, she wondered what she could expect her father to do to her. But it was just one more year, she told herself. Surely, she could manage? Somehow, she wasn’t so sure.


	15. Did you honestly think you could just leave?

As it turned out, Addy was right not to be sure. When she first came back, on her own, as Aludra had gone ahead with Gilly, her mother barely acknowledged her, merely sneering and voicing her disappointment, while Aludra ignored her all together, focusing instead upon her upcoming wedding to LeStrange, and her father, thankfully, wasn’t there. During that time Addy took solace in their attempt to isolate her and slipped away often to see her muggle friends. She and Paul picked up where they had left off, and Addy found herself, albeit halfheartedly, fantasizing about leaving the magical world and living as a muggle. This fantasy was only intensified by the arrival of her father roughly a week into holiday. He skipped any pleasantries, as he was want to do, and announced his presence by sending a curse her way. Wincing as it cut across her neck, Addy barely had time to draw her wand and throw up a shield charm before he was advancing and reigning hex upon hex at her, having a shout about what a disgrace she was. The scent of her singed hair hung in the air as she dodged the spellfire. She did her best to give as good as she got and managed to throw the burning hex he so often used on her back at him, hitting him square on the chest, before he hit her hard with the cruciatis curse. This intensity of it was so great that Addy soon passed out, waking up in the wee hours of the next day, still feeling the effects of the nights duel.  
Without much of a plan, Addy hastily packed her things, deciding, like Sirius, that she had had enough. She couldn’t make it another year with these people. She couldn’t even make it another day. Shrinking her belongings down and shoving them into her rucksack, Addy slunk away to the park where she so often met with Kate, Paul, and Ed, and sat herself on a swing and watched the sun come up over the trees. As the sky turned from an inky black to a soft navy, Addy started to doubt herself. How could she ask this of them? What if they said no? Scarper that, what if they said yes?  
By the time the sun had made its first appearance of the day, bathing the clouds in a pinky orange, Addy’s stomach was twisted in knots. She was just standing, deciding she shouldn’t bother them, shouldn’t burden them as the sky turned a pale summer blue, favoring her left side, when Paul appeared at her side, fag between his lips and brow knit in concern. ‘Addy, what’s happened?’  
Addy shrugged, trying to look casual. ‘Just had a bit of a row with my father.’  
‘A bit? You’re hurt! Did he do all this to you?’  
‘I’ve left. I’m not going back. I’m not sure where I’m going, but I’ll figure something out…’  
‘Come to ours,’ Paul said quickly.  
Addy shook her head. ‘I couldn’t ask that of you. I just wanted to say-‘  
‘You’re not askin, I’m offerin,’ he said, taking her hand in his and kissing the back of it. ‘I’m not gonna let you stay on the street.’  
Addy smiled softly, still feeling reticent. ‘Just for a few days. Until I sort it out.’  
‘As long as you need.’  
She nodded. ‘Thanks,’ she said quietly.  
He smiled and took her bag, throwing it over his shoulder and putting an arm around hers as he kissed her temple. ‘Of course.’  
A few days turned into a few weeks, and Addy found herself growing in a false sense of comfort, putting off the inevitable need to move on, to somewhere safer not only for herself, but for everyone she felt any semblance of affection for. ‘You don’t need to leave at all,’ Paul said one night, as Addy was telling him all this as they lay in a tangle together between the bedclothes. ‘You can stay here now, come back next holiday, and move in for good when you’ve graduated from that fancy boarding school of yours.’  
Addy shook her head, smiling at him fondly. ‘I couldn’t do that to Ed. And I don’t want to be a burden to you.’  
Paul frowned and turned on his side, propping his head on his hand. ‘You could never be a burden to me. I want you here, don’t you know that by now?’  
Addy avoided his eye. ‘How can you? When there’s still so much about me you don’t know?’  
He shrugged with one shoulder. ‘I know all I need to know.’  
She quirked a brow, looking at him sideways. ‘What if I told you, I’m secretly a man?’  
He smirked and ran his hand across her stomach, down her hip… ‘I think I would’ve noticed by now.’  
Addy grinned. ‘Fair enough…what if I told you my life’s ambition was to become a cat?’  
Paul chuckled. ‘I think I’d learn to adjust.’  
Her smile became hesitant and she looked to the ceiling. ‘What if I told you I’m a witch?’  
Paul’s hand found it’s was to Addy’s chin and he pulled her face toward his, his smiling eyes catching hers. ‘Like I said. I know all I need to know. I know you’re brilliant, and I want you here. End of. The rest we can figure out together, yeah?’  
She smiled again and nodded. ‘Yeah.’ He smiled back before bringing his lips to hers and they soon were communication their feelings in other ways, getting lost in each other. Addy reveled in the feeling of his body on hers, and it was quite some time later before she fell asleep with her head against his chest, feeling content. She was starting to think that they could actually make it work. If only she’d known then what she would soon come to find.  
A bright flash of light and a sharp noise brought Addy from her dream state to one of a befuddled mind, and she slowly blinked her eyes open, taking in the soft grey surroundings of the early dawn lit room. She smiled softly at the still sleeping form of Paul lying next to her, until she took in his wide, unblinking eyes, his expression one of shock, and she gasped, sitting bolt upright. ‘Paul?’ she whisper-shouted. She touched his shoulder and it was stiff. ‘Paul,’ she choked out, putting a hand over her mouth. ‘Paul…no,no,no…Paul,’ she muttered, tears burning tracks down her cheeks.  
‘This might be touching if it were not so disgusting,’ a deep voiced sneered. Addy gasped and looked up, finally realizing there were others in the small room with them, Rosier, the LeStrange Aludra was to marry, whom Addy realized had spoken, and her father, and hastily pulled the sheet around her tighter.  
‘Really Adhara, don’t look so surprised. I told you what would happen if you continued to behave in such a deplorable manner, did I not? Did you honestly think you could just leave?’ her father drawled. ‘You have failed to heed my advice thus far, and continue to defile yourself and our family by associating with these filthy muggles and mudbloods,’ he spat. ‘Clearly you are incapable of making the right decisions for yourself.’ Addy’s eyes widened as he pulled his wand. ‘So, I shall be forced to do what is best for you and make those decisions for you.’ She tensed as he pointed his wand at her, it’s tip in line with her chest, and he grinned maliciously. ‘Imperio,’ he intoned. Addy gasped as the spell hit her full force, and felt a warm calm spread through her, relaxing her every being, pushing away all feeling. ‘Now, gather your things Adhara. It’s time to go home.’  
Addy looked up at her father, feeling inexplicably light, and nodded. ‘Yes, father.’ It was almost as though Addy had entered a deep sleep, as from that point much of her consciousness was a void of darkness, broken by scattered instances of muffled conversations she wasn’t entirely privy to.

On the 1st of September, Sirius stood next to James on the platform, watching as Addy stood with her parents and Avery. Her father had a tight grip on her upper arm as he talked to Avery, who was nodding, while she stared blankly at the ground; Avery then told her by the hand, to which she showed no reaction, and led her onto the train. ‘Well, that was weird,’ James said.  
‘What’s weird?’ Remus asked as he joined them.  
‘Addy’s gone off with a snake.’  
‘Willingly?’  
James shrugged. ‘Seems so.’  
Sirius shook his head. ‘Something’s off.’

At Hogwarts, Addy wasn’t present at the Welcoming Feast, seeming to go straight to bed, and the next morning she rose and readied herself, leaving for the Great Hall before anyone else had stirred. ‘What’s going on?’ Mary asked bemusedly, as she walked into the hall later with Lily and Marlene to find Addy sat alone at the end of the table, sipping slowly on some tea with a posture even more impeccable than was normal for her, her appearance spotless; her hair was straight and glossy, her makeup subtle yet enhancing, her uniform neatly pressed.  
Marlene narrowed her eyes. ‘Why don’t we find out, yeah?’ she said, marching determinedly toward Addy. ‘What’s the problem, Ad?’  
She looked up at them blankly. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’  
‘You sat with those snakes on the train. Why didn’t you sit with us?’  
‘My father feels I should be associating myself with more appropriate adversaries,’ she said carefully, setting her teacup down.  
‘But you hate the lot of them, or at least, you used to?’ Mary said.  
‘Let’s just say that I’ve finally come to my senses.’  
‘So, what? You’re not even going to talk to us now?’  
Addy blinked slowly, looking bored.  
‘But…we’re friends,’ Lily said beseechingly.  
Addy shook her head. ‘You don’t want to be friends with me. And I won’t be needing friends anymore.’  
Lily’s brow knitted. ‘But, surely you don’t believe that?’  
‘It doesn’t really matter what I do or don’t believe,’ she said vaguely, before she picked up her teacup and resumed her sipping, making it obvious the conversation was over.  
Marlene, Mary and Lily made their way toward the center of the table, where their group had tended to sit the year prior. ‘Somethings…not right,’ Mary said slowly.  
‘Yeah,’ Marlene said. ‘She doesn’t seem like herself.’  
‘Maybe something happened over holiday we don’t know about?’ Lily said.  
Marlene scoffed. ‘That much is obvious. What isn’t obvious, is what happened?’  
‘What are we talking about?’ James said brightly, as he plopped onto the bench next to Lily, who rolled her eyes half exasperatedly.  
‘Addy,’ Mary said. ‘She’s being weird.’  
‘Isn’t she always weird?’ Peter said quietly.  
‘I think there’s a saying about a pot and a kettle that applies here, Wormtail,’ Remus chuckled.  
Sirius scowled at Peter from his spot next to James and he looked down with a squeak.  
‘I meant weird for her,’ Mary said, sighing in frustration.  
‘Her father saw her off from the platform. He’s never done that before,’ Sirius said.  
‘She said he wants her to associate herself with more appropriate people or something?’ Marlene said.  
‘She said she didn’t need friends anymore…?’ Lily said, frowning. ‘Somethings…wrong.’  
‘She keeps looking at us all…blankly…’ Mary trailed off. ‘You don’t think…’ she murmured, as if to herself, as she looked down the table at Addy. ‘Could it…but he’s not even here...although…’  
‘Mary!’ Marlene waved a hand in front of her face. ‘Mind sharing with the class?’  
‘Sorry, it’s just…’ Mary shook her head. ‘I mean, she’s not trying to swim with any mermaids or anything but…’  
‘Of course!’ Marlene cried, looking toward Addy, ‘why didn’t I think of that?’  
‘Well, she was the one that recognized it,’ Lily reasoned.  
Sirius growled in frustration before he suddenly jumped up from the table and followed Addy out of the Great Hall, as she was slipping through the doors into the entrance hall after having received her timetable from Professor McGonagall. The rest of the sixth year Gryffindors shared looks briefly before they quickly scrambled from their seats to follow across the grounds, all of them finally catching her up as she came to a stop at the edge of the forest, just out of the periphery of the whomping willow’s branches. ‘Dara!’ Sirius shouted, coming to stand next to her. She stood facing the tree with her eyes closed, the only indication that she had heard him, the slight twitch in the muscles of her face being the only change in her otherwise calm exterior. ‘Dara!’ he said again, grabbing hold of her arm to shake her slightly. Her eyes snapped open then and she turned to look at his hand on her arm before her gaze traveled up to meet his. Sirius recoiled in shock. ‘That’s not Dara,’ he whispered. ‘That’s Adhara.’  
‘Come on Addy!’ Mary said, stepping forward. ‘Fight it!’  
Addy shook her head. ‘Just stay away from me. I’ve told you, you don’t want to be my friend.’  
‘Bugger that, Addy,’ Lily said fiercely, grabbing hold of both her upper arms. ‘We’re still your friends.’  
Something flashed in Addy’s eyes and she reached toward Lily before stopping abruptly, her fingers trembling terribly mere centimeters from Lily’s neck, her face crumpling into an expression of pain; she hastily shoved her hands into her hair, gripping it tightly. ‘Lily please,’ she cried, ‘I don’t want to hurt you!’  
‘I know you don’t, Addy, you wouldn’t!’  
Addy shook her head frantically, backing away. ‘Just stay away from me!’  
‘Addy, stop!’ Marlene shrieked, just as Sirius shouted, ‘Dara!’ James and Remus cursed loudly while Lily and Mary cried out in dismay, just as Addy turned into a flailing willow branch and it struck the back of her neck, causing her to fall limply to the ground.  
‘How do we get her out of there?’ Lily said, looking around with wide, frightened eyes.  
James shared a look with Remus who rubbed the heels of his hands over his face roughly before he nodded. ‘Get the knot, would you Wormtail?’  
‘What?’ Peter squeaked.  
‘With a stick,’ James waved him away exasperatedly.  
‘Oh. Right,’ he said, before he scurried away. Once he’d found an appropriate stick and plodded the knot at the base of the tree, Sirius was rushing forward and gathering Addy up in his arms. 

When Addy opened her eyes again, she gasped and shot upright, only to hiss through her teeth and fall hastily back at the pain in her head and neck. She felt groggy and disoriented, and it took her some few moments to take in her surroundings, namely the faces staring back at her. With a jolt Addy realized she was in a bed in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. That Madam Pomfrey and Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore were watching her cautiously. That she was bound to the bed she lay in. Bloody hell! Her stomach felt like led and she gulped against the rising sense of panic. ‘What…when…’ Addy looked from face to carefully blank face, feeling terror take reign of her faculties. ‘How did I get here?’ She could hear the shrillness of her voice, but there was no way known she could stop it. ‘Why am I tied up?’  
‘Miss Nott, I must insist you calm yourself,’ said Professor Dumbledore.  
‘Calm myself?! Calm myself! How do you expect me to do that? Do you have any idea what I’ve done? What I’ve been through?’ she screeched, squirming against her binding.  
Dumbledore looked at her calmly. ‘I do indeed, Miss Nott.’  
‘Well that’s good, because I sure as hell don’t.’  
His eyes almost seemed to twinkle again for a moment while Madam Pomfrey tutted and Professor McGonagall’s lips thinned even more. ‘Miss Nott. What is the last thing you do remember?’  
Addy’s breathing was labored at that point. What had she done? ‘I…’ she shook her head, trying to put the thoughts in her muddled brain in order. When they did, her breath hitched, and she looked up at the brilliant blue eyes, grim behind the half-moon spectacles. ‘Paul,’ she said thickly. She took a deep, steadying breath. ‘Wa-waking up next to P-Paul…his eyes…w-wide.’  
‘Paul?’ Professor McGonagall asked.  
Addy swallowed thickly. ‘Mitchel. He’s a muggle…was...’ she croaked. ‘He was a muggle…. he shared a flat with Ed…Ed Shilling.’ She squirmed again. ‘Gah…and my father,’ she ground out, closing her eyes and hissing at the sudden pain in her head and blurred vision. ‘Please, ah. It’s happening again…’  
‘I am afraid, Miss Nott, that that is the reason for your being bound. It seems your father had put the imperius on you.’  
‘Not surprising…I didn’t think it was supposed to hurt though,’ she said, squinting at him in pain.  
‘Yes, well, as you’ve been fighting it for a good two months now, and your father has cast it remarkably strong-‘  
‘Can you get it off of me?!’ she said frantically.  
‘I can indeed Miss Nott. It is already partially removed, however before I do remove it completely I’d like to place you in a more placid state to review those memories of yours from the last two months.’  
‘Couldn’t you have done that before waking me this much?’  
Professor Dumbledore frowned. ‘I could not, as you were responsible for you waking.’ Addy’s brow knitted in confusion. ‘You walked too close to the whomping willow, Miss Nott. I believe to prevent yourself from doing harm to Miss Evans, if your friends accounts are to be believed.’  
Her eyes widened. ‘Right,’ she squeaked, then swallowed thickly. ‘So, do you need me to do anything Professor?’ she said when she had gotten her voice back.  
‘All I need you to do is drink this Calming Draught Madam Pomfrey has here, so that you can relax enough for me to use legilimency to enter your mind.’  
Addy felt her shoulders tense. ‘Just for the few months Professor? You won’t be…erm…looking…for anything else?’  
‘No, Miss Nott, I will not,’ he said with a grim smile.  
Addy sighed. ‘Ok then.’  
Madam Pomfrey came around to the side of Addy’s bed with a goblet Addy had just then seen her holding and held it to her lips and tipped it back for her. Once the goblet was drained, Addy grimaced and swallowed several times against the gag trying to force the potion back up, but finally managed to keep it down and felt the effects rather quickly, causing Addy to slump back into the pillows. ‘Are you ready, Miss Nott?’ Dumbledore asked, taking in her change in demeanor.  
‘Mm,’ she nodded slowly, tracking his movements with her eyes as he moved to the chair beside her bed. He cupped her face in his hands, staring deep into her eyes. Images passed behind Addy’s eyes, some foggy, others that had been blurry gaining clarity. When he was finished, it could have been a few minutes or several hours for all Addy knew, she was completely knackered. ‘Is that all Professor?’ she asked quietly.  
‘Yes, Miss Nott,’ he said with a grave expression. ‘I will finish removing the imperius curse, and then we will let you get your rest. It will take about a week for you to recover I believe,’ he said, glancing at Madam Pomfrey, who nodded. He waved his wand at Addy then in a complicated pattern, muttering incoherently, and she breathed a sigh of relief when he appeared to be done and released the ties that bound her to the bed. Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall congregated in the isle just out of her hearing range talking hurriedly, while Madam Pomfrey swooped in on her with a barrage of potions, insisting she drink all of them, every last drop. The next day Dumbledore returned to implore Addy to keep up an act of sorts. While her father would undoubtedly be made aware that his curse had been lifted, she was asked to maintain her newly formed relationships with the ploy of finally seeing the error in her ways, even if only under the guise of fear of further retribution. Addy asked if she could have a think on it for a while, to which Dumbledore reluctantly acquiesced, stating that if she took too long to decide, their clever rouse would be foiled.  
After having taken Addy to the infirmary and given their accounts to Madam Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore, the other sixth year Gryffindors had been instructed to leave without any further explanation. They hadn’t been given any updates or been allowed to visit either. That didn’t sit well with them at all. Sirius had snuck in late that night when he was sure Madam Pomfrey would be asleep, but Addy had been asleep as well; so, once he was sure she was, in fact, alright, he had left. When Addy had been in for a few days, Lily decided to check up on her. She felt she needed to see her for herself and sunk in while the dim light of dawn had just made the large room navigable. She sat carefully on the edge of Addy’s bed, not intending to wake her, but just the slightest dip in the mattress as Lily added her weight brought Addy out of her slumber, and she was shooting upright with a startled gasp and frantic reach for her wand. ‘Lily,’ she breathed, relaxing somewhat when she realized it was her. ‘You gave me a fright.’  
‘Sorry,’ Lily said quietly, trying to convey her regret. ‘Don’t get up on my account.’  
Addy gave a small smile and relaxed back into her pillows, and Lily took the opportunity to look her over. Aside from the small mark on her neck, Addy appeared relatively healthy, with no obvious physical changes, and she no longer held the blank, far off look in her eyes, though it seemed to have been replaced with a deep sadness. Lily was sure there was much more that had happened to Addy over the holiday that none of them knew about, that went beyond the curse, but wasn’t sure if it was her place to pry. Addy had always been a relatively quiet and reserved girl. ‘Are you alright now?’  
Addy sighed, shaking her head. ‘I’m fine. Are you alright?’ she said, looking contrite.  
‘Of course, I’m alright,’ Lily reassured her.  
‘Lily…I’m so sorry. Please-‘  
‘Addy,’ Lily admonished softly. ‘You’ve nothing to be sorry for.’ Addy sighed, looking down at her hands. ‘It…was your father…that put the imperius on you?’  
Addy looked up at Lily sadly, before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She gave an almost imperceptible nod, to the point Lily thought she may have imagined it. ‘I’m…not allowed to talk about it…’ she trailed off and opened her eyes again, looking up at Lily imploringly.  
Lily nodded. ‘Ok. I understand,’ she said, placing a hand to Addy’s arm comfortingly. ‘And don’t worry about notes. I’ll catch you up.’  
Addy blinked rapidly, looking down again. ‘Thank you, Lily,’ she whispered.  
‘You’re more than welcome, Addy,’ Lily said, feeling her own eyes tear up.  
After the week was up, Addy was released from the hospital wing, and while none of the Slytherins had bothered to sneak in, they had obviously been informed of when she was to be released, as she was promptly engulfed in the corridor as she was leaving; most were her year mates, although Regulus and Zyleaha Burke were in tow. ‘Adhara, darling! How are you? We heard you had a run in with that mudblood!’ Jacqueline Flint cooed, while Avery wrapped Addy in a tight hug and she fought to keep her expression neutral.  
‘Dueling with that Evans girl?’ Regulus asked.  
‘Something like that,’ Addy said quietly, pressing her lips together. While her stoic behavior seemed completely normal to them, Addy was sure her actual mates would see right through it. They had, after all, already confronted her about her unusual activity, culminating in her frantic retreat. While Addy felt they deserved a proper explanation, she honestly didn’t even know where to start. Addy split off from the group of Slytherins in the corridor in front of the portrait hole, the fat lady giving her a stern look to which she frowned. Now she was being judged by a portrait? She slipped through the common room and up the stairs to her dorm where Lily, Marlene, and Mary appeared to be finishing getting ready for the day.  
‘Addy!’ Marlene and Mary shouted happily as Lily crossed the room to hug her. Why did everyone insist on hugging? At least Lily didn’t make her skin crawl.  
‘Lily,’ Addy mumbled shyly, ‘I haven’t showered in a week….’  
‘Sorry,’ Lily laughed, smiling easily. ‘We’re just so glad you’re ok now. Are you coming to class today?’  
Addy nodded. ‘After I clean up.’ She pulled at the front of her robes, making an awkward face.  
‘Well, hurry up then,’ Marlene said.  
Addy shook her head. ‘You don’t have to wait for me.’  
‘Nonsense,’ said Lily.  
‘Of course we’re waiting for you,’ Mary added.  
‘If you’re sure…’ Addy said hesitantly, to which the three nodded. She couldn’t seem to quell the remaining ball of anxiety that had made residence in her abdomen.  
After Addy had showered and put on a clean uniform, the four of them walked to the Great Hall and took their seats for breakfast, together. Addy’s continued awkward behavior didn’t go unnoticed by her mates as she quietly picked at her food and made no effort to contribute to conversation and smiled tightly when the Marauders joined them as Sirius sat next to her, giving her a brief one-armed hug while breathing out ‘Dara.’  
Addy was far too busy waging the internal battle in her mind to notice their noticing. She still had an awful lot she had to sort out. What should she do about Dumbledore’s proposal? If she turned it down, could she even get out of any obligations she was still under? She had already tried to leave. And her father obviously hadn’t been willing to accept that. If she tried to leave again he would surely do worse. He’d made so many threats over the years, she wasn’t sure which was worst. And if she accepted…did she have it in her? She wasn’t so sure. She’d never felt especially brave. Her only defense mechanism was sarcasm, which really didn’t hold up against any hexes. She still assumed she was only in Gryffindor because she asked not to be in Slytherin and she was too stupid to be in Ravenclaw. Yet she wasn’t sure she was cunning, and she’d never felt especially ambitious either. Her only ambition was to survive her family and maybe be happy someday. Somehow, she didn’t think it was in the cards for her to ever be happy. At that moment she wasn’t feeling very optimistic. Actually, she wasn’t feeling optimistic at all. At that moment she was feeling overwhelmed and oddly small. Honestly, why would Dumbledore have asked her? What good could she possibly do? She’d never fit in with that group, and she doubted she would do well now. She was a terrible actress. Unless the objective was to act awkward and weird. Addy suddenly shook her head, trying to stop the string of depressing thoughts that threatened to strand her in a pit of despair. She pulled the now crumpled timetable she’d found in her robes pocket from her bag and smoothed it out on the table.  
‘Potions first,’ Lily said from where she was sat next to Addy, bringing her out of her thoughts when she smacked her hand down on Addy’s timetable and picked it up, folding it and handing it back as she stood from the table. ‘Shall we?’  
Addy nodded and took a last gulp of tea, then grabbed a piece of bacon and stood to follow her and Mary. Apparently, Marlene hadn’t continued in potions after OWLs. Lily and Mary chattered happily as they descended the stairs to the dungeons. Addy heard a shuffling and heavy breathing from behind before a deep, somewhat frantic voice called out, ‘Lily! Lily, please! Wait up!’ Mary quieted, and Addy looked at Lily sideways while she chewed her bacon. The only indication that Lily had heard the approaching voice was the stiffening of her shoulders, as she continued talking in the same cheerful tone and made no move to look round. When they came to a stop outside the door to the potions classroom, which was still closed since they were a bit early, Snape caught them up in a few wheezy strides. Addy’s eyes went wide, and Mary frowned while he attempted to pull at Lily’s sleeve. ‘Can I talk to you?’ Snape muttered, apparently trying to keep Addy and Mary from overhearing, despite the fact they were right in front of them.  
Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not interested.’  
‘Please? Just hear me out.’  
From what little Addy could see of his expression around his curtain of greasy hair, he looked desperate. Lily shook her head, pulling away. ‘I’ve already done. Now leave me alone.’  
Addy cleared her throat, causing Lily to look up at her through her lashes, while Snape looked at her with narrow eyes. ‘I think you should leave.’  
His lip curled in a sneer. ‘No one asked you, Nott-‘  
‘Maybe not,’ Addy said loudly, cutting him off. ‘But Lily did. And I think if you were really sorry, as you say you are, and if you respected her wishes, you would leave her alone.’ Mary smirked, leaning back against the wall like she was watching the telly.  
Snape’s mouth twisted in anger, but he glanced at Lily, who continued not to look at him, before he nodded curtly and stalked away. Lily let out a long sigh with a ‘thank you’ breathed on the end, just as Slughorn pulled the classroom door open and his large belly proceeded him into the hallway. Addy shot Lily a small smile in answer as Slughorn started in with his usual, jovial banter. ‘Well, well, well. Come in, come in.’ He stepped back, waving his hands as if to usher them forward. ‘Lovely of you to join us, Miss Nott. Glad to see you’ve made a full recovery.’  
Addy’s cheeks flushed darkly under the attention. ‘Thank you, sir,’ she said quietly before she followed Mary and Lily, frowning as she saw they had taken up seats in the front. Now she was faced with another decision. Did she sit with them? Since they’d always had this class with the Slytherins, and now, it seemed, all of the sixth years, as there weren’t that many continuing with potions in their NEWT studies, Addy didn’t know if she could get away with sitting with the other Gryffindors. Aside from Addy, Lily, and Mary, James and Sirius had also continued; there was also Arnie Macmillan from Hufflepuff, Mathew Corner and Claire Lefaye from Ravenclaw, and Snape and Avery from Slytherin. After a few awkward moments of hesitation in the aisle, Lily pulled her down onto the stool next to her. Avery came to sit next to Snape in the front row, staring across the aisle at Addy. Fantastic, she thought to herself. As if she wasn’t conflicted enough already.  
As Professor Slughorn waddled to the front of the room, attention was redirected to the front table where four cauldrons sat, and as he began to talk of them, and discussion went on around her, Addy’s attention drifted elsewhere. She seemed to be barely going through the motions as they brewed the day’s potion, hers turning out merely acceptable. She’d really need to snap out of it if she ever had any sort of chance at going to healer training…. although that was really a castle in the clouds type of wish.  
‘So, what did you smell?’ Lily turned to ask Addy. She and Mary had been discussing what they had smelt in the amortentia while Addy had been following distractedly behind, making their way toward the lake to meet with Marlene during morning break.  
‘Oh, er…petrichor, broom polish, and… something.’  
‘Something?’ Mary said, raising an eyebrow.  
‘Yeah, something I couldn’t place,’ Addy shrugged, her face scrunching in thought. ‘Oh, look at that dog!’ she said, grinning suddenly.  
‘Hey Evans.’ Lily and Mary paused while Addy continued toward the large black dog at the edge of the lake, who wagged its tail happily as she approached.  
‘Well, aren’t you a beautiful boy,’ she said, crouching down to scratch the dog behind the ears.  
‘Thanks, I’ve been experimenting with back combing.’ Addy heard the voice from behind her. She rolled her eyes at the dog, who she could have sworn snorted in amusement, before she turned her head to see Lily standing with some boy in Hufflepuff robes. Mary was helpfully pulling faces behind him.  
‘Er, Addy, this is Bertram Aubrey. He’s a fifth year Hufflepuff prefect. Bertram, this is Adhara Nott, but she likes to go by Addy,’ Lily said, her eyes wide in irritation as she looked at Addy. The boy stepped forward, sticking his hand out, practically in Addy’s face, causing her to pull back and the dog to growl. The boy retracted his hand hastily, muttering a ‘sorry.’  
‘Good boy,’ Addy murmured to the dog, who promptly resumed the happy tail wagging, before she stood up, smiling tightly. ‘S’alright. Nice to meet you,’ she said politely, offering her own hand, which the boy shook hesitantly, shooting furtive glances at the dog still at her side.  
‘Lovely to meet you,’ he said eagerly, when he seemed to regain his brain. The dog barked suddenly, and the boy finally dropped Addy’s hand. Addy smiled down at the dog and scratched behind his ears again. ‘Isn’t that the grim?’  
Addy’s brow knitted, and she glanced at Mary before looking over at him. ‘Do you take divination?’  
‘Er…’  
Addy then glanced at Lily, who was frowning. ‘Do you actually believe in that rubbish?’  
‘Well…’  
‘Look Barney,’ Addy said slowly.  
‘Bertram,’ he frowned.  
‘Er, right. We actually have somewhere to be. We’re meeting someone. So, we’ll see you later, yeah?’  
‘Well, ok…’  
‘Ok, bye then!’ Mary said, waving as they quickly walked away. The dog trailed along beside them as they went to the other side of the lake closer to the forest. ‘What a tosser,’ Mary said, shaking her head, making Addy smile.  
‘What did he want?’  
Lily quirked a brow. ‘To meet you…’  
Addy’s brow knitted. ‘But…why?’  
‘Because you’re so dreamy,’ Mary said, batting her eyelashes outrageously.  
‘Oh, sod off,’ Addy said, pushing Mary’s shoulder playfully, causing her to laugh.  
‘Really though, he was all nervous and twitchy,’ Lily said.  
Addy frowned. ‘But…I don’t even know him.’  
Lily shrugged. ‘I don’t think he cares. He’s a bit of a berk, actually.’ Lily frowned, and Addy’s nose wrinkled in distaste.  
‘Really Lily, you’re doing a shit job at selling this.’  
‘But he’s so good looking, yeah?’ she said, pulling a face.  
Addy smiled, shaking her head. ‘You’re ridiculous.’  
Before they had quite reached Marlene, Avery stalked over, from seemingly nowhere, grabbing Addy tightly by her upper arm. ‘Adhara. I’d like a word,’ he growled.  
Addy’s brow knitted, but she consented, telling Lily and Mary to go ahead without her. ‘I’ll catch you up later.’ Though they looked unsure, they nodded and continued toward Marlene some ten meters away. Avery steered Addy aside, just inside the tree line, his grip on her arm vicelike. ‘Bloody, ow! Could you not? Really, I don’t know why you have to touch me at all.’  
‘You act as though it’s the first time I’ve…touched you,’ he said suggestively, leaning forward to breath across her face.  
Addy’s eyes narrowed. ‘I act as though you disgust me, because you do.  
Avery rolled his eyes and took Addy’s arm again. ‘Don’t be so dramatic, Adhara.’  
‘I hate you.’  
‘That doesn’t really matter. You are promised to me. You belong to me.’  
‘Bollocks to that,’ Addy grumbled.  
Avery looked down at the dog that had remained at her side and was now growling. ‘Where did it come from?’  
‘Do I really need to explain that to you?’ Addy said blankly.  
‘Whose dog is this?’  
‘I don’t know, why does it matter?’  
‘He’s growling at me.’  
‘Maybe he doesn’t like you.’  
‘I feel judged.’  
‘Oh, that’s me,’ Addy said, raising her eyebrows pointedly.  
Avery narrowed his eyes at her, finally releasing her arm, though he remained close. ‘Any roads, that’s not why I brought you over here.’  
‘Yeah, why did you then?’  
‘What do you think you’re doing with that mudblood?’  
Addy stiffened. ‘Don’t call her that.’  
‘You are not to be associating with her. Or any of your previous ‘mates’ for that matter.’  
‘So, what? I can’t even talk to them anymore?’  
‘Not outside of class, and even then, it should only be when necessary.’  
‘And who am I supposed to talk to then? You?’  
‘At the very least. Even though you’ve managed to get the imperius off somehow, you still need to maintain appearances.’  
Addy looked at him sharply. ‘Told you about that, did he?’  
‘Of course. I’m to look after you now.’ Addy frowned. ‘Your little act may have worked with Zyleaha and Jacqueline, but they’re dimwitted. If you’re not careful, your father may ask Randall to put the curse back on you.’  
Addy scoffed. She was becoming more infuriated the longer he talked. ‘I was able to fight my father’s curse; do you really think Mulciber could maintain it on me?’  
Avery smirked. ‘He’s gotten better at it since last year. Besides, he’s right here.’  
Addy huffed, rolling her eyes, trying to keep her temper. ‘How am I supposed to make them stop talking to me then? They are my friends.’  
‘Are you so sure they feel the same way?’ Addy scowled. ‘And any roads, I’m sure you’ll think of something to deter them. You may find they’re better off without you. You wouldn’t want anyone else to get murdered on account of you, would you? Not that it matters to me either way, I can’t be bothered, but you’ve already so much death hanging over your head, don’t you think?’  
Addy’s face crumpled in anguished defeat, and Avery gained a triumphant grin. He reached up to run an index finger down her cheek lightly, before he hooked it under her chin, lifting her face to bring her gaze to his. ‘Anything else I should know?’ she said monotonously.  
‘Yes. There’s a Sacred Twenty-Eight Gathering the first Friday of every month. You’ve already missed September, but you’ll be expected in October.’  
‘Bleeding hell, you’re taking the piss, right?’  
‘I most certainly am not. And that’s another thing. You need to mind your manners. All that cursing you do needs to stop. It isn’t becoming.’  
‘Yeah, well, your face isn’t becoming, and you can sod off.’  
Avery grabbed her face around her chin roughly. ‘You would do well to remember your place, Adhara. And heed my warnings.’ He pushed her away and turned to storm back toward the castle, and Addy shot a rude hand gesture at his back before sighing and crossing her arms with a frown.  
Addy came out of the line of trees, looking despondently at her friends. This would prove difficult. Avery had always rubbed her the wrong way, more so since starting Hogwarts. And now she’d have to spend even more time with him and play along. In earnest. She was going to need a drink…or twelve. Just to get through the day. It wasn’t even lunch time yet. Addy sighed morosely and crouched down to scratch behind the dog’s ears again. ‘Well. I guess there’s that decided then. If I have to be stuck in this lot, then I may as well be of some use.’ The dog whined in a questioning way and Addy smiled sadly. ‘I don’t know where you’re from, but I do hope you don’t go too far. Something tells me I’ll be short on friends here very soon.’ The dog whimpered. ‘But he didn’t say anything about dogs, now did he?’ She scratched under his chin for a while before ruffling the fur over his head and down his back. ‘Well. See you later, I hope.’ The dog barked softly, and she smiled sadly again before she turned to head back to the castle, determined to agree to Dumbledore’s request.


	16. I'm awkward and weird and horrendously antisocial

Adhara stood in front of a mirror at Nott Manor with her mother, sister, and another yellow haired woman. Her mother rested her hands on Adhara’s arms, smoothing out the sleeves of the teal dress robes. ‘Oh, this is fantastic! She’s needed a makeover for years, but she never lets me near her. Her hair should be straight. The eyebrows could do with a bit of thinning. Her makeup should be enhanced. And let’s make sure these little blemishes are concealed?’ her mother said while running a finger over the still red mark on Adhara’s neck, toward the other woman, who was writing on a clipboard.   
‘Oh mother, this really is fantastic. I was so worried she would ruin my wedding to Rabastan.’  
‘Yes, well there’s one less thing you’ll have to worry about. Now your father will just have her sit quietly in a corner where she belongs.’

The scene had faded, giving way to a new one. Now Adhara stood blankly next to her father and Graham Avery as the two talked quietly in the back of a garden while other people milled around, finding seats amongst the two rows of white chairs. ‘You’ll see to it that she’s taken care of?’ her father was saying.  
‘Of course. It would be my honor, Sir. She does belong to me now,’ Avery said, bowing his head.  
Her father reentered the building behind them and Avery slid an arm around Adhara’s waist, leading her to a pair of chairs near the back. Adhara looked at Avery blankly as he ran a caressing hand down her arm and over her waist, her thigh. ‘I must admit, I do enjoy the fact you’re not cringing at my touch, though I do wish I could have you in earnest,’ he confessed. ‘You’d never willingly let me do this,’ he went on in a murmur. Adhara’s face crinkled just the slightest bit in a reminiscent look of protest, but was soon smoothed into its previous indifference. 

The scene faded again and now a field came into focus where Adhara was stood in the center of a circle of men, her wand in hand and pointed at a man that was kneeling in front of her, sobbing openly while her father stood at her side, speaking in a low tone in her ear. ‘Do it Adhara. Finish this,’ her father instructed as those stood around them shouted in agreement.   
Adhara’s face crumpled as if she were in pain and her breathing became labored. Her wand wavered. ‘No,’ she panted out.   
‘Yes,’ her father hissed. ‘Do it now!’  
‘No,’ she cried again.   
Her father sneered in disgust and pointed his own wand at her. ‘Crucio,’ he spat.   
Adhara fell to the ground, shrieking in pain. After a while her father finally let the curse off but continued to glare down at her. ‘Get her out of here,’ he said after some time. ‘She’s still just as worthless.’  
Graham Avery came forward then and pulled her to her feet. He led her through and away from the circle of men, and as they reached the edge of the field there was a flash of green light and the clear call of ‘Avada Kedavra!’ could be heard, followed by cheers of delight. 

The scene faded yet again, the familiar dining hall at Nott Manor coming in to focus then, where a group of men were sat around it while a lone figure in a dark cloak glided around it. The figure stopped behind the chairs of Adhara and her father. ‘And what of the matter of Adhara, Nott? Have you made any progress?’ the man said in his silky yet hissing tone.   
‘No, my Lord,’ her father said, bowing his head. ‘I’ve been unable to use her.’  
‘Still just as strong willed then?’  
‘Yes my Lord,’ he said solemnly. ‘I only seem to be able to get her to sit quietly.’  
‘Well, there is that at least. She won’t be a hindrance that way.’  
‘Yes my Lord.’

‘Addy! Addy!’  
Addy started, opening her eyes to find herself in her four poster, drenched in a cold sweat and breathing heavily, with Lily stood over her wearing a concerned expression. Addy glanced around, seeing Mary and Marlene sat up in their beds with similar expressions, before she looked back to Lily.   
‘You were shouting,’ Lily said in explanation.   
‘Oh,’ Addy breathed. ‘I’m sorry to wake you…’ She realized suddenly that one of the potions she had been taking must have been for dreamless sleep and wondered idly if she could persuade the Matron to give her more. When Dumbledore had pulled the memories from her mind it must have made them available to Addy as well.   
‘No, don’t be sorry,’ Lily said quickly. ‘Are you alright?’  
Addy nodded. ‘Yes, I’m fine. Just a bad dream I guess…’  
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Lily asked softly.   
Addy shook her head again. She couldn’t do that. ‘No, I… don’t even remember it now…’   
Lily nodded in understanding. ‘Do you think you’ll be able to get back to sleep?’  
Addy glanced at the clock on the night stand. Three a.m. ‘Yeah,’ she said quietly. I’ll just have to put up silencing charms from now on…

Try as she might, Addy couldn’t seem to acclimate herself to the Slytherins. She had spent her entire life, more or less, despising the lot of them, and it proved a difficult habit to break. On top of that, she was still her. Awkward and weird and horrendously antisocial. Now she was supposed to be…. Well, she honestly didn’t know. She had agreed to Dumbledore’s proposition, but she found she didn’t really know what she was agreeing to. What, exactly, was she to do? Spy on them? And do what? It wasn’t as if just being in their company would afford her a new wealth of knowledge. Perhaps the clever rouse was the other way round, and they would be using her to spy on him? Or something…. Not that that would happen, as she still wasn’t good with words and would often opt to just not talk. She was better at listening, really. And then Avery made his little speech which served to muck it all up and now Addy was going spare. Were her fellow sixth year Gryffindors her mates? Maybe they didn’t feel like that about her? Maybe she was seeing things she wanted so badly, but they just weren’t real? But why would they have gone to the trouble of helping her out when she had been cursed? Perhaps they just felt sorry for her? But they’d seemed happy when she returned to her normal self, or as normal as she could ever be… She was constantly doubting and contradicting herself. How the hell was she to concentrate on essays and revision? There didn’t seem to be any time to breathe much less factor in extra curriculars. And that was another thing. Quidditch. There was no way known she could give it up. It seemed to be the lining made of silver stitched right into her little rain cloud. So, she kept at quidditch, thinking she should keep up some form of her previous appearances. Surely, she shouldn’t pull a one eighty? Either way, she was keeping with it decidedly.   
Every class Addy had with the Slytherins she sat teetering on the anxious verge of chundering into her bag. Should she sit with Avery? And what of the other classes she had with Slytherins? Was she expected to sit with them, or was she only obligated to hanging round Avery? She really didn’t know and was honestly afraid to ask. What if she got an answer she really didn’t want to hear? Luckily, she only had potions with Avery, so she did sit next to him then, remaining quiet most of the time; though, she had herbology with Habiba Shafiq and Carina Selwyn, so she stood stoically between Carina and Mary, trying to concentrate on her work, and rarely interacting or participating in conversation. Essentially, she had reverted to her behavior at the end of the previous year, where aside from classes and quidditch, she didn’t make it out of her dorm room or the common room.   
Addy was just sorting through her trunk, something she’d yet to do, for her quidditch kit. James Potter had been made captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team that year, go figure, and as Wood and Laurence were gone, they would be holding trials that day for those two positions, and James wanted the entire existing team present. Addy shifted a stack of books and parchment aside and pulled her kit from the trunk when her breath hitched. Obviously, she didn’t remember having packed her trunk, so she didn’t know how it had gotten in there, but she certainly wasn’t prepared to see it. She felt a tear slip down her cheek and wiped it away hastily before she bent to pull it out from the mess that was her possessions. She held it to her chest tightly and her face scrunched in protest of the emotions threatening to surface. She couldn’t deal with all of that at the moment. If she tried she would surely become a blubbering, inconsolable mess, with no end in sight. So, she tried to push it away to the back of her mind like she did everything else. That was how Marlene had come to find Addy, an hour later when she hadn’t shown up to try outs, sitting on her trunk, with her brow knitted together, staring at the floor. ‘Addy, what are you doing? What’s wrong? ADDY!’   
Addy looked up suddenly and, upon seeing Marlene, shook her head quickly and wiped at her eyes. ‘Sorry,’ she said quietly, standing up and looking around bemusedly. ‘What?’  
Marlene’s brow knitted, and she stepped forward, placing a hand to Addy’s shoulder, causing her to start. ‘Addy, what’s going on?’  
Addy sighed. ‘I… found this.’  
‘What is it?’  
‘It was…Paul’s,’ she said, her voice catching. ‘I didn’t know I had it… how did I get it?’ she mumbled, as if to herself.  
‘Paul?’ Marlene asked softly.  
‘He was…my muggle…friend.’ Or had they been more than friends? They’d never really talked about it. Sometimes her inability to communicate could really be a hindrance. ‘Him and Ed and Kate,’ Addy whispered.  
‘He…was?’ Marlene said. ‘But not anymore?’  
Addy shook her head, another tear escaping the corner of her eye. ‘He…they died.’  
‘They died?’ Marlene said, her eyes growing wide. ‘What happened?’ Addy seemed to scowl back at Marlene. She didn’t think she could say it out loud. ‘Your…?’ Addy nodded solemnly, poking her tongue into her cheek. ‘Is that what happened before he…cursed you?’  
Addy didn’t answer right away. Instead she sighed, sitting back onto her trunk. ‘I tried to leave,’ she said quietly. ‘He wouldn’t let me leave.’  
Marlene frowned, standing in front of Addy for some time, not sure what to say, or even if she should say anything. Was it her place? Addy had never really liked talking about her private and home life. Or feelings. Finally, she stooped to pick up Addy’s kit from the floor, holding it up awkwardly. Sometimes Addy could rub off on you. ‘Well… shall we?’ Addy looked up at Marlene and her kit and sighed. She wiped her face, nodded and stood, yanking her school robes off without any thought and taking the kit and pulling it on with no emotion in her eyes. Marlene was a little concerned. Scratch that, she was a lot concerned. Addy was normally modest, and while she wasn’t exactly vain, she would normally make some effort. The sight that met Marlene’s eyes now however, was not put together in the slightest. Where she had come the first day looking impeccable, under someone else’s control, she now looked like she was slowly unraveling. And it was only the third week in. ‘Come on Ad, get your shit together.’  
Addy looked at her bemusedly before she cracked a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes. ‘Right. Sorry.’ She sighed heavily and stuffed the worn leather jacket back into her trunk, shutting the lid again before she hastily pulled her hair into a messy ponytail. ‘Ok, I’m ready. How cross is Potter? Knickers in a twist?’  
‘Oh, we’re past that. He’s in a right strop with you, I’d say.’  
Addy grimaced. ‘He’ll get over it,’ she said, trying to act casual. She hoped he’d get over it at least.  
‘Where the fuck have you been, Nott? We don’t have all day to wait around for you, princess!’ James shouted as she walked onto the pitch with Marlene, though his anger dissipated when he saw her face, she’d obviously been crying, and Marlene signaled at him from behind Addy’s back, swiping her hand across her neck swiftly, eyes wide.   
‘Sorry,’ Addy grumbled, crossing her arms in front of her chest. ‘Still don’t know why I’m needed for this bit any roads…’ she muttered to herself.   
‘Alright, just don’t let it happen again,’ James barked. He wasn’t going to coddle her, she didn’t need that. Not that he wanted to be a dick either, but he didn’t want to treat her differently just because she was having family drama or whatever. As far as he knew she’d always had that problem. ‘Right then. I want anyone trying for beater on the left, anyone for keeper on the right. Everyone else, get off my pitch! The other right Martin! I meant my right. Just get over there!’ James said, gesturing exasperatedly. ‘Really, why does he still bother?’ he muttered to Sirius. ‘The dump I took this morning had a higher I.Q.’   
Sirius barked out a laugh. ‘Too bad it’d be a shit flyer.’  
James chuckled appreciatively, shaking his head, before he adopted a stern expression. James thought he looked so authoritative, but Sirius thought he looked pinched. He called it James’s McGonagall face. ‘Right. I want to start with keepers. Martin, how bout we start with you. I want you over there,’ he pointed, ‘and Jones, McKinnon, and I, will be taking shots. Then we’ll move on to you, er…’ he looked at his clipboard. ‘Pitts? Right. And then down the line. We’ll all be taking two shots a piece, so each of you will be blocking against six. Obviously, we’ll take whoever does the best. Then we’ll go through the beaters. You’ll all be working with Black to see who works the best with him, while the chasers simulate a match, more or less. Any questions so far? No? Brilliant. Martin! In the air! Blimey, I’m already sick of him…’ he muttered the last bit to Sirius before taking to the air.   
‘He is a bit of a lump,’ Addy muttered to Marlene.   
Marlene nodded. ‘A big fat lump. He’s like a prepubescent girl.’  
‘Maybe we should buy him a training bra for his breast buds.’   
Marlene laughed before she joined James and Gwenog in the air, and Addy frowned, kicking her heel into the ground. She really didn’t know why she needed to be there for this.   
But, true to form, once they’d gone through everyone, James had asked the other team members their opinions, so Addy had halfheartedly given her two knuts, before trudging back to the castle alone with a forlorn expression. ‘So, what was she even doing?’ James asked Marlene as they started walking back to the castle with Sirius.   
‘Just sitting there,’ Marlene shrugged.   
‘What? She made us wait around so she could wag off? That’s bullshit!’  
‘But she looked like she’d been crying?’ Sirius said.   
‘Still,’ James muttered, frowning. He was really struggling between his quidditch mania and his empathy toward his friend.  
Marlene shot James a look before she nodded at Sirius. ‘Trying not to. She looked a bit lost really. She’d found a jacket of some muggle friend of hers. Phil or something?’  
‘Paul?’  
‘That’s it,’ Marlene nodded. ‘Any roads, she said something about him having died.’  
‘Paul died?’  
Marlene nodded again. ‘And the other two.’  
‘Ed and Kate died too?’ Sirius muttered. ‘Shite.’ He’d only met them the one time, but they were good people, and he knew she’d been rather fond of them.   
‘Did she say what happened?’ asked James.   
‘Just that she’d tried to leave. Implied it was her father. I gathered that was when he cursed her, but she still won’t really talk about it.’ Sirius frowned. He wondered more than ever what had happened, and he was determined to find out.

 

A few days later, Addy received a letter from her mother at breakfast. Knowing it couldn’t be good, she retreated to the far side of the green houses and stole herself before she carefully withdrew the parchment to find her mother’s elegant cursive scrawl. Such beautiful writing for such ugly words. Tears of frustration fell from her eyes as she read the details of their finding the curse had been broken, and their threats that Addy was in no way released from her duties to her family and society, and that she was still to come home for Christmas. She’d already known as much, but somehow seeing it in writing made it that much worse. She looked up at the soft bark, finding that same large, black dog approaching. ‘Well, they know…’ she said with a trembling voice. ‘I hate them…’ she trailed off, hiccupping uncomfortably. She wasn’t sure why she was talking to the dog, but it felt natural as he sat in front of her and looked at her as though he understood, and soon she found herself telling him everything. He even seemed to respond, and she found a small comfort in nuzzling her face into his soft fur for a time. She found he had surprisingly soft and clean fur for a supposed stray dog and wondered if he actually belonged to someone but found she didn’t care as long as he came back.

‘Don’t forget,’ Avery said to Addy quietly before the potions lesson began that first Thursday in October. ‘Tomorrow evening. It’s in the meeting room off the Slytherin common room. Ten o’clock.’  
Addy frowned. ‘But that’s curfew. What if I get caught?’  
‘I’m sure you’ll think of something. It’s not as if you’ve never done it before,’ he said airily. ‘It’s your own fault for being sorted elsewhere.’  
Addy scowled at him but was unable to retort as Slughorn began the lesson.   
‘How am I to get into your common room if I don’t know the password?’ she asked as Avery made a point of walking her out of the room and down the corridor. He pulled her into an alcove, glancing around surreptitiously while Addy rolled her eyes.   
‘It’s tradition,’ Avery said quietly. ‘And you best not tell anyone else.’  
‘You really think anyone else wants to get in there?’  
‘Perhaps. For less, honorable reasons.’ Addy hummed, probably agreeing with him for the first time. ‘And be sure to look… presentable. Really, your recent appearance is appalling. You aught to be presentable on a daily basis, and immaculate during the gatherings.’  
‘You’ve already trapped me, why would I be bothered? It might encourage you to touch me…more.’  
‘Because if you can’t be bothered, I may well be. And I could make things far more difficult for you.’  
‘You’ve already done.’  
‘I’ve practically been handling you with kid gloves, sweetheart. You wouldn’t want to test me and find what it’s really like to get on my bad side.’  
‘Fine. Darling,’ she said sarcastically.   
‘Ten o’clock,’ he smiled sweetly. ‘Don’t be late.’ Addy rolled her eyes and stalked off. She didn’t think her appearance had been appalling. She showered and brushed her teeth regularly. Though she was never entirely sure if her school robes were clean. That was for the house elves to worry about. As long as they didn’t smell… and no she hadn’t been wearing makeup or always brushing her hair, but she really couldn’t be bothered. She wasn’t trying to impress anyone, really, she was just trying not to fall apart.   
Next night she stood in front of the full-length mirror in the sixth year Gryffindor girls’ dorm, frowning. She’d put some potion on her hair, so it was glossy, yet she refused to straighten it. She liked it wavy. She’d put on some makeup, though not a lot, and she was wearing dress robes of a burnt orange with a short hemline and deep neckline paired with her tan suede over the knee boots. She looked great, really. But she didn’t feel great. She felt sick with anxiety and she really didn’t want to go. She didn’t really enjoy socializing at the best of times with people she actually liked. Ah, the downfalls of being an introvert. She rummaged in her trunk, pulling out a bottle of firewhiskey when she’d found it, and took a few gulps. Hopefully there’d be more at this ‘gathering,’ or she wasn’t sure she would make it through the night. As she came down the stairs into the common room, she saw Remus and Marlene look up from where they sat next to each other on a couch by the stairs. ‘Where are you going dressed like that?’ Marlene asked with a wide smile. Mary, Peter, James, and Sirius looked up then; Sirius did a double take and James whistled lowly.  
Addy sighed deeply, looking contrite. ‘To my doom,’ she muttered cryptically. ‘If I’m not back by sunrise, send out a search party.’  
‘You look nice. Where are you going?’ Sirius said, eyeing her up quite obviously and making her blush.   
‘Erm…just a… gathering… thing…’ she muttered breathily, looking anywhere but at him now. ‘One of those obligations, you know? Should be dreadfully boring… any roads, I should go. Can’t be late.’ She smiled tightly, giving an awkward wave, before she turned and left through the portrait hole.   
‘Sunrise, eh? Think we should wait that long?’ James thought out loud. He looked over to Sirius, who was still staring at the portrait hole. ‘Padfoot,’ he laughed out. ‘C’mon, mate, snap out of it.’ He threw a card down on the pile, making the whole thing explode, laughing harder as Sirius started theatrically.   
‘Bloody wanker,’ Sirius said with mock indignance, shoving James who fell to the carpet, still laughing. ‘Shut it,’ he laughed out, as Remus and Peter joined in. ‘She just looked so…’ so what? Not happy exactly, but lately she’s been looking downright depressed and he’d been worried. She didn’t seem to be taking care of herself, but this… this was a bit of her old self.   
‘Fit?’ Peter supplied.   
‘You made her blush pretty deeply just looking at her though, that’s got to count for something,’ James said, sitting on the couch again.   
‘Doesn’t she always blush though?’ Peter said bemusedly.  
‘Not like that,’ Remus said fairly. ‘She looked… pleased.’  
‘It’s something. That’s better than nothing,’ James said encouragingly.  
‘Not much to go on though,’ Marlene interjected.  
‘Nah, you know how much she usually hates being objectified,’ Mary grinned.  
‘See. It’s something,’ James said emphatically.   
‘I was not objectifying her!’ Sirius said indignantly.  
‘Actually, you kind of were,’ Remus said, tilting his head to the side.  
‘I can appreciate her…beauty, because I also appreciate her mind and her talent,’ Sirius said.  
Mary shook her head. ‘See, I didn’t mean it like that. You were objectifying her, but I don’t think she felt objectified, which she appreciated.’  
Sirius ran a hand through his hair, looking at her exasperatedly. ‘What?’ 

Honestly, the way Sirius had looked at her… Addy didn’t quite know what it was she was feeling, but she wasn’t sure she liked it. It made her stomach feel all squirmy and her heart beat quicken. Even if it was a feeling one considered to be good, nothing would ever come of it, she told herself. Sirius just thought she was pretty maybe, but that was as far as his feelings would ever go. He would never fancy someone like her, he was too good for her. Hadn’t her parents always told her she was worthless? At any rate, when she had gotten to the meeting room off of the Slytherin common, which really just looked like the common room but without the fireplace and a large table in the center of it, and Avery had looked at her… well, it was creepy. He looked at her almost hungrily. And there went her skin with the crawling feeling again. Addy suddenly wished she had drank her entire bottle of firewhiskey, and readily accepted a glass from Evan Rosier. She downed it in one and went to refill it and get a few biscuits from the table before she noticed Avery beckoning her over and reluctantly went to sit by him. Thankfully, this merely seemed to be a party of sorts, rather than a meeting. Addy supposed she should be able to handle it. Just sit quietly for an hour or so and then politely excuse herself. But then Avery put his hand on her thigh between her boot and her robes, and she fought the urge to slap him right there. ‘Want some?’ Habiba Shafiq sat next to her on the couch, holding up a vial of a violently purple potion or something.   
‘What is it?’  
‘Morgana’s elixir. Haven’t you ever wondered what would happen if you had the chance to unlock your inner animal?’  
Addy blinked at her slowly. ‘Stop trying to be mysterious, Habiba, you only manage to look constipated.’  
Habiba rolled her eyes. ‘Do you want to try it or not?’ she said, opening the bottle to pour a bit into her own mouth. Addy shrugged and took it from her, drinking the other half of the bottle figuring, why not? Ten minutes later and Addy felt fantastic. This was what all those Society Gatherings had been missing. She should have tried it years ago. Why had she been worrying before? She felt like she could do anything. Maybe she could have even tolerated her parents at that point? Or even Voldemort himself?  
Addy was dancing with Habiba and Carina and Dolores Bulstrode, no longer caring that they were shrill numpties. ‘I love your boots,’ Habiba giggled obnoxiously.  
‘Thanks,’ Addy said, smiling lazily. ‘And your dress robes are such a beautiful shade of purple.’  
‘Aubergine,’ she slurred.  
‘Whatever,’ Addy waved her hand dismissively. ‘It goes well with that elixir. You should make it into a necklace and wear them together.’ Habiba giggled again.  
‘You both have such beautiful hair,’ Dolores said dreamily. ‘So shiny… you looked stunning at your sister’s wedding.’  
Habiba looked at Addy, raising her eyebrows and pursing her lips. ‘Er…thank you,’ Addy said awkwardly. She hardly even remembered being there.   
‘You have…great hair,’ Habiba said slowly, biting her lip. ‘It goes well with your… nose.’  
‘Pff… her nose?’ Addy said incredulously.  
‘I don’t know,’ Habiba whispered. ‘What would you have said?’  
‘I don’t know, but not her nose,’ Addy whispered back.   
‘Her eyes, maybe?’ Carina said helpfully.  
‘Sure,’ Addy said, nodding. ‘Let’s go with that... where’d she go?’  
Carina and Habiba shrugged but continued dancing while Addy looked around bemusedly, pausing, when she found a figure sitting off to the side, alone. ‘Why are you over here brooding, Regulus?’ she said, sitting next to him.  
Regulus looked at her sideways. ‘Adhara,’ he said, smiling easily. He’d always liked her. She wasn’t like the other society girls, always giggling and gossiping; she was quiet, as he was, and he had always felt they could comfortably share a silence. And she had always been nice to him, even when Sirius had stopped. ‘You seem to be enjoying yourself.’  
She shrugged, turning toward him. ‘I’m only here under strict duress. I honestly didn’t want to come at all.’  
‘It can’t be so bad,’ he said, turning to face her now. She talked so quietly it was hard to hear her in the best of circumstances. ‘You didn’t look to be under any duress.’  
‘That’s good,’ she said solemnly. ‘I was afraid I didn’t hide it very well. And I’ll definitely need to be able to hide it…’ she trailed off.  
‘How do you mean?’  
‘Over Christmas Holiday, there’s to be a meeting… I’ve been informed that Vo- erm, the Dark Lord, will be there.’  
‘But that’s wonderful news,’ he said brightly.  
She shook her head. ‘You’ve never met him, have you?’  
‘Not yet,’ he said, almost in a whine.  
‘You should feel lucky…’ she said sadly.  
He frowned. ‘Why’s that?’  
‘Because! He’s…scary,’ she said wide eyed.   
‘But he’s brilliant! He’s going to revolutionize the wizarding world as we know it.’  
She shook her head again. ‘You talk about a revolution, but what you need is a revelation.’  
‘What?’  
‘Don’t you see it’s better this way? Why else would the statute of secrecy have been needed in the first place?’   
‘Why should we have to live in hiding? We are superior. They should be the ones in hiding!’  
‘Even if we assume that’s true…’  
‘It is true.’  
‘Why does that mean all those people have to die though?’ she said sadly.  
‘They’d only die if they stood in the way.’  
‘You’re so naive,’ she said. ‘Do you realize how many have already died?’  
‘It’s for the greater good,’ he said imploringly.  
‘For whom? Regulus, you don’t know him. You’ve no idea. He’s not going to bring the greater good to the wizarding world. He only cares about himself and gaining power. Everyone else is just a means to an end. Or to no end…’ she muttered thoughtfully. His brow knitted thoughtfully.  
‘Trying to steal my girl, Black?’ Addy looked down at her hands, scowling, as Regulus looked up at Avery passively.  
‘Of course not. She was just consoling me over the death of my uncle.’ Addy looked up at him slowly and he kept his eyes on Avery.  
Avery frowned. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Which uncle was it?’  
‘Alphard,’ Regulus said, nodding somberly and looking back toward Addy.  
‘That kooky old bastard?’ Avery chuckled.   
‘Yes,’ Regulus said, ‘it was rather sudden.’  
Avery shook his head. ‘Well, my condolences.’  
‘I appreciate that,’ Regulus nodded.  
‘Adhara,’ Avery said, holding out a hand, ‘I’ll walk you back to your common room.’  
Addy chewed her lip, glancing at Regulus. ‘Give us a moment?’ Avery scowled, looking between them, but nodded before striding away.   
‘When did this happen?’ she asked Regulus.  
‘Just last week…’  
‘Does Sirius know?’  
Regulus shook his head and reached out to touch her knee. ‘No. My parents didn’t want me to tell him.’  
‘But he was so fond of your uncle.’  
Regulus nodded. ‘Would you tell him?’  
‘Why won’t you?’  
Regulus grimaced. ‘My parents don’t want me to…I… can’t.’  
Addy sighed. ‘Do you know when the funeral is?’  
‘There won’t be one,’ Regulus shook his head.  
‘Why not?’ He shrugged, and Addy sighed again. ‘Alright, I’ll tell him. Because he deserves to know. Though you should have told him.’  
He looked up at her ashamedly. ‘Would you have, if it were you?’  
She scoffed. ‘Of course. Aludra wouldn’t have though.’  
He nodded. ‘Thank you, Adhara.’  
‘You’re welcome, Regulus.’  
Addy got up and reluctantly joined Avery in the common room where he had stopped to have a chat with Snape, who sneered at her. ‘Trying to move on to Black now?’ Avery said as they left the common room.   
‘Maybe,’ she said lightly. ‘He doesn’t make me gag.’  
‘Remember your place, Adhara. We are to be married. Our wedding is being arranged.’  
‘Why do you even want to marry me? We’ve never got on. Less so, since you started making comments about how I smell divine and touching me.’  
‘You know I’ve always wanted you, I can make you happy,’ he said, suddenly sounding desperate.  
‘Please,’ she smirked, waving her index finger at him tauntingly. ‘I highly doubt that. Though as you’ve said, our marriage is being arranged. What do you care of my happiness?’  
‘I’m not that terrible. I’ll be able to provide for you. I can take care of you.’  
‘You should know by now that I don’t want any of that. You look at me as a possession. I may as well be a house elf.’   
‘I like you better when you’ve been drinking. You’re much more agreeable,’ he said frowning.  
‘Yes, well, you’re much more tolerable when I’m high.’ Avery suddenly grabbed her by the arm, pulling her to him. ‘I suppose you’ll be wanting me to swoon now?’ He kissed her roughly, deeply, and her face scrunched as he pulled away. ‘I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.’ He growled and then he slapped her, and she laughed derisively. Then he pushed her, and she stumbled into the wall and fell to the floor, laughing harder. ‘Don’t be so dramatic, Graham,’ she said mockingly.  
‘Remember your place, Adhara,’ he practically shrieked.   
Addy continued to laugh, and he kicked her in the side, hard. ‘Bloody hell,’ she hissed, clutching her ribs. ‘No need to get your knickers in a twist.’   
Avery growled before he stalked back toward the Slytherin common room. Addy chuckled at how ridiculous he looked until she hissed in pain again, then slumped into the wall, looking down the corridor with a frown, wondering idly how she was going to make it to the seventh floor. She had just eased herself onto her bum, sliding her legs out in front of her to reach her boot, when a hand appeared in front of her. ‘Need a hand?’  
Addy looked up at Sirius, seeing James stood behind him shoving something hastily into his robes pocket, and glanced back at the entrance to the Slytherin common room worriedly. Sirius frowned. ‘It’s alright, he’s gone.’  
‘I just don’t want…’ she trailed off, unsure of what to say. She didn’t want what? Too many things to name really… she shook her head. ‘Do you have your wand handy?’ He pulled it from his sleeve, James doing the same, and she gestured lamely at her side. ‘Can you give me a little episkey?’  
‘You think he kicked you that hard?’ James said, his brow knitted. Addy looked at him sharply but didn’t comment, instead she tried and failed to shrug casually. Sirius scowled darkly, but obliged, before he helped her to her feet. ‘That was quite the little kerfuffle there, Nott.’  
Addy shrugged. ‘Going for my brother now, are you?’ Sirius said lightly.  
Addy smirked at Sirius before her expression morphed into a frown. ‘Actually…’  
His brow knitted. ‘Wait, you are?’  
She waved her hand lazily. ‘We should move,’ she said, glancing around worriedly again. They rolled their eyes but complied, walking toward the passage at the end of the hall. ‘I was talking to him,’ she continued as they climbed. Sirius was having a little difficulty concentrating on her words, as he was behind her. What? He couldn’t hear her. Sheesh. ‘He said your uncle died,’ she went on, turning back toward him as she came into the corridor above. His eyes snapped up to hers. ‘Alphard.’  
‘What?’ he said weakly.  
‘Just last week, I guess. He said it was rather sudden. And there wasn’t a funeral for some reason…’   
Sirius nodded. ‘No one told me…’  
She nodded back at him. James suddenly felt like he wasn’t really needed there, almost wondering if he should back away slowly. ‘Reg said your parents didn’t want him to. And you know how he is.’  
Sirius scowled. ‘Yeah. He’s the perfect little son.’  
Addy sighed. ‘That doesn’t mean he didn’t still want to. He just… doesn’t know how to go against what your parents want. He’s not as brave as you,’ she said quietly. He smiled slightly at her blush and felt his heart swell proudly. She’d called him brave. ‘He was really broken up about it actually. That’s why he asked me to tell you.’  
Sirius sighed, nodding his head. ‘I wonder why they didn’t have a funeral,’ he said bemusedly.   
Addy shrugged. ‘Reg said he didn’t know.’  
‘Thanks for telling me,’ he said, smiling softly. She smiled back, though it didn’t reach her eyes. It had been so long since she had truly smiled. He really wanted to bring the smile back to her eyes. And touch her soft skin. And kiss her lips… he shook the thought from his head as they turned to walk back to the common room.


	17. Many Happy Returns

Addy groaned pathetically as she opened her burning eyes next day. She could feel her pulse in the back of her skull. She closed her eyes again and turned over, covering her head with her duvet, feeling deflated. She’d felt so…so brilliant last night, and for what? A dance with those ridiculous girls and getting felt up by Avery? Somehow, she didn’t think that was significant information to report back to Dumbledore. Really, why did she think this was something she could do? Whatever it was she was supposed to do… when was it she was supposed to hear something of import? They obviously didn’t discuss things like that at their frivolous little parties. She’d probably have to spend even more time with them, and she really didn’t think she was up for that. She was barely keeping it together as is… what was she to do? She needed advice. She decided to owl Alice, the only one she’d ever really trusted. Alice had always given it to Addy straight, something she felt she needed then.   
Addy was climbing the stairs to the owlery that night, still lost in her thoughts, and yelped in surprise, causing the two occupants of the owlery to do the same; Peter and Jamie, some fifth year Hufflepuff Addy vaguely knew of, jumped apart, spluttering and blushing furiously. ‘It..it..it’s not what it looks like!’ Jamie stuttered.  
Addy held her hands up. ‘Ok. I didn’t see anything any roads. I’m just mailing a letter.’ She crossed the room, calling the closest barn owl down from its perch as Peter and Jamie shot each other looks.   
‘You…you won’t say anything, will you Addy?’  
‘Course not Pete. Your secret is safe with my indifference.’  
‘What?’ he squeaked.  
‘Never mind,’ Addy waved him off. ‘I won’t say a word,’ she added quietly, trying to sound casual to reassure him. Peter spluttered again, and Addy smiled tightly before turning to leave. She really couldn’t care less who Peter chose to snog. Although it was a bit surprising, he shouldn’t have chosen the owlery if he wanted privacy, she had more important things to worry about. She needed to be able to calm her anxiety enough that she could dive further into the snake pit. Maybe she just needed to take some more of that elixir. 

‘Habiba,’ Addy greeted politely, a few days later as they entered greenhouse five. ‘Have you been in touch with Morgan?’  
‘Who?’ Habiba’s dark eyebrows knit together in confusion.  
Godric but she was thick. Addy wondered how she had gotten the required OWLs to even make it into that class. Lucky for her, she was pretty. ‘Do you have anymore elixir?’ Addy whispered.  
‘Oh, yeah!’ Habiba giggled, patting her satchel in a way that Addy knew she thought was discreate. ‘Do you…?’  
‘Not right now,’ Addy said, glancing around. ‘Don’t want to be attacked by the venomous tentacula…break?’  
‘Sure,’ Habiba shrugged, smiling easily. 

Sirius watched Addy slide into the empty spot next to Remus just as McGonagall was closing the door to the transfiguration classroom, her eyes bloodshot. She was high again. Sirius had been watching her closely. He’d noticed when she’d begun spending even more time with Habiba and Carina the last few weeks, withdrawing further from the other Gryffindors, turning up inebriated frequently, even going so far as to come to class as such, something she never would have done before. She’d been getting more letters as of late, though he caught the signature once, and found she was corresponding with Alice, although she’d gotten just one more letter from her mother. He’d seen her still, eyes going wide briefly before she stole herself and withdrew outdoors. He had followed her again, as Padfoot, to the edge of the tree line, where she quietly recounted the contents of the letter to him as she worried her bottom lip between her teeth, her brow knitted. She’d been scribing in that little book of hers more often, either during class or when she’d hide herself away in the shadowed corner of the common room. He’d thought she was writing until he caught the scattered sketches littering the pages.   
McGonagall set them to change the color of their eyebrows, using a hand mirror, and Addy had lazily gone through various colors, before removing it all, looking bored. She started transfiguring her fingers into tiny spear like claws, grinning as she held her hand out in front of her face. Remus looked over at her, quirking a brow. ‘How do you do that so easily?’  
Addy shrugged. ‘I have a very active imagination and excellent wand control.’ She reached over and ran a finger up Remus’s arm, smiling cheekily when his eyes widened in surprise. ‘You know who really has excellent wand control?’  
‘You-know-who has excellent wand control?’ said Remus.  
Addy’s brow knitted in confusion before she rolled her eyes and smirked back at him. ‘Ha ha,’ she said dryly. ‘Marlene.’  
‘What?’ Marlene said, turning around.  
‘Nothing,’ Addy waved her away. ‘Don’t be an earwig.’ She righted her fingers with a quick wave of her wand before she leaned closer to Remus to whisper, ‘Marlene has excellent wand control.’  
Remus’s expression morphed into one of contrite. ‘That situation is…complicated,’ he said, glancing at Marlene.  
‘Only because you make it complicated. You obviously fancy each other.’  
‘It’s not that easy.’  
‘Oh, get over yourself and just bloody snog the girl, Lupin.’  
Remus poked his tongue into his cheek, shaking his head. ‘Just get over myself, eh?’  
Addy nodded. ‘It’s not like she’s asking you to get married and make babies. Besides, you seem like you need to unwind sometimes.’  
‘Like you do?’  
Addy frowned. ‘Now that, is a complicated situation.’  
‘Is it?’ Remus said, looking at her sideways. ‘Or do you make it complicated?’  
Addy sat up straight, looking cross. ‘It is.’  
‘Ok,’ Remus said, holding his hands up in mock surrender, ‘it is.’

‘So, what were you and Dara all chummy about, Moony?’ Sirius asked, trying to act casual, as they left the classroom.   
‘She told me to get over myself,’ Remus said, eyes wide in irritation.  
Sirius laughed, relieved. ‘Why?’  
‘Said something about snogging Marlene…’  
‘Well, you know our opinion on that,’ James said easily, clapping him on the back.  
‘But I can’t lead her on like that,’ said Remus.  
‘How is it leading her on to snog her, Moony?’ Sirius said exasperatedly.  
‘She could get the wrong idea.’  
‘And what idea would that be? That you want to snog her?’ Sirius said.  
‘That we could ever have a real relationship!’  
‘C’mon Moony, you could have a real relationship. You deserve to be happy too,’ said James.  
Remus shook his head. ‘Marlene deserves someone whole.’  
‘You are whole,’ Sirius said earnestly.  
Remus shook his head again. ‘We’ve been over this, and I’m not going to change my mind, so can we just drop it?’  
Sirius sighed.  
‘Sure mate,’ James said resignedly.  
Peter, as was often the case, didn’t know what to say, so had remained silent through the entire encounter, frowning in concern. He was better one on one really and would usually put in his quiet words of encouragement later, when the two were alone and he’d had time to have a think on it.

James and Sirius had detention that night for exploding Snape’s cauldron during potions for bothering Lily. Again. They’d been split up, as was routine by now, James having to fertilize plants in the greenhouses with a few other students, while Sirius had to scrub out cauldrons for Slughorn. Sirius sighed irritably as he entered the common room. It was going on midnight, and he figured James would already be in their dorm. He crossed to the stairs and stopped as the firelight played across the familiar legs of a figure in a corner armchair. Sirius smiled softly, seeing Addy had fallen asleep while drawling again, her head lolled onto the back of the chair and her book resting open on her lap; he changed his course and crossed the room to her, sitting on the small table in front of her and placing his hand on her arm to shake her lightly. He hadn’t anticipated her reaction however, as she started violently, reaching frantically for her wand in her lap with wide eyes, her book tumbling to the floor in the process. Sirius grabbed her upper arms quickly and stooped to catch her gaze with his. ‘Woah, Dara, it’s ok! It’s just me,’ he said softly.   
Addy visibly relaxed, breathing a sigh of relief. ‘Sorry,’ she said quietly, lowering her wand with a look of contrite.   
‘S’alright,’ Sirius said, bending to pick up her book as she rubbed a hand over her face tiredly. He paused in the act of handing the book back to her, smiling as he saw some of the drawings. ‘These are really good,’ he said quietly. ‘I didn’t know you could draw.’  
‘Erm…it’s just a hobby really,’ she said, shrugging casually. ‘I don’t know that I’m any good, it just…helps clear my head.’  
‘No, these are brilliant,’ he said, smiling as he turned a page. ‘You’ve drawn me?’ He said, his expression morphing into one of delighted surprise.  
Addy stilled, her eyes widening again. ‘Oh, uh…yeah. Just a time or two,’ she muttered, looking to her lap.  
Sirius grinned widely. ‘You’ve drawn me more than once?’ he said, turning another page.  
She cleared her throat awkwardly, sitting forward to hastily pull the book from his grasp and he suddenly realized how deeply she was blushing as the firelight hit her face. ‘Well, you’ve been in most of my classes and you’re in my house…I see you a lot,’ she defended weakly.  
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to intrude. But they really are brilliant. I can actually tell what you’ve drawn. I have trouble with stick figures.’  
Addy smiled shyly. ‘Thank you,’ she said quietly.  
‘You’re welcome.’   
The grandfather clock across the room suddenly toned midnight, and Addy sat up straighter, looking down at her watch. ‘Oh,’ she looked up at him. ‘Happy birthday.’ She leaned forward again, Sirius assumed, to kiss his cheek, but he jerked his head to the side and she stilled, her lips a few centimeters away from his. He waited, wanting to give her an out, and he saw her eyes widen, her gaze flicking to his before she looked to his lips. He could see her internal struggle on her face and was pleasantly surprised when she bridged the gap and pressed her lips to his softly in a chaste kiss, pulling back and murmuring a, ‘many happy returns,’ so close her breath danced across his cheek. She didn’t pull back any further, and he stole himself, feeling his heart rate pick up as he reached up to cup her cheek. It was just as soft as he remembered; it’d been all he could do not to touch her every damn day. He heard her breath hitch at his touch; her eyes closed, and she seemed to lean into him. Buoyed by her reaction, he smiled slightly before he slipped his hand round to thread his fingers into the hair at the base of her neck to pull her toward him and capture her lips again. She didn’t resist him in the slightest; no, she breathed in deeply, leaning into him further, and he was encouraged, leaning into her in kind to deepen the kiss. Oh, she smelled like a curious mix of vanilla, lilac, and broom polish, and she tasted like treacle tart. He’d been wanting this so long he wondered idly if he was imagining it again, and reluctantly pulled away some time later when he realized they both still needed air… when had he sat on her lap?   
Sirius moved to sit back on the table with a muttered ‘sorry.’ Addy looked at him bemusedly, still breathing heavily, so he gestured toward her lap awkwardly.  
‘Oh,’ she breathed, smiling shyly. ‘S’alright. I didn’t mind,’ she said quietly. He grinned then, and she blushed deeply again. ‘Well, I should get to bed. Happy birthday, Sirius,’ she said as she stood suddenly.   
‘Thank you,’ he paused, wanting to say something more, so much more, but where should he start? ‘You’re coming to my birthday party, right? On Saturday,’ he said quickly.   
She hesitated, biting her lip, before she nodded. Then she turned to cross the room, ascending the stairs quickly as Sirius watched her go with a smile playing at his lips. He could talk to her then. That gave him time to have a think on what to say…  
Addy stopped halfway up the stairs, clutching a hand to her still rapidly beating heart, her eyes wide in realization. That smell… that smell that she couldn’t place. It had been him. She shook her head, chastising herself silently. She couldn’t dwell on that, she couldn’t do that to him. She wouldn’t burden him. He was better off without her. Besides, he would never think of her that way, she told herself. It was probably just a snog to him, a one-off, so it really didn’t matter.


	18. Don't even tell the dog!

That Friday was the next ‘Sacred Twenty-Eight Gathering’ and Addy found herself in the same position as last month’s, stood frowning in front of a mirror. She’d pinned her hair back and put on her floor length, cobalt dress robes, and then she was just standing there, trying to muster the courage to go. Habiba had given her some elixir, which would help, but not enough. Her hands often shook with the constant anxiety she felt, and she was sure she was on the verge of a panic attack. It’d been some time since she’d had one, but it seemed it was only a matter of time. She didn’t know if she could handle this anymore, and it hadn’t even been that long. She felt utterly useless. She felt herself slowly slipping away. She was losing herself, not that she’d ever found herself really. And it didn’t matter, because she couldn’t get out, even if she wanted to. ‘Get your shit together, Addy,’ she admonished herself quietly. ‘You’re stuck in this, so make it count.’ She sighed and nodded to her reflection, downing the potion before she finally left the dormitory.   
That Bertram kid had continued to crop up randomly at Addy’s side here and there, offering strange complements such as, ‘you have nice skin,’ and generally serving to make her uncomfortable. He tended to startle her, as he seemed to pop out of nowhere, and she couldn’t for the life of her remember his name. He was really just a nuisance. As she was walking to the Slytherin common room he joined her as she crossed a corridor, suddenly appearing at her side, making her flinch. ‘Hello, Addy.’  
‘Hello…’she glanced around uncomfortably.  
‘What are you doing out at this time of night?’  
‘Oh, er… I was walking to the Slytherin common room… are you going to turn me in?’ she said hesitantly.  
He shook his head. ‘I’ll let you off with a warning,’ he said, grinning widely. He seemed to think himself witty.  
She nodded slowly. ‘Er… thanks.’  
‘Your eyes are really blue.’  
She smiled tightly. There he went again. Was that a compliment or just an observation? ‘Thank you?’  
He nodded as they rounded the last corner. ‘Well, here you are.’  
She smiled tightly again, giving an awkward wave. ‘Thanks,’ she said, without knowing what she would be thanking him for, turning to hurry into the common room for once, just trying to get away. She sat quietly next to Avery this time, staring blankly at a glass of firewhiskey while he talked quietly with Rosier. She hadn’t worn robes with a short hemline, so she thought she was safe from skin to skin contact, however Avery wasn’t deterred, and as soon as Rosier departed, he took to brushing her hair away from her shoulder and caressing her neck. She felt the bile rising in her throat and fought to keep her expression neutral. She gripped her glass tighter, staring at the floor, trying to focus on something else. What was it she was doing? Being of some use. Right. Somehow, she didn’t think this counted… Avery excused himself after a while to talk with Mulciber and Snape, and Addy struggled with whether she should follow or try to calm herself. Her decision was made for her however, when Regulus took a seat next to her. ‘Hey, Reg. How are you?’  
‘Do you really think he only cares about himself?’ he said, skipping straight to the point.  
Addy blinked slowly, shaking her head. ‘Well, uh… that is the impression I’ve gotten in the past…’  
‘But he’s brilliant! I’ve heard of his charisma, he could change the world.’  
‘Oh, I’ve no doubt he’ll change the world. I’m just not so sure it will be for the better.’  
‘Why is that?’  
Addy chewed her lip, thinking over her words. ‘I’m not sure, honestly. Just… he is charismatic. You’re right about that. But…’ she shrugged. ‘There’s just something, I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on it. He… he’s unnerving. And honestly, I have a problem with murder.’   
Regulus smiled, shaking his head. ‘So, you don’t really know?’  
‘Is that all you took away from what I said?’ she asked, shaking her head. ‘Look, you’ve got this… whole enamored thing going, and I can’t compete with that. I just… I have a feeling you’re going to get in this and you’re going to find yourself in over your head.’  
‘I respectfully disagree.’  
Addy nodded. ‘Alright. And I can respect that. Just… if you ever do…find yourself in that situation. Just know…’  
‘You’re going to say, ‘I told you so?’’  
Addy laughed lightly. ‘No. If you need a friend, I will be there.’  
Regulus smiled softly. ‘I doubt that will ever happen but thank you.’   
She nodded. It honestly pained her to see him going down that path. She could see it on many of the other faces that surrounded her in that room, the mindset, the evil; it was already ingrained, stitched into their being; it was practically part of their genetic code. But Regulus… he was still just some bright eyed, castle in the clouds, kid. He was doing what he thought was right, what was expected of him, what was for the greater good, as they say. She saw him going down that path determinedly, and she knew she couldn’t change his mind, it was already made. But she couldn’t just… give up on him. She knew Sirius had only turned away because it pained him too much to watch it happen anymore. Maybe she could still help. Even if it was just a little. 

Next night Addy got ready with Lily, Mary, and Marlene before going down to Sirius’s birthday party. She took a firewhiskey and a plate of strawberries and biscuits, and took a seat in a quiet corner, watching people dance and laugh as she sipped at her drink. ‘Hey Addy, can I talk to you?’ She looked up to see Peter looking down at her nervously.  
‘Er, sure Peter,’ she said, before setting her drink aside and standing. Her eyes widened when he grabbed her arm and practically dragged her out through the portrait hole and around the corner.  
‘You haven’t told anyone have you?’  
‘Told anyone what?’ she said, her brow knitted in confusion.  
‘About… the owlery,’ he spluttered agitatedly.  
‘Oh, right. I’d forgotten about that.’  
‘Must be nice,’ he said dejectedly.  
Addy rolled her eyes. ‘Sorry I’ve had more important things on my mind. And any roads, wouldn’t you have known if I’d told anyone?’  
‘I don’t know…’ he trailed off. ‘Just…please don’t. Please? I’m not… I’m not ready to tell anyone.’  
‘Peter, I don’t think your friends would mind, really. Surely you could tell them?’

Sirius had seen Peter pull Addy out of the common room and frowned in confusion, before deciding to follow them. He spotted her back down the corridor where she was facing the other way, and quietly walked toward her.  
‘Really Peter, I don’t know why you’d be worried, it’s not as if I talk to anyone. My only confidant is a dog,’ she said reassuringly. Sirius smiled softly, but the smile slipped from his face as he heard Peter’s response.  
‘Don’t even tell the dog! Please!’ he said desperately.   
‘Ok, Peter, I won’t tell a soul, I promise,’ she said earnestly.   
Peter suddenly launched himself at her, causing her to stumble slightly, as he gripped her in a tight hug round her middle. Her eyes widened as he started sobbing and she looked around bemusedly before awkwardly returning his hug, patting him lightly on the back. ‘It’s ok, Peter. It’ll be alright,’ she said quietly, feeling entirely out of her depth. She looked up then, catching sight of Sirius down the hall, smiling sadly back at her. She shrugged at him though continued patting Peter’s back, muttering small condolences intermittently.   
Sirius turned and retreated to the common room, wondering what on earth Peter could be keeping a secret. It looked as though his opportunity to talk to her had been taken by Peter.


	19. December is a terrible month

December was a terrible month, Addy lamented decidedly, as she was yet again stood in front of the mirror frowning. She would have thought it would get easier, but it was worse. Much worse. She had been eating more due to the stress of it all and between that and the vast quantities of fire whiskey and elixir she was consuming she had put on weight. Avery had acknowledged her ‘curves’ and Jacqueline had looked at her pointedly as she ate chips and said, ‘are you sure you want to eat that?’ and now she was feeling fat for the first time in her life. She was sure she was getting a complex of some sort. Just one more thing to doubt herself on. She stared at the various scars that now marred her skin ruefully. They were quite ugly, really. She’d have to do something about that. She didn’t think she could get rid of them, so she’d have to cover them up probably. How steamed would her father be if she got some sort of Gryffindor insignia tattooed across her skin? It was certainly an idea even if it was a bit passive aggressive.   
Addy was still trying to decide what dress robes to wear, red or green. She wanted to wear her red dress robes. They were beautiful in her opinion. A beautiful scarlet. But could she get away with it? It might be frowned upon as rebellious. The green dress robes were fine really. They were of an evergreen velvet, which was quite fun to run your hand over. Addy didn’t want to have anyone’s hand run over her. She sighed. When had things gotten so stupidly complicated? Why did she even care? This was ridiculous. They were dress robes. She would just wear the red. She pulled the robes on, smoothing the floaty fabric out, it falling to her mid-thigh. Then she put on her black, t-strap wedges and nodded at her reflection. Right. She could do this. She downed an entire vial of elixir before she turned to leave the dormitory.   
‘I like your freckle.’   
That boy announced his presence by poking oddly at Addy’s shoulder and she started violently.   
‘Bloody hell!’ she exclaimed, clutching at her chest. ‘Where did you even come from Barabus?’  
‘Bertram,’ he frowned.   
‘Right. Sorry,’ she grimaced, wondering if he would notice if she just took off running. Why must he be so weird? And that was coming from her. ‘Any roads, I should be going…’  
‘Ok…’ he said slowly. ‘Take care, Addy.’ Addy nodded, giving him an awkward wave as they parted ways at the entrance to the Slytherin common.   
‘What are you wearing?’ Avery said as she sat next to him.   
‘Dress robes…’  
‘They’re so…’  
‘Lovely? Beautiful?’  
‘Red,’ he finally managed. Addy frowned. ‘It’s almost indecent.’  
‘They’re festive,’ Addy scoffed.   
Avery hummed, looking her over. She had sat quietly again, listening to idle chatter, but not hearing any corkers. Seriously though, it’d be more surprising if any of that lot weren’t planning to be Death Eaters.   
Addy tried to sneak out a bit early as she’d grown bored, only to have Avery send Mildred Goyle after her. ‘Really Mildred, I don’t need an escort. I know the way just fine on my own.’  
‘Graham told me to walk you.’  
‘And I’m telling you not to bother.’  
‘I don’t really answer to you, Nott.’  
‘Don’t start thinking you’re better than me just because you’re to marry Dolores’s brother.’  
‘I think I’m better than you because I’m willing to serve loyally. Unlike you who can hardly be considered a follower because you’re just scared.’ Addy suppressed a growl of contempt. She wasn’t a follower at all, but it wasn’t as if she could say that.   
‘Being a Bulstrode won’t make you look less like your brother,’ Addy snapped.   
Mildred scoffed. ‘Excuse me!’  
‘Alright, you’re excused,’ Addy simpered as she heard the dulcet tones of Mrs. Norris. Mildred jerked around at the sound and Addy took the opportunity to dive behind a tapestry. She listened attentively, stifling her sniggers when she heard Mildred getting reprimanded by Filch, served her right, before she quietly ascended the stairs.   
‘We really should stop meeting like this.’   
Addy turned toward that boy as she entered the corridor above. He was positively beaming at her. She guessed that was a good sign, although she did have to suppress a groan. ‘We really should,’ she said, hoping she sounded polite and he wouldn’t report her.   
‘Look Addy. Have I done something to offend you?’ Addy raised a brow curiously. ‘I just sense this tension between us,’ he went on. ‘And if there’s anything I can do to right this wrong, please let me know?’  
‘Er, ok Baarry…’  
‘Bertram,’ he said with a frown.   
‘Look, for starters?’ she fired up, still pissed and annoyed with the entire day. ‘Don’t put me in situations like this. It’s uncomfortable. That’s probably the tension you felt.’  
‘Ok…’  
‘And maybe stop with the weird compliments? If they’re compliments. It’s a bit creepy. And honestly, I don’t like to be judged based on my appearance. You obviously don’t know me very well.’  
‘Well, I’m trying to get to know you, but you’re not exactly easy to talk to,’ he said awkwardly. ‘You’re a bit intimidating really.’  
‘I’m intimidating?’ she faltered.   
‘Well you’re beautiful… and a bit stand offish.’ She frowned. ‘And I’d like to know more about you, but you don’t really seem interested in talking to me.’  
She suddenly felt a bit guilty. ‘Oh. Sorry, I just. Have a lot on my plate at the moment.’  
‘Well,I can understand that,’ he said sincerely.   
‘Erm, well. I should really be getting back,’ Addy said awkwardly. She still found him a bit odd.   
‘Ok. Yeah. Sure,’ he said, also awkwardly.   
They had just parted ways at a crossing corridor and Addy had barely made it twenty feet, when a new voice appeared out of nowhere to exclaim, ‘who’s your friend?’  
She nearly jumped out of her skin and she heard a bark of laughter behind her as she yelped, ‘Merlin’s beard!’ and whipped around with a hand to her chest and a deep scowl on her face. ‘What, do you lot just follow me when I go to one of these things now?’  
‘Not immediately, but yeah, pretty much,’ said James.   
Sirius shrugged. ‘Basically.’  
Addy didn’t know whether to be annoyed or touched. They really shouldn’t be getting involved. She settled for narrowing her eyes and humming noncommittally. They walked in silence for a moment before she remembered the question. ‘He’s not my friend, really. He just.. kind of bothers me.’  
‘Bothers you?’ James questioned.   
‘Not like that. He’s just… weird.’  
‘Hmm. You don’t say?’ Sirius said mockingly.   
Addy glared at him. ‘He told me he liked my freckle,’ she said, pointing to the offensive spot. ‘After he jumped out of nowhere and poked it.’  
‘That is pretty weird, Padfoot.’  
‘Thank you.’  
‘That’s not to say you’re any less weird,’ James amended.   
Addy scowled. ‘Oh, you’re one to talk. ‘Oh hello Lily-flower! Look what I can do!’’ she said mockingly, gesturing wildly before mussing up her hair.   
Sirius barked out a laugh and James scowled back at her. ‘That’s not fair, you know what effect Lily has on me!’  
‘Oh, we’re all well aware of that fact by now,’ she smirked.   
‘See, so I’m not usually weird,’ James retorted. ‘Just around Lily.’  
‘And you wonder why she hasn’t taken a shine to you yet?’   
James harrumphed. ‘Yeah, well, what’s your excuse?’  
Addy frowned slightly but shrugged, trying to cover up the feeling of insult she’d felt. ‘Well, better that than normal right? Normal is boring…’  
Sirius nodded. ‘Right.’

Next day was the second quidditch match of the season, the first for Gryffindor, and they were set to play Slytherin. Addy had left the change rooms after James had made his speech and Regulus had caught her eye as he emerged from theirs.   
‘Don’t think I’m going easy on you,’ Addy said, glaring mockingly back at Regulus.   
‘You really should throw the match in the name of your societal duty.’  
‘Oh, bugger that, you miserable sod.’  
Regulus grinned. ‘Don’t you dare go soft on me. I’ve looked forward to this for ages,’ he said quietly.   
Addy grinned back. ‘Yeah, well you can also look forward to having your ass handed to you.’  
‘You’re planning to handle my ass? How scandalous.’  
‘Dara!’ Addy turned around, biting her lip when she found a scowling Sirius. How much of that little exchange had he witnessed? Enough, according to his irritable expression. ‘Let’s go!’ He jerked his head towards the pitch and Addy nodded back at him. He turned away quickly, missing the hurt look that flashed across her features.   
‘See you,’ she said over her shoulder.   
Regulus waved back at her with a small frown. He didn’t know why Sirius would have had a problem. They were just talking.   
Sirius walked onto the pitch, taking up a spot next to James, his scowl still firmly in place. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Addy talking to Regulus. Although honestly, he didn’t. It was more that she was smiling at him. She hadn’t smiled at him for quite a while now and he wanted to be the one to always make her smile. Her smile still didn’t reach her eyes though, so he took a small consolation in the promise of bringing that light back to her. Oh, bloody hell, when did he become such a twat? She’d broken him. He was a Marauder for Merlin’s sake! He felt the sudden need to belch or scratch himself and regain his manliness or sanity or something... Ah well, he’d just have to settle for kicking some Slytherin arse at quidditch. That thought brought a grin to his face as he took to the air. 

‘Told you,’ Addy said triumphantly as she landed.   
‘Really? Because it seems more like you’ve just had your ass handed to you,’ Regulus said wryly, landing beside her as she mopped at her steadily bleeding nose from where the bludger had connected with her face.   
‘I still beat you,’ she said thickly, waving the snitch between her thumb and forefinger in front of him, letting its wings flutter towards his face. ‘And that means I handed your ass to you.’  
‘I’m not sure that’s how it works,’ he shook his head mockingly.   
‘Well you don’t have to be sure, because it is.’  
‘Come on Dara, let’s get you to Madam Pomfrey,’ Sirius said as he took her hand.   
‘But Sirius, what about my broom?’  
‘Here, I’ll take this, so you don’t have to worry about it,’ James said, appearing suddenly and snatching the snitch from her hand.   
‘Damnit Potter!’ James had just laughed and ran off towards the change rooms. Addy sighed, pulling her hand from Sirius’s reluctantly, and stooped to pick up her broom while glancing around. ‘Really, Sirius I can manage.’  
Sirius frowned but nodded back at her before turning towards the change rooms himself. He hated watching her do this to herself. He really missed her. The real Dara, not this skittish, timid version of her. And why had it taken him so long to admit to himself that he did, in fact, fancy her? Godric only knew. ‘Cheer up mate, we just kicked Slytherins’ arse!’ James shouted as Sirius entered the Gryffindor change room, still frowning.   
Sirius shook his head, offering James a rather unconvincing smile. ‘Yeah. Sure Prongs.’  
‘C’mon mate. She’ll come round, you’ll see.’   
‘I’m not so sure…’ he shook his head again. ‘What am I to do Prongs? What can I do?’ he said despairingly.   
‘Just be there I ‘spect. Be there for her,’ James said encouragingly. ‘Now enough of this. No more moping about. Let’s celebrate this astute victory over our enemies.’  
Sirius snorted quietly. ‘Yeah, alright.’  
Addy was going spare. She wasn’t allowed to associate with her friends. Or maybe they weren’t her friends? Maybe it was too much to hope for that they thought as much of her. Either way she couldn’t really talk to them. And now one of the two people she was allowed to associate with that she could actually stand to be around was going to make Sirius cross with her? She just didn’t have the energy to deal with that. It was like that instant feeling of deflation. Literally. She had been trying so hard to just…keep her wits about her. But she supposed that was too much to ask for. She was feeling numb again. She wasn’t sure which was better between the numbness or the crippling despair. Probably the numbness, right? Addy wasn’t so sure. At least with the despair she felt something. At least then she knew she was alive.   
Now Addy was trying not to chunder into her suitcase as she prepared to see her family for the first time since she could remember and then there was this meeting she was to attend. Addy didn’t think she could handle it. She was losing her marbles. She knew she must look pathetic if James had offered to give her snitch back after a few weeks’ time. ‘No, you keep it,’ she had said distractedly. ‘It won’t do me any good now…’   
‘Ad, you don’t have to go,’ Marlene said pleadingly.  
‘I do actually,’ Addy said, unpacking the set of red dress robes she’d just put in.   
‘But…is it safe?’ Lily said worriedly.   
Addy chewed her lip, looking up at them. ‘I… have to go,’ she said again.   
‘That wasn’t an answer,’ said Marlene irritably.  
‘It was though,’ said Mary thoughtfully. ‘It was an answer in no answer.’  
‘Damnit Mary, stop talking in riddles!’ Marlene shook her head.  
‘It was a no. It’s not safe. But she still thinks she has to go.’  
‘Merlin’s dirty left sock, Addy,’ Marlene said in exasperation.  
‘But not the right one?’  
Marlene growled.  
Addy sighed. ‘Look. I’ve been informed I am to attend. It’s… it would be worse for me if I didn’t,’ she said carefully.   
‘You’re still not saying it’s safe,’ Lily said.  
‘Safer,’ said Mary.  
‘Look, if things get to be… I don’t know, too much. You can always come to mine,’ Lily said softly.  
Addy looked at her sadly. She would never do that to her. ‘Thanks,’ she said, giving Lily a small smile. She put the red dress robes back in her suitcase. 

Addy dutifully went home for Christmas Holiday, stoically sitting through the motions at dinners, Christmas, and the Society Gathering. She had sat in her room getting ready for the gathering for nearly an hour debating whether to wear the red dress robes or the green. In the end she decided it wasn’t worth the bother, and pulled on the evergreen, velvet, floor length, robes. She had pinned her hair up in a loose chignon and she had drank a considerable amount of elixir that night just to make it through without getting sick on Avery when he inevitably copped a feel. He claimed he was just appreciating the exquisite material. It all seemed like some never-ending test. What kind of prize did she get for holding her tongue while they discussed the filth of society and how best to get rid of them? She’d yet to see. Later in the holiday, when the meeting was held, at Nott Manor, Addy’s father took the opportunity to inform her of the punishment she could anticipate should she choose to join ‘the wrong side’ in the impending war and fail to fulfill her ‘destiny.’ Addy swore sometimes they could be so incredibly cliché she felt as though it were merely a story. She’d spent over four hours in her room preparing herself, which mainly consisted of drinking elixir and breathing. Breathing deeply. In. Out. In. Out. She spent most of the night with her gaze directed at the floor, except when Regulus had turned up with Bellatrix and her husband. She had sighed sadly upon seeing him. Oh, Regulus no… and he had given her a look filled with so many emotions; he obviously didn’t want her to think less of him and was feeling rather regretful at the look of disappointment on her face, but his excitement and hope in the situation were winning out, and Addy knew it was a lost cause.   
Everyone that considered themselves a Death Eater or wanted to become one was there. Addy wondered why in the name of Merlin’s wand, she had to be there at all. And apparently, she wasn’t the only one. ‘And why are you here, Miss Nott?’ he had asked, in that strangely projecting quiet voice that sent instant shivers down your spine. Addy had been hoping to make it through the night unnoticed by just staring down at the table. Obviously, that was too much to hope for. Addy struggled to breathe, and she wondered whether her heart was beating so rapidly it was beyond measure or if it had stopped altogether as her ears began to ring. Did she tell the truth? Well yes, obviously, he would know if she were lying, but how much should she divulge? Addy swallowed thickly and chanced a glance up at his pale face.   
‘I, erm…’ she stuttered and glanced at her father. ‘He said he would kill me,’ she blurted quietly. He had stared at her, unblinking for some time, before a think lipped smile spread across his face. Merlin but that’s unnerving, Addy thought as she suppressed another shiver.   
‘I appreciate your honesty,’ he had said, and Addy breathed a small sigh of relief. ‘You do not wish to serve me, as the rest of your family?’  
‘I, uh… I’m just not much of a fighter,’ she mumbled out.   
‘Oh? And what are you then, Adhara?’ Bloody hell, if she hadn’t hated her name already…  
Addy zoned out for long enough that her father had elbowed her sharply in the side. ‘I. I don’t know. I wanted to be a healer.’  
He had smiled again. ‘Ah, quite the noble pursuit. But you can be a healer and serve me. We will encounter many obstacles on the rise to the top, no doubt, and may require medical attention. Your services would be a welcome addition to our cause.’  
What did she even say to that? Addy had settled for nodding dumbly. It was quite a lot to think on. She could still be a healer! But would she be able to take care of anyone else if she worked at Mungos? Would they even let her work, or would they make her go through training only to stay home then to get married and make babies and only take care of him and his Death Eaters if the need arose?  
When it had finally finished Addy had bolted back to her room, her hands shaking violently, and her peripheral vision blurred. She most definitely couldn’t breathe. Where had all the air gone? Her arms had gone all tingly and she couldn’t feel her hands. Her legs were like jelly and her knees gave out. The ringing in her ears was deafening and she could feel her rapid pulse in the back of her eyes. Was her room always so hot? She locked herself in the bathroom and curled into a ball on the cool tile floor, trying to focus on the air entering and leaving her body. She couldn’t focus on anything else. After all it’s the most essential to life. Or is that your heart beating? No Addy, focus! Her eyes were wide as she stared at the black marble. In. Out. In. Out. Smell the roses. Blow out the candles. After what seemed like a century, Addy was finally able to calm herself down enough to fall asleep, right there on the bathroom floor.


	20. singing like a yellow snidget

When they returned to Hogwarts, Addy had planned to meet with Dumbledore, since if she’d ever felt she had any relevant information to share, now was the time. So she sent him a note by owl, and he responded next day through a third year Ravenclaw. She was to meet him at seven that evening and did she know he was very fond of sugar quills? Addy smiled and shook her head slightly, stuffing the note away and continuing towards charms.   
That evening she turned up at Dumbledore’s office at the indicated hour, entering when he called a cheerful ‘come in’ at her short knock. ‘You wished to speak with me Miss Nott?’  
‘Yes,’ she said quietly as she sat in the usual squishy purple chair. ‘Thank you for making the time to speak with me Professor.’  
He inclined his head politely. ‘I rather feel I shall be the one thanking you.’  
Addy blushed in embarrassment. ‘Well. As you know I was to attend that meeting over holiday, which I did.’ She paused as the professor sat straighter in his chair. ‘All the usual members were gathered, but quite a few new faces were there as well.’  
‘Yes?’ His brow knitted solemnly and he steepled his fingers in front of him.   
‘Yes, I’m afraid it’s as we’d feared. My father. Avery, Rosier, Lestrange. Their children. Their wives. Bellatrix and my sister…’ she said quietly. ‘Mulciber, Wilkes, Crabbe, Goyle, Gibbon, Jugson, Travers, Yaxley, Selwyn, Scabior, Dolohov, Snape… it was quite overwhelming sir.’   
‘Yes, I can imagine it would be,’ he said, looking at her carefully over his half moon spectacles. ‘Miss Nott, are you sure you’re quite up to all this?’  
Addy shrugged. ‘I’ve never been quite up to my family… but what else am I to do? I don’t know that I am, but… if I can be of some help… if I can do some good… then I want to,’ she said earnestly. ‘I want to do my part.’  
‘Very well,’ Dumbledore nodded. ‘But please do inform me should that change?’  
Addy nodded back at him. 

Addy resumed her tired routine then; there was another gathering the first Friday back, and while Addy still loathed most of the Slytherins, she also still didn’t mind quiet Regulus and suddenly appreciated Carina’s indifference.  
‘So, do you still think he only cares about himself?’ Regulus had asked as he sat next to her. She happened to be sitting alone at the time as Avery had gone to discuss some matter or other with Mulciber and Rosier and she honestly couldn’t be bothered to follow him. She’d seen him enough to last a lifetime as of late and she still felt as though she were recovering.   
‘Er, well…’ she didn’t quite know what to think. His words had been encouraging, to be sure, and she guessed she should be jumping at the chance to pursue her dream… but something didn’t add up. Once again it just didn’t sit right with her. She had a feeling it wouldn’t really be her dream anymore given the circumstances. She imagined herself to still be just a pawn in this little game they were playing, and she was never that good at chess. ‘I don’t know, Regulus. I honestly don’t know what to think.’  
‘But he was really encouraging. You can follow your dream and still be of use. You should be pleased.’  
‘Yeah, that’s true…’ she’d said warily. Still. She’d be ‘of use’ by supporting a cause that she didn’t agree with. So would she really be of use? Addy was constantly arguing with herself on the matter in her mind, first taking one side, and then the other, until it became quite the conversation, and honestly it didn’t help her at all. She could no better argue one side than the other, so rather than thinking it through, she only served to thoroughly confuse herself. Maybe she’d lost the plot along the way and was somewhere beyond it, floating around in the atmosphere like the star she was inadvertently named for.   
On her birthday, Addy received the same note of vague congratulations and tidings on her birthday as she had the last few years. She was sort of hoping Sirius might wish her a happy birthday, but he barely even looked at her all day and when he did it was with an expression she had took to mean he was cross with her. She really wasn’t sure what she had done to him to warrant that, but she shook the thought from her head, trying not to dwell on it. She didn’t have the energy to think on anything else depressing. So, Addy opted to actually use some of that money she was allotted on a gift for herself that year, rather than just hoard the money away like she usually did and snuck out of the castle after the last class that day.   
As she was coming back into the castle late that night, she heard a strangled cry coming from the direction of the dungeons, and hesitated briefly, before she went to investigate. What she saw was beyond anything she had imagined finding at Hogwarts and had her gasping in shock. ‘NO!’ she shrieked, quickly brandishing her wand. ‘Expelliarmus! Stop it! Stop! Holy, Merlin, Circe, and Morgana! Oh, Godric! Get away from her! Get out of here! Oh, no, no, no,’ Addy rushed to the side of the girl laying on the floor, as the two Slytherins glared at her darkly before they scurried away, realizing belatedly it was Darcy. ‘Finite incantatem. Oh, bloody hell,’ she mumbled, conjuring a stretcher and lifting her onto it with her wand. ‘It’ll be alright,’ she said to the girl who was panting, looking at her with half lidded eyes. ‘Madam Pomfrey will fix you right up.’ She pulled her into the infirmary as quickly as she could manage, hastily explaining what she had found to the frantic matron. ‘It was… she had… someone cursed her… they… seem to have… made her… cut herself,’ she said, her voice strained as she tried not to look at the blood.   
‘And you just found her like this? You didn’t see who it was that did this? Madam Pomfrey asked. Addy stared back at her blankly as she struggled with the decision of whether she should share that information.   
‘Well, she’s quite lucky you came across her Miss Nott. She’ll be fine, now,’ Madam Pomfrey said as she healed the girl’s abdomen easily. ‘She’ll just need a day or two to recover from the curse and take some blood replenishing potion.’  
Addy nodded wobblily, blinking hard against the tears that threatened to form. She had thought she was out of the woods for viewing something of that caliber in coming back to Hogwarts. Merlin, was she wrong. ‘Thank you, Madam Pomfrey.’ The matron nodded back at her as the Headmaster entered the infirmary. One look at him and Addy was singing like a yellow snidget. ‘It was Mulciber. And Snape was there. Though I don’t know if he did anything more than watch. And laugh. Mulciber had the imperius on her. He was making her… cut herself,’ Addy said quietly. Dumbledore nodded gravely and thanked her before he dismissed her. She turned to leave only to be stopped by a hand that had reached out to grab her wrist.  
‘Thank you,’ Darcy croaked out, to which Addy poked her tongue into her cheek and nodded curtly.  
In all honesty Sirius was having a lot of trouble watching Addy spiral. He’d grown to really care for her and he often felt this ache in his chest when he saw her now, which would undoubtedly knit his eyebrows together. He had been planning to wish her many happy returns, though she hadn’t been in the common room at midnight and when she finally had returned that night it was with her arms crossed tightly over her chest and a troubled frown. She had rushed straight through and up the stairs without stopping to talk or even look at anyone, and then there was that idea scarpered.


	21. 'I've been instructed to carry out punishment if you make any more mistakes.'

Roughly a week later, Addy awoke to find a contemptuous note referencing her failures, penned by her father no less. He had never been bothered to write her a letter before. The note was attached to a rather ominous looking box, and when she opened it, a blood curdling scream filled the dorm. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Addy realized it was hers.  
Lily, Marlene, and Mary were started from their sleep abruptly then, as the chilling scream filled the room. It was loud enough to wake the dead. Lily fumbled with her wand under her pillow, hearing stirring around her, and lit the lamps at the same time Marlene muttered ‘lumos.’ Addy was still screaming, her eyes glazed over in fear; she looked detached, unhinged. ‘What’s going on?’ Marlene yelled, covering her ears.  
‘What’s wrong with her?’ Mary said.  
Addy scrambled away from the box that sat before her on the bed; as her legs kicked out wildly, her foot connected with the box, sending it flying, and a severed head rolled out of it and landed with a dull thud on the floor. Lily’s eyes went wide as Marlene uttered ‘Oh, Merlin,’ and Mary turned to chunder on the floor. ‘Marlene, get McGonagall!’ Lily shouted.  
Marlene tore from the room quickly, and Lily attempted to approach Addy to comfort or quiet her, but to no avail. Faster than she would have thought possible, Marlene returned with McGonagall in tow, both of them panting slightly. McGonagall crossed to Addy quickly, waving her wand and apparently nonverbally casting a spell, as Addy suddenly slumped forward onto her bed, silent. ‘I cast a mild sleeping charm on her. That should give enough time to get her to Madam Pomfrey for a calming draught,’ McGonagall said. Lily nodded dumbly and glanced over to see Mary crying silently, and Marlene’s concerned scowl. ‘What happened?’  
Lily shrugged, looking back to McGonagall.  
‘She woke us up screaming like that,’ Marlene said.  
‘She’s been… out of sorts all term,’ Mary added.  
‘She seems to have gotten a rather unfortunate package,’ Lily said, pointing toward the head.  
McGonagall nodded, her face set in a deep frown. ‘Yes, well, I’ll get her to the infirmary.’ She waved her wand again, returning the head to its box then conjured a stretched and lifted Addy onto it before leaving the room quietly with both.   
After a few moments, Lily looked down at Addy’s bed, finding a small note, and hesitating only briefly, picked it up to find a rather nastily admonishing threat. ‘You’ve been educated and trained to know what’s expected and acceptable behavior and what can and will happen if you fail to adhere, yet by all accounts my resources have informed me of your ludicrous behavior. Your deplorable actions have been noted and you may expect them to be properly dealt with. Consider this your last warning…’ Lily trailed off, swallowing thickly.   
Mary shook her head, still crying. ‘That’s horrible.’  
‘That’ll be her father,’ Marlene said darkly.  
‘We should show this to McGonagall,’ Lily said.  
Marlene nodded. ‘And Dumbledore.’   
Mary frowned and cleaned up the puddle of sick. They dressed quickly then left the dorm, heading toward the Great Hall, wondering where they would find either, or both, Professors. They were joined by the boys in the common room, Sirius leading the group. ‘What was all that screaming this morning? Lucy said it was from the sixths room,’ he glanced around them. ‘Where’s Dara?’  
‘It was her screaming,’ Mary said quietly.  
‘What?’  
‘Why?’ James asked, frowning.  
‘Her father sent her a head,’ Marlene muttered, causing the boys to start.  
‘That’s not even funny,’ Sirius said.  
‘I’m not even joking. Do I look like I’m having a laugh?’ Marlene said crossly.   
Sirius’s face scrunched like he was fighting an internal war, trying not to shout at Marlene. ‘What happened then?’  
Lily bit her lip and handed him the note from Addy’s father. As he read it his face scrunched further. ‘Shite,’ James muttered, reading over Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius stared at the note a bit longer before he shoved it roughly back into Lily’s hands and stalked off in the other direction. James frowned after him.  
‘Should we…?’ Remus said.  
Lily suddenly noticed he was looking rather unwell.  
‘No,’ James shook his head. ‘He’ll want to be alone I ‘spect.’   
They continued toward the Great Hall, and Lily found McGonagall was sat at the head table, though Dumbledore was not present. She approached McGonagall then and when she looked up at Lily, she handed her the note. ‘Professor, I er, found this after you’d left the room. It must’ve been attached to the, uh… package.’  
McGonagall’s frown returned as she read the note. ‘Thank you, Miss Evans. I will see to it Professor Dumbledore sees this. He’s up with her now,’ she added at Lily’s curious look.  
Lily nodded dumbly. ‘Thank you, Professor.’

Sirius had not wanted to be alone. He needed answers. He had swiped James’s cloak and quickly followed Professor Dumbledore into the hospital wing.   
When Addy woke again, she was in the infirmary, with Professor Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey standing over her, the latter shoving a cup into her hands stating firmly that she was to ‘drink up;’ a calming draught no doubt. With trembling hands Addy downed it in one, no fuss. ‘Miss Nott,’ Professor Dumbledore began.  
‘I’m fine, really.’  
Dumbledore continued as if she hadn’t spoken. ‘That was not, in fact a disembodied head you received this morning,’ he said, sitting in the chair at her bedside as Madam Pomfrey bustled out of the enclosed area. ‘It was merely a transfigured turnip,’ he went on.  
‘Well that’s a relief,’ Addy deadpanned.  
Dumbledore smiled slightly. ‘Was this because of your intervention last week?’  
‘So, I assume,’ Addy shrugged. ‘At least that was the impression I got from the note.’  
Dumbledore hummed. ‘Can you tell me the likeness of this transformed root?’   
Addy nearly laughed at his candor. ‘The muggle boy I befriended when I was eight,’ she said to the ceiling. ‘The one he made me watch him…’  
‘Yes, yes, you’ve told me about that.’  
‘And the first time he’d…’ she cleared her throat, ‘punished me… like that.’ After a long silence Addy looked back at Dumbledore to find him watching her thoughtfully.  
‘How are you coping, Miss Nott?’ he said, looking at her over his spectacles.  
‘I’m… ok.’  
‘Are you quite certain of that?’  
Addy shrugged. She wasn’t certain of anything anymore. ‘It’s not as if it matters. I’m already in this. I can’t get out now. Even if I wanted to, you know what he would do to me.’  
Dumbledore frowned. ‘Perhaps I was a bit hasty to ask this of you.’  
She shook her head. ‘I’d be in this regardless. With my father do you honestly think I’d have a choice? You knew him when he went here. Hasn’t he always been an evil bastard? Following Tom around like a mindless dog?’  
Dumbledore gave her a small smile. ‘Does he know you know that name?’  
Addy smiled herself. ‘Probably not. It was written on the back of an old photo in my father’s study.’  
‘I would assume he does not. He guards that information quite closely.’  
‘Hmm.’  
‘Miss Nott, I believe you are aware of this fact, but I must implore you to be more careful. Stepping in the way you did, it was quite reckless. Though honestly, I am impressed. It was rather noble.’  
Addy snorted. ‘Sure. Thanks, Professor.’  
After the professor left Addy fell into a fitful dose, waking a few hours later to the sounds of shuffling and a low conversation somewhere across the infirmary. Once she heard Madam Pomfrey’s footsteps retreat, Addy waited a few moments, then filled with a burning curiosity, she left her bed for the other side of the room and peeked around the other set of privacy curtains; there she saw Remus, just settling into his pillows, and once Addy grabbed a bit of chocolate from the table next to her bed, she approached his and sat on the edge. ‘Hey Remus,’ she said quietly.  
His eyes snapped open and he looked up quickly. ‘Addy, hey…’ he started to sit up, but Addy put a hand to his arm, stopping him.   
‘Don’t sit up on my account. I just wanted to see if you wanted some of this chocolate Lily brought me.’  
Remus gave her a small smile. ‘That’s nice of you.’  
Addy shrugged, breaking a piece off of the Honeyduke’s bar and handing it to him. ‘I try.’  
He looked at her curiously. ‘How are you?’  
She looked down at her hands. ‘I’m ok.’  
‘Sounded like you had a rather… interesting morning.’  
‘Heard that, did you?’ she said, feeling her face heat up.  
‘Hard not to,’ he said dryly.  
Addy looked back up at him and shrugged again. ‘I’m used to it.’ His brow knitted. ‘How are you then?’  
Remus shrugged. ‘I’m ok. I’m used to it.’  
Addy smiled sadly at him. ‘Well, I don’t want to keep you. I’ll let you get some rest.’  
He held up the remaining chocolate in his hand. ‘Cheers. Thanks Addy.’  
Addy nodded. ‘No problem, mate.’

Addy’s little trip to the hospital wing had allowed her to miss the next gathering, in February, so it was with trepidation that she turned up in March. She’d reverted to spending a majority of her time in the common room, as most of her Slytherin acquaintances had gone cold on her. It seemed as though things were almost back to the way they had been before… she wasn’t even sure she should go at all, but as she hadn’t been told otherwise, she slowly made her way through the halls, stealing herself when she came to the entrance to the common room.   
‘I didn’t think you would come,’ Avery said, as she took a seat next to him on the couch.   
Addy shrugged, chewing her lip apprehensively. ‘Should I not have?’  
Avery looked at her coolly. ‘I’m sure your father will deal with your little slip up.’  
‘He already has,’ she said quietly.   
Avery shook his head. ‘I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.’  
Addy swallowed thickly. ‘It was just a reaction. An instinct.’  
‘You forget yourself, Adhara. You should have kept quiet. You’re good at that at least.’  
‘I couldn’t just leave her there like that…’ she shook her head.   
‘I thought you didn’t even like that girl anymore. Didn’t she wrong you?’  
‘That doesn’t mean I want her to be tortured,’ Addy said slowly.   
Avery shook his head. ‘Even if you won’t join us, you need to learn to stand aside.’  
‘You’re definitely joining then?’  
Avery frowned at her. ‘You’ve known as much. With my father…’  
‘Why does that mean you have to join? Your father isn’t enough? My fathers the same way and you don’t see me going around burning people.’  
‘You could join him too. The Dark Lord needs all the followers he can get.’  
‘No, I couldn’t.’  
‘Well, it’s different for you. You’re a girl. You’re not expected to join his ranks, but you could still be useful to the cause by becoming a healer. And even if you don’t want to do that all you have to do is have children.’  
Addy frowned. Even if this was all just a rouse in the end, it was hard for her not to gag at the thought of having children with that lummox. ‘Bellatrix joined…’she mused, trying to think of something else. Anything else.   
‘True. But she’s a masochist, she wanted to join, she wasn’t expected to. You. You’ve always been soft.’  
‘You used to think that was a good thing.’  
‘It can be,’ Avery said, tilting his head to the side. ‘When it comes to children.’ Addy frowned. There’s that idea scarpered. ‘I’ll just have to keep those things away from you. You won’t have to worry about it once we’re married.’   
‘What is she doing here?’ Addy looked up to see Mulciber scowling darkly at her.   
She swallowed, trying to keep her composure. ‘I could ask the same about you,’ she replied coolly.   
‘I belong here more than you.’  
‘Really? I don’t remember seeing Mulciber on the list of the Sacred Twenty-Eight…’  
‘I support the Dark Lords cause. You just get in the way.’  
‘I thought the Dark Lords cause was for gaining power and evading death?’  
‘Adhara,’ Avery chastised.   
‘You would do well to remember your place, Nott,’ Mulciber snarled.   
‘Everyone keeps saying that,’ Addy mumbled quietly. ‘How is this even my place? It certainly doesn’t feel like my place,’ she muttered as if to herself.   
Avery scowled. ‘Perhaps you should just go. Things should calm down by next month.’  
‘Fine,’ Addy said, standing up. ‘I’ll see you later,’ she swallowed. ‘Graham.’  
‘You really shouldn’t bother,’ Mulciber called, following her out of their common room. ‘No one besides Avery ever wanted you around. And even he doesn’t really like you, he just wants your pure blood and your pretty little face to make the next generation of the Dark Lords followers.’  
Addy shook her head and turned to face him as they reached the entrance hall. ‘He’s said plenty of times that he wants me.’  
Mulciber grinned maliciously. ‘He wants your body. He could do without you as a person and you know it. The rest of us only go along with it on your father’s word, but after your little slip up, even daddy’s not willing to protect you,’ he said, drawing his wand as he ambled closer. ‘In fact. I’ve been instructed to carry out punishment if you make any more mistakes. But I think you could do with a little reminder now.’ Addy only had enough time to shove his hand away as a curse shot from the end of his wand. He pinned her against the wall and Addy struggled to hold Mulciber’s hand away from herself as another curse shot from the end of his wand.   
A low groan and a shuddering breath came from across the hall, and Addy finally managed to shove Mulciber away and draw her own wand in his brief moment of distraction. ‘I think it best you leave now,’ Addy panted out.   
‘I don’t take orders from you, Nott.’  
‘You really want to stick around while I summon a prefect? Or better yet, a professor?’  
Mulciber snarled. ‘This isn’t over.’ Addy narrowed her eyes at him, her wand poised at his chest, until he turned and stalked away, when she let her arm fall to her side and she took a deep, steadying breath. She was finally able to focus her attention across the hall and when she did, she was stifling a gasp and blinking hard, trying to decide if what she was seeing was real, before she rushed over to Mary, who was crumpled against the wall.   
‘Mary?’ Her eyes were half lidded and leaking tears, her expression strained, and she was clutching her abdomen.   
‘He… he…’ Mary trailed off, looking as though she might pass out. She was already extremely pale.   
‘Mary!’ Addy took a deep breath, trying to quell the wave of panic that was threatening to overwhelm her. She pulled at Mary’s fingers and she cooperated easily, revealing a gaping hole in her robes and uniform, both singed, the edges of her robes still smoking slightly, and a deep, black burn mark across her abdomen. ‘Shite… shite…’ Addy muttered, swallowing thickly. ‘Oh, I am way too high for this… ok Mary,’ she said, as calmly as she could muster. ‘We’re going to get you to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey will fix you right up. She helped me, she can definitely help you.’ Addy stooped, pulling Mary’s arm around her shoulders as she put hers around her waist, and stood up slowly, holding up most of Mary’s weight herself. ‘Alright Mary, here we go… stairs aren’t too far away… not too many stairs to get to the fourth floor…’ Addy continued to mutter bits of encouragement, mostly to herself as she was sure Mary was barely conscious, up to the second landing, where they had to stop when the staircase shifted. The movement caused Addy to teeter under Mary’s weight, and they swayed into the banister where Addy inevitably squished into her. Mary groaned in pain and Addy sucked in sharply through her teeth. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry Mary! Don’t worry, we’re halfway there.’ The staircase shifted back to where they could continue, but Addy froze at the movement she saw on the stairs behind them. Oh, please don’t let it be any Slytherins… Addy thought to herself. But she breathed a sigh of relief as they drew nearer, and she recognized their faces.   
‘Oi, Nott. Where’ve you been in that?’ James called, laughing easily. Addy noticed fleetingly they were carrying crisps and biscuits.   
‘Help. Please,’ Addy said, desperately trying to keep it together. She owed that much to Mary. James suddenly seemed to take in the way Addy was clutching at the increasingly limp form of Mary in her arms and paled. Sirius’s eyes went wide, and they both dropped their packages at the same time and rushed forward, taking Mary between them, her arms thrown over their shoulders.   
‘What happened?’ Sirius asked, as they started up the stairs again. Addy shook her head, though they couldn’t see as she was behind them.   
‘It was supposed to be me…’ Addy said, her voice trembling. ‘It was meant for me…’  
They had just cleared the stairs and entered the corridor to the hospital wing, when James stumbled, and Sirius stopped. Mary seemed to have gone limp. ‘Blimey, I think she’s fainted,’ James said, glancing back at Addy.   
‘I’ll go get Pomfrey,’ Addy said, stumbling around them and breaking into a run. She threw the doors open and entered quickly, glancing around wildly. ‘Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey! Help! We need help!’   
Madam Pomfrey’s frantic face poked around a drawn curtain at the back of the room. ‘Yes, what is it dear?’ she asked, as she crossed the room toward her.   
‘It’s Mary. Mary Macdonald. Someone’s hexed or or cursed her... and. And she fainted out in the…’ Addy trailed off as the infirmary doors were opened again and James held them open as Sirius carried the limp form of Mary in in his arms.   
‘Oh, Merlin’s beard! Over here with her Black,’ Madam Pomfrey ushered him over to a bed where he laid Mary down and she began working immediately, furiously muttering spell after spell. She instructed Addy to get the paste she had previously used on her arm from a cabinet while asking James to fetch McGonagall. Sirius stood awkwardly on the other side of the bed, staring down at Mary with a look of worry.  
After she handed off the tub of salve, Addy took to pacing at the end of the room. She wasn’t sure if she could handle this. She couldn’t breathe, and she could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest. She shook her hands out, feeling them go tingly.   
Sirius turned and watched as Addy lost her hands in her hair, gripping it tightly, as she began breathing rapidly.   
James returned with McGonagall, who conferred with Madam Pomfrey about Mary before she turned to see Addy quite out of sorts and approached her. ‘Miss Nott, I realize the situation is stressful, but I need you to calm down, so you can tell me what happened.’  
Why does everyone have to tell me to calm down? ‘Oh, I need to calm down? I need to calm down!’ Addy chuckled maniacally. ‘It’s that simple. Why didn’t I think of that? Just calm down!’   
‘Miss Nott!’ McGonagall said tersely, gripping Addy’s shoulders and shaking her.   
‘It’s my fault,’ Addy croaked. James and Sirius shared a look. ‘It was meant for me. It was supposed to be me.’  
‘Alright, Miss Nott, why don’t you come sit down over here? You can take a calming draught and tell me more about it.’  
‘I’m fine!’ Addy said angrily, though the stern look McGonagall gave her sobered her quickly. ‘I don’t need a calming draught. I’m fine,’ she said in a measured tone.   
McGonagall looked her over skeptically. ‘Well you appear to have been hit there on your arm, so even if you don’t need a calming draught you need that looked at.’  
Addy shook her head. ‘It’s nothing. I’ve dealt with worse. Just...Pomfrey should concentrate on Mary.’  
McGonagall took Addy by the opposite arm and led her to an unoccupied bed, gently pushing her to sit down. ‘She will concentrate on Mary. And then she will attend to you,’ she said firmly. Addy nodded distractedly. ‘Now. What exactly happened? Why are you under the impression it is your fault?’  
‘I’m not under the impression, it is my fault! Mulciber said it’s his job to punish me now. It was meant for me.’  
‘Explain,’ McGonagall commanded.   
Addy took a deep breath. ‘You know what Dumbledore asked of me?’ McGonagall nodded curtly. ‘Well I went to one of those meetings. Only because of that thing last month with Darcy, Mulciber said I shouldn’t be there. That I just get in the way of the Dark Lord’s cause and I needed a reminder…’  
‘I fail to see how that makes it your fault. You were not the one with the wand? You were not performing that curse upon Mary?’ Addy lowered her gaze and shook her head. ‘Well then I shall have to conclude that it is in fact not your fault.’   
Addy swallowed thickly before looking back up at McGonagall. ‘Thank you, professor,’ she said quietly, just as Madam Pomfrey came over with the salve, smearing it across her shoulder unceremoniously. ‘Will Mary be alright?’ Addy asked quickly.   
‘She’ll need a day or two to recover, but she’ll be alright. She mostly needs rest though, so out you go.’  
Addy came around the curtains and nearly walked right into Sirius, who was stood in the aisle with James. Shite. She frowned and skirted around them, exiting the infirmary. ‘What were you being punished for?’ James asked.   
Addy shook her head. ‘Don’t worry about it.’  
Sirius scoffed, and she stopped, turning to look at him. ‘It’s a little late for that,’ he said.   
Addy poked her tongue into her cheek, trying to keep calm. Well, as calm as she could be at that point. ‘Please, don’t get yourselves involved in this?’ Sirius frowned while James scowled, crossing his arms across his chest, neither deigning to reply. Addy sighed and shook her head. ‘I’m going to bed,’ she said, turning to continue towards the portrait hole. She made her way through the common room and up the stairs quickly, breathing deeply and still trying to calm herself, though as soon as she stepped into the dorm, her façade was shattered when Marlene spoke. ‘Where were you Addy? Looks like you’ve been to another party.’  
Lily looked over. ‘Did you see Mary by any chance? She was going… Addy what is it?’  
At the mention of Mary, Addy had slid down the door to the floor, crying into her hands. She suddenly felt the air around her thicken as Lily and Marlene came to her side. ‘Ad, what’s happened?’ Marlene’s voice asked from her left. Addy shook her head, unable to speak just yet.   
‘Is it something to do with Mary?’ asked Lily to her right. She rubbed Addy’s back in what Addy assumed was supposed to be a soothing manner.   
Addy nodded. ‘She’s in hospital,’ she choked out finally. ‘It was meant for me…’ she hiccupped uncomfortably. ‘It should have been me. Mulciber cursed her. He was aiming for me, but he missed. It was really bad,’ she said, looking up from her hands then, her face still tear stained but her sobbing subdued.   
Lily looked especially pale while Marlene scowled darkly. ‘Can we see her?’ Lily said quietly.   
Addy shook her head. ‘She wasn’t awake yet. Madam Pomfrey said she needs her rest so no visitors. Maybe in the morning?’ They nodded vaguely, staring off into space, Marlene most probably already plotting revenge. They went to their beds, still talking quietly of Mary, while Addy went into the bathroom, deciding she needed a shower. This was all too much. She sat herself on the bottom of the tub and let the warm water wash over her. Maybe she did need a calming draught she thought idly, as she began to sob again. Everything was adding up, and something inside of her seemed to have broken then.


	22. Got a secret, can you keep it?

Addy didn’t really know what she was doing anymore. She’d stopped hanging round Habiba, so she wasn’t drinking elixir anymore, though Carina at least was still civil towards her. She hadn’t been hanging round any of the Slytherins, or anyone else really. She’d been spending a lot of time on her own, just drawing and thinking, or escaping to the forest for solace and some comfort from that dog she’d taken to calling Snuffles. She began wishing she were an animal, so she could just live in the forest over summer holiday. She was starting to feel like Snape honestly, with all the brooding she was doing. She wasn’t even sure if she should be going to this meeting, but once again, as she hadn’t been told otherwise, she supposed she should. So, she dressed in her aqua dress robes and piled her hair into a knot on top of her head. She sat quietly with Avery for a time until Mulciber showed up after about an hour in, and while Mulciber sneered he didn’t really attack her per say. He had just gathered with Avery and Snape within her hearing range, to loudly discuss something Addy vaguely remembered hearing of a year prior. Something that happened during the time when she had also been out of sorts and in no condition to care about such gossip; though she did remember noticing the Marauders seeming to be cross with one another for some time. Either way, there was only so long Addy could drink firewhiskey and ignore their idiocy, and when she was tired of listening, she tried to sneak off; though Avery once again decided she needed an escort for some reason only he was privy to. ‘I don’t know why you even listen to him. He’s obviously got some sort of vendetta against the lot of them. I’m sure he just made it up to impress you of his super sleuth skills,’ she said sarcastically.  
‘Honestly, I don’t know what Dumbledore was thinking,’ Avery went on as if she hadn’t said a thing. ‘Letting that filthy half breed into this school.’  
‘He let you in,’ Addy muttered sulkily, as they left the common room and walked toward the entrance hall.   
‘What was that?’ he said, grabbing her arm roughly, causing her to stumble into the wall.   
‘Nothing,’ she said, trying to pull away.   
‘If you’ve something to say Adhara, then by all means.’  
Addy scowled at the wall opposite. ‘I just don’t like it when you talk about my…’  
‘Your what?’ He grabbed her chin, turning her face towards his. ‘Your mates? You shouldn’t be friends with that, that monster,’ he sneered. ‘It isn’t safe.’  
Addy shook her head and he tightened his grip. ‘Don’t. Don’t talk about him like that.’ She cursed her eyes for tearing up. She was always more emotional when she’d been drinking.   
‘It’s true.’  
‘No, it’s not. Remus isn’t a monster,’ she said quietly. ‘If anyone is a monster it’s you.’  
‘Oh, you think I’m a monster, do you?’ he said, moving his hand to her throat. ‘You think I’m a monster?’ His grip tightened, and her eyes widened. ‘Alright, I’ll give you a monster.’   
Addy scratched frantically at his fingers until her vision started to go black. Then suddenly he was pulled away and she was falling to the floor, coughing and wheezing. She heard the sound of a scuffle going on around her and a pair of hands cupped her face.   
‘Dara?’  
Addy looked into the concerned face of Sirius, then past to where James and Remus had Avery shoved against the wall opposite. His nose was bleeding heavily, and he was breathing hard, glaring daggers at Addy.   
‘Are you alright?’ Sirius said.   
‘Stop,’ Addy said hoarsely. ‘Let him go.’  
‘What?’ Sirius barked, dropping his hands.   
Addy looked at him and he stared back incredulously.   
‘Are you out of your mind?’ James shouted.   
‘Let him go,’ Addy said again.   
‘Really Dara?’  
James and Remus released Avery, and he turned to spit a mouthful of blood on the floor before he straightened, wiping his face with his sleeve and smearing the blood from his nose, and fixed Addy with a cold look.   
‘I’ll leave you with your… mates,’ he spat the last word.   
Avery stalked back towards the Slytherin dormitory, leaving Addy with four gobsmacked boys.   
‘I’ll still have to report this to Dumbledore,’ Remus said after a moment.   
‘I’ll talk to him,’ Addy said quietly.   
‘Really Dara? He could have killed you!’  
Addy scowled at the floor. ‘He wouldn’t have.’  
Sirius scoffed.   
‘How do you know that?’ James asked loudly.   
‘You shouldn’t have gotten involved.’  
‘Thanks for your help lads,’ Remus muttered sarcastically. ‘I really appreciate your making sure I didn’t die.’ Addy scowled at him.   
‘You should get her to the hospital wing, Padfoot,’ said James.   
‘I’m fine!’ Addy said, shaking her head.   
‘Really?’ James said sarcastically, looking pointedly at her neck.   
Addy straightened and turned to walk away. ‘I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.’  
‘Sure didn’t look that way.’  
But I have to do this on my own…thought Addy.   
‘We heard you. I heard what you said about me,’ Remus said from behind her as she ascended the stairs.   
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Addy said vaguely, refusing to turn around to face them, as she wasn’t entirely sure she could maintain a blank expression in her drunken state. She really wasn’t supposed to be interacting with them, and she would already be in trouble for what she had said. Remus however, seemed to have other ideas, as he grabbed her arm to stop her and pulled her around to face him.   
‘You said you don’t think I’m a monster,’ Remus said, looking at her questioningly. ‘Do you… do you know? About my…’ he trailed off.   
‘Your what?’  
Remus glanced around, suddenly looking nervous. ‘My… condition?’ he whispered.   
‘What? You mean your little lurgy? Course. S’hard not to notice,’ she said casually, hiccuping slightly.   
His eyes narrowed, and she squirmed uncomfortably under his scrutiny. ‘You do, don’t you?’  
Addy looked away, unable to return his intense gaze. ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she said again.   
‘You do!’ he whisper-shouted. ‘You know!’  
Addy went to step back, forgetting they were on the stairs, and ended up hastily sitting on the step above. ‘Honestly Remus, I don’t know what you mean.’  
Remus leaned forward, catching her gaze. ‘You do know what I mean. You’re a terrible liar, Addy.’  
She squirmed and hiccupped uncomfortably again. ‘I’m not lying!’  
‘You really are a terrible liar Dara.’  
Addy scowled. If that was true it could only mean bad things for her. ‘What does it matter what I do or don’t know?’ she said slowly.   
‘How long?’ Remus said, causing her to look up at him. ‘How long have you known?’ he shouted when she failed to answer.   
Addy flinched. ‘I dunno… round about… four years?’ she said, trying to choose her words carefully. His eyes widened. ‘Since the summer after first year…’  
‘How?’ Remus spluttered.   
‘Work it out for yourself?’ James asked.   
Addy bit her lip, eyeing Remus warily. ‘My father had had a little… gathering. And as… motivation. To keep myself ‘in line’… he introduced me to Greyback. He may have… said a few things about you,’ she said quietly and grimaced, she hoped, apologetically. Remus paled and straightened before moving to sit next to her on the step. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, not knowing what else to say.   
‘Your father threatened you with lycanthropy?’ James said, his face scrunched in disapproval.   
Addy nodded slowly.   
Remus turned to look at her sharply. ‘You never said anything.’ She shrugged. ‘Why not?’  
Addy frowned. ‘Why? Should I have?’ His brow knitted. ‘It didn’t change anything. What difference would it make?’  
Remus’s expression cleared, and he seemed to be searching Addy’s. ‘You know, I’ve been wondering for a while now if you knew?’ She tilted her head to the side in question. ‘You’ve been entirely too casual when… things. Have come up around you. Most people look confused or inquisitive or… something. You… don’t look anything.’  
Addy frowned. ‘That’s just my face Remus.’  
Remus narrowed his eyes. ‘That’s why you always look at your watch,’ he said, grabbing her wrist to look at it then.  
Addy smiled wryly. ‘Worked it out, did you?’  
‘I’m clever,’ he shrugged. She started to squirm uncomfortably again and pulled her wrist free.  
‘So, you knew about this back in third year? When you said all that to Professor Blaine?’ Remus asked quietly.  
‘I did,’ Addy said, glancing around at them all. She was feeling incredibly exposed out there on the staircase. ‘Right. Well, as lovely as this has been,’ Addy said, standing up again. ‘I really should be going.’  
‘Why?’ Remus asked.  
‘Still too good to be associated with the likes of us?’ Sirius said sardonically, following her up the stairs.  
Addy shot him a glare over her shoulder. ‘You know why,’ she whispered, before continuing up the staircase. ‘And I have to figure out how I’m going to deal with this…’  
‘Deal with what exactly?’ James asked.  
‘The repercussions of my actions,’ she muttered.  
‘Sticking up for me, you mean,’ said Remus.  
Addy frowned. ‘I shouldn’t have said all that.’  
‘Why? Because you don’t really feel that way?’  
‘Of course, I feel that way, but he’ll tell my father,’ she said in exasperation. ‘Which is also why you shouldn’t have gotten involved. And why I shouldn’t be talking to you right now…’  
‘Because he’ll punish you?’  
‘He always punishes me. And I can pay that. What I don’t want to have to deal with… what I don’t know if I could deal with, is if he decided to come after you lot then,’ she said quietly.  
‘Would he do that?’ Remus said in surprise.  
‘He’s done it before.’  
‘We can deal with him,’ James said easily.  
‘I wouldn’t be so sure of that… but you shouldn’t have to.’  
‘Neither should you,’ Sirius returned.  
Addy faltered, but recovered with a shrug. ‘Well. I’ll have to either way. And I’m used to it.’   
‘So you knew when you said all that about Marlene?’ Remus said suddenly.  
Addy glanced at him over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. ‘Of course. And I still say it’s only complicated because you make it so,’ she said, before she disappeared through the portrait hole.   
Remus turned to face the other three looking bewildered. ‘She never said anything?’ he said after another moment, looking at Sirius.  
Sirius shook his head. ‘Not even to Padfoot.’  
‘Well, she’s good at keeping a secret then, I’ll give her that,’ said James.  
‘Definitely,’ Sirius said, smiling suddenly. ‘She also never said anything about Wormtail’s secret.’  
Peter spluttered while the other three looked to him. ‘I… how… how do you even know I have a secret then?’  
‘I followed you the night of my birthday party. I heard you crying on her.’  
James’s eyebrows disappeared into his fringe. ‘Keeping secrets are we Wormtail?’  
‘I.. just…’  
Remus frowned. ‘Come on Wormtail, you know you can tell us anything.’  
‘Yeah, we’re the Marauders. Whatever it is, it won’t change that,’ said Sirius.  
‘I just… I didn’t know how to tell you,’ Peter said quietly.  
‘How’d you tell Dara then?’  
‘I didn’t,’ he shook his head, looking to the floor. ‘She… she walked in on it…’  
‘Walked in on it?’ James said, suppressing a grin. ‘That makes it sound like something naughty.’  
Peter shook his head quickly, his cheeks flushing. ‘No, no. Not really.’  
‘Not really?’ James said, smiling then.   
Peter looked around, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. ‘Erm, can we go upstairs maybe? I really don’t want to be overheard,’ he said quietly.  
James and Sirius shared a wide-eyed look while Remus nodded reassuringly. ‘Sure thing, Pete.’ Peter scrambled through the portrait hole and the common room, and scurried straight up the stairs into their room, sitting stiffly on his bed, looking down at the floor as the other three filed in, giving each other worried looks. ‘Ok…’ Remus said slowly.  
‘What’s this about, Wormtail?’ James asked.  
‘Yeah, what exactly did Dara walk in on?’  
‘I… she came into the owlery when I was… snogging someone…’  
James and Sirius shared a confused look.  
‘And who were you snogging?’ Remus said carefully.  
‘Jamie,’ Peter said quietly.  
‘Jamie?’ said James, sharing another confused look with Sirius.  
‘Jamie Hobbs? From Hufflepuff?’ Remus said, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead.  
Peter nodded, still looking at the floor.  
‘Who is Jamie Hobbs?’ said Sirius.  
Remus glanced at Peter, who remained quiet, before looking toward James and Sirius. ‘He’s a Hufflepuff in fifth year…’ he said slowly.  
‘Ok…’ said Sirius.   
James’s eyebrows disappeared into his fringe. ‘Oh!’ he cleared his throat. ‘Oh. Ok,’ he nodded. ‘Ok.’  
‘That’s what you were worried about? You thought we would judge you or something?’ Sirius said, sounding slightly offended.  
‘No! I… I don’t know. I just didn’t know what to say,’ Peter said quietly, still not looking up. ‘It’s not exactly… accepted. I’ve never even said it. Not out loud.’  
Sirius and Remus shared a sad look, while James sighed, exasperated. ‘Look Peter, you’ve nothing to worry about. S’not like we’re going to kick you out or anything.’  
‘Exactly. They keep me around, even with my furry little problem,’ Remus said with a rueful smile.  
Sirius laughed. ‘Yeah, the only thing you could do to get kicked out of the Marauders would be to try to get one of us killed or something. And we all know you’d never do that.’  
‘Of course, I wouldn’t do that!’  
‘See, so relax already. We’re all fine with it,’ James said, silently conferring with Remus and Sirius, who both nodded, while Peter still looked at the floor. ‘We don’t care who you chose to snog.’  
‘As long as you don’t try anything with me,’ Sirius said, smirking suddenly. ‘Is that what happened? You’ve been faced with this beautiful mug all these years and you just couldn’t fathom any woman measuring up?’  
‘You are a beautiful man Padfoot,’ James nodded.  
Peter frowned. ‘You’re really not my type.’  
‘Not your type!’ Sirius cried in mock indignance. ‘I’m everyone’s type.’  
‘Doesn’t seem like Addy thinks so,’ Peter said smugly.  
‘Hey, I’ve snogged her! That’s got to mean something, right?’  
‘She was pissed. I hardly think that qualifies.’  
‘Not the second time, she wasn’t,’ Sirius blurted, before his eyes widened.  
‘Second time?’ Remus queried.  
‘You didn’t tell us about a second time,’ James said with annoyance. ‘Now who’s keeping secrets?’  
‘When was this?’ Remus continued.  
Sirius sighed. ‘My birthday…’   
‘Last year?’  
‘But then, what have you been moping around here for?’ James cried.  
‘No, it was this year. But she’s been… it didn’t exactly seem like she was in a position for anything to come from it.’  
‘Yeah, alright,’ James conceded. ‘So, how’d it happen then?’  
Sirius felt his cheeks heat up. ‘Well, I came in from that detention with Slughorn and found her asleep in a chair. So, I went to wake her up and we got to talking about her drawings.’  
‘Drawings?’ said Remus.  
‘Yeah, she’s all these drawings in a little sketchbook she keeps. They’re really good,’ he smiled. ‘Any roads, then it was midnight, so she told me happy birthday,’ he shrugged casually.  
‘And you kissed her for it?’ Remus said curiously.  
‘Well, she kissed me first,’ Sirius defended weakly. ‘But yeah, then I kissed her,’ he grinned.  
‘That good, eh?’ James smiled.   
Sirius nodded dumbly. ‘Yeah,’ he breathed. Remus, James, and Peter laughed at the look on Sirius’s face and he suddenly frowned. ‘Oh, shove off!’  
Next day, Sirius had seen Addy receive a letter at breakfast, that was most definitely not from Alice. He had been prepared to follow her as Padfoot, but she had read through the note with a blank expression, looking across to Avery at Slytherin table, before she promptly set fire to it. She had then rose from the table and left the hall, going back up the stairs to the tower with no other reaction.   
Addy had had enough. Her mother had written her, that Avery had sent an owl, and while her father wasn’t there just yet, obviously her actions would be dealt with, and to expect further word from him. Right. She’d just wait with baited breath. The letter went on to say that she needed to learn her place and to hold her tongue and blah blah blah. It had all gotten rather tiring. How long was she expected to listen to this drivel?  
‘Professor,’ Addy cried, trying to catch Dumbledore on his way out of the Great Hall as he ascended the stairs. ‘A word?’  
‘Certainly Miss Nott. But perhaps you would like to exchange more than just one?’  
Addy smiled tightly and jogged up the stairs to catch him up. ‘Perhaps,’ she said quietly.  
Dumbledore nodded, seeing the look on her face. ‘Let’s step into my office then.’  
Addy nodded back, following him silently past the gargoyle statue and up the spiral stairs, finally taking a seat in the familiar purple chair. ‘Look, you told me to tell you if things had changed,’ she said quickly. ‘And… I don’t think I’m up to this anymore.’  
‘If you don’t mind my asking Miss Nott, what was it that changed?’  
Addy looked down at her fingers that were clasped tightly in her lap. ‘I had a bit of row with Avery. I may have said some things…’  
‘I see,’ he eyed her carefully. ‘And what was this in regard to?’  
‘Erm… Snape may have let something slip about Remus…’ She glanced up nervously.  
Dumbledore nodded, his expression tight. ‘I am aware of Mr. Lupin’s… condition.’  
Addy sighed. ‘Well Avery and I got into the row over… a difference in opinion. And he’s owled my mother. Who will tell my father when he gets home… I just… I can’t keep going back to that. I’m sorry Professor.’   
‘It’s quite alright Miss Nott. I understand. You’ve done quite a bit already.’  
‘I don’t know about that,’ Addy said sadly.   
Dumbledore shook his head. ‘You’ve given me information. Plenty of information to go off of.’  
‘For now,’ Addy mumbled.  
‘Have you decided what you will do over holiday?’  
Addy shrugged weakly. ‘Don’t suppose I could stay here,’ she said helplessly.  
‘That doesn’t quite work well for the summer holiday. But I would be more than happy to help you arrange something.’  
‘Alright,’ Addy said gratefully. ‘I’ll have a think on it…’ she said, looking down at her lap again. Where did one go, when they had nowhere?


	23. no one asked you to swan in here like some big damn hero

Addy had become cross and quite reckless, often snapping back at the Slytherins when they would say some derogatory comment or other. She never had been good at doing what she was told.  
‘Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but you need to get it together. You’re embarrassing not only yourself, but me as well,’ Avery said quietly as potions class was finishing.  
‘Hang on,’ Addy said, looking through her bag. ‘Let me see… nope,’ she looked up at him before putting her book away, smiling sweetly. ‘I’m fresh out.’  
‘What?’   
‘Of fucks,’ Addy said solemnly. ‘I’ve no more to give.’  
‘You forget yourself, Adhara.’  
‘Obviously,’ Addy seethed, dropping her smile. ‘Why else would I be here?’ she gestured between them, ‘sitting by you, talking to you?’  
‘You’d do well to remember your place Adhara.’  
‘Would I?’ Avery grabbed hold of her arm and she wrenched it away, looking disgusted. ‘Don’t touch me!’ she snapped before she turned and stormed from the classroom, Avery following closely with a thunderous expression.  
‘Do you think we should…?’ Mary said slowly as she and Lily watched Addy leave.   
Lily chewed her bottom lip, thinking, before she shook her head. ‘No. She can handle it herself.’  
‘Really? I’m not so sure anymore… she certainly hasn’t been handling herself as of late.’  
Lily shrugged a bit uncertainly. ‘Well… maybe we should just… look in on her in the common?’  
Mary nodded as they left the classroom. ‘Yeah, let’s.’  
Avery had followed Addy closely and pulled her roughly aside into an alcove. ‘You need to learn to control yourself, Adhara.’  
‘I really wish you wouldn’t call me that,’ she sighed.   
‘You’ve come this far,’ he said a bit softer. ‘Why would you risk mucking it all up now?’  
‘Because I can’t do this anymore,’ she said honestly, gesturing around vaguely. ‘I can’t keep playing along. I’m done.’  
‘You know what your father will do.’  
‘Let him. I don’t care anymore,’ she said, before she turned and walked away, leaving Avery scowling after her.  
James and Sirius had also heard Addy’s row with Avery in potions, and Sirius had taken James’s invisibility cloak off him and followed, listening in on their conversation in the alcove. He really didn’t like how empty she’d sounded, and he wasn’t entirely sure what that could mean.

Lily and Mary had headed for Gryffindor tower during morning break as they assumed Addy had done. They found Marlene in the common room, and upon her saying she saw Addy come through, they had all gone up to the dorm, and found her sitting on her bed staring absent mindedly out the window.   
‘Addy, are you alright?’ Lily asked softly.  
Addy looked over at the three of them blankly.  
‘You left potions looking rather cross,’ Mary went on.  
‘I’m fine,’ Addy said, managing a tight smile.  
‘Would you tell us if you weren’t?’ said Marlene with a frown.  
Addy shrugged. ‘It wouldn’t make any difference.’  
‘What is that supposed to mean?’   
‘It means it wouldn’t change anything. There’s nothing you could do,’ she said with a sigh.  
‘We could listen,’ Lily said.  
Addy gave her another tight smile. She still didn’t want to burden them. ‘I’m ok though.’  
‘Are you sure?’ Mary asked.  
Addy’s eyes went wide. ‘Yes,’ she said slowly. 

Addy wondered vaguely why she kept saying that she was fine, or ok, because she wasn’t. She doubted she had ever been less fine. A part of her wanted to talk to them about it. To tell them everything. For things to go back to the way they had been. She’d give anything to go back to the beginning of last year. She’d had so much fun then and she hadn’t been especially worried. Now it seemed all she did was worry. And if she brought them into it, there was no telling what would happen to them, to her. And that would be one more thing to worry about. So, a bigger part of her wouldn’t, couldn’t, talk to them. She would tell them nothing. Because she didn’t want to involve them. She didn’t want anyone else to get hurt.   
Addy had been filled with a leaden sense of dread just anticipating the letter from her father. After a few weeks it had finally arrived and had colorfully described what she could expect in leu of punishment. At first, she had been gutted, but after the initial fear had worn off, she found she felt nothing. She felt numb again. She had realized that it really didn’t matter what she did or didn’t do, her friends would be targets. But they weren’t really her friends anymore, she told herself. Or were they ever really her friends? Because she had never been a friend to them. It was better that way though, really. She didn’t want to be a burden to them. They were all brilliant, and she just got in the way. She felt as though she had no one and nothing left.   
Sirius had started watching Dara closely. She had stopped sitting with Avery in potions, and hanging round the other Slytherins, but she had also withdrawn from everyone else, almost becoming reclusive. She obviously hadn’t been sleeping as much at night, the other girls said she’d been having nightmares, and she’d been falling asleep in class more often and getting detentions for it. So, he couldn’t always watch her in person, and when he couldn’t watch her literally he took to keeping her in his sight on the map, almost constantly; and he saw when her little dot made its way up to the astronomy tower one Saturday night.   
‘Prongs, I need the cloak,’ Sirius said, jumping up from his bed and striding toward James’s trunk.  
‘Sure Padfoot, you know where it is,’ said James, glancing up from his game of chess with Peter.  
‘What’s up, mate?’ Remus said, looking up from his book at Sirius’s tone.  
‘I’m not sure, but Dara’s just gone up the Astronomy tower.’  
‘Maybe she wants some fresh air?’ Peter posed.  
Sirius shook his head as he straightened up, holding the invisibility cloak in his hands. ‘I don’t think so. She usually goes out to the edge of the forest for that.’  
‘Maybe she needed a different perspective?’ James queried.   
‘I think I’ll just make sure, yeah?’  
‘Of course,’ Remus said, sitting up to the edge of his bed as Sirius exited the room, and shared a look with James.  
Addy started to wonder if it would be easier if she just disappeared. She still hadn’t decided where she could go on holiday. She would have owled Alice about it, but she didn’t want Alice to even offer her to stay at hers. And she wouldn’t do that to anyone else either. That had had disastrous results before. Maybe she should just end it all? Sometimes it seemed like the only way she would have any control over her own life now, because it didn’t really feel her life anymore, or a life at all. And that would take that option away from her father. Merlin, he wouldn’t like that. It almost made it more appealing. Addy was thinking all these things over as she finished off a second bottle of firewhiskey on the top of the Astronomy tower. She was completely steaming as she staggered toward the edge and leaned over the parapets to watch the seemingly endless descent of the bottle as she let it slip from her fingers. It wasn’t so long a drop. It’d be over quickly at least, she mused.   
Addy’s robes were suddenly yanked back, and she fell roughly to the floor. ‘Bloody hell,’ she muttered.  
‘The fuck Dara?’  
Addy growled lowly and turned her blurry gaze to the two Sirius’ standing over her. She grunted and squinted her eyes. ‘Bugger off!’  
His eyes widened, and he looked furious. Both of him. ‘Bugger off?!’ he said incredulously.  
‘You heard me right then,’ Addy nodded. ‘Bugger off.’  
‘I just saved your sodding life, and you tell me to bugger off?’  
‘Oh, please,’ she rolled her eyes and pushed herself up on her elbows. ‘You didn’t save my life!’  
‘You were about to jump!’  
‘I was not! Don’t be so dramatic,’ she growled. ‘And even if I was, no one asked you to swan in here like some big damn hero!’  
‘So, you tell me to bugger off?’  
‘Does saying it multiple times help it sink into your thick skull?’ she said, sitting up.  
He scowled at her. ‘Why?’  
‘Because you wouldn’t understand?’ she said petulantly.   
‘No. Why?’ he gestured toward the parapets, and she frowned deeply, looking away.  
‘Don’t worry about it,’ she shrugged.  
‘What?’  
Addy looked up at him. ‘It’s none of your concern,’ she said stiffly, shaking her head.  
Before she could even blink he had hauled her to her feet and was shaking her slightly. ‘None of my concern? None of my concern?! Merlin Dara, I’ve been going spare watching you all year, and now you’re trying to off yourself with nothing but that? Why?’  
‘I wasn’t trying to off myself! I was just…’  
‘WHAT?’  
‘I was just thinking about it! I wasn’t really going to do it!’  
‘Why? Why would you even think about it?’  
‘You wouldn’t understand…’  
‘What wouldn’t I understand?’ Addy looked at Sirius warily and his brow knitted. ‘Try me.’  
‘I can’t…’  
‘WHY?’  
‘Because I can’t do this anymore!’ she yelled.  
Sirius scowled again and dropped his hands from her arms, shaking his head. ‘That’s incredibly selfish Dara.’  
Addy bit her lip. ‘I knew you wouldn’t understand.’  
‘That you would be selfish enough to jump off the astronomy tower? To even think of it?’ he amended when she went to protest. ‘Not think about how that would make me, make the rest of us feel? No, I don’t understand that.’  
‘Why would any of you care?’ she said quietly.  
Sirius started, looking affronted. ‘Because we care about you! You’re our… mate,’ he said carefully.  
‘Even after everything I’ve done? After what I tried to do to Lily?’  
‘That wasn’t you!’ he said, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.  
‘I as good as! I wasn’t strong enough!’   
He grabbed her arms again. ‘But you fought it! You didn’t-‘  
Addy shrugged out of his grasp, shaking her head. ‘No! I couldn’t fight it. I wasn’t strong enough!’   
‘You are strong enough. You didn’t hurt Lily, you didn’t hurt anyone. You did fight it.’  
‘Don’t you see it’s not that simple? That didn’t work and it’s only going to get worse now that I want out; he’ll just try something else. He won’t give me a choice.’  
‘You’ve made your choice though. He can’t change your mind now it’s made up, right? And we can help you, if you’d let us.’  
‘I don’t want to involve you. He’d kill the lot of you just to punish me. You’re better off without me,’ she said quietly.  
‘Don’t say that,’ he said despondently.   
‘Why not? It’s true. He’d kill you, right before he’d curse me again for good measure. I can’t do that to you. I don’t want that to happen again.’  
‘It won’t Dara!’  
‘It’s not that simple. You still don’t get it,’ she said in exasperation.   
‘Of course, I do. We come from the same place. I’ve been there.’  
Addy shook her head again. ‘But we don’t. Not really. You didn’t like it, so you left. And your family let you. Mine? I tried to leave. After my father came home and cursed me we had a duel and he used the cruciatis on me. So bad I passed out. And I tried to leave. I went and stayed with Paul and Kate and Ed. But he found me, and he killed them,’ she whispered as a few tears escaped down her cheek unnoticed. ‘Then he imperiused me. Because he didn’t like the decisions I’d made. I’m just a pawn to him. Some piece in this messed up game. And I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t fight it. He had that curse on me for two months. Months Sirius. He made me do things… he let Avery… touch me. And yeah, I got it off, but so what? Even when that was off, it wasn’t over. Dumbledore asked me to keep up the act, and I tried. I actually thought I could help, that I could do some good, but I was deluded. I can’t help anyone. I can’t even help myself. And now I’m just tired. I’m so tired of trying. Every time I take a step I move back five paces. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I can’t listen to them talk anymore with the dribble they spout… every time they use that word I just want to… to rip off my arm just so I have something to throw at them. And I can’t go on pretending I’ll be marrying Avery. Just the thought of kissing him… and they think I’d be able to have children with him?’ she shook her head. ‘Did you know my father had a meeting at our manor over holiday I had to go to? A meeting that Voldemort attended? I can’t go to another meeting with Voldemort now that I’m… ‘awake.’ He talked to me. And I was scared. I was terrified. And all he did was tell me I could go on to be a healer. I just sat there, and all I could do was nod along, like it was ok! I agreed with him. Right before I had a panic attack! How am I ever supposed to… to face him in opposition? To go against him in earnest? I can’t just do that. How am I supposed to do that and just act like it’s ok, like I’m ok, because it’s not! It’s not ok! I’m not ok!’ Addy suddenly realized she had been pounding the side of her fist into Sirius’s chest with at least the last few words and his arms must have come around her at some point, because he was holding her to his chest tightly as she finally broke down in tears. Tears that had been pent up inside her for ages.   
Addy cried for quite some time, but when she had finally quieted down enough that they could make it through the corridors without attracting attention, Sirius pulled her close and threw a cloak over their heads. He walked them back to Gryffindor tower with her stumbling along beside him. As the door to his dorm swung open, Addy saw James and Remus stand from where they had been sat on their beds. ‘How’d it go?’ said James.  
‘Did you find her?’ asked Remus.  
Sirius pulled the cloak from their heads in response, and upon seeing her puffy, tear streaked face, James uttered a short ‘oh,’ and Remus’s eyebrows shot up his forehead, his mouth hanging open slightly. Sirius steered her over to his bed and sat her on it. Addy hiccupped uncomfortably and wiped at her face while he went into the bathroom, apparently to fetch her a glass of water. She frowned at the glass, as she wasn’t quite sure why that seemed to be the thing to do in those situations but took it and sipped at it anyway. ‘What are you going to do then?’ Sirius asked quietly, as he crouched down in front of her.  
Addy shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I’ve buggar all to do now.’  
‘Can’t you talk to Dumbledore?’  
I’ve already done, she thought. ‘Don’t see what good that would do.’  
‘He can get you out of it.’  
Addy shook her head. ‘My father would still be my father. And he seems to think he’s the only one who has a say in whether I’m done.’  
‘But you can’t go back there.’  
She nodded. ‘I know, but where am I to go?’ She’d gotten nowhere with this train of thought.  
‘What about Alice’s?’  
‘No,’ Addy shook her head again. ‘She lives with Frank. I don’t want to be a burden to them.’ Sirius’s face scrunched in distress. ‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out.’  
Sirius scowled. ‘You’ll excuse me if I don’t trust your judgement just now.’  
Addy looked down at her hands, biting her lip. ‘I told you I wasn’t… what would you have me do then?’  
‘I don’t know, but you should have done something before it all went to pot.’  
‘Yeah, well,’ Addy shrugged weakly. ‘Hindsight and all that.’  
Sirius ran a hand through his hair in agitation, standing up. ‘Well. You’ve got a bit of time to figure something out I guess. Just… promise me you’re not going to… to consider. That. Again.’ Addy glanced around, noticing they had an audience that was failing to look like they weren’t listening. ‘Dara!’ She looked back to Sirius. ‘Promise me!’  
‘I… ok.’  
He shook his head. ‘Say it.’  
‘I promise!’   
Sirius breathed a deep sigh, rubbing a hand over his face agitatedly, before he nodded and went into the bathroom, shutting the door sharply. He needed a moment, or a lot of moments, to calm down. He didn’t know what he would have done if… he shook his head. He wasn’t going to think on that. It hadn’t happened. That was what was important.  
Addy hiccupped uncomfortably, looking sadly at the shut bathroom door, before she glanced around at the three other occupants of the room, who were all openly staring at her.   
‘You could come to mine,’ James offered after a long awkward silence. ‘My parents won’t mind.’  
Addy shook her head again. ‘I couldn’t do that to you.’  
‘What exactly do you think you’re going to be doing?’ Remus asked slowly.  
‘You don’t want me around. I’m a burden,’ she said quietly.   
‘I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want you around,’ James said irritably.   
‘He’d find me, though. I don’t want…’ she swallowed thickly, looking down at her lap. ‘I don’t want that to happen again. I won’t do that to you.’   
James and Remus shared a look.  
‘Well, you’ve got to do something,’ said Peter.  
Addy nodded. ‘I know.’  
‘What about one of the girls?’ asked James.  
Addy sighed. ‘That’s the same thing. I’m not going to do that to them either.’  
‘Maybe Dumbledore would let you stay here?’ Remus said thoughtfully.  
Addy shook her head. He’d already said no. ‘You’re not able to stay over that long a holiday. They have a lot of preparations they need to make…’  
‘You could live in the Shrieking Shack,’ Peter suggested.  
Addy’s face scrunched in distaste.  
‘It’s not exactly inhabitable,’ Remus replied, rolling his eyes.  
‘Maybe I’ll just go muggle,’ Addy said thoughtfully. She had thought of it last summer. Before…  
‘You think you could manage that?’ said Remus with a small smile.  
‘Yeah,’ she said, perking up slightly. ‘Shouldn’t be too hard for two months. Maybe Alice could help me find a place even…’   
‘Do you have the money to get your own place?’ Remus said.  
‘I do, actually. I’ve been saving up a bit,’ she said with a small smile of her own. ‘Instead of buying myself presents the last three years, I’ve just been taking money out and putting it away.’  
‘Buying yourself presents?’ Peter said bemusedly.  
‘Yeah. In leu of gifts my parents have just told me I could buy myself something the last few Christmases and birthdays.’  
Remus frowned. ‘How personal.’  
‘Any roads,’ James said, shaking his head. ‘Owl Alice. Tomorrow.’  
‘Yes, sir,’ Addy said, saluting him facetiously.   
James mock glared at her. ‘Is this the time?’  
‘Sorry,’ she muttered.   
Sirius came back out of the bathroom then, his face a bit red, and Addy was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt. Like she didn’t feel terrible enough already …  
‘So, she’s going to go muggle for the summer,’ Remus supplied; Sirius looked at her hopefully, so she nodded.  
‘Yeah, Alice should be able to help her scope something out,’ James added. ‘We’ll owl her tomorrow.’  
‘I’m capable of owling Alice…’ she said quietly, frowning, though she started in surprise when Sirius quickly crossed the room and pulled her into a hug; she saw James and Remus share a look over his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, swallowing thickly.   
Sirius just nodded and tightened his grip on her.  
‘You really think you could manage it?’ Sirius said after a while, pulling away slightly, but still keeping a firm grip on her with an arm around her shoulders.  
Addy nodded. ‘Yeah. I think so. So long as it’s far enough outside of London. Somewhere Aludra never followed me to. So he won’t know about it.’  
‘Do you have enough money? I can help you out if need be. My Uncle Alphard left me some in his will. I guess that’s why they didn’t give him a funeral.’  
‘Some,’ James laughed causing Sirius to shoot him a look. James broke off in a cough, still failing to suppress a smile.  
‘Oh, that’s nice,’ Addy said, choosing to ignore whatever that exchange was about. ‘But no. I think I’ve saved enough. And if not, I can always sell some more of my things I don’t need. And I could get a job. A muggle job. Like in a shop or something.’  
‘There’s an idea,’ James said lightly, pointing a finger towards her.  
‘What kind of shop?’ Peter asked.  
‘Oh, I don’t know. One of those consignment shops maybe? Like where I got a lot of my muggle clothes. Or one of those music shops. Where they sell those… those round, flat things that they put on those gramophone things?’  
‘I think you mean records,’ Remus supplied with a chuckle.  
‘So, maybe not there,’ James said slowly.  
Addy rested her head on Sirius’s shoulder. ‘Well, I’m not even sure I’ll need a job. But either way, I could just find something in a clothing shop. Or a pub or restaurant even. I know enough about food.’  
‘And you’re sure you’re ok asking Alice for help on this?’ Sirius asked.  
Addy nodded, ‘yeah, I don’t think she’ll mind. And I wouldn’t be putting them in danger this way,’ she said as her eyelids drifted shut.  
‘Bit tired, are you?’ James said.  
‘Do you need to go to bed?’ Remus asked politely.  
‘No, I’m alright,’ Addy said, even while she tried to stifle a yawn.  
‘You look knackered. You can go to sleep. We’ll talk more tomorrow.’ Oh, great. Just what she needed more of. Talking. Because she was so good at talking. ‘Do you want to lay down here, or do you think you can make it back to yours?’ Sirius asked.  
Addy’s eyes blinked open slowly and she looked up at him. ‘No, I can make it,’ she mumbled, pushing herself into a more upright position. She stretched a bit before she stood, shooting Sirius a look he couldn’t quite decipher. Was it embarrassed? Apologetic? Thankful? Maybe all of that…? Then she had stumbled across the room and out the door without another word, shutting the door with a soft click.  
‘You alright Padfoot?’ James said quietly, once the door had shut behind her.  
Sirius shook his head, rubbing the heels of his hands over his eyes. ‘She said she wasn’t trying to jump but, Merlin Prongs! If she wasn’t jumping she was about to fall! I’ve never been so scared in my life!’  
James shook his head ruefully. ‘You sure know how to pick ‘em.’  
‘You can’t help who you love, Prongs,’ Remus said softly.  
‘Love?’ Sirius cried incredulously. ‘Who said anything about love?’  
James and Remus shared a look. ‘Are we going to have another problem with your denial?’   
‘Oh, bloody hell,’ Sirius muttered, flopping back on the bed. ‘I already admitted to fancying her. Isn’t that enough for you?’  
Peter snorted softly, and James and Remus shared another look. ‘Sure, mate,’ Remus said.  
‘Whatever you say, Padfoot,’ said James.

Addy eventually managed to make it back to her dorm room to sleep off the copious amounts of firewhiskey and turmoil still in her system. When she finally rose the next morning, or afternoon rather, she found the other girls had already left the dorm. She went straight to the desk and wrote out a letter to Alice asking for her help finding a muggle flat and perhaps a job, and as she came down the stairs, she found her year mates all gathered close to the fire.   
‘Ah, you’re awake,’ Mary cried.  
‘We tried to wake you earlier, but you were dead to the world,’ Marlene added.   
Sirius seemed to wince, and Addy frowned. ‘Yeah… I’m just going to mail a letter,’ she said quietly.   
‘I’ll go with you,’ Sirius said, hopping up quickly.  
‘Oh. Ok.’ He took her hand, linking his fingers through hers, and she smiled bemusedly as he led them out of the common room. ‘Are you my escort?’  
‘I suppose,’ Sirius shrugged, smiling lightly. It looked a bit forced to her.  
Addy couldn’t help but feel he was making sure she followed through with sending it, like he didn’t trust her anymore. He probably didn’t, she mused. They slowly walked to the owlery and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. She wondered if he was still cross with her. She certainly still felt cross with herself. She really wasn’t trying to jump, even though she had felt gutted; and though the thought had crossed her mind, she wasn’t planning to follow through… at least she didn’t think so. And she really hadn’t thought of how anyone else might feel, as she’d never thought anyone else would be especially bothered. You can only hear how worthless you are so many times before you start to believe it yourself. But then, the way Sirius had looked at her…  
‘How soon do you think she’ll respond?’ asked Sirius as the owl flew out the owlery window.  
Addy shrugged. ‘To the letter? She usually takes a day or so… so maybe tomorrow or Tuesday?’  
He nodded before he led them back down the stairs. ‘You think she’ll be able to find something in a month?’   
‘I don’t really know anything about muggle real estate,’ she said as they came to the bottom of the stairs.  
‘So, you’re with him now?’ the, by now, all too familiar voice sneered.   
Addy wheeled around at the foot of the stairs, yanking her hand free and pulling her wand from her pocket as she faced Avery and stepped in front of Sirius. She still had that instinctive fear bubble up in her stomach at the thought of him saying something to her father and then something happening to Sirius because of her. ‘We’re not… I… just… what do you want?’ she spluttered.  
Avery looked at them coolly as Sirius came to stand next to her. ‘This is your choice then?’  
‘I’m…’ Addy shook her head, trying to clear it. ‘I told you my choice. It’s nothing to do with him.’  
‘You know your father won’t allow it.’  
‘Well, I don’t care. I’m leaving. I’m done.’  
‘I wouldn’t be so sure of that,’ Avery said slowly. ‘You’ll be back.’  
Avery stalked away, and Addy frowned at his back. She was really trying to hold firm on her decision, but she was honestly still scared.   
‘You ok?’ Sirius said after a few moments.  
Addy nodded. ‘Yeah. Sorry.’  
‘You don’t have to be sorry,’ he said, taking her hand again.  
‘It’s just…’  
‘I know.’  
Sirius took to spending much of his time with her, sitting by her in classes, at meals, and even in the common room after. She couldn’t even find the time to sneak off and see Snuffles. She might have been annoyed if he wasn’t so sweet about it. It almost seemed as though he were trying to protect her, as he would often grab her hand and hold it supportively if Avery came round or talk to her when she needed distractions if Mulciber was sneering darkly at her. She appreciated it in a way, but really, he couldn’t be there all the time, and she didn’t want to get too used to it.  
‘So, you’re meeting Alice at King’s Cross, yeah?’ Sirius asked as she helped him pack his trunk on the night before they were to leave Hogwarts. She had already packed hers, but Sirius was even more of a procrastinator than she was. Or, at least that was what he had alluded when he’d asked her to help him.  
‘Yes, Sirius,’ Addy said, trying not to voice the exasperation she was feeling. They had been over this a tidy few times. ‘She’ll meet me outside the platform, and then she’s taking me to the flat she found for me.’  
‘Did you already pay for it?’  
‘No, I’m to pay when I get there if I like it.’  
‘Ok,’ he nodded, throwing in a pile of pants.  
Addy averted her gaze, blushing lightly, and stacked a pile of his books before pushing it across his bed toward him. When she looked back up at him, he was smiling at her. ‘What?’  
He had noticed her discomfort and was highly amused. ‘Nothing,’ he chirped, picking up the stack of books. ‘You’re just cute when you blush.’  
Her blush deepened, and he grinned. ‘Shut it,’ she muttered.  
He barked out a laugh. ‘Sorry.’  
‘S’alright,’ Addy said, smiling shyly, thinking how cute he looked as he grinned at her. But she shook the thought from her head, passing him a stack of magazines. She wasn’t going to think on things like that. Not for now at least. Besides, he was just being his usual flirty self, she told herself. He was like that with every bird. She wasn’t anything special. It didn’t mean anything.  
Once they’d finished packing they went down to dinner with their other sixth year Gryffindors, and Addy sat between Sirius and Lily. She still felt a bit anxious, but it felt so much nicer being amongst them than off on the periphery. ‘So, Addy, you’re getting a muggle flat? Will we be allowed to visit you?’ Lily said.  
‘Erm… I guess,’ Addy said slowly, chewing her lip thoughtfully. ‘So long as you don’t do magic. I don’t want to be traced.’  
‘Can they trace you once you’re of age?’ Marlene asked skeptically.  
‘I don’t know,’ Addy said quietly, a bit uncomfortable. ‘I just don’t want to risk it.’   
Sirius grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly, and she smiled at him gratefully.   
‘It shouldn’t be a problem,’ Lily said brightly. ‘I don’t mind not using magic. Do you think you’ll have a phone or a telly?’  
‘Er…’ Addy paused, trying to remember what those things were. ‘Maybe? Do they cost extra?’  
Lily giggled. ‘No. Not apart from buying the telly.’  
Addy nodded slowly. ‘Probably not the ttteeelly,’ she said slowly, and Lily nodded. ‘Then. But the… phone? Sure. Though… does anyone else have a phone?’ She glanced around the group.   
Peter raised a hand while Remus smiled and said, ‘I do. My mum’s a muggle.’  
‘I think I knew that,’ Addy said, her brow knitted thoughtfully.  
‘You probably did. You seem to know a lot of things,’ Remus said lightly, causing her to smile.

As they left the castle the next day after breakfast, Addy dragged her trunk down the road slowly, lagging slightly behind the others. She turned to look back at the castle for a moment before she continued down the road, though she seemed to hit a rock or something she hadn’t seen, as her trunk hit the obstacle with a ‘thunk’ and popped open, and she stumbled forward. Odd, she thought. It almost felt as though she’d been pushed. But no one else was behind her, so she shook that thought from her head, and went back to gather the items that had fallen from her trunk.   
A strangled shriek followed by a loud crack caused the others to start and turn around quickly. ‘Where’s Addy?’ Lily asked loudly.


	24. 'Let's see if this sinks in, shall we?'

As they left the castle the next day after breakfast, Addy dragged her trunk down the road slowly, lagging slightly behind the others. She turned to look back at the castle for a moment before she continued down the road, though she seemed to hit a rock or something she hadn’t seen, as her trunk hit the obstacle with a ‘thunk’ and popped open, and she stumbled forward. Odd, she thought. It almost felt as though she’d been pushed. But no one else was behind her, so she shook that thought from her head, and went back to gather the items that had fallen from her trunk.  
A strangled shriek followed by a loud crack caused the others to start and turn around quickly. ‘Where’s Addy?’ Lily asked loudly.  
‘Dara?’ Sirius shouted, feeling his heart rate pick up.  
‘I don’t know,’ James said worriedly.  
‘That’s her stuff,’ said Remus, walking back to her trunk, stooping down when he came up next to it. ‘And her wand,’ he said, holding the item up.  
‘Fuck!’ Marlene exclaimed as they all looked around frantically.  
‘We need to go tell Dumbledore,’ Mary said anxiously.  
As Mary, Marlene, and Lily ran back to the castle, Sirius erupted into maniacal laughter. ‘Someone’s taken her,’ he laughed out, feeling as though this could not be happening.  
James and Remus shared a look.  
‘Who?’ Peter squeaked.  
Sirius’s laughter grew louder.  
‘Mate, that’s not helping,’ said James sternly, placing a hand to Sirius’s shoulder and shaking it.  
‘Right,’ Sirius’s laughter died out and he shook his head. ‘I’d say her father,’ he said roughly.  
‘Or someone bringing her to him,’ Remus muttered darkly.  
‘Oh, sodding hell,’ Sirius yelled, rubbing his hands over his face.  
‘We’ll find her mate,’ James said confidently.  
‘Yeah, c’mon. Let’s go talk with Dumbledore,’ Remus added.  
Sirius nodded wobbly and repacked Addy’s trunk with a short wave of his wand, picking up the end of it and dragging it along as the four of them went back toward the castle. When they reached the castle, they headed up the stairs to the headmaster’s office, finding the girls stood with McGonagall while Dumbledore had his head stuck in the fire. When he finally pulled his head out of the floo, he stood to face them, his expression grave. ‘Well, I have alerted the proper authorities.’  
‘And who might that be?’ Sirius said sharply.  
Dumbledore looked at him over his half-moon spectacles, and Sirius crossed his arms over his chest, staring back. ‘Alastor Moody. He is a contact I have in the Auror office. He’ll get the word out.’  
‘Isn’t there something else we can do?’ Sirius growled, beginning to pace.  
‘Padfoot, that’s not going to help,’ James said, putting a hand on his shoulder.  
Sirius stopped and shared a look with James before he nodded.  
‘Can’t we go look for her?’ Sirius said in a measured tone, looking around with raised eyebrows.  
‘Do you have any suggestions, Black?’ McGonagall replied sharply.  
‘I..’ Sirius ran a hand over his face. ‘No,’ he sighed.  
‘Then I suggest you let the Aurors do their jobs.’  
‘Shouldn’t we inform Alice?’  
‘I’ve already done so,’ Dumbledore nodded.  
‘So, we just have to wait?’  
At McGonagall’s pointed looked Sirius sighed again and resumed his pacing. 

 

Addy had shrieked as she was grabbed round the middle from behind, and a hand had come up to clamp over her mouth as she felt the familiar pull behind her navel that told her she was being disapparated. A mass of dark, curly hair was whipped over her face by a strong wind when they apparated outside a small, rundown house somewhere in the middle of the countryside. She couldn’t see another house, though she didn’t have time look round as she was shoved roughly to the ground. A cackling laugh erupted above her, and she found herself yanked up by her hair and dragged into the small house where she was shoved again, to the floor, with another cackling laugh. Addy grunted as a well-aimed kick was dealt to her ribs, then shrieked again as she felt the all-too-familiar pain of the cruciatis curse pass through her body.  
‘Now, now, Bella, this is a family affair.’ Addy felt the curse lift, but she stiffened further at that voice. Still panting, she turned her head slowly, taking in the figure of her father who was now stood over her, wearing a contemptuous sneer. Bellatrix seemed to pout, and Addy saw her father grin maliciously. ‘Though you’re certainly welcome to watch. You may just learn something.’ Bellatrix cackled again, and Addy felt a wave of fear like she had never known wash over her.  
‘No, no, no,’ Addy muttered weakly, as she tried to scramble back and away from her father; but she saw him nod toward one of two other men in the room, who was stood by him in the shadows, that she vaguely recognized as he came forward and took hold of her legs, pulling her back. She shrieked again, trying to kick him away, but her father came round the other man and quickly drove his knee into her abdomen, knocking the wind out of her as he positioned himself on top of her.  
‘Hold her down,’ her father directed, and Addy felt the grip on her legs tighten and another set of hands grab both sides of her head, holding it in place. ‘I’m told you seem to think you can just leave? Haven’t we been over this Adhara?’ He pulled a small, silver knife, from his robes pocket. ‘Nothing I do or say, seems to have gotten through to you so far. But since you love mudbloods so much,’ he twirled the knife, and Addy’s eyes widened in panic. ‘Perhaps you’ll listen to their form of reasoning, hmm?’ Her father looked at her beadily, apparently considering, and Addy felt her entire body tremble in terror.  
‘NO!’ she shrieked desperately.  
‘Silence her, won’t you Bella?’  
‘Oh, but I would so love to hear her screams,’ she purred into Addy’s ear.  
‘Alright but put them up around the walls then. We don’t want to be interrupted.’  
Bellatrix let loose a peal of cackling laughter again and Addy couldn’t help but whimper.  
Her father smiled viciously and lifted her right arm without breaking eye contact. ‘Let’s see if this sinks in, shall we?’ He drove the knife into the soft flesh of her inner forearm meticulously and grinned still wider as she screamed. He seemed to delight in her pain. ‘Well,’ he murmured when he was apparently finished. ‘Have you learned your lesson now? Will you finally come to your senses and join the Dark Lord on the proper side of this war?’  
Addy’s breathing was labored, her face streaked with tears and blood, but she looked him in the eye, determined he should know her intensions, as she said, ‘never,’ her voice no more than a whisper. But it was enough. She knew he had heard when his eyes flashed in anger.  
‘Then you will never be on the right side. You will never win. And you are no daughter of mine.’ With that he plunged the knife into her gut, and she barely registered the gasp escaping her lips before the world went black around her.  
‘Do you want me to avada her?’ Rabastan said, as he looked down at Addy in disgust.  
‘No. Leave her. Her death will be slow and painful this way,’ her father said, rising from the floor with one last contemptuous look toward her while the material of her yellow dress was quickly turning dark and a pool of red formed beneath her.  
Bellatrix cackled again.  
‘I’ll leave the mark, shall I?’ Rodolphus said as they left the house.  
‘May as well.’  
‘Morsmorde.’

‘Longbottom, we’ve had a dark mark spotted, let’s go,’ Moody barked.  
‘Do we know who’s there?’ Frank asked as he followed Moody down the hall.  
‘Not till we get there,’ Moody muttered distractedly as he looked to the address on the parchment while they ascended the stairs. ‘The house doesn’t belong to anyone.’  
‘Where is it we’re going?’  
‘Just outside Banchory.’  
Frank nodded and grabbed Moody’s arm as they left the house; Moody disapparated with a soft crack, apparating into a large field just outside a small house illuminated in a soft green glow, a large skull and snake floating in the sky above it. Frank lit his wand as he followed Moody into the dark house; they didn’t have to go far before they saw the lone figure that was left in the middle of the wooden floor.  
‘Bloody hell,’ Moody muttered when his wand light fell across the figure and it glistened as it caught the light.  
‘Addy?’ Frank croaked, moving toward her quickly.  
‘You know this girl?’  
‘She was on my quidditch team,’ Frank muttered as he leaned close, putting a hand to her neck.  
‘There was a Nott in Gryffindor?’  
Frank nodded absently. ‘She’s got a pulse. And she’s still breathing. Just barely,’ he said as he conjured a stretcher and lifted her onto it with his wand. ‘Think she can handle disapparating?’ he said as she groaned weakly.  
‘We don’t really have another option,’ Moody said gruffly.  
Frank responded by disapparating with a loud crack, Moody following quickly, and they reappeared suddenly in the waiting room to St Mungo’s.  
‘Merlin’s beard!’ the receptionist exclaimed with a start. ‘What do we have here?’  
‘Death Eater attack,’ Moody grumbled.  
The receptionist’s eyes went wide, and she sent a summons as she scurried around the desk. ‘Bring her forward, bring her forward,’ she said breathily as two healers burst through a set of doors to the right. ‘She was attacked by Death Eaters,’ she told the healers, who immediately began feeling Addy’s neck and shining a light in her eyes.  
‘What’s her name?’ one healer asked.  
‘Adhara Nott,’ said Moody.  
‘She goes by Addy,’ Frank added.  
‘Addy? Addy dear, can you hear me?’ the healer asked while shaking her, then rubbing a fist into her chest.  
‘She doesn’t have a pulse,’ the second healer stated.  
‘What? But she did. She just did, before we apparated,’ Frank supplied rapidly.  
‘We need to get her hooked up,’ the first healer said, pushing the stretcher through the doors and out of sight.  
‘Wait here,’ the second healer stated, holding up his hands to stop Frank before he turned and followed the other healer through the doors.  
‘Bloody fuck,’ Frank muttered, running a hand through his hair agitatedly. ‘I should tell Ally we found her. She’s really close with Addy. She’s like a sister to her…’  
Moody shook his head. ‘Dumbledore sent the word out. I need to tell him we’ve found her. He’ll let Alice know.’  
As Moody stalked off Frank nodded absent mindedly and sat in a vacant chair, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open slightly. He’d just finished training and never seen that much blood before, let alone from someone he’d known and liked quite well. 

Moody flooed directly into Dumbledore’s office looking grim, though he usually looked grim, and Dumbledore looked up from where he was sat at his desk, as did most of the other occupants of the office, while Sirius jumped to his feet.  
‘Did you find Dara? Is she ok?’  
Moody narrowed his eyes at Sirius before he looked to Dumbledore. ‘A word, Albus?’ he said, as he walked around the desk. Dumbledore stood and the two talked behind the desk in low voices; Professor Dumbledore nodded occasionally, and his brow knit together in a grave expression.  
‘Well,’ Dumbledore said, as he cleared his throat and turned to face the other occupants of the room while Moody went back to the fireplace to floo back to St Mungo’s. ‘It seems there was dark mark placed over an abandoned house outside Banchory. They did find Miss Nott there.’  
Sirius paled and sat back in his chair.  
‘Is she… I mean. The dark mark… that usually means…’ Lily stuttered.  
Dumbledore sat again and leaned back in the chair, steepling his fingers in front of his face. ‘She was taken to St Mungo’s in critical condition.’  
‘What does that mean?’ Marlene asked loudly.  
‘She’s alive though?’ James said.  
Dumbledore looked at them over his half-moon spectacles. ‘Moody tells me they had just gotten her to St Mungo’s when he flooed here. It is my understanding that she underwent some torture and had lost quite a bit of blood by the time they had arrived. I do not know anymore of her condition at this time.’  
‘Can I go see her?’ Sirius asked.  
Dumbledore seemed to be considering his words carefully. ‘You may go to St Mungo’s. I’m not sure how soon, or even if, they will let you see her.’  
‘So… you’re saying she might not make it.’ Mary said quietly.  
‘I’m going then. I need to be there when she wakes up,’ Sirius said, heading towards the fireplace, looking determined. ‘Take my trunk home, would you Prongs?’  
‘Sure thing, Padfoot,’ James said quietly.  
As Sirius left via floo network, those that remained in the headmaster’s office shared looks of apprehension.  
‘He doesn’t get it, does he?’ Mary stated.  
‘He’s optimistic,’ James defended.  
‘He’s in denial,’ Marlene countered.  
Remus shook his head. ‘He’s hopeful. He refuses to give up.’

Sirius was doing everything he could not to lose his marbles, but honestly, he was going spare. He needed to know what was going on with Dara. He needed answers.  
‘Frank,’ he said, finding the young Auror in a seat in the waiting room, staring down at the floor. He started and looked up quickly, and his expression did nothing to ease Sirius’s worries.  
‘Sirius,’ Frank nodded curtly.  
‘Have you heard anything?’  
‘Not since they took her back there…’ he eyed Sirius warily.  
‘Was it… Dumbledore said she was tortured?’ Sirius said in a quiet, pained voice as he sat next to Frank.  
Frank nodded absentmindedly. ‘I’ve never seen so much blood in my life…’ he muttered, almost as if to himself. ‘Her arm had been cut up and she had a knife in her stomach. She… she’d lost her pulse with the apparition. We didn’t see any other option… it’d already been too long,’ he said, looking up at Sirius then, his voice sounding almost pleading.  
‘I thought Moody was coming back here?’  
‘He came back to let me know he’d informed Dumbledore. He had to go back to headquarters though…’  
‘Headquarters?’  
Frank didn’t reply. He just looked back down at his hands that were clasped tightly in his lap.  
Sirius swallowed thickly and looked towards the doors leading to the emergency ward, silently willing someone to come out then and tell them she’d pulled through. Come on Dara…  
But the doors didn’t open. Instead, roughly twenty minutes later, they were looking up at the sound of frantic footsteps and heavy breathing coming toward them from the floo network. ‘Have you heard anything?’ Alice asked in a choked voice.  
Frank shook his head. ‘Not since they took her back,’ he gestured vaguely toward the set of doors to their right.  
‘Sodding hell,’ Alice muttered as she sat next to Frank, rubbing a hand over her face tiredly. ‘How did she get taken from Hogwarts?’  
‘We’d just made it into Hogsmeade,’ Sirius said quietly, turning back to the doors.  
When the doors did open, some two hours later, a healer came out to address a witch with big, slightly singed, hair, and an anxious face. She nodded solemnly as he talked, then followed him back behind the doors. And the waiting continued.  
After another couple of hours, Frank went home at Alice’s promise to update him when they received word. Yet another few hours later, Alice had just nodded off in her chair when another healer came through the doors, looking around the waiting room. When his gaze settled on the two of them, Sirius nudged Alice awake as the healer walked toward him.  
‘You’re here for Miss Nott?’  
Sirius sat up straight while Alice nodded rapidly. ‘Yes. How is Dara?’  
‘Are you family?’  
‘We’re as good as,’ said Alice.  
‘It’s her family that put her in here,’ Sirius said tersely.  
The healer nodded slowly, looking between them. ‘I’m Healer Roberts. I was part of the team that worked on Miss Nott. The knife that was used was cursed, and by the time we got to her, she had lost a great deal of blood, and the curse had spread through much of her system. We were finally able to stop the bleeding and contain the curse. She’s still in critical condition, though we’ve managed to stabilize her.’  
‘So, is she going to be ok?’ Alice said.  
‘We won’t know that for sure until she wakes up.’  
‘When do you expect that will be?’ said Sirius.  
The Healer Roberts looked between the two again, considering his words carefully. ‘Miss Nott isn’t out of the woods yet. Honestly, we’re not sure that she will wake up.’  
Alice’s face fell, and she looked down, blinking rapidly.  
Sirius swallowed thickly. ‘Can I see her?’  
Healer Roberts frowned. ‘Just briefly. She needs her rest. Five minutes.’ Sirius nodded and stood quickly, while Alice looked up at them.  
‘I’ll just go and inform Albus and then I’ll go home and let Frank know. I’ll come back to check on her in the morning. You’ll let the others know?’ Sirius nodded back at her before following Healer Roberts through the double doors. They walked down a long corridor and turned right, continuing down a second corridor, before they passed through another set of doors into a small ward where only one bed was occupied.  
‘What’s that glow around her?’ Sirius asked as they reached the bed.  
‘It’s a spell to regulate her breathing. She also has potions going to further rid her system of the curse, as well as replenish her blood.’  
Sirius nodded. ‘And… is she likely to recover? I mean…’  
Healer Roberts frowned thoughtfully. ‘Honestly, that’s not the type of thing I can answer for certain. It’s anyone’s guess really. I never would have thought she would make it this far, but here we are. She seems to be a fighter.’  
Sirius nodded again. ‘Definitely. She’s always been strong willed,’ he said quietly.  
Healer Roberts nodded. ‘Well, I’ll give you a few minutes alone.’  
As the healer left, Sirius took a seat next to Addy’s bed, looking at her worriedly, and taking her hand, noticing the blood-stained bandage around her forearm. She looked so small and pale. ‘I felt like I was just getting you back. And it wasn’t even you yet, not really. Not the real you. You’ve got to make it, so you can… you can be the real you again. Merlin… I never even got a chance to tell you how I… how much I fancy you…’ he said in a whisper as he reached up to brush the hair from her face. He noticed with a pang that she hadn’t reacted to his touch at all. ‘Come on Dara, you’ve got to pull through this. Pull through for me. Please…’ he sat there quietly for the rest of the time, which seemed like no time at all, just watching her chest rise and fall slowly, and taking small comfort in the warmth of her hand. When Healer Roberts returned, Sirius reluctantly stood and left the ward, heading toward the floo network. ‘Can I visit her tomorrow?’  
The healer nodded slowly. ‘Yes, but the same rules apply. Five minutes at a time.’  
‘You’ll contact me if anything changes?’  
‘Er… alright. Where can you be reached?’  
‘Potter Manor.’  
‘Alright,’ Healer Roberts nodded again. ‘We’ll let you know.’


	25. In Hospital

Sirius had left St Mungo’s in a daze and a whirl of green flames, coming into the Potter’s sitting room without really seeing, some time around dawn.   
‘How is she then?’ James’s voice broke through and Sirius’s head snapped up to find him sitting up on the couch where he had been laying.   
‘Er…’ How was she really? He wasn’t quite sure. ‘She’s critical but stable?’ he said, feeling more like he was regurgitating what he was told as he didn’t really know what it all had meant.   
‘What does that mean?’  
‘I don’t really know, honestly,’ Sirius frowned thoughtfully. ‘She had some spell breathing for her and the healer said something about potions?’ He ran a hand over his face exhaustedly.   
‘Well she’s alive at least…’ James said, trailing off at Sirius’s pointed frown. He didn’t appreciate James’s lack of tact just then.   
‘Yeah,’ Sirius huffed after a moment. ‘Look, do you mind letting everyone else know she’s… I don’t know? Just. I can’t…’ he shook his head. ‘Anymore.’ He suddenly felt completely knackered. He was so full of emotions at that point, some of them quite new to him, each of them warring within him for dominance. He didn’t even know how to begin to deal with a single one of them.   
‘Sure thing, Padfoot,’ James said with an expression of sympathetic understanding.   
‘Thanks mate.’   
James nodded and swiftly gave him a brotherly embrace, then watched Sirius amble out of the room staring blankly at the floor. James was at a loss for words himself, which was sure to be a first for the normally eloquent Marauder. He felt a bit overwhelmed just worrying for his friend, he couldn’t even begin to fathom how his best mate was feeling at the moment. He was sure he’d be just as out of sorts if it were Lily in this situation.   
Sirius stumbled up to his room, feeling like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He lay there in his bed for a long time, just tossing and turning, unable to stop the string of thoughts racing through his head. He dozed off a few times, but awoke with a start each time, imagining he had heard a strangled shriek. That seemed like it would stay with him for a while.  
Sirius and Alice had established a routine of visitation. Alice would come by in the morning, and Sirius would go by in the evening. Then they would leave each other notes at her bedside, or owl anything they felt was of importance. The healers had been able to get her off of the spell and she was breathing on her own again, but she still wasn’t awake. Alice would often sit and talk to her quietly, while Sirius would just sit and silently watch her breath in and out. Nothing had really changed in this routine, and after nearly a month Alice had brought Frank with her one morning as they stopped by on their way to work.   
‘The healers haven’t given you any new news?’ Frank asked, though they’d had this conversation a great many times.  
‘They say there isn’t any. They just keep saying she’s stable,’ Alice muttered as she sat next to her friend. ‘I really wish she’d just wake up…’  
‘Hmm. Maybe she’s just faking.’ Frank said, trying to sound lighthearted.  
‘She isn’t faking!’ Alice cried indignantly, not appreciating his humor.  
‘Or not,’ Frank coughed, smiling sheepishly. ‘Maybe she’s dreaming? Addy, wake up!’ he shouted.  
‘Frank!’ Alice started to chastise, but she was cut off by a loud gasp.   
Addy’s head jerked to the side and her eyelids fluttered, though remained closed.  
Alice’s eyes went wide; she squeaked as she jumped up and ran from the room.  
‘Addy?’ Frank said in shocked surprise, leaning forward and taking her hand.   
Addy’s head lolled toward him and her eyes cracked open. She let out a feeble whimper as Alice ran back in with a healer. ‘Miss Nott?’ Frank moved back as the healer came to her side.  
‘Addy?’ Alice said, while she took Addy’s hand on her other side. Addy turned her head toward Alice, breathing deeply, a tired smile spreading across her lips.  
‘Miss Nott, can you hear me?’  
Addy hummed, her eyelids drifting shut again.  
‘Addy!’ The healer shook Addy’s shoulder roughly and Addy grimaced, sucking in a deep breath sharply. ‘Addy, open your eyes for me!’ Addy groaned hoarsely, her head lolling away from the healer. ‘Addy! Open your eyes for me!’ the healer said loudly, as she reached down and rubbed her knuckles into Addy’s chest; Addy’s eyes snapped open to gaze around the room wildly, her brow knit together, and she began breathing heavily, as pained and panicked whimpers escaped her.  
‘Addy?’ Alice said soothingly.   
Addy’s eyes snapped toward Alice, her vision appearing clouded, and another panicked whimper projected loudly from her.  
‘Addy, it’s me. It’s Alice. It’s alright. You’re safe now,’ Alice soothed, as she squeezed Addy’s hand.  
Addy whimpered painfully, but her expression seemed to relax a bit, her brow unknitting, and she blinked slowly back at Alice.  
‘Can you tell me your name?’ the healer said loudly. Addy’s head lolled over to gaze at the healer, a look of confusion on her face. ‘Is your name Adhara? Adhara Nott?’ Addy frowned. ‘Is your name Addy?’   
‘Hm, yes,’ Addy whispered hoarsely.   
‘And do you recognize this witch?’ the healer said, as she pointed toward Alice.  
Addy blinked slowly and appeared to be attempting to focus her gaze. ‘Yes,’ she whispered again after a moment.  
Alice beamed back at her.  
‘This is certainly an improvement, but she’ll still have a great deal ahead of her. We’ll have to get her started on her potion regimen by mouth, and once she’s able to tolerate that, hopefully we’ll see an increased rate in her recovery.’  
‘So, will that take a long time as well?’ Alice asked.  
‘It’s difficult to give a specific timeline for certain. That much is entirely up to Addy.’ Alice nodded slowly, trying to take it all in. She had begun to wonder if Addy would ever wake up. ‘I think Miss Nott has had enough excitement for now though. We’d like to start her on her potions straight away, so she’ll need some privacy here for the time being.’  
Alice nodded again. ‘Of course. I’ll come back again tomorrow. Thank you.’  
‘Are you going to owl Sirius then?’ Frank asked as they left the room together.  
‘No,’ Alice said determinedly. ‘I’m going to go tell him in person. Right now.’  
‘Oh,’ Frank said, sounding surprised. ‘Ok. We better hurry up then.’   
Alice nodded, heading for the floo.

‘Sirius! Sirius!’   
Sirius awoke with a start, finding Alice shaking him frantically, with Frank and Mrs. Potter stood in the doorway.  
‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ Sirius asked, sitting bolt upright in his bed.  
Alice grinned back at him. ‘Addy’s awake.’  
‘What?’ he yelped, jumping out of the bed. ‘She’s awake? When did this happen?’ he asked distractedly as he pulled on a jumper.  
‘Just now,’ Alice said. ‘Just before I got here. I thought you’d want to know right away.’  
‘You thought right,’ Sirius said, trying to slow his breathing. ‘Right. I’m going to see her.’  
‘You may want to give it a bit, mate,’ Frank interjected. ‘The healer said something about starting her potions.’  
‘I don’t care,’ Sirius shook his head. ‘I have to see her.’  
‘Sirius, sweetheart. Perhaps you should take a shower first? Or at least put on some trousers?’ Mrs. Potter chastised softly.  
Sirius looked down, suddenly realizing he was stood there in his pants. ‘Right,’ Sirius nodded. ‘Ok, shower first. Then Dara.’

Some twenty minutes later, Sirius entered the hospital room where Dara had been kept, only to stop in his tracks when he found two healers at her bedside, pinning her down as she shrieked hoarsely.  
‘No, don’t! Please!’   
‘Come on, Addy. You need to take your potions if you want to get better.’  
‘You want to get better, don’t you?’  
‘Dara?’ Sirius choked out.  
The two healers’ heads snapped towards him.  
‘You shouldn’t be here right now,’ one healer said stonily.  
‘What are you doing to her?’  
‘We are trying to treat her. She needs to be able to start taking her potions by mouth if she wants to improve,’ the second healer stated.  
‘Do you really have to hold her down like that?’ Sirius said, stepping forward.  
‘Please, make it stop,’ Dara cried feebly.  
The first healer frowned. ‘She was fighting us.’  
‘Well, maybe she didn’t understand, but I hardly think holding her down is going to help. You do know what happened to her?’ Sirius said in a measure tone.  
‘Yes, of course we know what happened to her. But we really need to treat her,’ the second healer said tersely.  
‘Can I be of any help, maybe?’  
The two healers shared a look and the one on the side closest to Sirius nodded curtly, stepping away. ‘Perhaps.’  
Sirius moved in quickly to occupy the space the healer had just vacated, taking up Dara’s hand in both of his. ‘Dara?’   
She reacted immediately, curling her body toward him and clinging desperately to his hands; her eyes were glazed, and she seemed to be trying to focus on him while breaking into hoarse sobs. ‘Sirius?’ she whispered.  
Sirius smiled. ‘Yeah,’ he said quietly, brushing the tears from her cheeks. ‘It’s alright. You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you now,’ he soothed.  
Dara closed her eyes. ‘They were holding me down again…’   
‘I know,’ Sirius said in a choked whisper. ‘They were trying to help you, but they won’t do that anymore. You don’t have to worry. You’re safe, ok?’  
‘Ok,’ she said in shaky voice.  
‘Can you take your potion for me? Your medicine? It will help you get better.’  
‘Ok,’ she whispered.  
The healer that was still stood on the opposite side of the bed handed a small vial of potion to Sirius, and he carefully tipped it into Dara’s mouth. She seemed to gag before she swallowed multiple times, letting out a groan of disgust. ‘That tastes terrible,’ she whimpered.  
‘I know, but it will make you feel better,’ Sirius said quietly.  
Dara smiled weakly at him, before her expression morphed into one of sorrow. ‘I was so scared,’ she whispered, as tears pooled in her eyes again.   
‘Me too,’ Sirius whispered back as he brushed the tear dampened hair from her face. He swallowed thickly and had to take a moment to compose himself. Which seemed to be just as well, since her eyes drifted shut again, and her breathing slowed peacefully. He watched her sleep for a moment before the one of the healers told him he needed to leave again and let her have her rest. 

After a few days, Sirius arrived at a much different scene. Where before, Dara had been quiet and weepy, now she was loud and… ‘She’s delirious,’ the healer stated solemnly. ‘Her wound has become infected. I’m afraid she won’t be allowed visitors for a while now. She’s being quarantined.’  
‘NO! I don’t want to ride on the hippogriff!’ Dara slurred, her head rolling toward where Sirius was stood in the doorway. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her skin appeared to have taken on a greenish tinge. ‘He’ll ride the hippogriff I’d wager!’ She pointed a shaky finger his way before giggling drunkenly and flopping back on the pillows.   
Sirius nodded slowly, frowning. ‘Will you inform me when she’s allowed visitors again?’  
‘We’ll do our best,’ the healer had said vaguely.

Addy’s consciousness was thready, and she could only recall short flashes of activity for what she later found to be several weeks: bright light, muffled voices, Frank Longbottom, more bright light, white walls and stiff sheets, terrible tastes in her mouth, puddles of sick on while tiled floor, the soft voice and warm smile of Alice, a large, warm hand holding hers tightly. When she finally came round and was fully aware, Addy realized with a start she was in St Mungo’s, a strange gown on her person, and a nasty scar across her arm. The word TRAITOR etched in a deep angry pink, brought memories of that day to her mind and she stared at the wall opposite feeling completely empty and utterly alone. Not just alone in the sense that hers was the only bed occupied in the long ward, but she felt that she truly had no one she could talk to, count on, trust… After she had woken fully, over the next few days, the healers updated Addy on her injuries and informed her it was going into the second week of August; Frank and Alice returned to tell her that she had been found nearly dead in an abandoned house outside Banchory under the dark mark; after that they had her recount her memories of that day and everyone she had known to be there. ‘When are they releasing you?’ Alice asked, when Addy’s story was done and Frank had left them.  
‘Next day or so,’ Addy gave a feeble shrug.   
‘You’ll come stay with us then,’ Alice said matter-of-fact.  
Addy shook her head. ‘You don’t have to-‘  
‘Do you have anywhere else to go?’ Alice cut her off. Addy frowned, looking down at the bedclothes. ‘That’s what I thought. So, you’ll come stay with us. End of,’ she said sternly, when Addy made to protest.  
‘But I don’t want to be a burden to you Alice. You don’t need the kind of trouble that would cause.’  
Alice shook her head admonishingly. ‘I can take care of myself. And I’ve got Frank. You needn’t worry about us.’  
Addy swallowed thickly. ‘I just don’t want to be the reason for anyone else-’  
‘Don’t you dare,’ Alice said fiercely, causing Addy to look up at her sharply. ‘Don’t you dare blame yourself.’  
‘Why shouldn’t I?’ Addy said quietly. ‘It was because of me. They all-’  
‘No Addy! It wasn’t. None of that was your fault. This isn’t your fault. You were just trying to help. To do the right thing.’  
‘But it didn’t help! I didn’t help anyone! I couldn’t even help myself,’ Addy cried feebly.   
‘Don’t give me that Addy! Dumbledore told me all you’ve done. And everything that’s happened… no one blames you for any of that. It is not your fault, you hear me? You can’t control anyone else’s actions. Especially not a lot of Death Eaters. So, don’t shut us out. Don’t shut out the people that care about you because of this Addy. You are not alone in this. If you let them… if you isolate yourself because of what’s happened… they’ve won. Don’t let them win.’  
Addy bit her lip, nodding at her lap as she blinked rapidly against the burning in her eyes. Maybe she wasn’t so alone, but she was still just so afraid of what might happen to Alice, to any of them…  
Next day Addy was released, and Alice took her to her and Frank’s small one bedroom, where Addy had agreed to take up residence on their couch for the two remaining weeks of summer holiday. ‘You should owl Sirius,’ Alice had said the morning after she had brought Addy back to hers, before she would depart for work. Addy looked up at her, confused. ‘He visited you every day. At least, until he was told he couldn’t,’ Alice went on.  
‘He did?’ Addy said, blushing suddenly. She didn’t remember him having been there. She could only imagine the ridiculous thing she had said or done. Merlin, how embarrassing.   
‘Of course he did, Addy,’ Alice said admonishingly.   
Addy blushed even deeper at that. Despite Alice’s encouragement, Addy still didn’t feel like she should matter all that much to anyone, let alone... How does one go from feeling utterly worthless, to accepting that maybe you weren’t? Addy really didn’t know…  
Since Frank was a new Auror working days, and Alice was still in Auror training, Addy spent much of that time alone, which most often was spent sleeping, though she did manage to make a trip to Diagon Alley with Alice to kip her school supplies for the coming year. While Addy was unsure what was for her now after Hogwarts, she had decided to continue on her previously planned path toward being a healer. Even if that career didn’t end up being in the cards for her, she decided that focusing all her attention to things like her schoolwork and quidditch would therefore not afford her any time to focus on things like the ever-present weight inside her chest. She didn’t know what it meant, but she did know she didn’t want to dwell on it.


	26. Back to School, Back to School

Back on the platform Addy glided through the crowds feeling oddly detached, as though she were watching the scene from somewhere far off. She found an empty compartment and settled in to the corner, resting her head against the cool glass of the window and drifting off.  
Sirius came to a stop outside the compartment where Dara was sat, dosing against the window, her cheek pressed against the glass and her breath creating a small circle of fog. Her hair was lighter, and he could see a pink tinge in her cheeks. After the last time he had seen her, he took a small solace in the fact that she seemed to finally be healthy, or at least on the way there. He hadn’t heard from St Mungo’s after she’d been quarantined, but he had gotten her one and only owl, which simply stated that while she had been released from St Mungo’s she would still be on her potion regimen for the remainder of holiday, but she was safe and not to worry. She had said she didn’t quite feel up to any visits at the time and that she would see him at Hogwarts. It was so vague that he wondered if he should continue to bother… was she even interested? He turned and continued down the corridor toward the Marauder’s usual compartment.   
‘Did you see her?’ James asked immediately.  
Sirius nodded. ‘She was sleeping though.’  
‘Already?’ Remus said.  
Sirius shrugged and decided he needed a new topic of conversation. ‘I still can’t believe you’re head boy. Dumbledore must have completely lost his marbles.’  
‘He must have seen my fantastic leadership skills on the pitch last year,’ James said easily.  
‘That or he has a very strange sense of humor,’ Remus said dryly.   
‘Do you know who’s head girl?’ Peter asked, glancing between them.  
James and Sirius shook their heads while Remus smirked and hid behind his book. He had an idea…

Mary, Lily, and Marlene stopped outside the compartment they had found Addy to be sleeping in, breathing a sigh of relief. Marlene had gotten a short owl from Alice, who she kept up correspondence with, telling her that Addy had been released from St Mungo’s, but there was something about seeing her in person. They entered the compartment quietly, placing their trunks on the rack, glancing nervously at Addy, though she hadn’t stirred.  
‘Should we…?’ Mary gestured toward Addy.  
Lily shook her head. ‘Let her sleep.’  
Addy awoke some time later to someone shaking her shoulder gently. ‘We’ll be at Hogwarts soon. We should get our robes on.’ She opened her eyes to see the bright green of Lily Evans’s gaze and her slightly forced, but warm smile, as Marlene pulled the blinds shut.   
‘Addy, how are you?’ Mary asked as she pulled her robes and uniform out of her trunk. The pity in Mary’s eyes was echoed on Marlene and Lily’s faces, and Addy bristled, struggling to quell the anger that had swelled inside her.  
‘Oh, fantastic. There’s just something about being tortured by your father that really boosts your confidence,’ Addy said sarcastically. Mary’s and Lily’s eyes went wide in surprise, but Marlene immediately howled with laughter.   
‘Oh, thank Merlin for that,’ Marlene laughed out. ‘Although I had an inkling with your new hair. But does this mean you won’t be moping about all year? Again?’ she said pointedly.  
‘I don’t need your pity,’ Addy seethed.  
‘It’s not pity!’ Marlene shouted. ‘Excuse us for genuinely caring about you! We know how difficult it was for you, but we just had to sit around and wait to find out if you were going to be ok! It was difficult for us too!’  
‘We’re just so happy you are ok,’ Lily said softly.  
Addy’s temper deflated immediately, and she felt thoroughly chastised. ‘Sorry,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m still just so… angry.’  
‘S’alright,’ Marlene said easily. ‘But you only get the one free pass, mind.’   
Addy nodded quickly.  
With the tension effectively cut, Mary and Lily finally relaxed a bit, smiling.  
‘How were your summers?’ Addy hedged, glancing around as she stood to collect her robes from her trunk and pulled them on over her long sleeved black dress while the other girls changed into their own robes.  
‘Well,’ Lily spoke first, smiling shyly. ‘Most of it was dreadfully boring. Petunia got this new boyfriend that’s even more dull than she is. He sells drills.’  
‘Drills?’ Addy said in confusion.   
‘Yes, drills,’ Lily went on without clarification, and Addy became a bit lost for a portion of the story as she had a think on that detail. ‘His name is Vernon. And honestly, he looks a bit like a walrus, what with his giant neck. Really it almost looks as though he has no neck, it’s so… so fat,’ Lily said with a grimace.  
‘Well, with your sister having an exceptionally long neck, that should be quite the site to see. A couple with noteworthy necks,’ Marlene said thoughtfully.  
Addy’s eyebrows shot up her forehead and she glanced at Lily, who was frowning. They felt the train come to a stop, and Addy and Mary stood.  
Mary cleared her throat. ‘So, that was the boring bit. What else went on?’  
Lily perked up a bit at that. ‘Well,’ she smiled, straightening her robes as she stood. ‘I received some rather exciting news.’  
The only thing Addy could see from her vantage point was Lily’s prefect badge, but Mary, who was stood next to Lily, grinned widely. ‘Head girl? Lily, that’s fantastic!’  
‘That is exciting news,’ Marlene said, smiling too.  
‘Not surprising though,’ Addy said fairly, and the other girls turned their gazes to her as they left the compartment. ‘Who else would it be? The rest of them are daft.’  
‘Hmm, that’s true,’ Marlene laughed. ‘Could you imagine it being Lefaye?’  
‘Ew,’ Addy said, her face scrunching in distaste.  
‘Do you know who head boy is?’ Mary asked.  
‘No, not yet. The letter just outlined my expectations as head girl,’ Lily said with a small shrug. ‘I do hope it’s Remus though. I don’t think I could deal with Corner all year.’  
‘He is a bit of a tosser,’ Mary nodded.  
‘A bit,’ Addy snorted derisively.   
‘Oh, he’s a complete tosser,’ Marlene countered as they climbed into a carriage.  
‘At least he’d be better than Rosier,’ Addy said quietly.  
‘True,’ Marlene said, her eyes going wide. They rode the rest of the way to the castle in contemplative silence.  
Mary’s brow knitted as they climbed out. ‘Let’s just hope it’s Remus.’

Sirius saw her at the back of their little group of four ascending the castle steps, her head bowed, as the carriage he was sat in came to a stop, and he was jumping down and shouting ‘Dara’ before he could think on it. But any doubts he would have had slipped away when she had turned around with a soft smile on her lips, the wind blowing her hair lightly across her face.   
James saw the look on his best mate’s face and smiled, sharing a look with Remus, before he clapped Sirius on the back; they skirted around Addy, who didn’t seem to notice them, and into the entrance hall. Lily had paused outside the doors to the Great Hall, and turned, most probably to look for Addy, and spotted Remus, James, and Peter approaching. Her gaze flitted over Remus, and his obvious lack of head boy badge, her expression turning to one of worry, before it stilled on the shiny red glint of metal on James’s robes, and her expression became confused. ‘Is this some sort of joke?’ Lily said slowly. ‘Are you two having a laugh?’  
‘Oh Lily, you’re head girl?’ James exclaimed. ‘I suppose that means we’ll be working together a lot this year!’  
Lily’s brow knitted together, and she turned her questioning gaze from James to Remus. ‘What?’  
Remus held his hands up in mock surrender. ‘I was just as surprised as anyone.’  
Lily’s eyes widened in surprise and she looked back to James. ‘This… it’s true then? You’re head boy?’ she cried. ‘How is that even possible? You weren’t even a prefect!’  
James shrugged, grinning broadly. ‘Guess Dumbledore just knew I’d be the best man for the job.’   
Lily seemed to be struggling with her emotions as she looked between James and Remus. ‘But…’  
‘Come on Lily,’ James said, throwing an arm around her shoulders. ‘The welcoming feast.’ He led them into the hall, and Lily was still too busy trying to work out her thoughts to even mind.  
Addy heard the call and turned around quickly, trying to push the hair behind her ears even as she felt her cheeks heat up. His hair had grown longer and just the right amount was shading his jaw. Merlin, did he get even more gorgeous? Is that even possible? He shouldn’t be allowed to smile at me like that… No Addy! You’re not thinking about things like that now. Focus! She shook the thought from her head. ‘Sirius,’ she said out loud.   
‘Your hair. It’s lighter yeah?’  
Addy nodded. ‘I needed a change.’  
‘I like it. It suits you.’  
Addy felt herself blush again. ‘Did you grow again? You look taller.’  
Sirius shrugged, grinning, and they turned to walk into the entrance hall behind the other seventh year Gryffindors. ‘Welcome back party Friday. We’re having a bonfire. Will you come?’   
‘You mean tomorrow?’  
‘Alright, next Friday,’ Sirius amended.  
Addy shrugged one shoulder, tilting her head to the side. ‘We’ll see.’  
Sirius frowned.  
‘Don’t worry,’ Mary said, as Addy sat next to her at Gryffindor table and Sirius sat opposite. ‘I’ll make sure she gets there.’  
Addy narrowed her eyes but deigned to respond verbally as Sirius grinned again, and she was otherwise distracted; but something next to Sirius’s smiling face quickly caught her eye. Lily was caught up in some sort of quarrel with James, only it seemed fairly tame to Addy in comparison to previous years. In fact, she was quite certain that Lily was suppressing a smile.   
‘Yes, I noticed it too,’ Remus said from his spot next to Addy, effectively startling her. ‘Sorry,’ Remus chuckled.   
Addy shook her head. ‘You must be particularly adept at sneaking about,’ she said wryly, making Remus hum in agreement, before she turned back to look curiously at the spectacle that was James and Lily. ‘What’s going on?’  
‘Ah, James is head boy.’  
‘No! Are you serious?’  
‘Course he’s not, I am,’ Sirius chimed in. Addy shot him a half-annoyed glare. ‘But yes, Prongsie here is our new head!’ he exclaimed, clapping James on the back.  
‘Hmm. Merlin save us all,’ Addy lamented quietly. ‘He barely has enough to serve himself, let alone the rest of us.’  
‘Nah, even Lily always shouts about his head being especially large,’ Marlene countered from the other side of Mary.  
‘Besides, he has plenty of experience leading these yahoos around,’ Mary added.  
‘Nice use of the word yahoos, by the way,’ Addy said appreciatively.  
‘Thank you,’ Mary grinned widely.  
‘But I see your point,’ Addy went on. ‘And even I must admit, he is a good captain.’  
‘Why, thank you Addy. I’ll take that as the highest praise coming from you,’ said James.  
‘As well you should,’ she said, sticking her nose into the air in mock arrogance. ‘But don’t you have to be a prefect first?’  
‘Not technically,’ Lily huffed. ‘Dumbledore’s gone mental,’ she said despondently. 

After the first years had been sorted and the feast had been finished, Dumbledore made his usual announcements and sent them all to bed. Lily, Remus, and now James, along with the fifth and sixth year prefects, were tasked with shunting the first years toward Gryffindor tower and their respective dorms, and Addy quietly followed the remainder of her little year group up the marble staircase. When the four girls had finally settled into the seventh year Gryffindor girls’ dorm, and were preparing for bed, Addy turned to Mary and Marlene. ‘So, Lily’s said how her summer was. What about you two?’  
‘Well, my family had a reunion in Scotland for the first bit of holiday,’ Mary started.  
Addy nodded. ‘And how is Uncle Dent head?’  
Mary smiled. ‘Still off his rocker.’ Marlene laughed. ‘But then we went to France for the second bit. To celebrate Sarah’s graduation and getting into healer training.’  
‘Ah, France. Es-tu alle a Paris? J’adore Paris. La ville de la Lumiere et de l’amour. Elle est ballottee par les vagues mais ne coule pas. Fluctuat nec mergitur. Suis-je le seul qui trouve etrange que la devise Parisienne soit une expression latine?’   
Lily and Mary looked at Addy strangely while Marlene rolled her eyes. ‘Come on Addy, the rest of us weren’t forced to learn French.’  
Addy shrugged. ‘Eh bien, c’est dommage pour vous. C’est une belle langue.’  
‘I didn’t know you knew French,’ Lily added thoughtfully.  
Addy shrugged again. ‘Right up there with etiquette and ballet.’  
‘Any roads,’ Marlene rolled her eyes again. ‘You went to France?’   
Mary nodded.  
‘Did you go to Paris?’ Addy said.  
‘Yeah,’ Mary said, grinning suddenly.  
Addy’s eyebrows raised in question. ‘And how was it?’  
‘Alright,’ Mary shrugged casually. ‘I had a torrid affair while we were there.’  
A small smile tugged at Addy’s lips. This sounds interesting. ‘You have my attention.’  
Mary’s smile broadened, and Marlene sniggered. Lily smirked and glanced between Mary and Addy as Mary started her story of how her family had gone to France over holiday and she had met tall, dark, Michelle. They had virtually nothing in common aside from attraction, but she had thoroughly enjoyed herself. As Mary began to tell them of their various dalliances, Addy nearly joined in the other’s laughter. ‘So, I’m thinking, is now really the best time for eye contact? I mean, it’s a little awkward innit? Like, just focus on the task at hand yeah?’  
‘But is it the task at hand?’ Marlene said, smiling wickedly.  
Mary grinned. ‘It can be.’  
‘Not if they’re doing it right,’ Marlene countered.   
‘That can be awkward,’ Addy agreed quietly. Almost as awkward as listening to this conversation, Addy thought to herself. Though she’d rather talk about this than… other things. She glanced at Lily, and if the frown on Lily’s face was any indication, she was just as uncomfortable as Addy was. Marlene and Mary had obviously grown quite close, and open with each, over the years. Although honestly, they were that open with everyone. It was one of the things Addy loved most about them. Addy realized suddenly how much she had missed in the last year. Maybe she should start smoking again so she could relax enough to catch up…? Nah. Probably not.  
Marlene nodded. ‘Right up there with them pushing your head down when you ‘return the favor.’’   
‘Or when they give entirely too much attention up top. I mean really, what are you, a cat? Move along already.’  
‘Still not as bad as when they stick it in your face.’ Marlene stuck her hands on her hips and closed one eye. ‘It’s like you’ve got no choice then. It’s lookin right atcha.’  
Mary laughed loudly, and Addy smirked. ‘Point.’  
‘Unless they don’t have much of a point,’ said Marlene.   
Mary sniggered.  
‘Have erm…’ Lily hesitated as she sat down on her bed. ‘Have you…?’ her eyes widened as she looked around at them all.   
Addy nodded slowly.  
‘Oh, definitely, haven’t you?’ Marlene said, eyebrows raised.  
Even in the dim lighting of the room, Addy could see Lily’s cheeks flare. ‘Well, no.’  
Marlene shrugged. ‘You should. It’s brilliant. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.’  
Lily’s head inclined so her hair would fall forward, blocking her face. ‘I’m not knocking it. I just… haven’t really had anyone to do that with,’ she said quietly.   
‘Oh, but you could,’ Marlene said, grinning wickedly. ‘I’m sure Mr. Potter wouldn’t mind if you sat on his face.’ Addy’s eyes widened and she pressed her lips together, while Mary’s stifled laugh turned into a coughing fit.   
Lily’s face turned as red as her hair while she scoffed. ‘That will never happen!’  
‘Sure, Lils,’ Marlene said. ‘Keep telling yourself that.’  
‘Honestly, are you trying to convince us, or yourself? Mary added, grinning.  
Lily scoffed again. ‘I do not fancy Potter!’  
‘Ok Lily,’ Addy said placatingly. Lily frowned and shot Addy a halfhearted glare.  
‘And who exactly have you been… with?’ Mary said, looking pointedly at Marlene. ‘What happened with Remus?’  
Marlene shrugged.  
‘Do you not fancy him anymore?’ Lily asked.  
‘I do,’ Marlene said, her breath coming out in an exasperated sigh. ‘But does he fancy me?’  
‘Course he does,’ Addy said.  
Marlene looked at her sharply. ‘I’m not so sure. Yeah, one moment he’s all nice and flirty, and we snogged that one time, but the next he acts as though I smell, or I hexed his rabbit.’  
‘I don’t know why that’d be a bad thing at this point, it’s such a problem,’ Mary said.   
Addy frowned at that.  
‘He’s so hot and cold. He doesn’t act as though he wants it to ever work out. So, what am I to do? Wait around while he figures it out?’  
Addy’s frown turned thoughtful after a moment and she looked back at Marlene. ‘So, who was it then?’  
Marlene grinned. ‘Mate of Dan’s he met in Auror training. Darren. He’s so bloody perfect. Almost too perfect.’  
Addy’s nose wrinkled in distaste.   
‘One of those?’ Mary said with a frown.  
Marlene tilted her head. ‘I found myself searching for some sort of flaw you know? Nobody can be that perfect yeah? Once I thought he’d farted. But then I realized it was just me.’  
Mary and Lily sniggered.  
‘That sounds dreadfully boring,’ Addy said. ‘Why keep him around?’  
‘Because he’s perfect. At everything,’ Marlene said, her eyes widening. ‘Perfect,’ she whispered, closing her eyes and throwing her head back as she flopped down onto the duvet.  
‘So, are you two…?’ Mary queried.   
Marlene propped herself up on an elbow. ‘Nah,’ she waved the question away. ‘We’ll never see each other now. It was just a bit of fun.’  
‘I can understand that,’ Addy nodded.

Next day Addy went down to breakfast where they received their timetables as usual and went to their few classes they would have on Fridays, double Transfiguration in the mornings, and double Defense Against the Dark Arts after lunch. The professors went straight into the syllabi for the year and expectations for N.E.W.T.s. Come Monday she had potions, then charms, and double herbology after lunch. Upon leaving greenhouse seven, Addy felt someone tug on her sleeve and whisper her name. She turned to find Carina gesturing surreptitiously to the side before she slipped around the back of the greenhouse. Addy followed after having told Mary, Lily, and Marlene, she would catch them up. ‘What do you want Carina?’ Addy said, sighing warily.  
‘Look Adhara… Addy,’ Carina amended hastily. ‘I know we’ve never really been friends. Not really. And that’s my fault. I never knew how to just… be myself. Be a friend. But, I want to be your friend. I always have. I just… you know how dreadful they can all be. I guess I just found it easier to go along. To be indifferent,’ she shrugged. ‘But… I heard what happened to you…’ her face scrunched, ‘And that was just awful. But it made me realize just… that everything is changing. And where everything is going. We’re losing people. And I don’t want to lose you without ever having had the chance to really be your friend,’ she glanced around. ‘Look, I can’t be brave like you-‘  
Here Addy scoffed. ‘Brave? I’m hardly brave.’  
‘Yes, you are. Braver than me at least,’ Carina added. Addy hummed thoughtfully, her lips pursing. ‘Can we be friends? Really this time?’  
‘But in secret?’ Addy said skeptically.  
‘Well, like I said, I can’t be brave… but I want us to be friends. Like, really be friends. You were the best friend I ever had.’  
‘That’s pretty sad,’ Addy said.  
‘I know,’ Carina sighed. ‘And I didn’t want to stop being your friend back in first year, I just… wasn’t-‘  
‘Brave?’ Addy rolled her eyes.  
‘Well, yes,’ Carina squirmed uncomfortably. ‘But, you know last year, I felt as if we were back to being friends. If only for a little bit. And I don’t want to lose that again.’  
‘So, what do you suggest then?’ Addy gestured vaguely. ‘We only have the one class together. And Habiba has it as well.’  
‘The library?’ Carina posed.  
Addy shook her head. ‘We’ll figure something out I suppose.’  
Carina nodded and smiled gratefully. ‘Ok. Brilliant.’

The rest of the first week went on rather quickly, with the Professors immediately prattling on about N.E.W.T.s and piling up the coursework; Addy did still find herself spacing out, though she would quickly force herself to focus, and she really didn’t seem to have time to have a think on anything other than her studies, to the point that Mary didn’t have to convince her to go to the party on Friday at all; by that time Addy felt she could do with a good knees up. So, that night the four seventh year Gryffindor girls got ready together (Lily somewhat apprehensively, being head girl). Addy dressed in a red shift dress with her combat boots and leather jacket, lining her eyes with coal and heavy mascara, and leaving her hair to flow down her back in its natural waves. The four of them made their way down to the grounds between the forest and the edge of the lake. Someone must have cast some heavy silencing and disillusionment charms, as once they crossed what must have been the perimeter of the party, they were met with loud music and a mass of people around a massive bonfire. It looked like just about everyone from fifth year up from Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and obviously Gryffindor, were there.   
‘Let’s get drinks, yeah?’ Mary said.  
‘Yeah,’ said Addy, while Marlene and Lily nodded, and they made their way over to the drinks table.  
‘Hey, Addy!’ she heard said from behind as she poured herself a firewhiskey, making her glance over her shoulder.  
‘Er… hi… Ben…’ she looked at Lily with wide eyes, who returned the look while sipping a butterbeer.  
‘Uh… it’s Bertram actually.’  
Shite. She still couldn’t remember his name. ‘Of course…’ Addy smiled tightly and sipped her firewhiskey, glancing around.  
‘Oh, I love this song! Let’s dance!’ Marlene said suddenly, grabbing Addy’s hand and pulling her away.  
Addy smiled and swallowed her mouthful of whiskey. ‘Ok. Later Barry!’  
Lily sniggered from beside Addy. ‘His name is Bertram. It’s really not that hard.’  
‘Whatever,’ Addy waved a hand. ‘He’s a bit of a numpty either way.’  
They continued to drink while they danced for some time. Addy was finally starting to feel at ease until a figure sitting at the edge of the fire, staring intently at her, gave her pause. Her breath hitched, and she nearly stumbled at the intensity in Sirius’s gaze. Addy quirked a brow in question and saw the corners of his mouth twitch upward in a suppressed smile. She wasn’t sure she liked the way it made her heart flutter.  
‘Addy, try this!’ Mary proclaimed, shoving what looked to be chocolate cake into Addy’s hands.  
‘Ok…’ Addy said, popping it in her mouth without question. ‘Nice. What is it?’  
‘Well, it’s chocolate cake…’ Mary said slowly. Addy gave Mary a look and she hastily added, ‘I’m not really sure what’s in them. Those Hufflepuffs gave them to me.’ Mary shrugged, chewing on her own cake like it was nothing. Addy frowned, but deciding there was nothing she could do about it now, shrugged back. Marlene and Lily disappeared somewhere, and Addy continued to dance with Mary, feeling the effects of the cake before they were joined by… buggar, what was his name? And some friend.  
‘Hey Addy. And… Mary isn’t it?’  
‘It is,’ Mary nodded clumsily. ‘And who might you be?’ she said, giving him a once over.  
‘Oh, this is Ba… something with a B… Bloggs. Old Joe Bloggs. And his trusty sidekick… er. Jock.’ Mary snorted while Joe frowned.  
‘It’s Bertram. And this is Richard.’ Addy shook her head. She would never remember that.  
‘Ah, Bert and Dick,’ Mary nodded in mock interest. ‘It’s always nice to meet a good Dick.’ Addy grinned. ‘And Bert,’ Mary added.  
‘So…’ Addy said slowly, not really knowing what to say, then suddenly remembering this kid had been wary of Snuffles. ‘You take divination, right?’ He nodded. ‘What classes do you take other than divination, Mr. Superstitious?’  
‘Er…’ he fumbled with his drink and looked down. ‘Care of Magical Creatures.’  
‘Oh?’ said Addy. He nodded and glanced up at her. ‘Do you like animals then?’ He nodded again. ‘Do you have a familiar?’  
He nodded, looking up. ‘Want to see me feed a mouse to my snake?’  
Addy started in surprise and glanced at Mary who was watching with a bemused expression. ‘Yes.’ Addy forgot all about how uncomfortable he usually made her as she followed him back to his room where he had his pet snake hidden beneath his bed; Mary teased him a bit for having an unauthorized familiar as a prefect. Addy found watching the snake detach its jaw and swallow the tiny white mouse strangely mesmerizing. That is, until everything around her started melting away.  
Sirius had caught sight of Dara straight away from his spot drinking firewhiskey next to the fire. She looked beautiful as always, as her hair seemed to glow in the fire light. He watched as she got herself a drink and then began dancing with Marlene, Mary and Lily following closely. At least he didn’t have to worry about her being attacked just yet, she never seemed to be alone anymore. Her girlfriends had missed her presence last year just as much as he had. Sirius had vowed to himself that he wasn’t going to let another year go to waste, he just had to wait for the right time. He didn’t want to push her into anything too soon, before she was ready. That is, if she would ever be ready, if she was interested at all. James and Remus would insist she was, but he wasn’t too sure. He’d just have to watch her. Watch and wait for the right time. He thought all these things over as he drank his firewhiskey and watched as Dara continued dancing while the other three drifted away without her notice. Then suddenly she seemed to catch sight of him, as she stopped to look back at him, and Sirius fought to keep the embarrassed smile from his face at having been caught out. But then Mary came back, handing something to Dara, and just like that her attention was shifted and the spell was broken. That weird Aubrey kid from Hufflepuff came up to her, no doubt to bother her again, and then suddenly Dara was actually walking away with him back to the castle. Sirius waited a moment, but really, he didn’t need to have a think on it; he was following before he even realized what he was doing. He had barely made it to the entrance hall before Remus, perceptive as ever, caught him up.  
‘What are you doing? I thought you were going to give her some space? You’ll scare her off.’  
‘I don’t trust the looks of that Aubrey kid. He was always bothering her last year,’ Sirius said evasively.  
Remus shook his head. ‘Mary was with her. And anyway. Aubrey is a prefect. He may be weird, but he’s not that bad.’  
Sirius squirmed. ‘I just don’t want anything to happen to her again.’  
‘Anything? But that would mean that nothing would happen to her.’  
‘What?’  
‘Good or bad,’ Remus clarified.   
‘You know what I meant Moony.’  
‘You!’ a new voice shouted. Remus sniggered as Sirius started and turned toward the familiar voice, seeing Dara looking across the entrance hall from near the entrance to the Hufflepuff dormitories at him, and quite intensely at that. ‘What, are you following me now?’ she said as she crossed the hall toward him.   
‘Er…’ Sirius didn’t know how to answer that, but it didn’t seem as though she was really going to wait for an answer. She didn’t even seem to notice Remus, who had shuffled to the side toward the stairs. When Dara had reached Sirius, she reached up and ran her hand down his face without pretense, and his expression morphed into one of delighted surprise.  
‘I saw you,’ she said, leaning into him and looking up into his face with an expression of wonder.  
‘What?’ Sirius mumbled distractedly.   
‘You were looking at me like… I don’t know… why were you looking at me like that? What was that?’  
‘I always look at you like that,’ he said quietly.  
‘Like what exactly?’  
‘Like… I fancy you,’ he breathed out.  
Her eyebrows shot up her forehead and Sirius could see Remus almost flinch from the corner of his eye. ‘You do?’ Sirius nodded slowly, feeling his heart rate pick up. ‘But… I’ve never seen you look at me like that before.’  
‘Then you weren’t looking properly.’  
Her brow knitted. ‘Why would I be looking for that from you?’  
‘How do you mean?’ Sirius said worriedly.   
‘Why would you ever fancy me? I’m… nothing,’ she said quietly.  
‘No,’ he shook his head, reaching up to cup her face without thinking. ‘You’re brilliant.’  
‘No, I’m not,’ she said, though she stared back into his eyes intently, her deep blue eyes searching his stormy grey.  
‘I think you’re the bee’s knees,’ he said quietly. She smiled back at him, just a small smile, but he took the encouragement and reached up with his other hand to cup the other side of her face, and she suddenly leaned up and kissed him hard. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Sirius was thinking that she was incredibly inebriated, and he should probably put a stop to this, but he was fairly intoxicated himself and there was no way known he could actually stop it. Not after he had been wanting this, her, for so long, and at that moment she seemed just as eager. She threaded her fingers into his hair and pulled him down, closer to her, and at the same time pushed herself further into his embrace. After what felt like no time at all, she pulled back, breathing hard, and resting her forehead against his. ‘You’re not going to remember this, are you?’ he said. She merely smiled back at him, her eyes half lidded. Then her eyes closed completely, and she leaned into him. He kissed her forehead lightly. ‘We should head up.’   
Dara hummed in agreement and Sirius led her to the stairs. She stumbled over the first few stairs and then slumped against the bannister. ‘So many stairs,’ she despaired quietly, panting as though she were already out of breath.  
‘Come on then,’ Sirius chided gently, as he attempted to pull her up the stairs further. He laughed as she stumbled again, slumping into his side. ‘Alright then,’ he said, before stooping to pick her up.  
‘Woah!’ she giggled drunkenly, letting her head fall to rest on his shoulder. ‘When did you get so strong?’   
Sirius went to shrug but could only manage to tilt his head to the side. ‘I’ve carried you before.’  
‘Really?’ she said breathily, running her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck.  
Sirius smiled down at her. ‘Yeah,’ he said casually.  
‘Your hair is so soft,’ she said, barely above a whisper. ‘It’s like… it reminds me of someone… something else…’  
‘Oh?’  
‘It reminds me of Snuffles,’ she laughed out.  
‘Snuffles?’ Sirius laughed.  
‘My dog,’ she smiled.  
‘Your dog?’  
‘Well… I guess he’s not technically mine…’  
‘Snuffles is a terrible name for a dog,’ Sirius commented, smiling wryly.  
Dara looked up at him, blinking slowly. ‘He always seems to show up when I’m all snuffley.’   
Sirius frowned, unsure of what to say to that, and they fell into a comfortable silence. After another set of stairs, Sirius noticed her breathing had deepened and evened out, and he looked down to see her eyes closed. Of course. She would fall asleep. ‘Mandrakes,’ he muttered to the fat lady. The portrait swung forward, allowing them access to Gryffindor tower.  
‘Think you can manage?’  
Sirius looked up, finding Remus walking up to them with Mary. How long had they been back there? Sirius merely grunted in reply before ducking through the hole, balancing Dara precariously in his arms. She sighed and snuggled into his neck and he couldn’t help but smile.  
‘There’s no way known I can get her up the stairs,’ Mary declared once she had climbed through the portrait hole herself. ‘You’ll have to keep her for the night.’  
Remus grinned. ‘I’m sure he can manage.’  
‘I’m sure,’ Mary returned smugly.  
Sirius frowned at their exchange but decided not to comment and instead headed toward the stairs, steadily walking up and into their dorm room, and depositing her safely into his bed. She stirred then, turning to look up at him with a sleepy smile.  
‘Do you want to take your jacket off?’  
She blinked slowly. ‘Hmm… ok.’  
He sat next to her on the bed and helped her sit up, her head rolling forward. She kept her gaze on his, with a small smile on her lips, as he pulled the coat from her arms. Then she was throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly, and he fell back slightly, chuckling, from the force of it. ‘Dara!’ he laughed.  
‘Sorry,’ she pulled back, smiling. He reached up and brushed the hair from her face and she averted her gaze, blushing. ‘I missed you,’ she said quietly.  
‘But I’m right here,’ he said bemusedly.  
‘No, I mean… you don’t get it!’ Dara sighed exasperatedly, flopping back into his pillow. Sirius suddenly noticed her forearms, the dark word etched into her right that he hadn’t seen without the bandage previously, and the now altered left…  
‘When did you do this?’ he asked, choosing to focus on her left arm, where there was now a large, for her arm, image of a roaring lion.  
Dara smiled, twisting her arm in his grasp. ‘That one day I got out. Went round to a few shops with Alice. Got my hair done. Got a tattoo,’ she shrugged.   
He smiled down at her. ‘But you’re not of age for a muggle, are you? It’s eighteen for them.’  
‘Easy enough to confund the muggle tattoo artist,’ she smiled. His grin widened, and he shook his head while she bit her lip and switched their grips, so she could pull on his arm. ‘Come here,’ she said quietly.  
‘Dara,’ he said warily.  
‘Come here,’ she whined. ‘I won’t bite you.’  
‘I don’t think that’s such a good idea…’  
‘You don’t think what’s such a good idea?’ He widened his eyes at her. ‘I’ll be gentle,’ she said coyly.  
‘Dara,’ he laughed.   
‘Come here,’ she said again. ‘Please? I just don’t want to be alone,’ she said quietly.  
‘Dara,’ he sighed.  
‘Sirius,’ she said mockingly. ‘Stop saying my name like that if you don’t intend on following it up.’  
‘Following it up?’  
She sat up so that she was leaning into him again, leaving their faces a few inches apart, and stared into his eyes intently. ‘Yes, Sirius,’ she breathed, moving even closer. ‘Following it up.’ She pushed her lips to his in a soft, chaste kiss.   
‘Dara,’ he breathed as she pulled back.  
She smiled. ‘Sirius.’   
He placed his hand to her cheek with his thumb over her bottom lip, gently holding her back before she could lean in again. ‘Dara. I don’t want to take advantage of you.’  
‘How would you be taking advantage of me?’ she mumbled into his thumb.  
He smiled, averting his gaze. Why did she have to be so bloody cute? ‘I’m fairly certain you’re not going to remember this tomorrow.’ He wasn’t even sure if he would.  
She sighed, taking his hand from her face. ‘Alright, fine. So bloody chivalrous,’ she grumbled. ‘Just lay with me then.’ He shot her a skeptical look. ‘Please?’ she implored. ‘I won’t do anything. I just don’t want to be alone.’  
Sirius sighed, eyeing her warily. He was worried about more than just her self-control, honestly. ‘Alright,’ he relented. She smiled and pulled off her boots while he removed his jacket and boots, and she shifted to her side to give him room to climb in next to her. He pulled the hangings closed before he laid down next to her, and when he did she curled into his side immediately, resting her head on his chest, and he sighed, looking to the ceiling. As he felt her breathing deepen, he finally curled his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. She still smelled how he remembered. She smelled like her. That curiously delicious mix that he’d come to associate with her. She must use some sort of lilac shampoo… and vanilla soap…   
Sirius must have fallen asleep at some point too, because the next thing he knew there was a thin strip of sunlight peeking through the hangings of his bed, and there was a stirring coming from next to him. He looked down, seeing a familiar crown of golden hair. Dara. Ok. He glanced around, frantically trying to recall the events of the night before. Ok, bonfire. Firewhiskey. Too much firewhiskey. Dara. Dara dancing. Dara leaving…. Following Dara. Snogging Dara. Right. He looked down again. She still had her dress on. He cracked a smile when he saw her left arm again, suddenly remembering her tattoo… ok, he still had his clothes on… she stirred again, and he stilled, his eyes going wide.   
Addy turned her head to look at him and took in a sharp breath, stiffened, and jerked back, effectively falling to the floor before she realized that the eyes were grey. And blinking.   
Sirius peeked his head out from between the curtains, watching her warily as she tried to slow her breathing. ‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.’  
Addy shook her head, then stopped, wincing at the pain shooting between her temples.  
‘Here,’ Sirius mumbled.   
Addy squinted one eye open to watch him fumbling at his bedside with a bottle, taking the opportunity to make sure, thankfully, that she was still wearing her clothes, minus her coat and shoes. Though that didn’t necessarily mean what she wanted it to. ‘Merlin, what was in that cake?’ Addy muttered.  
‘Dunno,’ Sirius murmured, rubbing his forehead as he shuffled over to her, holding out a draught of hangover solution. Well, he appeared to still have his clothes on too. Addy took the cup and downed the potion quickly, feeling the effects almost instantly.   
‘Thanks,’ she said, after clearing her throat.   
Sirius nodded, still looking at her carefully as if he expected her to blow up. ‘Alright?’ he said after a moment.   
Addy frowned slightly. ‘Did we…?’ she gestured between them lamely and he shook his head quickly.  
‘No, I don’t think so.’  
Addy’s eyes widened. ‘You don’t think so?’  
He shrugged sheepishly. ‘Not that I remember.’ She scowled at him.  
‘You didn’t.’ Addy jumped and turned her head to see Remus looking down at her from the edge of his bed. ‘You snogged a bit in the corridor,’ he waved between her and Sirius, ‘before you passed out,’ he pointed to Addy.  
‘Oh,’ Addy said softly, before returning her gaze to Sirius. ‘Nothing we haven’t done before then.’ Sirius’s eyes widened, and he glanced at Remus who was coughing suddenly. Addy looked back at Remus who was now trying to hide his smile, feeling her cheeks heat up, before she turned back to Sirius again. ‘You didn’t tell them about that?’  
Sirius just shrugged again, feeling entirely trapped. He didn’t know if he was supposed to have said anything or not.   
Addy shook her head before standing up. ‘Right then!’ she said, trying to sound chipper. ‘I’m gonna go… and… uh… something,’ she muttered, making her way to the door quickly. ‘Laters!’ Sirius smiled tightly while Remus grinned and waved.   
James’s head popped up, hair in total disarray, squinting around without his glasses on. ‘Wasgoingon?’ he mumbled sleepily as Addy crossed the threshold and closed the door behind her.  
Sirius breathed out a weighted sigh and rubbed the heels of his palms over his eyes roughly.   
‘You two are ridiculous,’ Remus laughed out. ‘You don’t think so?’  
‘We didn’t, right?’  
‘Do you really not remember?’  
Sirius squinted at him thoughtfully. ‘We didn’t,’ he shook his head. ‘Right?’  
James was squinting bemusedly, looking back and forth in their directions as they spoke. Then he snorted quietly and fell back onto his pillow, still wrapped in his duvet.  
Remus laughed again. ‘Well given how pissed you both were, and the fact you were both fully clothed and out cold by the time we got up here,’ he pointed around at the remaining three of them lazily, ‘I’d say that’s a safe assumption.’  
‘Right. I would have remembered something like that,’ Sirius nodded.  
‘Let’s hope so,’ Remus said flatly before he flopped back onto his bed.  
Sirius turned and climbed back into his own bed, trying to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep. Damnit, now his pillow smelled like her.  
Addy made her way over to her own dorm room, and seeing it wasn’t quite seven and none of her dorm mates were awake, slipped into her bed and fell back to sleep; only to wake up hours later with Mary standing over her, a shit-eating-grin on her face. ‘Hey Addy!’   
Addy groaned and burrowed her head under her pillow. ‘Go away.’   
Addy felt the edge of her bed dip with the weight of Mary as she sat, then started shaking Addy’s shoulders. ‘When’d you get in?’ Addy swung her pillow at Mary, hitting her in the side of the head, and Mary laughed. ‘Cause I know you didn’t come up with me.’  
Addy frowned. ‘What d’you mean?’  
Mary waggled her eyebrows, that same grin on her face that made Addy want to slap her. ‘Well, we watched that kid’s snake eat.’  
‘Ok.’  
‘And then you just walked out.’ Addy’s brow knitted. ‘So, I talked to them for a few minutes. Said our goodbyes. And by the time I caught you up, Sirius was picking you up because you couldn’t walk up the stairs.’  
Addy’s eyes widened. ‘Was I passed out?’  
‘No, you kept muttering things for a while, playing with his hair.’  
‘Oh, Merlin,’ she felt her cheeks flush.  
‘He didn’t seem to mind.’ Addy bit her lip, looking away. ‘You must’ve fallen asleep on the way up. And I sure as hell couldn’t get you up here. So, he just brought you with him.’ Addy nodded absently. ‘Any roads… you coming to lunch? You already missed breakfast.’  
‘Yeah, sure…’  
After a quick shower, Addy got dressed, and walked down to the Great Hall with Mary for lunch, where Marlene and Lily were already halfway done eating. Aside from shooting her amused grins, the Marauders were conspicuous by their lack of comment any further on the events of the previous night, though Addy certainly wasn’t bringing it up. Although Mary and Marlene still liked to tease her about it. Lily didn’t, but she still couldn’t hide her amusement on the matter.


	27. Cheers to mashed potatoes

Regardless of trivial matters, life went on in a relatively normal way; at least as normal as can be expected in a war: classes went on, the rumor mill turned, the Prophet brought the daily news of disappearance, torture, and death. Addy did her best not to think on her problems and focus on her studies and mates. But that was made difficult by things like the letter she received from her parents a little more than two weeks later.   
Sirius looked up when Dara started at breakfast one morning, when the Nott family owl dropped a letter on her plate as she had been absently spreading marmalade on some toast. She stared at it blankly for what felt like forever, seemingly trying to steel herself and maintain a calm exterior. 

‘Is that a letter from your parents?’ Mary cut in. Dara nodded after a moment, swallowing thickly.   
‘Why would they be writing to you?’ Marlene added. Dara just shrugged, still staring at the letter on her plate, her forgotten toast and knife still clutched in her hands.   
‘Maybe we should just…’ Lily pulled her wand from her pocket and waved it over the parchment a few times. ‘Well. Doesn’t look like it has any curses on it. It appears to just be a letter.’  
Dara stared at the letter a moment longer, but in the end, she just snatched it from the plate, exchanging it for her toast, and left the Great Hall. Sirius assumed she was going to her previous spot at the edge of the forest to read the letter on her own and waited a few moments before he followed her through the entrance hall and out of the castle. When he got to the steps leading down from the castle, he saw her running across the grounds, and looked down to find her letter, crumpled at the foot of the stairs. He hesitated for a moment, but in the end, he was carefully opening the letter, frowning deeply at its contents. No wonder she was running.  
Addy was running as fast and as far as she could, unsure of where she was even going, before she was breathless and falling to her knees at the side of an oak tree on the edge of the forest. She wasn’t even sure why she had run. Maybe she was trying to get away from the contents of the letter? From the dodgy mess that was her life? Her reality had all gone to pot… The sound of a twig breaking brought her back to present, and she turned to see Snuffles padding toward her cautiously. Maybe he could sense her despondency? ‘Oh, hullo…’ she said quietly. ‘I had wondered if I’d be seeing you again…’ he came up to her side, nuzzling her cheek with his snout, and she absently ran her fingers through the fur on his neck. ‘Why does my entire family have to be such evil bastards?’ she croaked out, struggling to keep the tears at bay. ‘Apparently, I’m even more of a disgrace now I couldn’t even manage to die…’ Addy ran a hand over her face roughly, suddenly realizing it was raining, and sighed heavily. ‘S’pose I should’ve expected this reaction.’ Snuffles whined and licked her cheek, placing a paw on her shoulder, almost as if in a hug. Addy nuzzled into his fur for a long while before she grunted in resignation. ‘Guess I should get inside. Don’t think McGonagall will care why if I’m late. And I don’t need to get sick too now….’ She sighed, standing up and scratching behind Snuffles’s ears. ‘Thanks for listening.’ He wagged his tail and whined again, making her smile sadly at him before she turned and headed back toward the castle.   
‘Adhara!’  
Addy looked up as she ascended the hill toward the castle, sighing warily as she found Avery to be walking down toward her. She didn’t have the energy to deal with him at that moment. ‘What do you want Graham?’  
‘I want to talk to you.’  
Convenient that he wants to talk to me now, Addy thought. ‘And I suppose it’s just a coincidence that I just got this letter from my parents?’ Avery looked back at her bemusedly. ‘What makes you think I want to talk to you?’  
Avery shook his head. ‘I… I just wanted to make sure you were alright.’  
Addy rolled her eyes. ‘You. Wanted to make sure I’m alright? Yeah right,’ she scoffed. ‘And why would you care?’  
‘Because I want you. I’ve always wanted you,’ he said, moving forward as if to hug her.  
She held up a hand to stop him. ‘Not this tripe again,’ she said flatly.  
‘It’s true though. It’s always been true.’  
Addy frowned. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he almost sounded sincere. ‘In the sense that everyone else in this goddamn society wants me? Like some submissive little puppet?’  
‘No! I just want you. The way you are. Really.’  
Addy’s eyes narrowed, and she gave him a once over. He was either someone else pretending to be Avery or he’d gotten better at acting. He’d never managed to sound as though he genuinely cared before. ‘Hmm. Is that why you were following me around like a shadow after I said I wanted out? And then sold me out? Because you ‘wanted’ me?’ His expression fell. ‘Didn’t think I noticed that, did you?’  
‘I didn’t know what they were going to do! Your father just said he was going to make you an offer!’  
Oh, that did it. ‘An offer?’ she screeched incredulously, yanking up the sleeve of her right arm. ‘He fucking branded me! And then he stabbed me!’ she gestured at herself wildly. ‘Before leaving me for dead!’  
‘I didn’t think he was going to do something like that,’ he said in a measured tone.  
Addy scoffed. ‘Bullshit. You knew exactly what he had planned. You just thought it would work to cow me to his will. And now you’re training to be just like him. Like him. The whole lot of you. You can’t wait to sign up to serve your precious dark lord, can you?’ she said quietly.  
‘Mind your manners, Adhara,’ Avery said, his expression morphing into one much darker. Ah, there he is.  
Addy straightened up angrily. ‘Tell me Graham. Have you. Been branded yet?’  
He grabbed her roughly by the collar, pulling her closer as he scowled at her. ‘You would do well to remember your place, Adhara.’  
‘I do remember my place, Graham,’ she sneered, pushing him away. ‘Do you?’   
The next few moments felt like they were drawn out to Addy, though they probably happened rather quickly in reality. Graham drew back his hand and slapped Addy sharply across the face, hard enough to split her lip open at the corner and leave a large, red, handprint on her cheek. And already being positioned on the slope of a hill, Addy went tumbling backward with the force of it, rolling a few times before she managed to regain her footing. Snuffles must have followed her out of the forest, as at some point he jumped up, to Addy seemingly from nowhere, and bit Avery harshly on the leg. Then Regulus apparently decided to follow Avery as well, as he was quite randomly there, pulling Avery back suddenly. Addy stood up quickly, pulling her wand with one hand and wiping the blood from her mouth with the other as she walked back up the hill. Regulus gave her an apologetic look as he tugged on a struggling Avery’s arm. ‘Avery, stop,’ he chastised, while Snuffles growled and kept a firm hold on Avery’s leg.  
‘You. Would do well. To stay. The fuck. Away from me,’ Addy panted out, glaring harshly at Avery, walking up until her wand was in line with his chest. ‘Don’t think. For one moment. That just because I wouldn’t join you. That I don’t know every bit as much. About the Dark Arts. As you do.’  
Avery stilled at her words and glared back at her.  
‘Do you?’ Regulus questioned in surprise.  
Addy glanced at him briefly. ‘You were never there for my. Training,’ she said carefully, before again glaring at Avery. ‘Just because I don’t take joy in torturing the innocent. Doesn’t mean I would hesitate before extracting revenge on the deserving,’ she ground out. ‘I would consider it justice. Well met.’  
Addy saw Regulus frown from the corner of her eye before he dragged Avery back toward the castle, and she glanced around once they were a good distance away, wondering where Snuffles had got to, but didn’t see the dog anywhere. She sighed and licked her lips, wincing slightly as her tongue connected with the wound. She rubbed her forehead warily, then gingerly palpated her cheek, assessing the damage, and looking to the ground as she continued up the hill toward the castle. When she reached the steps up to the oak front doors, Addy found Sirius standing with a stack of toast in one hand, her letter in the other, and a concerned expression on his face.   
‘You left without eating, and then you were gone for a long time…’ he said in explanation. ‘What happened with Avery… and Reg?’  
Addy sighed. She didn’t really want to talk about it. ‘Nothing,’ she shook her head, relieving him of her letter. She wasn’t sure if he had read it. She also wasn’t sure if she would mind if he had. She stuffed the crumpled parchment into her robes pocket, starting slightly in surprise when he reached up suddenly, wiping away a fresh trickle of blood from her chin.  
‘Doesn’t look like nothing,’ he said softly, while holding the stack of toast out in offering. ‘What was the letter about?’  
Addy took a piece of toast, biting into it carefully as they started up the steps. ‘I don’t really want to talk about it,’ she said slowly. ‘Not right now at least.’ She sighed, and Sirius nodded in understanding. ‘Maybe later, when it’s not so fresh and overwhelming?’  
‘Ok,’ he nodded.  
‘Thanks though,’ she said, wincing again when she tried to smile.  
‘You’re welcome,’ he said easily. ‘Maybe you should get that looked at?’  
‘Eh,’ Addy shrugged, chewing on the toast while she glanced at her watch as they ascended the stairs. ‘I need to grab my bag. I’d be late to transfig if I went to the infirmary as well.’  
Sirius’s brow knitted. ‘I think McGonagall would understand,’ he said, sounding irritated.   
‘It’s fine, really,’ she shook her head, feeling annoyed.  
‘It’s not fine. Your fucking face is swollen!’ he shouted, attracting the attention of people close by.   
‘My fucking face is fine!’ Addy shot back, huffing. ‘Look Sirius. I appreciate your concern, but I can assure you, it’s not necessary. I’ll be fine,’ she said carefully, breathing deeply to try to keep her emotions in check. ‘I’ll see you in class.’ She shoved the rest of the slice of toast into her mouth, wiping at the corner, as she hastily walked up the stairs, leaving Sirius scowling after her on the landing.  
It wasn’t as though Sirius was angry with her, although her stubbornness was a bit irritating, he just felt so cross with the entire situation. And to top it all, he couldn’t even talk to her about it; first off, because she didn’t want to, and secondly, because she didn’t know about his… secret ability. So, she didn’t know that he actually already knew. He could probably tell her about his animagus, since she knew about Moony, and she knew Peter’s secret, and she was obviously good at keeping a secret, he reasoned. But he hardly thought that now was the opportune time to share such information. She clearly had enough to deal with. Sirius growled lowly and turned toward the Transfiguration classroom.   
Five minutes later Addy walked into the Transfiguration classroom with the bell, stopping abruptly inside the door when she caught sight of Professor McGonagall in discussion with Sirius. McGonagall looked up at her sharply and Sirius seemed to be looking anywhere but at her. ‘Miss Nott, I believe you should stop by the hospital wing to be checked out before you return for the lesson today. I will not mark you tardy.’   
Addy could feel the gaze of the other students turn toward her, but chose to glare at Sirius, even if the action was wasted on him, as she wasn’t sure if he could see it from the side of his head. ‘Yes Professor,’ she said shortly, before she turned around, shutting the door behind her.  
Sirius slipped into the empty seat, leaning back tiredly, as McGonagall began prattling on about something or other, just hoping Dara would have enough time to cool off before she had to claim the last empty seat beside him.  
‘What was that about?’ he heard James whisper from his spot at the desk behind him. Sirius tilted his head to the side to show that he had heard, then pulled out a loose sheet of parchment, scribbling down a quick reply. Once McGonagall turned her back to the class to write on the board, he dropped the note over his shoulder. He heard James scoff in irritation a moment later, obviously not satisfied with his response.  
Addy cursed quietly out in the corridor and kicked at the wall. She knew Sirius meant well, but really, why did he have to interfere? She would rather just not deal with it at the moment. Or at all really. Things had been going relatively well until this fucking day, when everything had apparently decided to go to pot. Did she wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Did everyone else? Was it a full moon? She looked at her watch quickly. Oh. Maybe that was it? Everyone acted like they were nutters on a full moon, it wasn’t just… a rumor. Addy shook her head and started toward the infirmary, still feeling just completely, and utterly, cross. She wanted to scream, and rage, and set something on fire.   
‘Miss Nott, what seems to be the problem? Are you alright dear?’ Madam Pomfrey asked in a matronly tone, as one would expect from the matron. Though the trouble with someone asking if you’re alright, when you are most decidedly, not alright, is that it is often the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Which is exactly what happened to Addy. Without further ado, she was sobbing uncontrollably and being ushered to a bed where she was hastily dosed with what she belatedly realized was a calming draught. Somewhere in the back of her mind Addy was thinking she must be PMSing on top of it all, as she drifted off into a restless sleep. That had to be it. Why else would she be so emotional? It couldn’t be all the emotional turmoil she’d been through recently. It couldn’t be this brilliantly shit day. No, it must be hormonal. Yeah, she’d go with that.

Sirius’s worry that Dara would still be cross with him when she turned up, soon turned into worry for her when she didn’t turn up for Transfiguration at all. He had thought it would be a simple fix, nothing requiring two hours to heal. Sirius hastily made his way to the infirmary and slipped in unnoticed while Madam Pomfrey was helping some young Hufflepuff with what looked like a cauldron burn. He found Dara in a curtained off bed toward the back, curled onto her side, asleep. Her lip seemed to have been healed but her injured cheek was concealed by the pillow she was burrowed into, and her eyes were puffy; she looked like she’d been crying. He reached up and brushed the hair from her face without thinking and she started awake, turning to look up at him quickly. ‘Sorry,’ he apologized hastily.   
‘Sirius,’ she breathed out, relaxing back into the pillow and replacing her wand he just realized she had pulled. ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked bemusedly.  
‘Well when you didn’t turn up for transfig…’ he trailed off, sitting next to her on the bed.  
‘Oh, bloody hell,’ Dara murmured, rubbing a hand over her face tiredly as she sat up. ‘McGonagall must not be happy with me now.’  
Well, her cheek looked fine now. ‘I don’t think she noticed,’ he said quickly. She frowned at that and he suddenly felt as though he shouldn’t have said it. ‘Wo- Peter shrunk Remus’s nose and she had to fix it for them.’ That brought a small smile to her face. ‘So, what happened? Why are you still in here?’  
Dara’s face fell. ‘Er… Pomfrey may have given me a calming draught,’ she said, averting her gaze.  
‘I’m sorry.’  
She looked back at him quickly. ‘Why would you be sorry?’  
‘I sort of forced you to come here. I didn’t mean to make you cry.’  
‘You didn’t make me cry,’ she sighed, shaking her head. ‘It was just… the entire day has been shit, you know? It’s really interfered with my strategy of not thinking on… bad things. So, when I got in here and she asked if I was alright…’ she shook her head again. ‘I just lost the plot.’  
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ She looked at him blankly. ‘It might help? So you don’t… lose the plot again.’  
Dara sighed and played with her fingers in her lap. ‘I don’t know, it’s just… you know everything that’s happened to me?’ He nodded. ‘Well, I was really just trying to move on from it all, you know? Not think on it. But that letter…’ she sighed heavily. ‘My parents,’ she said carefully, as though it were a dirty word. ‘They basically said that just because I didn’t die, doesn’t mean I’m allowed to associate with them anymore. That I’m not to expect anything else from them. As if I would. Why couldn’t they just leave it? Why couldn’t they not care, at the very least? Like your parents?’  
Sirius sighed. ‘It wasn’t that easy with my parents either.’  
‘How do you mean?’  
‘Well, for one thing, I didn’t just leave because I wanted to. I had another row with my mother, and she basically kicked me out. Cursed me a few times before I could leave too. And even now I’ve been disowned, and she still sends me letters like that.’  
‘Why didn’t you tell me all this?’ she frowned.  
Sirius shrugged. ‘You had enough of your own going on.’  
Dara shook her head. ‘Maybe last year, but you could have told me when it happened, instead of letting me blubber on about my bullshit letter like some numpty.’  
‘It seemed like you needed to wallow.’  
‘But we could have wallowed together.’  
Sirius shook his head. ‘I guess I just wasn’t ready to deal with it.’  
‘I guess I can understand that,’ she said quietly, nodding slowly.  
‘So, what happened with Avery then?’ Sirius asked.  
Dara sighed. ‘I’m not even sure. He followed me. To make sure I was alright? At least that’s what he said,’ she shook her head.  
‘So, at what point does him slapping you factor in there?’  
‘How did you…?’  
‘You had his handprint on your cheek,’ Sirius said simply.  
‘Regulus was out there too.’  
Sirius shook his head. ‘I may not be my brother’s biggest fan, but I hardly think he would slap you. You two seem to… get on. Well enough. And he seemed to be dragging Avery back inside when I’d come out.’  
Dara frowned. ‘I think he slapped me when I asked if he’d been branded yet,’ she said thoughtfully.  
Sirius snorted. ‘You didn’t.’ He hadn’t heard that bit.  
‘I may have done…’ she smiled shyly.   
Sirius grinned back at her. ‘Are you up for lunch?’  
‘Fuck yeah,’ she said, suddenly grinning too. ‘That one piece of toast didn’t really hold me over, believe it or not.’  
‘Oh, I believe it,’ Sirius said easily as he stood, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet as well. Instead of letting go of her hand however, he linked their fingers and tugged her along out of the infirmary. She blushed deeply and smiled up at him shyly, making his grin broaden.   
‘I do hope there’s potatoes,’ she said quietly.   
‘Potatoes?’ he laughed.   
She shrugged. ‘I like potatoes.’  
‘Any particular kind?’  
‘Not really. Just so long as they’re cooked.’  
‘Do you have a favorite? Wait, no. Let me guess,’ he said, placing a finger to his chin. Dara looked up at him bemusedly, raising her eyebrows. ‘Baked. No. Mashed!’ he pointed toward her then and she smiled, rolling her eyes.  
‘You’re ridiculous. I’m not answering that.’  
‘Because I’m right!’ he said triumphantly.  
‘About what type of potatoes I favor,’ she said, trying to act annoyed.  
‘So, I am right,’ Sirius said smugly.  
‘Whatever,’ she mumbled.  
‘Ha!’  
‘Ok, ok. What kind are your favorite?’  
‘Guess.’  
‘What? No, I don’t want to guess. Why can’t you just tell me?’  
‘I guessed yours, now you have to guess mine.’  
‘But I would have just told you. You wanted to guess. I don’t want to guess.’  
Sirius shrugged. ‘That’s the way of the game.’  
‘Game? Since when are we playing a guessing game? Why are you being such a child?’  
Sirius just smiled winningly and poked her on the nose, causing her to splutter.  
‘Did you really just do that?’ she cried. Sirius’s smile broadened. He hadn’t intended to wind her up, but he was enjoying it. ‘Maybe I don’t care what your favorite potato is.’ Sirius kept silent as they continued to walk toward the Great Hall, and after a few moments, Dara huffed irritably. ‘Fine. Is it baked?’  
‘Nope,’ he said, popping the p annoyingly.  
‘Chips?’   
He shook his head.  
Dara chewed her bottom lip, looking him over thoughtfully. ‘Crisps?’   
He shook his head again.   
‘Jacket?’  
‘No.’  
‘Whatever. I give up. I don’t care that much,’ she huffed.   
Sirius pulled her to a stop just outside the doors into the Great Hall, leaning down to whisper into her ear. ‘I like mashed as well,’ he said, his breath playing across her neck.  
Addy stilled, her breath hitching in her throat at his close proximity. She felt her cheeks heat up and her heart flutter madly, and when she looked up to see him grinning down at her, she suddenly felt like slapping him. He was toying with her. She was over here, practically swooning because he had breathed on her, and he was just messing with her. The nerve of that arrogant sod! ‘How… lovely,’ she said blankly, removing her hand from his and pulling open the door in front of her with it to slip through.   
Sirius suddenly felt that maybe he had taken that a bit too far. But he couldn’t help himself, she was just so silently expressive. He loved watching her emotions flit over her face, changing from one expression to another as she thought. He stood for a moment longer outside the door, sighing heavily. He’d have to make it up to her. Some way or another.   
Sirius entered the Great Hall, seeing Dara had already sat a bit further down the table with Mary, Marlene, and Lily, and sat down in the Marauders’ usual spot towards the middle himself, next to Peter and across from Remus and James.   
‘Where’ve you been?’ Peter asked.  
‘I went to check on Dara,’ Sirius muttered distractedly.  
‘Right. It’s later. Now explain,’ James said, pointing his fork full of shepherd’s pie toward Sirius.  
Sirius sighed, scratching the back of his neck while he spooned some pie onto his plate, and leaned forward. James and Remus leaned forward as well. ‘Well, you know I followed her this morning,’ he said quietly. James and Remus nodded. ‘She got a shitty letter from her parents. The usual stuff. Then Avery followed her out I guess. Approached her as she was walking back up to the castle. So, I followed her again. As Padfoot. Ended up biting Avery-‘  
‘What?’ James exclaimed loudly, cutting Sirius off.  
‘Why?’ Remus added.  
Sirius sighed. ‘Because he slapped her. Really hard. Made her roll down the hill…’  
Peter sniggered quietly but cut off abruptly when Sirius shot him a glare.  
‘So, that’s why her lip was all bloody?’ Remus went on.  
‘Yeah,’ Sirius said, rubbing his face tiredly. ‘Avery tastes bloody awful.’  
James, Remus, and Peter all laughed at that.  
‘I wouldn’t wonder,’ Remus said easily.  
‘Where’d you bite him?’ James asked.  
Sirius’s brow knitted. ‘His leg…’  
‘Can you imagine how much worse it would’ve been if you’d bit his arse?’   
‘Hmm,’ Sirius frowned, shaking his head at James. ‘No.’  
Remus rolled his eyes. ‘Ok, so what else happened?’   
‘Well, Reg came out at some point. Dara told Avery to stay the fuck away from her.’  
‘Nice,’ James nodded appreciatively.  
‘Threatened him a bit,’ Sirius continued. ‘I managed to slip away. Grabbed a bit of toast. Then Reg pulled Avery away back to the castle. Dara came in. Didn’t want to go to the infirmary.’  
‘So, you told McGonagall on her?’ James said.  
Sirius shrugged, ignoring James’s comment. ‘Said she ended up needing a calming draught. Fell asleep.’  
‘Which is why she didn’t turn up for class,’ Remus nodded.  
‘So, you were worried about nothing,’ James said easily.  
Sirius shrugged moodily, glancing down the table to where Dara was half heartedly picking at her food. He looked down at his own plate, picking half heartedly at his food.   
‘Quidditch trials on Saturday McKinnon. Nott,’ James shouted suddenly, causing Sirius to look up quickly. They both stopped, along with Lily and Mary.  
‘We are well aware of that, Potter,’ Marlene said pointedly.  
‘Yeah, you already posted the notice on the board. Captain,’ Dara said, saluting James sarcastically. Sirius smiled at her and she shot him a look he couldn’t quite decipher. Right. He was still in the… doghouse. He almost sniggered at himself. The girls began walking again.   
‘Oi, Evans! Er… Lily,’ James said quickly, standing from the bench. ‘I wanted to talk to you about…’ he glanced around, almost nervously. ‘Head stuff,’ he continued, his voice hushed.  
Lily smiled back at him, and if Sirius wasn’t mistaken, there was a light blush appearing on her cheeks. ‘Alright James. Catch me up after Defense?’  
James nodded back dumbly, sitting back down, and Lily smiled again before turning and leaving the hall with the other girls. James continued to stare after her, his mouth hanging open slightly, and Remus waved a hand in front of his face.  
‘Oh, Merlin. We’ve lost him.’  
Sirius and Peter sniggered.   
‘Has she ever called him James before?’ Peter asked.  
‘She had to have done,’ Sirius said.  
‘I’m not so sure,’ Remus said, frowning thoughtfully. ‘Has he ever reacted like this before?’  
‘When it comes to Evans?’ Sirius scoffed.   
‘Right,’ Remus shook his head. ‘Forgive me. I’m not in my right mind,’ he said, pointing up.  
‘Don’t worry about it Moony. Oi, Prongs! Mate, snap out of it,’ Sirius called, throwing a roll at James’s face.   
James started on impact, then shook his head bemusedly, clearing his throat. ‘Right. Defense. Shall we lads?’ 

Out in the corridor, Marlene and Mary had taken to teasing Lily, while Addy just smiled, shaking her head at their antics.   
‘Alright, James,’ Marlene purred.  
‘Ooo James,’ Mary cooed. ‘Come here and… catch me up.’  
‘I wish you two would just do it and get it over with,’ Marlene said, her eyebrows raised.  
‘Yes!’ Mary agreed. ‘The tension between the two of you is driving me mad!’  
Lily shook her head. ‘We just decided that if we have to work together all year, then we may as well do it in a civil manner.’  
‘Oh, a civil manner?’ Mary said sarcastically.  
‘Is that what you’re calling it?’ Marlene said incredulously. ‘Because I’d call it flirty, if nothing else.’  
‘Flirty?’ Lily scoffed.  
‘Or adoring. Enamored. Loving,’ Mary said, ticking the adjectives off on her fingers.   
Marlene nodded along. ‘Tender, devoted,’ she added.  
Lily scoffed again. ‘Oh, don’t be so dramatic.’  
‘And you, don’t be so thick. He’s always looked at you like that. But now you’ve started to look at him like that,’ Marlene countered.  
Lily just sighed heavily and increased her pace toward the classroom.  
‘Where were you back there?’ Mary asked, turning to Addy.  
‘Me?’   
‘Yes, you could have helped us out,’ Marlene said.  
Addy put her hands up in surrender. ‘You know how stubborn Lily is. She’s not going to want to hear that.’  
‘Oh, Lily’s stubborn?’ Marlene said toward Mary.  
‘Lily’s stubborn,’ Mary nodded back.  
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Addy cried.  
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Marlene laughed, then cleared her throat, placing her hand to her ear as if it were a phone. ‘Ring, ring! Hello, pot?’  
Mary copied her movement, playing along. ‘Er, yes kettle?’  
‘I just thought you should know,’ Marlene went on. ‘Er, you’re black.’  
Mary snorted in laughter. ‘Black!’ Marlene chortled along with her.   
Addy scowled, crossing her arms over her chest as she entered the classroom, moving to sit next to Lily. Lily wouldn’t bother her. Lily felt her pain. Everyone else was being annoying today.  
And now Addy was annoyed with herself. She spent the entirety of Defense class thinking about Sirius. Why did he have to go and smile at her like that? She couldn’t get the way he’d made her heart flutter, out of her head, and it was driving her mad. He was making it increasingly difficult to focus on her studies. But he was just a friend, she told herself. Even if she did fancy him, which she wouldn’t admit, he would never feel that way about her. And anyway, she wasn’t thinking about things like that. She really just needed to relax. As the professor called an end to the class, and they were packing their things away, Addy looked across the room and got an idea.   
‘I’ll see you at dinner, yeah?’ she said to Lily.  
Addy then jumped up without waiting for a response and left the room quickly.   
‘Ok…’ Lily said slowly.   
Sirius frowned as he watched Dara approach that kid from Hufflepuff, John something or other. He didn’t know they were friends. He thought they hadn’t talked since fifth year, and even then it was only because of… that other Hufflepuff git. Sam. Though he shouldn’t think ill of the dead.   
Dara disappeared for the rest of the afternoon, and Sirius decided he was going to apologize for the misunderstanding once he saw her. When he went down to dinner later with the other Marauders, he found that there was again, no mashed potatoes. Or rather, no potatoes at all. He went off to the kitchens, looking to remedy that. He was just leaving the kitchens and entering the entrance hall, when Dara came in through the oak front doors with that John kid. She was saying something, gesturing wildly, and he was laughing loudly. Dara didn’t even seem to notice Sirius, as she walked by without looking his way, and parted with John at the door to the Great Hall, going to sit next to Lily. Sirius quickly walked up behind Dara and unceremoniously placed the plate of potatoes in front of her. She started and turned to look up at him.   
‘I’m sorry about before,’ he said quickly. Her bemused expression softened. ‘I didn’t mean to be such a prat, but you know, old habits die hard and all that.’  
‘S’alright,’ she said easily.   
‘I got you some mash,’ he said, pointing out the obvious.   
Dara smiled and turned to Lily. ‘Would you mind budging up?’  
Lily smiled back. ‘Well, I wouldn’t mind, but you have space on your other side.’  
‘Oh. Right,’ Dara turned her smile back to Sirius and he suddenly realized her eyes were blood shot. He really hoped she wasn’t falling back down that rabbit hole. ‘Do you want to share?’ she said, patting the seat next to her.  
Sirius nodded as he sat, his leg brushing against hers. ‘Sure.’  
‘Brilliant. Since you seem to have gotten like… a kilo,’ she said, looking over the plate with wide eyes. ‘Do you really think I eat that much?’  
Sirius shrugged. ‘It’s just what the house elf gave me.’  
Addy paused, noticing he was sitting a bit closer than he needed to be. Though maybe he hadn’t noticed. She shook the thought from her head and spooned roughly half the contents of her plate onto the one in front of him. ‘Cheers,’ she said, holding out her spoon.  
Sirius grinned and picked up the spoon next to his plate, hoping this meant all was forgiven. ‘Cheers,’ he said, clinking his spoon to hers.


	28. I think he fancies you, and I think you fancy him.

‘Addy! Addy, wake up!’ Marlene called as she riffled through her trunk for her quidditch kit.   
‘She’s not going to hear you,’ Mary moaned as she turned over.   
‘What?’ Marlene paused.  
‘She’s got her curtains closed. You know she puts up those silencing charms.’  
‘She still having nightmares?’  
Mary blinked back at her slowly and shrugged. ‘It’s not as if it was that long ago. And I don’t know that she has them every night. She just puts them up every night. I don’t think she wants to wake us if she does have one. Seems to think she’s being a bother.’  
‘Right. She would think that,’ Marlene sighed. Then she went over to pull Addy’s curtains apart. ‘Addy!’   
Addy started violently, rolling out of bed with a loud thud, the duvet wrapped tightly around her.   
‘Sorry. S’pose I shouldn’t have shouted. But you need to get up. We’ve got trials.’  
Addy’s disheveled head poked up over the edge of the bed. ‘I still don’t know why we’re even bothering with open trials. It’s not as if there’s an open spot,’ she grumbled, disentangling herself from the bedclothes.   
‘You know how James is. He likes to threaten that we won’t make the team again. Like he’d actually replace us with some second rate second year.’  
‘Hmm,’ Addy snorted. ‘Maybe a second year would do better than me? They’d most likely be smaller.’  
‘Yeah, yeah. Stop with the self-deprecation and get your bloody kit on.’  
Addy rolled her eyes, muttering grumpily as she finally extracted herself from the duvet and stood, crossing to her trunk. She changed quickly and was pulling her hair up hastily into a messy bun as she finally made her way across the pitch with Marlene.   
‘Nice of you to grace us with your presence ladies,’ James shouted sarcastically.   
‘It was, wasn’t it?’ Marlene said, as she turned her walk into a strut.   
Gwenog, Addy, and Mark clapped and laughed appreciatively. Addy was fairly certain that Mark Stein, the now fifth year keeper, was just trying to feed Marlene’s ego as he was interested in her, or rather, he was interested in what was under her kit.   
James looked at Addy expectantly, eyebrows raised, so she just curtsied sarcastically before she joined the gathering of former team members behind him. ‘Right. Thanks for that,’ James said, to which Addy mock saluted him. ‘Alright, listen up! We’re doing things a little differently this year. I want anyone trying for chaser on my right. Keepers there. Then beaters. And lastly, seekers on my left. If you’re not here to try out, get off my pitch! Harlow, what the bleeding fuck are you doing here? You’re in Ravenclaw! Go read a book or something,’ James said, making a shooing motion while the hopefuls lined up. ‘Nott, what are you doing?’  
‘Maybe I want to be a beater this year,’ Addy shrugged, from where she was stood next to Sirius.  
James could help but laugh at the looks on their faces. ‘Stop wasting my time and get in your line.’  
‘But you won’t need either of us for quite some time. You’re trying chasers and keepers first aren’t you?’ James just shot her a look, clearly not amused. ‘Fine, fine,’ Addy muttered, rolling her eyes theatrically and walking a few paces to her right. ‘So bloody touchy when it comes to quidditch. Captain.’   
James smirked, trying to suppress another laugh at the fond smile on Sirius’s face. ‘Alright, Jones, McKinnon, and… Leads,’ James called out, looking down at his clipboard. ‘I want you up in the air. Start making passes. Then when the keepers get up there, start making shots. We’ll rotate out with each run through. I’d like to start with… Scrubb? up at the hoops. Then we’ll go down the line. Ending with Stein. Then we’ll add beaters. Barnes, I want you up there with… Jones?’ James looked up confusedly, and a skinny, third year boy, waved awkwardly.   
‘No relation,’ Gwenog offered.  
‘Right,’ James shook his head and cleared his throat. ‘Ok then. Henley and Banks, go ahead and go for the snitch.’   
Addy frowned and shifted her stance as James released the balls and everyone mentioned took to the air. She was left as the last trying for seeker, as there were only three that year. Sirius shifted closer and she turned to look at him. ‘What’s he playing at?’   
Sirius only managed a shrug before James was shouting, ‘Nott. Black. Get over here.’  
‘Want us to help pick out our replacements?’ Addy said sarcastically, as she walked toward James with Sirius.  
‘Nah, they’re not trials for replacements.’  
‘What?’  
‘We need reserves, Nott. Especially if you’re going to be as accident prone as last year.’  
Addy scowled. ‘I didn’t miss a match, did I?’  
‘And we’ll hope it stays that way,’ said James easily. ‘But it’s better to be prepared.’ Addy huffed, and James just laughed, ruffling her hair and making it fall out of its bun.  
‘James!’ she whined, bending over to fix her hair. Sirius grinned and slapped her bum, causing her to straighten quickly, blushing deeply. ‘Sirius!’ He tried to give her an innocent look, raising his hands in mock surrender and pointing at James, who just laughed again, and she narrowed her eyes at the both of them. ‘Don’t think you’re getting away with that,’ she said, pointing at Sirius, who just grinned wider.  
‘Alright, alright. Help me watch this lot,’ James said after a moment.  
Once trials were over, Marlene headed up to Gryffindor tower with Gwenog, stating she wanted to shower and change right away, while Addy chose to head to lunch with James and Sirius first. She hadn’t had breakfast, and she was now famished. ‘So, what did you think of Banks?’ Sirius asked her, throwing an arm over her shoulders and pulling her into his side. She found herself a bit distracted from answering however, as his smell suddenly engulfed her. How the hell did he still smell so good? They’d just spent hours in the sun! Addy was sure she must smell horrid at that point, but not Sirius. No, of course not. ‘Dara?’  
Addy cleared her throat. ‘Er, yeah. Banks is… alright. Better than Henley I guess.’  
‘But not as good as you?’ Sirius said.  
‘Well, I wouldn’t put it that way,’ Addy said shyly.  
‘You don’t have to,’ Sirius said, smiling down at her. ‘We all saw it.’ He squeezed her tighter and she nearly stumbled as it threw her off balance. She had to wrap her arm around his waist to right her footing, and she grinned sheepishly in embarrassment, but he didn’t seem to mind. They took up a spot at Gryffindor table across from Remus and Peter, James sitting on Sirius’s other side, and quickly tucked into their lunches. Addy snatched up a ham sandwich and ladled herself some cheese soup. She had pulled her arm back, feeling as though she needed both to eat, but found Sirius kept his arm firmly in place around her shoulders. And she supposed she didn’t mind. It was a friendly thing to do, right? And it was rather amusing to watch him try to manage eating with one arm.   
Addy was nearly done eating when Marlene finally showed up with Mary and Lily for lunch. Marlene waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Addy, and Addy felt her cheeks heat up against her will. Of course, she would take the mickey. Why wouldn’t she? Addy averted her gaze, pretending not to notice Marlene, though her attention was grabbed quickly by the look on Mary’s face. She’d have to ask her about that later.   
‘Don’t forget we have rounds tonight, James,’ Lily said as she passed.  
‘Of course not Lily,’ James nodded, staring after her. ‘Ten o’clock right?’  
‘Right.’  
Like James could forget anything to do with Lily, Addy thought, smiling to herself.  
‘What are you smiling at?’ Sirius murmured in her ear.  
Addy stilled, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. ‘Nothing really. Just James and Lily. Being so adorably clueless.’  
Sirius hummed in agreement, secretly thinking that the same could be said about her and smiling softly as her cheeks turned pink under his gaze. He was almost relieved she obviously wasn’t ready to hear how he really felt about her, as he still hadn’t worked up the courage to tell her just yet. Merlin’s beard, he was supposed to be a Gryffindor. 

Addy had gone up to Gryffindor tower with the ‘Marauders’ and then proceeded to her dorm room to shower and change into clean clothes. She had lain down on her bed to read her Herbology text and presumably work on the essay that was set for Monday but ended up just taking a nap instead. She’d woken up a few hours later and, deciding to give up on Herbology for the time being, went down to the common room with her sketch pad and pencil with the intention to sit in the window seat and maybe draw something outside; but when she got down the stairs, something else caught her eye, and she sat in a corner armchair to gain a better angle, quickly getting lost in her drawing. She was just adding some shading to soften the angles…  
‘Are you drawing me again?’  
Addy snapped the book shut quickly and internally cursed her cheeks as she felt them heat up. Good Godric was she sitting closer to the fire than she thought? She tugged at the collar of her jumper and looked up at Sirius guiltily. He had that grin on his face again and if it were possible she felt her cheeks heat even more. ‘I… er… was just drawing the scenery…?’   
Sirius pursed his lips thoughtfully. ‘But you’re not by a window?’  
‘Scenery doesn’t have to be outside,’ she said vaguely. ‘Did you need something?’  
Sirius grinned again, and Addy found herself wondering if he could somehow get some sort of innuendo from what she’d just said.   
‘We were just going to go for a butter beer. Thought I’d see if you wanted to come?’  
‘I… er…’ Sirius saw the sudden look of panic on her face and realized his mistake.   
‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said, waving his hand quickly. ‘I’ll bring you one back.’  
She nodded, swallowing thickly. ‘Sorry. I just… haven’t been since…’  
Sirius nodded. ‘No need to apologize. I should have known.’  
‘S’alright,’ she shook her head bemusedly. ‘I didn’t think it was a Hogsmeade weekend anyway?’  
Sirius just shrugged. 'It is. You must have missed the memo.’ She gave him a small smile. ‘Would you want anything else?’  
‘Hmm,’ Addy hummed, looking at him thoughtfully, and Sirius raised his eyebrows in question. ‘My chocolate supply is running low. And I’d rather have a firewhiskey than a butter beer. But…’ she looked like she was trying to decide whether or not to say something else.   
Sirius chewed his bottom lip, waiting for her to continue, but realized after a moment she wasn’t going to. ‘But?’  
She shook her head. ‘Nothing. I don’t need anything really.’  
‘I didn’t ask if you needed anything,’ Sirius said quietly. ‘I asked if you wanted anything?’  
Addy looked back at him, trying to keep her expression neutral as she felt her cheeks heat up yet again. There was no way known she could answer that right now. Not without drinking copious amounts of firewhiskey. ‘What I said should suffice,’ she said eventually.   
Sirius looked her over slowly, suddenly feeling like he’d rather not even go to Hogsmeade. But, as he’d already said as much... ‘Alright,’ he nodded, and he walked away quickly then before he could fully change his mind. 

Once the four boys had left, Addy finished her sketch and went back to her Herbology essay on the mimbulus mimbletonia, settling into the window seat while she read and jotted down notes, though she inevitably found herself distracted again and wound up sketching out the skyline in the margins of her parchment. She had finally moved back to the armchair in the corner and managed to force herself to focus, even with the few first and second years left making their usual racket, when a lone figure emerged from the portrait, looking around the common room. On the one hand she hoped he was looking for her, but on the other she really needed to finish her essay…  
Sirius caught sight of her and approached quickly, that ever-present grin in place. ‘Fancy a drink?’  
Well, she could always finish the essay tomorrow... ‘Sure,’ she said, flushing as she realized it came out breathily. What was wrong with her?   
Sirius nodded towards the stairs and she nodded back, standing and tucking her book beneath her arm to follow him. ‘Where’s the rest of your band of misfits?’  
‘Oh, well when we got to the Three Broomsticks, Mary, Lily, and Marlene were there, so they just decided to stick around. Have a drink with them,’ he said, shrugging casually.   
‘Oh. Well why didn’t you stick around for a drink? You didn’t have to hurry back just for me. I still need to finish my essay. The firewhiskey could have waited.’  
Sirius paused, not knowing how to answer that. ‘I had a drink,’ he said vaguely, shrugging again.   
‘Oh. Ok,’ she said, smiling slightly as she accepted the bottle of whiskey from him and deposited her book and parchment on the bedside table.  
They settled onto his bed, sitting cross legged and across from each other while passing the bottle back and forth, nibbling on the chocolate he’d also gotten. 

‘Do you want to play a game or something?’ Sirius asked.   
‘What, like a drinking game?’ Sirius shrugged. ‘Bit dull with just the two of us, innit?’   
Sirius grinned then. ‘I’m sure we could make it interesting.’ Addy frowned at that. ‘How about twenty questions?’  
‘Are there twenty things about me you don’t know? Or rather, twenty things you don’t know about me that you actually want to know?’  
‘I want to know everything about you,’ he said easily, making her blush deeply.   
She smiled slightly. ‘Alright then. Would you like to start?’  
‘Oh, yes. I’ve got some very deep, important questions to ask you. How’s about we get comfortable, and settle in for the long haul, yeah?’  
‘You did say twenty questions? Why on earth would it be a long haul?’  
‘Just settle in, eh?’  
‘Alright, alright,’ Addy relented, chuckling as she turned to lean up against the headboard of his bed while he squirmed around like a dog trying to get comfortable. She half expected him to circle round before he finally found the right spot to lay, which ended up being roughly half on top of her with his head nestled into her shoulder.  
‘Ok, first question. First question. We’ll start with an easier one. What’s your favorite color?’  
‘This is a deep important question?’  
‘We’re working into that.’  
Addy frowned skeptically. ‘Blue.’  
‘Just blue?’  
‘Fine. Turquoise.’  
‘Turquoise?’  
‘Yeah, like the sea. In like, the Caribbean.’  
‘You’ve never been there, have you?’  
‘No, but I’d like to go. I think it’d be nice for a holiday. Relax on a beach.’  
‘Hmm,’ Sirius hummed thoughtfully.   
‘Ok, how about you? What’s your favorite color?’  
‘Blue. But more of a deep blue,’ he said, looking up at her. ‘Like a navy. Like the ocean. Or like the night sky just before it goes totally black.’ Like your eyes, he thought. He shook his head to clear it. ‘Alright, next question,’ he went on. ‘Do you have a favorite book?’  
‘Do you?’ she said incredulously.  
‘I asked you first,’ he said with a smile.  
‘Hmm. Well, do you want my ‘favorite book,’ that I usually tell people is my favorite? Or do you want my actual favorite?’  
‘You have a fake favorite book?’  
‘Well, I did,’ she shrugged with one shoulder. ‘When Society people would ask. I had to have an acceptable response. I suppose I don’t need it anymore…’  
‘Tell me both.’  
‘Well, when one of my parents’ friends would ask I would say Pride and Purity. But really, it’s Alice in Wonderland.’  
‘Hmm. I like Lord of the Rings. Moony got me to read them the summer before fifth year.’  
‘Those are good. I like them too,’ Addy nodded, and Sirius smiled up at her. ‘Ok, next question is mine.’  
‘What? But I just answered one.’  
‘But I didn’t ask. So, it’s my question.’  
‘Hmm,’ Sirius pouted.   
‘Do you have a favorite song?’  
‘Paint it black,’ he nodded.  
‘You’re so predictable,’ she smiled. Sirius just looked at her expectantly. ‘Well, I like Smile.’  
‘Smile?’  
‘Yeah, it’s nice. Sung by Nat King Cole.’  
‘How’s it go?’  
‘Er… smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it’s-‘  
‘No, no, no. Sing it for me.’  
Addy glared at him halfheartedly. ‘You’re lucky I’ve drunk enough whiskey,’ she muttered, to which he grinned. She sighed and took a deep breath before beginning. ‘Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it’s breaking. When, there are clouds, in the sky, you’ll get by. If you smile, through your fear and sorrow. Smile, and maybe tomorrow. You’ll see the sun come shining through, for you. Light up your face with gladness. Hide, every trace of sadness. Although a tear, may be ever so near. That’s the time, you must keep on trying. Smile, what’s the use in crying? You’ll find that life is still worthwhile. If you, just, smile.’ He stared at her for a moment, making her fidget uncomfortably. ‘What?’  
‘I thought you said you were a rubbish singer?’  
‘I am. You’ve just drunk enough whiskey I don’t sound so bad, I expect.’  
Sirius shook his head and rolled his eyes. She was the worst about taking compliments. ‘Well, maybe don’t try to take over Celestina Warbeck’s spot.’  
‘Like I’d want to.’  
‘But you’re not rubbish. Not completely.’  
‘Ha. The highest praise!’ she said sarcastically.  
Sirius smirked. ‘Favorite movie?’  
‘I’m not sure I’ve seen enough to say I have a favorite. I did rather enjoy that Monty Python though. So, that one I guess.’  
‘I liked that Star Wars,’ Sirius said simply, looking off into space thoughtfully.  
Addy smiled. ‘Alright. Er… what is something you cannot do, that you wish you could?’  
‘Draw,’ Sirius said slowly.  
‘Sing,’ Addy responded quickly, making him laugh.   
‘Ok. What is something you don’t know how to do, that you’d like to learn?’  
Addy chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully for a moment. ‘Swim,’ she said.  
‘I. Would like to learn how to play the drums.’  
Addy smiled. ‘Do you know how to swim?’  
Sirius nodded. ‘James taught me actually. Summer after fifth year.’  
‘I don’t understand why it’s frowned upon to learn to swim.’  
Sirius shrugged. ‘It’s a muggle thing?’  
‘Yeah, well, so was indoor plumbing. But you don’t see us weeing on the floor and vanishing it anymore, do you? No, because toilets are for civilized people.’  
Sirius laughed loudly. ‘Well, I’ll teach you to swim.’  
Addy felt her cheeks heat up and smiled back at him. ‘Thanks,’ she said quietly, and Sirius nodded back at her. They were quiet for a while and Addy found her thoughts running away from her. ‘Do you have any fond memories of Regulus?’ she said eventually.  
‘Where did that come from?’  
Addy shrugged. ‘Er… started with societal expectations and sort of snowballed from there. I just… don’t think I have any fond memories of Aludra. The best I can think of is the time we were playing hide and seek. And she was hiding. And somehow ended up with her arse stuck in the rubbish bin.’  
Sirius laughed. ‘Well, it’s something.’  
‘Yes, but it’s just because she looked so ridiculous. I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself, while she was crying and toppling over. Gilly had to magic her out.’  
‘That does sound pretty funny… but you don’t have any fond memories?’  
‘I can’t for the life of me think of one.’  
‘That’s really sad.’  
Addy shrugged again. ‘It’s just the way of things. We never did get on.’  
‘Hm. Well, I suppose I do have a few fond memories of Reg. We did get on. Until I came to Hogwarts, at least.’  
‘What’s the best one you can think of?’  
Sirius chewed his lip thoughtfully. ‘Well. There’s two things that stand out in my mind. Not really specific memories, mind.’  
‘Ok.’  
‘When we were little, our governess would take us to the park over by our house during our… free time. Everyday. And we’d play together. Nothing specific. But, I don’t know. It was nice. Just to be a kid for a while.’ Addy hummed thoughtfully. ‘And then, just the few times we’d play quidditch together. When we’d go to our uncle’s house out in Ottery St Catchpole over the summer.’ She nodded along slowly.   
‘That sounds nice.’  
‘Ok. If you were an animal. What animal would you be?’  
‘Hmm. What animal would I want to be? Or what animal do I think I’d be?’  
‘Both,’ he said after a pause.  
‘Well, I’d want to be something really cool, like a phoenix or a dragon, you know? But I think I’d probably be something really… meh. Like a cat.’  
‘McGonagall is a cat. She’s pretty badass.’  
‘Yes, but I’m nothing like McGonagall. I’d be a lame cat.’  
‘Hm, I dunno. I think you’re pretty badass.’  
Addy rolled her eyes. ‘Please. And what would you be? No, I know this one. You’re a dog,’ she grinned.  
‘What?’ he muttered, wondering if she’d worked it out.  
‘Sirius. The dog star,’ she elaborated.   
‘Oh. Right. Well, by that logic, you’d be a dog too.’  
‘Being a dog wouldn’t be so bad I guess,’ she said thoughtfully.  
‘Especially not if we could be dogs together,’ he said, and she grinned.  
‘What do you want to do after Hogwarts?’  
Sirius looked up at her thoughtfully. ‘Auror,’ he said slowly, giving Addy the impression he had something more he wanted to say.  
‘I want to be a Healer.’  
Sirius nodded. ‘What was it you wanted to say earlier?’  
Addy felt her cheeks heat up and looked away, occupying herself with taking another drink. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’  
‘Yes, you do. When I asked if there was anything you wanted,’ he said, looking up at her intently. Addy looked back at him slowly, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth and wondering if she should just come out with it, but not thinking she really could. But the door to the seventh year boys dorm opened again, admitting the loud group of seventh years they otherwise knew as their friends, and she looked over at them, feeling saved.   
‘Don’t you two look cozy,’ James said with a grin, leading the group over to them.  
‘Oh, we are,’ Sirius said easily, snuggling further into her side.  
Addy felt her cheeks heat up again. That was happening a lot lately. ‘Quite.’  
Mary settled on a pillow on the floor next to Addy. ‘Why didn’t you come to Hogsmeade?’  
‘Oh, I didn’t really feel up to it just yet, you know?’ Mary nodded in understanding. ‘Are you alright?’  
‘Of course,’ Mary’s brow knitted together in confusion.  
‘It’s just. You looked a bit upset earlier?’  
‘Oh that,’ Mary frowned. ‘I got a letter from Michel this morning. We’ve broken up.’  
‘Oh, I’m sorry.’  
‘S’alright.’  
‘I didn’t even realize you two were… together.’  
Mary shrugged. ‘I guess we weren’t. It was just a few shags really. But it was a good shag.’  
Addy hummed thoughtfully. ‘But you’re sure you’re alright?’  
‘Yeah, nothing a few drinks and some ice cream can’t fix.’  
‘Alright.’  
‘Hey, who wants to play a drinking game? Truth or dare? Never have I ever?’ James said eagerly, shaking another bottle of firewhiskey and drawing their attention. Most of the others made vague noises of affirmation, while Addy frowned.   
Lily looked to be thinking it over, but eventually shook her head. ‘I think I’ll pass. I’ve got to work on that Herbology essay.’  
‘Come on Lily, just one game. You can write that essay tomorrow. I’m sure it won’t take you long.’  
‘But we’ve got the Prefects meeting tomorrow as well.’  
‘Please,’ James said, with wide eyes and a pout.  
Lily smiled back at James, fondly if Addy wasn’t mistaken. ‘Alright. But not for long.’  
‘Yes,’ James cheered.  
‘You up for it?’ Sirius asked quietly.  
‘I think I’m all questioned out,’ Addy said. She turned toward the edge of the bed, placing her feet back on the floor, and Sirius sat up as well, looking disappointed.  
‘We can play something different. Just stay for a game.’  
‘Alright,’ Addy conceded, ‘but just one.’  
Sirius grinned and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her back into his side. ‘Moony, do you still have that deck of cards?’   
‘Why?’  
‘We could play Kings or something?’  
‘Nah, Wormtail mixed them in with the snap cards to build a house. Set them on fire.’  
‘Aw,’ Addy grumbled.  
‘Sorry,’ mumbled Peter.  
‘S’alright,’ Addy waved him off.  
‘How about we play fuzzy duck?’ Mary suggested.  
‘Oo, yeah!’ Marlene said with a grin.  
‘Huh?’ said James bewildered.   
Addy saw Lily try to suppress a smile.   
‘Well, we sit in a circle. And the first person says fuzzy duck,’ said Mary.  
‘Ok,’ said James.  
‘And the next person says ducky fuzz,’ added Marlene.  
‘And so on around the circle,’ continued Mary.  
‘Unless someone says does he fuck, and then you reverse direction.’  
‘But you can re-reverse direction if the next person says fuck, he does!’  
‘Wait, how is that a drinking game?’ said James.  
‘Well you drink if you say it wrong, or go out of turn,’ Mary said.  
‘And it’s really easy to say it wrong,’ Marlene added.  
‘How do you win?’ Sirius asked.  
‘You don’t really,’ Mary said. ‘It’s just for fun.’  
‘Ok…’  
‘Alright, circle up you lot,’ said James.  
‘Aye, aye, Captain,’ Addy said, mock saluting him.  
James shook his head at her, then poured them all drinks and they sat in a circle, going round and back. No one was surprised when Peter was the first to muff up his words, but the rest of them were quick to follow, as their words became jumbled and they would go out of turn, and soon the room was full of drunken laughter and giggles at the ridiculousness.   
‘I think I’ve had enough,’ Lily said, chuckling as she stood from where she was sat next to James on his bed.   
Addy lifted her head from where it was resting on Sirius’s shoulder and nodded. ‘Me as well. I’ll go with you.’  
Sirius frowned. ‘Night.’  
‘G’night.’   
There were various choruses of goodnights and farewells given as Lily and Addy crossed the room and exited. They made their way down and then up the stairs into their own dorm room.   
‘How’d Hogsmeade go?’ Addy asked as they began changing into their night clothes.  
‘Really well, thanks. We went to Scrivenshaft’s and I got a couple quills after my one snapped. An eagle feather and peacock.’  
‘Fun,’ Addy said dryly, pulling on a pair of shorts.  
‘Mmhmm. And some purple and blue inks for note taking. Then we went to Honeyduke’s so Marlene could stock up on jelly slugs. And then we went to the Three Broomsticks,' Lily went on, pulling her nightshirt over her head.  
‘And you had a drink with James?’ Addy said with a smile.  
Addy thought she saw Lily blush, but she inclined her head, so her hair would block her face as she pulled out some pajama bottoms. ‘Yeah,’ she breathed.  
‘What’s going on with you two?’ Addy asked quietly.  
Lily shrugged. ‘I don’t know. We’re friends?’  
‘Lily,’ Addy sighed, pulling a night shirt over her head.  
‘I really don’t know,’ Lily said, looking up again.   
‘Well, you know he fancies you.’  
‘Do I?’ Lily said, as she pulled the bottoms on.  
‘If you don’t then you’re incredibly thick.’  
‘But what if he doesn’t really fancy me? What if he just thinks I’m pretty? Or he thinks he fancies me, but he really just likes the chase? And once I give in and the chase is over, he’ll lose interest…’  
‘First of all Lily, that’s ridiculous. Sure, he thinks you’re pretty, but he goes on and on about more than just your beauty...’  
‘Is there a second of all?’  
Addy smirked. ‘Second of all, I think you fancy him too.’  
‘I don’t know,’ Lily said again. ‘He’s still arrogant and…’  
‘And what?’ Addy said softly. ‘He’s not that bad anymore. I think his head has deflated significantly.’  
‘Maybe. I suppose it has. It’s just… hard to let go of those feelings you know?’  
‘I can understand that,’ Addy nodded. ‘But it seems like you have some new feelings to contend with?’  
‘Maybe,’ Lily smiled.  
‘Well, take it slow if you like, but I think you should give him a chance. He obviously adores you. I think he’d do anything to make you happy.’  
Lily blushed again. ‘Maybe. What about you?’  
‘What about me?’ Addy said, her brow knitting in confusion.  
‘You and Sirius. What’s going on there?’  
‘I don’t know what you mean.’  
‘Addy.’  
‘I don’t know. We’re friends?’  
‘Oh, come on Addy! He fancies you!’  
‘No, he doesn’t,’ Addy shook her head.  
‘I think he does,’ Lily said. ‘And I think you fancy him.’  
‘I… I don’t know about that.’  
‘Which part?’  
‘Either.’  
‘You don’t know if you fancy him?’  
‘I.. I don’t think he fancies me in the first place. And even if he did,’ Addy shrugged. ‘I don’t know if I fancy him. I don’t want to think about it, Lily. I don’t know if I’m ready for all that. When I think about what’s happened before. Happening again… it scares me.’  
‘Addy. You don’t know that that will happen again.’  
Addy shrugged again. ‘It might.’  
‘Even so, isn’t that all the more reason to give it a shot?’ Addy looked over at Lily and Lily smiled. ‘Take it slow if you like, but I think you should give him a chance.’  
Addy smiled. ‘Maybe.’  
As Addy climbed into her four-poster and got comfortable, she found her thoughts wandering as she tried to fall asleep, and she found herself thinking about how easy it had been to talk to Sirius that day. She tried to recall if it’d always been so easy to talk to Sirius. If it’d ever been so easy for her to talk to anyone for that matter, as she was quite sure it wasn’t. She’d been relatively close with Darcy, but she’d never really spoken of certain things with her. And then there had been Sam, even though she hadn’t felt judged by him, she had again, kept a lot to herself, as she’d felt there was much he would never really understand. Paul and Kate and Ed were the same story, but even more so. She had felt at ease with them, to be sure, but there had still been this entire side of herself that she’d had to keep secret. She had never truly felt like she could just be her complete self around them, without having to explain some aspect or other. She had never felt completely comfortable with anyone and therefore she had never really felt accepted by anyone. But Sirius. She didn’t have to explain anything to him. He already knew. He knew where she came from. He understood. And she didn’t feel judged by him. He’d proved to be a good friend and yet, he was still just so… Sirius. He was so wonderfully brilliant and beautiful and just… too good for her. He deserved so much more than some reject like her. Didn’t they say that if things go wrong multiple times then you need to look for the common factor? How many times had she been ditched, betrayed, by those she’d thought were her friends? Her family? She was the common factor. Maybe she deserved all the things that had been done to her. But Sirius was just a friend, so it didn’t matter, and she just wasn’t going to let her mind wander any further down that path.


	29. Puree de pommes de terre

The next few weeks went by rather quickly for Addy, as she allowed herself to be distracted by the behavior of her friends, something she had missed dearly the year prior, until one day in late October Avery managed to get her on her own as she left potions and suddenly she was wondering if the strap to her bag breaking as she stood from the table hadn’t merely been a coincidence. She wished she hadn’t sent her friends on ahead of her but Avery had left the classroom and apparently skulked away in the shadows to wait for her and so she hadn’t thought anything of it. She had been overstuffing her bag. ‘I need to talk to you, Adhara,’ he said, pulling her aside.  
Addy looked helplessly past him down the corridor where she could just make out the edges of her friends retreating robes and sighed. ‘What now?’  
‘Did you read the Prophet this morning?’  
‘Not this morning… why?’  
‘Look, things have changed.’  
‘What things?’  
‘It’s complicated,’ he said evasively. ‘But I know for certain that we could still be married. Your family would allow it. And you could come back.’  
Addy shook her head. ‘What makes you think I’d want to?’  
‘Because they’re your family.’  
Addy sighed and shook her head again. ‘No, they’re not,’ she said quietly. ‘They’ve made that quite clear.’  
‘But we could change that. They’ll let you come back now. Don’t you want that?’  
‘I don’t want what that would entail,’ Addy said slowly.   
‘It wouldn’t entail anything but marrying me.’  
‘Well yeah, that’s part of it.’  
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’  
‘It means, I don’t want to marry you, you knob.’  
Avery’s expression quickly darkened. ‘I think you’ll come to regret that statement. You’ll come back. I’ll make you change your mind.’ He’d then stalked away to Godric knew where, leaving Addy alone with her thoughts, wondering what on earth he meant by ‘things had changed.’  
‘Right,’ she sighed to herself, slowly continuing down the corridor toward the grand staircase to make her way to Charms. She slipped into a seat next to Lily just as Professor Flitwick was closing the door to begin class, in a decidedly less cheerful mood. Not that she had really managed to be cheerful in quite some time.  
‘What’s wrong?’ Lily asked her, as the class was finished.   
‘Nothing,’ Addy said, shaking her head.  
‘Come off it,’ Marlene scoffed, standing and crossing the aisle. ‘You can’t even wipe the scowl off your face.’ Addy sighed, shoving her Charms book away. ‘So, what is it your time of the month or something? Are you riding the cotton pony?’  
‘Erg, Marlene!’ Lily exclaimed while Mary sniggered quietly behind. ‘Have some tact.’  
‘No, it’s not my time of the month you bint,’ Addy said flatly.  
Marlene just laughed in response.  
‘Then what is it?’ said Lily.  
‘Nothing,’ Addy sighed again, rubbing a hand over her face tiredly. ‘I’m just… annoyed.’  
‘Really?’ Marlene said sarcastically.  
‘You don’t say,’ Mary added.  
‘Why?’ Lily said pointedly.  
‘Have any of you read the Prophet this morning?’  
‘Yeah,’ Lily nodded as they left the classroom.   
‘And did anything stand out to you? Anything important?’  
Lily shrugged. ‘Not really. Another Death Eater attack, more muggle killings, a few ministry officials disappeared, a few more found dead. Minister Minchum issued a statement saying we’re in a state of emergency…’  
‘Again?’  
Lily nodded. ‘But not to panic and to follow the usual protocol and blah blah blah.’  
Addy sighed. ‘So nothing that would really seem to change things?’  
‘Why?’  
Addy shook her head. ‘Avery stopped me for a chat earlier. Said some things.’  
‘As one tends to do when having a chat,’ Marlene mused.   
‘What things did he say,’ Lily asked.   
‘He asked if I had seen the paper and then he said that things had changed, and we could still get married? I don’t know. It was all just confusing.’  
‘But he didn’t say what had changed?’ Mary said.   
‘No,’ Addy sighed.   
‘That’s weird,’ said Marlene.   
‘That is confusing,’ Lily agreed.   
‘Yeah.’  
That little altercation brought up the emotions Addy still had built up about that whole… part of her life. She tried her best not to think on those negative aspects of her life at that time, fearing she may just lose the plot, again. She managed to push those feelings away and contented herself with sitting round the Marauders and girls, half-listening for something, anything, that would bring her amusement, like the time Sirius managed to catch her attention during lunch, when he scoffed loudly. Addy looked up to see him scowling down the table.   
‘I’d never be caught snogging a girl in the Great Hall.’  
‘Nah, just the entrance hall,’ Remus muttered from his spot opposite, a smirk on his lips.  
‘Does that mean you’d be caught snogging a boy in the Great Hall?’ James said.  
‘Only you Prongs,’ Sirius retorted, as he leaned toward James slowly.  
James laughed and shoved Sirius away with a hand to his face. ‘I know I’m irresistible but keep your robes on. There’s children present!’  
‘Yeah, save that for the dorms,’ Remus chided sarcastically.  
‘More of your naked games,’ Addy murmured, not intending to be heard, though the four boys turned to look at her.  
‘Don’t be jealous, Nott,’ James said with a smirk.  
‘Yeah, you can join us if you like,’ Sirius said with a wide grin.  
Addy just smiled, shaking her head before looking back down at her plate. 

Lily had made good on her agreement that she would give James a chance, and quickly found that without her usual defense mechanisms she was incredibly susceptible to his charms. So much so that it then became quite obvious to everyone how perfect they were for each other, as James had always said.   
‘What’s going on with you two?’ Marlene had asked one night as the four prepared for bed.   
‘Yeah, are you together now?’ Mary added.   
Lily had glanced over at Addy, who shrugged unhelpfully, before sighing. ‘I don’t know. I keep putting these signals out there but he’s being the perfect gentleman. It’s bloody infuriating.’  
‘Well. You don’t have to wait for him to make a move. Why don’t you just go up to him and snog him?’ said Marlene.   
‘Because that worked out so well for you,’ Lily said skeptically.   
Marlene shrugged. ‘Remus and I’s relationship is entirely different to you and James’s. James already adores you. Has done for years.’  
‘Then why hasn’t he asked me out?’  
‘Maybe he’s just afraid you’ll reject him again? The last time was rather brutal. He’d need some time to recover,’ offered Mary.   
‘But that was last year!’ Lily cried. ‘I’ve been nothing but pleasant to him lately.’  
‘Maybe he’s planning some big to do? You know, make a big show of asking you? We all know how he is,’ Addy said.   
Marlene nodded. ‘Flare for the dramatics that one.’  
‘Well he better get a bloody move on. It’s driving me mad!’

As it turned out, James was not, in fact, planning something big and dramatic. He was mainly working up his courage and waiting for an event. Specifically, the coming Hogsmeade weekend. After the prefect meeting came to a close and everyone else had left the room, he looked over to Lily as the two were packing up the last of their things. ‘Er, Lily. Can I ask you something?’  
Lily glanced up at him from where she was slotting a stack of parchment into her bag. ‘Of course.’  
‘Erm. Great. I was, uh. Just noticing that as we’ve now set the schedule…this weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend.’  
‘Yeah, and?’ she said distractedly.   
‘And. I wanted to ask if you would go with me,’ he said quickly.   
Lily’s movement stilled, and she looked up at him wide eyed, before she looked back down to catch her breath under the guise of finishing putting her things away while James fiddled nervously. ‘I’d like that,’ she said eventually.   
‘Really?’ James said breathily.   
‘No, James.’ He was disappointed until he heard her next words. ‘I would love to go with you to Hogsmeade.’ A wide grin slowly plastered itself onto his face and in that moment Lily could finally see what her friends had been telling her all along. He really did adore her. And that look on his face… she couldn’t help herself. The next moment she was snogging him without even thinking, and after a moment of shock, he was snogging her back, rather enthusiastically. He seemed to be pouring years of feeling into the kiss, and it was so passionate Lily was quite glad she was sitting down, as she was quite sure her knees had gone weak. She was suddenly wondering why it had taken her so long to see just how wonderful he was. He was a fantastic snog. They could have had months of this by now. Though he hadn’t been so mature last year, had he? Maybe he’d only just become this wonderful. At least, wonderful enough for her to take notice. She shoved the thought aside to focus on the boy in front of her. The man in front of her. The past didn’t really matter anymore at that point. And at least she could see just how wonderful he was now. And now they had all the time in the world to appreciate each other. 

While Addy tried, she couldn’t quite pursue everything with Lily’s same reckless abandon. Well, no, she honestly wasn’t trying to pursue anything with reckless abandon. She wanted to. Sort of. But really, she was just trying to hang on to the last ounce of control she felt she had on her life. Yet she was finding it difficult. And why was it so difficult? Sirius. Sirius and that goddamn smile. It was… disarming. And she found herself distracted by it more often than not. Bloody hell, what was she going to do? She finally just decided to give in to her madness and in early November, Addy decided to gift Sirius with a prank on the Marauders for his birthday. It turned out to be even better than she had planned. 

‘Happy birthday Padfoot!’  
Sirius groaned, making no effort to get up.   
‘Really, why are we even bothering this early?’ came James’s voice. ‘He’ll want to have a bit of a lie in.’  
‘It is his birthday,’ Peter added helpfully.   
‘Because he’ll want to see Addy still, I expect,’ Remus said reasonably. ‘And we still have classes.’  
Just as Sirius was grumbling under his breath, turning over in his bed to look up at the canopy of his four poster, his curtains were wrenched open and a loud popping noise filled the room, followed by a flash of gold, and Sirius sat up quickly, taking in his surroundings.   
‘What the hell just happened?’ Remus exclaimed.   
‘What is this stuff?’ James said.   
‘I think it’s glitter,’ said Remus.   
‘Erg! It’s everywhere!’ James said, pulling his glasses off to wipe the lenses on his shirt.   
‘Well they do say that glitter is the herpes of craft supplies,’ Peter said.   
‘Thank you for that helpful analogy Wormtail,’ Remus said dryly.   
‘That just made it worse!’ James pouted, his glasses back on his face though decidedly more clouded with gold.   
‘Is there anything said about how to get it off?’ Remus asked Peter.   
‘How should I know?’ Peter shrugged.   
Remus sighed. ‘Maybe just try taking a shower?’  
Sirius suddenly sniggered. ‘Oh, you lot look ridiculous!’  
‘You’re covered in this shite too, Padfoot,’ James said irritably.   
‘Yeah, but I still look fantastic,’ he waved the comment off.   
James just grunted noncommittally, not having anything to say to that. And taking showers only seemed to spread the glitter. Like the disease it was.   
They might have remained irritable if not for what happened when they finally made it down the stairs to the common room, finding all the seventh-year girls, and a particular seventh year girl that seemed to be waiting on the couch for them, that immediately erupted into snorting laughter, revealing herself to be the culprit. Luckily, she had been so amused she hadn’t even noticed that all of her friends had stopped to stare at her. It’d been so long since any of them had heard her genuinely laugh.   
Sirius had smiled broadly, looking at Addy fondly, and James had snapped out of his daze to elbow him sharply, allowing him just enough time to mask his expression into one of irritation before she had managed to calm herself enough to finally speak.   
‘Oh, you’re so pretty!’ Addy said brightly. That light was finally back in her eyes and Sirius paused. ‘Happy birthday,’ she said, grinning at him. A true grin.   
Sirius’s brow knitted in a mock scowl. ‘Thanks a lot.’  
‘Nice one,’ James said sarcastically, though his eyes glinted with mirth.  
‘We’ll get you back for this,’ Sirius added.  
‘Oh, I know.’  
The Marauders didn’t change their behavior towards Addy, so obviously she would have no idea of when they were planning on a counterattack, but she knew they’d never do anything to really hurt her, so she was game. Which was good as she was caught completely unawares a few days later when they converged on her at breakfast.   
Sirius had sat on one side of her, Remus on the other, while James had sat opposite next to Lily with Peter on his other side. James had leaned over to kiss Lily good morning and Lily had immediately snogged him back quite enthusiastically. Apparently their relationship was starting off fantastically.   
‘Oh mon Dieu. Quelle horreur,’ said Sirius.   
‘Je connais. Pourquoi ne peuvent-ils pas juste avoir une chambre?’ said Addy.   
‘Je ne sais pas.’   
‘Erg. You two are disgusting,’ Marlene groaned.   
‘Yeah,’ Mary agreed. ‘Cut the cutesy Frenchie bullshit.’  
‘Save the pillow talk for the bedroom,’ Marlene added.   
‘Ils pensent que nous sommes degoutants?’ Sirius questioned Addy quietly. ‘Nous ne sommes pas ceux qui ont juste mange les visages des uns et des autres.’  
‘Ils pensent probablement que nous parlons sales les uns aux autres,’ Addy said.   
‘Peut-etre que nous devrions,’ Sirius shrugged.   
‘Tu veux que jet e parle sale?’  
‘Ouais.’  
‘D’accord. Eh… merde de chien.’ Sirius grinned back at her. ‘Chaussettes malodorantes.’  
Sirius laughed. ‘Fromage moisi.’  
Addy laughed too. ‘Mouches mortes.’  
‘Purée de pommes de terre,’ Sirius said dramatically, and Addy gasped, before they both laughed again.   
‘Alright already, would you two cut it out?’ James said, rolling his eyes.   
‘Hark, who’s talking?’ Sirius shot back.   
Addy smiled, rolling her eyes as she took a drink of her tea, chuckling lightly to herself as James and Sirius bickered good naturedly about who was more disgusting.   
‘Ah!’ Addy yelped in surprise at the strange pain in her face and dropped her teacup reflexively to reach up and grab her cheeks.   
‘Addy are you alright?’ Lily asked in concern.   
Addy didn’t answer as her eyes took in the expectant looks of the Marauders. ‘Oh!’ She gasped, and a grin slowly made its way across her face until she was suddenly laughing hysterically as thick, course, yellow hair, grew from the lower half of her face. Her friends soon joined in her laughter, gaining more than a few curious glances. ‘Oh, this is brilliant,’ Addy said once she had regained her breath. ‘How long will this last?’  
‘About twelve hours,’ Remus said, tilting his hand back and forth in front of him.   
‘Twelve?’ Addy exclaimed. ‘Well I’ll just have to hope it doesn’t get too much in the way,’ she said, chuckling as she quickly plaited her beard. ‘Wouldn’t want it to catch fire during potions.’ She did manage to make it through the class without lighting herself on fire, though she had to resort to throwing it over her shoulder. ‘Bloody hell!’ she lamented quietly as they left the classroom. ‘How does Dumbledore stand it all the time? I feel like I’m roasting with this thing! Can I just…?’ She pulled her wand out and used a severing charm to cut a majority of the end of her beard off.   
‘It’ll just grow back,’ Remus shook his head at her while it did just that.   
Addy sighed dejectedly. ‘Aw.’  
‘Hey, I got glitter stuck in my eye,’ James said flatly. ‘And that shit was everywhere.’  
‘Everywhere,’ Sirius said pointedly. ‘Like… everywhere.’  
‘And it took us well over twelve hours to get rid of it,’ James went on.   
‘I’m still finding it in certain places,’ Remus muttered irritably. Addy’s eyebrows shot up her forehead and she glanced at him, amused. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what he meant by that…  
‘So, you should be able to deal with this,’ Sirius nodded.   
‘I know, I know. I’m just so bloody hot,’ she whined.   
Sirius conjured a few cubes of ice and quickly slipped them down the back of her robes, causing her to shriek. ‘Now you’re not hot!’ he grinned.   
‘Sirius!’ She shook the ice from her robes and turned toward him, trying not to look amused. ‘I’m going to kill you!’  
‘No, you’re not,’ he laughed.   
‘Fine. I’m not. But I will get even.’  
‘Hey, I was just trying to help you out. You said you were hot,’ he shrugged nonchalantly but still increased his pace as she drew her wand.   
‘Sure, you were. You weren’t being a prat at all. You were being a gentleman really,’ she said sarcastically.   
‘Yes, exactly.’  
Addy grinned and conjured a few ice cubes of her own, chasing him up the stairs towards the Charms classroom. 

‘Ah, Ms. Nott, you wear a beard quite well.’  
‘Oh,’ Addy started in surprise, toying somewhat uncomfortably with the again plaited beard. ‘‘Thank you, Professor Dumbledore.’  
‘That’s an interesting choice. I’d never thought to do that.’  
Addy laughed. ‘Well it seemed to keep it out of the way in potions. And maybe it will keep food from collecting in it. You know I had some chicken stuck in it after lunch and no one bothered to tell me. I didn’t notice until halfway through Herbology. How do you manage to keep yours so neat sir?’  
Dumbledore chuckled. ‘Oh, I keep a little comb in my pocket. And I tend to check it in the loo after meals. And I’ve had my beard for quite a few years now. One gets used to the upkeep after a while. How long do you foresee yourself keeping one?’  
‘Oh, not much longer now. A few hours.’  
‘Ah, then not much time to hone the fine art of beard grooming,’ he shook his head solemnly.   
Addy laughed again. ‘No, I’m afraid not. But I do have a new-found respect for you sir.’  
Dumbledore smiled graciously. ‘Why thank you Miss Nott.’  
‘You’re quite welcome sir,’ she said, returning his smile. 

The next few weeks saw Sirius and Addy pranking each other back and forth. Sometimes the other Marauders would be involved, sometimes they wouldn’t. Addy thickened Sirius’s drinks one evening, so that when he went to take a sip of pumpkin juice, it merely stuck inside his goblet until he turned it over completely, and the juice slid out in a semi solid block. Another night Sirius had exploded Addy’s strawberry pie in her face, not violently of course, but it still managed to get everywhere. Rather than be upset, she had just laughed and scooped the pie from her face and quickly smeared it all over his. This quickly resulted in him chasing her from the hall with an assortment of puddings. Things seemed to culminate when Addy had enlisted the help of the three other girls to ambush the Marauders with water balloons as classes ended for that week. They had found the boys leaving the kitchens that evening and had struck as they entered the entrance hall. Sirius had managed to pry a balloon from Addy’s grasp and turned the tables, chasing her towards the stairs. He’d quickly cast a charm, causing her shoes to go slippery, and she had slid right past the stairs, laughing. She’d then regained her footing and managed to make it to the top of the first staircase, before he’d caught her up as the second set of stairs shifted beneath them, causing him to stumble into her, pinning her against the banister.   
Sirius laughed. ‘I need to tell you something,’ he said quietly.   
Addy looked up at him expectantly, panting, and suddenly noticed just how close he was to her. He leaned even closer and paused, breathing a bit heavily, his warm breath playing across her cheek. She closed her eyes, taking in his familiar scent and reveling in the warmth of his body next to hers. Aw, bloody hell. She felt her heart rate pick up and suddenly felt the strong urge to snog him senseless.   
‘Oi, Padfoot!’ James called, snapping them both out of their daze.   
Addy shook her head to clear it, just as Sirius reached up and smashed the balloon down over her head. She gasped and shoved him off, laughing as she darted up the stairs, as they had thankfully shifted back. 

Though Addy finally felt herself being pulled from her pit of despair, Avery continued to bother her almost on a daily basis with a comment here and an off look there, momentarily dragging her back down on occasion. One day in early December, as potions class was dismissed, Addy moved down the aisle toward the door to leave, and Avery, apparently moving up the aisle towards Slughorn’s desk, ran straight into her, knocking her bag from her shoulder and effectively spilling its contents onto the floor. ‘Here, let me help you,’ Avery said quickly, as he stooped and hastily began shoving her supplies back in her bag.   
‘I’ve got it, thanks,’ Addy said sarcastically, snatching it all away from him with a withering look.   
Avery held his hands up in mock surrender before skirting around her and continuing towards Slughorn.   
‘What was that about?’ Lily asked with a frown.   
Addy shrugged. ‘He’s just being a knob.’  
‘So, the usual?’ Lily said, her eyebrows arching briefly. Addy hummed in agreement as they followed their fellow seventh year Gryffindors to Charms.   
Ten minutes into Charms class Addy started sneezing. By halfway through she felt cold and queasy.   
‘Are you alright Addy?’ Marlene asked as they left the class later.   
‘Yeah, I’m ok. Just a bit tired. I think I’m just going to skip lunch and go take a nap before Herbology.’  
‘Alright, we’ll see you then.’  
Addy nodded, parting ways with them at the stairs, them going down to lunch while she made her way up to Gryffindor tower. By the time she reached the portrait hole she was shivering and gave the password with chattering teeth. When she made it to her dorm room she suddenly had the urge to be sick, and barely made it to the toilet before she was chundering all of her breakfast up. When she finally finished emptying the contents of her stomach, she felt so knackered that she just lay down, shivering, on the tile floor, and quickly fell asleep. 

When Addy didn’t show up for Herbology her mates became a bit concerned. It wasn’t like her to just skive off.   
‘Maybe she slept longer than she intended?’ Marlene said.   
‘All the same,’ Lily said. As soon as class let out, and they made it back to the common room, Lily went up to the dorm to check on Addy. Instead of finding her in her bed, Lily found Addy curled up in a ball on the floor next to the toilet, shivering; her skin was boiling, and she was drenched in sweat. ‘Addy! Addy!’ Lily said, shaking her shoulders. Addy groaned but didn’t make a move. ‘Addy c’mon. You need to get to the hospital wing.’  
Addy groaned again, turning her head towards Lily that time, her eyelids fluttering open fractionally. ‘Lily?’  
‘Hey. You don’t look so well.’  
‘Lily?’ Addy’s face screwed up as though she were in pain and she started to cry. Another thing she didn’t normally do. ‘Oh Lily, I’ve missed you!’ she muttered.   
‘But I just saw you.’  
‘Such a horrible way to die…’  
Lily’s brow knitted as Addy continued to mutter incoherently. ‘Right then. Up you get,’ Lily said, pulling Addy into a sitting position.   
‘Should’ve known it was him…’ Addy said, while Lily pulled her to her feet.   
‘Ok. It’ll be ok,’ Lily said, unsure if she was reassuring Addy or herself. She managed to get Addy down to the common room, only stumbling once on the way down the stairs. Addy continued muttering the entire time, taking in the other seventh years with her glassy eyes when they reached the common room saying, ‘why did you all have to die?’ Then she suddenly stopped, straightening up, and stared ahead with a blazing expression. ‘You!’ she said loudly.  
‘Addy?’ Lily glanced at her nervously, but she didn’t seem to hear her.  
‘You traitor! How could you?’ She walked quickly toward the couch where the boys were sitting and stood over Peter who recoiled. ‘They were supposed to be your friends and you just sold them out to your precious Dark Lord!’ she screeched.  
‘Dara!’ Sirius chastised, standing to get between Addy and Peter.  
‘You rat!’ she spat. The boys’ eyes widened as they looked at her. ‘Don’t touch me,’ Addy slurred, pulling away from Sirius. ‘It’s too bloody hot in here…’ She began pulling at her robes as she moved around the couch, then stopped, sagging against the side and breathing heavily.  
‘Addy?’ Lily said, moving back to her side. Addy’s eyes rolled back before she collapsed to the floor and Lily jumped back as Addy stiffened and began jerking around.  
‘What’s wrong with her?’ Sirius said despondently.   
‘I think she’s having a seizure,’ Remus said.  
Lily nodded, placing a cushioning charm on the edge of the couch. ‘She has a fever. And I think she’s delirious. She kept muttering about everyone dying.’  
Marlene and Mary shared a horrified look that Lily was sure was mirrored on her own face.  
‘I think she’s stopped,’ Remus said, gesturing to where Addy was now lying still on the floor.  
‘I was trying to get her to the hospital wing,’ Lily said.  
‘I’ll take her,’ Sirius said, coming around the couch and crouching down next to her. He brushed the sweat dampened hair from her forehead gently, before he scooped her into his arms and stood, walking toward the portrait hole.  
‘Here, I’ll help you,’ Lily said, running ahead to open the portrait, and later the doors to the hospital wing. ‘Madam Pomfrey!’ Lily called as they entered. Sirius laid Addy on the nearest bed as the matron came out of her office.  
‘What’s this? What happened?’  
‘I’m not sure,’ Lily said. ‘She wasn’t feeling well in Charms, and went to take a nap at lunch. Then she didn’t turn up for Herbology, and I found her in the bathroom after. Looked like she’d passed out on the floor.’  
‘Then she was delirious. Muttering things. Passed out again. We think she had a seizure,’ Sirius added.  
Madam Pomfrey nodded, waving her wand over Addy in what must have been diagnostic spells. ‘She has a temperature of 41!’ Lily’s eyes widened. ‘Did she get sick?’ Lily nodded. ‘Was there any noticeable color?’  
‘Er, I think there was some blue…’  
‘When did she start acting unwell?’  
‘Um, I don’t know… in Charms?’ Lily said, rubbing her forehead anxiously. ‘After Potions…’  
‘What’s wrong with her?’ Sirius asked.  
‘She seems to have been poisoned,’ Madam Pomfrey said, waving her wand over Addy furiously. ‘Miss Evans, please get Professor Slughorn for me. Mr. Black. Professor Dumbledore.’  
Lily was sprinting from the infirmary toward the stairs before she even had time to process, Sirius right behind her. With her frantic expression it didn’t take Lily long to convince Professor Slughorn to come with her, and they arrived back in the infirmary just a few minutes later, behind Sirius and Professor Dumbledore. Madam Pomfrey had changed Addy into a hospital gown and had a cold compress on her forehead. Addy was breathing heavily and muttering again, thrashing restlessly in the bed.  
‘Horace!’ Madam Pomfrey exclaimed. ‘It seems Miss Nott came into contact with a surface poison containing Alihotsy about three hours ago, which she then inhaled and later ingested. We’ve been able to stop its progress, but I need you to brew an antidote quickly.’  
‘Of course!’ Slughorn spluttered before turning and leaving again.  
As Dumbledore circled his wand in a complicated manor over Addy, she stiffened, arching her back in obvious distress, and let out a scream.  
‘Is she going to be ok?’ Sirius asked.  
‘She’ll be much more likely to be ok if you let us concentrate on helping her Black,’ Madam Pomfrey snapped. ‘I need you and Miss Evans to leave.’  
‘But…’  
‘C’mon Sirius,’ Lily said, tugging on his sleeve. ‘Let’s wait outside.’  
Once they stepped into the corridor, Lily leaned against the wall, rubbing a hand over her face warily, while Sirius began pacing, running his hands through his hair agitatedly. ‘How did this happen?’  
Lily shook her head. ‘I dunno…’  
‘Who did this?’  
‘I dunno…’ Lily said again. Sirius let out a growl of frustration, continuing his pacing. ‘One of us should probably go let the others know what’s going on,’ Lily said slowly.  
‘Well I’m staying,’ Sirius said quickly.  
Lily watching him for another moment before she pushed off the wall. ‘Ok. I’ll go then.’  
He waved a hand dismissively without stopping his pacing. When Lily got back to the common room, James, Remus, Peter, and Marlene were sitting on the same couch, and Mary jumped up from the armchair next to the couch. ‘What’s wrong? Is she going to be ok?’  
‘She was poisoned,’ Lily said, her voice catching on the last word. ‘Madam Pomfrey thinks she’ll be ok…’  
‘Thinks?’ Marlene said.  
Lily nodded dumbly. ‘She made us leave so Sirius was waiting in the hall. He seemed really broken up about it.’  
James nodded, standing to come around the couch and embrace her. ‘He kind of has a thing for her.’  
Lily nodded again. Right. She knew that.  
‘I’ll go wait with Sirius,’ Mary said. ‘I’ll let you all know when I hear something.’  
Three hours later Mary came back, saying they had given Addy the antidote, and she was stable but not awake, and Sirius was with her. While they were all still worried, they breathed a sigh of relief that she would be alright.


	30. You said that you fancy me

Addy could hear first. Though the voice sounded far away, she could hear someone talking near her before anything else. She started feeling a pressure on her hand… someone was holding it… as the voice became clearer. ‘Merlin Dara, you’ve got me going spare here. You have to pull through. I’ve not even worked up the courage to tell you how much I fancy you when you were sober…’ He trailed off as she felt her fingers twitch in his hand. ‘Dara?’ She heard the scraping of chair legs on the floor and the mattress next to her dipped with his weight as he sat, then brushed the hair from her face. She leaned into his hand, albeit weakly. Sirius, she realized, taking in his scent. It was Sirius next to her. But she couldn’t figure out where she was yet. Or what had happened. She tried to speak, though all that came at first was a low grunt. It felt like forever before she was finally able to croak out, ‘Sirius?’ in a harsh whisper, and even longer before she could manage to open her eyelids even marginally. Sirius called out to Madam Pomfrey and she rushed to Addy’s bedside to force potions down her throat and Addy fell back to sleep angry and confused. When she finally managed to open her eyes again, the light of early morning was casting shadows across the infirmary. Looking around tiredly, she smiled softly and reached out to stroke the surprisingly soft, black tresses on the head lain on the edge of her bed. ‘Sirius,’ she called quietly. His head shot up quickly and he focused his tired yet hopeful grey eyes on hers, breathing out shakily.  
‘Dara. How’re you feeling?’  
Addy stared at him for a long moment, considering, before answering, ‘terrible. What happened?’  
Sirius frowned. ‘You… someone poisoned you.’  
She started in surprise. ‘I… oh… uh… do they know…?’  
He shook his head. ‘They don’t know who did it.’  
Addy nodded absently. ‘When… how long have I been here?’  
Sirius glanced around at the clock before looking back at her. ‘Bout thirty-seven hours.’  
She looked at him curiously. ‘W-Why are you here?’  
He suddenly looked affronted. ‘Because I was worried a-‘  
Addy shook her head quickly, taking his hand to cut him off. ‘No! I… I didn’t mean it like that,’ she said breathily, trying to sit up, but failing. ‘I meant… now. Why are you still here now? Didn’t Pomfrey make you leave?’  
His expression cleared. ‘Oh… I… no. No, just when they were working on you. I had to wait in the hall. She let me come back in when they were done. And you were… stable,’ he cleared his throat.  
‘Oh.’   
‘How do you keep pulling through all this?’ he said after a few moments silence, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. ‘You’ve got to be on you third life at least.’  
Addy shrugged. ‘Maybe I am a cat.’  
‘Well that’s too bad then.’  
‘And why is that bad?’  
‘I’m a dog person,’ he smirked.   
Addy smiled lightly, shaking her head, then bit her lip. ‘You said… that you fancy me,’ she said quietly.  
Sirius’s eyes widened and even in the dim lighting she could see his cheeks flush. He looked down at their hands that were still clasped. ‘You heard that?’ he mumbled. She squeezed his hand and he looked back up at her hesitantly. She tried to smile reassuringly, though her mind was whirling now that she could actually think. Really though, why would he fancy her of all people? ‘Do you fancy me?’ he asked.  
Addy gulped. Obviously she did. There was no denying it anymore. She just wasn’t sure if she could say it. ‘That could explain this tingling I have running up my arm…’ she murmured instead.   
His brow knitted. ‘What?’  
‘Why would you fancy me?’ she questioned louder.  
‘Why wouldn’t I?’  
‘Because, I’m nothing special.’  
Sirius frowned. ‘I know you don’t remember this conversation, hell I barely do, but we’ve already had it. And like I told you before, I think you’re the bees knees.’  
Addy shook her head. ‘You deserve better than me. You’re too good for me,’ she said quietly, looking down at their hands.  
‘I am not,’ he scoffed, then reached out with his free hand to cup her chin, lifting it to meet her gaze. ‘And I think I should decide for myself what I deserve.’  
Addy felt her face scrunch in apprehension. ‘But I…’  
‘What?’ he said with exasperation.  
‘I don’t want you to be targeted because of me. I can’t do that to someone else again.’  
‘I can take care of myself,’ he said with a scowl. ‘Besides, I’m already a target of my own accord.’  
Addy stared at him, feeling the worry build inside her gut like lead, warring with her desire for him. He must have seen the hesitation on her face as he sighed heavily. ‘Didn’t you say fifth year you were going to enjoy yourself while you could? After this… things are only getting worse Dara. Out there especially. Tomorrow isn’t a guarantee. And I for one want to enjoy myself while I can… with you. I want to be with you,’ he breathed out. ‘What do you want?’  
Addy felt the little resolve she had left slip away at the hopeful look in Sirius’s eyes. Besides, she’d basically been wanting to jump him for months now, so when he leaned forward she found herself meeting him halfway. It wasn’t anything spectacular of fueled with passion, but it was soft and sweet and sent her heart fluttering. And while she was sure they both would have liked it to be more, she still felt incredibly weak, and shortly after Pomfrey finally made Sirius leave in lieu of classes.   
Addy received another round of potions and after sleeping for some time, she awoke to find Professor Dumbledore at her bedside.  
‘Miss Nott, I’m sorry to wake you, though I am glad to see that you are faring better than the last time I saw you.’  
Addy smiled back weakly, pushing herself into a sitting position. ‘I need to ask you Miss Nott, if you can tell me of what you remember about the events of yesterday. Miss Evans says you began feeling unwell during charms?’  
Addy nodded. ‘After Potions. I started sneezing first…’  
‘And you felt at top health until that point? Through Potions class?’  
‘For the most part.’  
‘Do you recall anything unusual about that lesson?’  
Addy frowned, trying to think. ‘No…not during. Just the end of class.’  
‘And what happened at the end of class, Miss Nott?’   
‘Avery. Knocked my bag over. Then helped me put stuff back in my bag.’  
‘And I take it this is unusual behavior for Mr. Avery?’  
‘Well not exactly. He does like to bother me…’  
Dumbledore’s expression was blank while his eyes looked pensive. ‘I see. Is there anything else Miss Nott?’  
Addy’s gaze wandered while she tried to rack her brain for details. ‘He was still wearing his gloves,’ she said, looking back at Dumbledore. ‘The dragon hide gloves we use when we’re preparing our potion. That’s about all I can think of…’  
Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully before he gave her a small smile. ‘Thank you, Miss Nott. You’ve been most helpful. I’ll be looking into this information.’  
Addy nodded. ‘Thank you, Professor.’  
Once he left she drifted off once more. She was dosed with potions a few more times, and slept much more, and after a few rounds of that, she awoke much later in the evening the next day, finding a familiar head of black hair at the edge of her bed. ‘Sirius,’ she murmured, reaching out to stroke the soft tresses again. His head popped up and she couldn’t help but smile at his sleepy expression. ‘What are you doing?’  
He rubbed his eyes. ‘I just wanted to check on you, but you were asleep again, and I didn’t want to wake you.’  
‘Well, I’m ok. You certainly don’t need to sleep here. Don’t you have other things to… do?’  
‘Not particularly, no,’ he frowned.  
‘But I thought that…’  
‘You thought that what?’ Sirius said, his brow knitted in confusion.  
Addy glanced around at the window. ‘What day is this?’  
He stared at her for a moment. ‘Friday.’  
‘Oh… so you don’t have classes tomorrow?’  
‘No,’ he said slowly.  
Addy smiled and shifted to the side of the bed, pulling the bed clothes back. Sirius eyed her questioningly. ‘If you’re going to stay, you may as well be comfortable, yeah?’ He smiled then and stood up, removing his shoes before he slowly climbed in next to her. She settled into his side and he wrapped his arms around her. ‘You’re really warm,’ she said contentedly.  
Sirius hummed and kissed the top of her head. ‘And you’re really…’ he ran his hands over her hair and down her arms, sending chills through her body. ‘Soft,’ he said thoughtfully. Oh, but she was just as soft as he remembered. All of her. He nearly whimpered. Addy smiled and looked up at him, and he ran a thumb over her cheekbone before losing his fingers in the hair at the base of her neck and pulling her closer. His lips touched hers gently, briefly, before he pulled back and muttered, ‘mm, so soft,’ and kissed her again, first on her lips, then her cheek, her earlobe, her neck. Wow. His hands continued to graze over her arms, her back, her thighs, her stomach, sending shocks through every inch that he touched, driving her mad. He’d wanted to touch her for so long, he could barely restrain himself. She soon felt herself responding with a need to reciprocate, to kiss him softly, to touch and caress him. But she wanted to feel his skin on hers. Bloody hell, why was he wearing so many clothes while she was in that flimsy little hospital gown? She’d have to remedy that. She tugged at the bottom of his jumper and he smiled against her lips while she slid her hands across his abdomen, taking in the feeling of his well-defined muscles from years of quidditch training. She continued to run her hands over the skin of his back and over his shoulders and made to pull the jumper over his head, but he pulled back to gaze into her eyes. ‘Dara, what are you doing?’  
‘You’ll see.’  
‘I don’t know,’ he said with reluctance.  
‘Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle,’ she said softly, before effectively freeing him of the jumper.  
Sirius grinned. That sounded familiar. She smiled up at his disheveled state. ‘Are you sure? I don’t want to… hurt you.’  
‘Why? Are you that big?’ she said facetiously. Sirius laughed loudly, and Addy clamped a hand over his mouth while stifling her own sniggers. ‘Shh, Pomfrey will hear you.’  
He pulled her hand from his mouth and looked over her face, feeling a sudden tightening in his chest. Why did she have to be so… ‘What am I going to do with you?’ he said softly, shaking his head.  
‘I have a few ideas,’ she said, slipping her fingers down the waist of his trousers.  
Sirius smiled, allowing her to pull his trousers down, slowly, tantalizingly. He held her gaze as she allowed her thumbs to graze over the skin of his outer thighs and assisted her to push the trousers from his feet before she seemed to almost methodically run her hands up the tops of his thighs, his stomach, around his shoulders to his back, before coming to rest on his bum, which she squeezed tightly. Oh, her touch was like fire and ice at the same time. Her hands were so cold and yet she filled him with this burning desire. He had wanted her for so long, now he just wanted to take in every inch of her. Devour her. He brought his mouth back to hers, kissing her slowly, deeply, pushing his tongue into hers, tasting her, before he trailed kisses across her cheek, her jaw, her neck. She sighed, tilting her head to allow him better access, and he took it, kissing the soft skin over her throat before moving on to the sensitive skin between her neck and shoulder where he bit down gently. She gasped softly, her hands moving up his back to thread into his hair as he moved to kiss the skin of her shoulder, removing the gown from her right arm as he continued his trail of kisses down across her chest, fully removing the gown as he moved down, caressing the soft skin of her right breast while he took in the scar beneath her sternum, still red and angry in appearance, and kissed it tenderly, before he saw the tattoo across her right rib cage he had yet to see, that must have been done magically, as the wings of the Phoenix seemed to flicker in flame; he kissed her left breast, before he moved over to give the same attention to the right while his hand trailed down to caress the warmth between her thighs. She whimpered quietly as he slipped his fingers past her folds, slowly finding a steady rhythm, and she ran her hands from his hair down his back, fumbling hastily to slip them under the band of his pants and tug them down quickly with trembling hands. ‘Oh,’ she exclaimed quietly, only pausing briefly before running her hand up and down his length fluidly and rubbing her thumb over the head lightly. He opened his eyes to see her smiling down at him, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes clouded with desire.   
‘What’s wrong?’ he questioned without stopping his slow ministrations.  
‘Nothing at all,’ she shook her head with a small smile, her chest heaving. He smiled back at her before he retook her breast in his mouth and continuing his trail of kisses down to her stomach. ‘Wait,’ she called as he made to move down further, her grip on him still firm. Sirius looked up again and she shook her head. ‘I want you,’ she panted out, and his brow knitted in confusion. She reached down to tug on his hand, pulling him up to kiss his lips softly. ‘I want you,’ she said pointedly, squeezing him gently, ‘not,’ she gestured lamely. ‘Not this time.’ He nodded, his forehead resting against hers, and swallowed thickly. He cupped her cheeks, kissing her deeply again, then he slid one hand around the base of her neck to thread into her hair, pulling her closer, as his other hand moved slowly over the length of her body, his fingers spread wide as he reveled in the feeling of her skin beneath his. He joined his other hand in his exploration of her, running them both over her chest, her breasts, her stomach, then over her hips and around the back of her thighs, pulling her legs apart and finally settling himself between her legs. She reached down to grip him again, guiding him as he gently pushed inside her. He kept a slow rhythm, as he noticed she was trembling… or maybe that was him? Actually, it was both of them, he realized. They were both nervous. It was neither of their first time, but it was their first time together and it seemed just that much more important, more anticipated, more desired. He continued to kiss her deeply, tenderly, and continued to explore her soft skin with his hands. She gazed into his eyes with a look she’d never given him before, a look he couldn’t quite place but set his heart fluttering. While they were both nervous and it was a little awkward, as the first time usually is, especially in a tiny bed, it was tender and slow, considering she wasn’t fully recovered, and it was still passionate, and Addy had never felt so wanted being with anyone else. They took their time, exploring each other and finding how they fit together, appreciating each other’s bodies. After they hastily redressed and then lay tangled together in the bedclothes, drifting off into a contented sleep. He slipped out early in the morning, wanting to avoid the wrath of Madam Pomfrey, and Addy briefly wondered if that would be it. If he would lose interest and move on now that he had had her. But she went over everything, the last few months, in her head and quickly chastised herself. He wasn’t like that. Right? Right. He came back later that day, after she’d had another round of potions and slept a great deal more, and Gryffindor had played Hufflepuff in the second quidditch match of the year. Turned out to be a good thing Potter had gotten a reserve team. And he didn’t act any differently towards her except for maybe being even sweeter.   
Sirius came to visit every day, sometimes bringing James, Remus, or both with him, though not Peter. Never Peter. ‘How come Peter hasn’t come to see me?’ Addy asked one day when Sirius had shown up with Remus and James. ‘Is he secretly disappointed I didn’t die?’ James and Remus shared a look. ‘What? What was that?’ she said, looking between them.   
‘Well, you kind of yelled at him when you were delirious. I think he’s afraid of you,’ Sirius said.   
‘No! I did?’ Sirius nodded. ‘What did I say?’  
‘You called him a rat,’ said Remus.   
Addy’s eyes widened.   
‘And a traitor. You said he’d sold his friends to the Dark Lord,’ James added.   
Addy slapped a hand over her mouth as she gasped. ‘Sweet Circe are you serious?’  
James nodded while Sirius said, ‘always.’  
‘Well no wonder he doesn’t want to see me then, that’s horrible! Please tell him I’m sorry, and I obviously didn’t mean it.’  
‘Oh course,’ Remus smiled. 

On Monday evening, Addy awoke from a nap to find the curtains around her bed drawn. She had shifted in bed, and was in the process of unwrapping a chocolate frog, when Sirius poked his head in. ‘Hey,’ he smiled, and Addy smiled back.  
‘Hey yourself. Come to keep me company?’  
He suddenly looked slightly uneasy but covered it with a smirk. ‘Just for a bit,’ he shrugged as he sat in the chair next to her bed. ‘I’ve got things I need to do tonight. But I wanted to check up on you.’  
‘Things?’ Addy hummed. ‘How mysterious.’  
He looked even more uncomfortable and she couldn’t help but smirk. ‘Well yeah… I, er. I’ve had plans with the lads for a while. And since you seem ok, I thought it’d be alright to keep them…’  
Addy glanced at her watch and smiled, ‘Sirius, I was only joking. You don’t have to answer to me. Besides, I’ve got my own things to do tonight. No worries.’ Though honestly, she was a bit confused about certain… details.  
Sirius quirked an eyebrow at her, looking more relaxed. ‘Oh? What things do you have to do tonight?’  
‘Oh, you know. I plan on finishing that book Lily brought me. And then I’m scheduled to have another round of potions. I’m a very busy girl.’  
‘Hmm. Well, I’ll try not to keep you too long then,’ he said, before he leaned in and kissed her deeply. Some moments later they pulled apart when James stepped in between the curtains and said, ‘Oi Padfoot! You can snog your girlfriend later, we’ve got to go.’  
‘Give me a minute Prongs.’  
Addy felt herself blushing fiercely as they sat with their foreheads together, waiting for James to step out. ‘Girlfriend?’ she said quietly.  
‘Well yeah,’ Sirius said, his brow knitting. ‘I said I want to be with you, and you… I thought you wanted the same?’  
‘Yes, of course. I… I just didn’t know we were putting a label on it…’  
‘Padfoot!’ James’s head popped back around the curtain. ‘Let’s go!’  
‘Yeah, yeah. Keep your robes on Prongs!’ Sirius looked into Addy’s eyes intently. ‘We’ll talk about this more in the morning? I really want to talk about this more, I just…’  
Addy nodded. ‘No, of course. I understand. We’ll… talk. More in the morning.’   
Sirius smiled and kissed her again before he got up and left. Addy attempted to read for a while, but she just couldn’t seem to concentrate. She honestly didn’t want to talk about it more. She wasn’t the best with words and she really wasn’t good at talking about feelings. She barely knew what she was feeling most of the time. Couldn’t she just feel however she felt without having to define it? Why did anyone ever want to talk about feelings? It made her uncomfortable. Addy finally gave up trying to read and decided to go to sleep, although she slept restlessly at best. In the early hours of the next morning she heard Madam Pomfrey shuffling around on the other side of the infirmary, having a hushed conversation with someone. Addy frowned at the ceiling and rolled over, dosing off again until about an hour later when she heard another, not so hushed conversation between four male voices. She opened her eyes and glanced at her watch, half seven, before she sighed and stared up at the ceiling, watching the sunlight play across the infirmary.   
‘Dara, you’re awake.’  
Addy looked up at Sirius and smiled weakly. Oh great, her it comes. Our little talk. I still don’t know what to say… ‘You look terrible,’ she said without thinking, noticing he looked as though he hadn’t slept at all. Like he seemed to do sometimes…  
‘Pff, that’s not true. I always look fantastic,’ he smirked. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, unable to contradict him. ‘So,’ he said as he sat down in the chair next to her bed again, tilting his head to the side curiously. ‘What are you thinking?’  
Getting right to the point. Ok. Addy looked at him, considering what she wanted to say. ‘I don’t know,’ she said honestly. ‘It’s not like I want to be with someone else you know? It’s just…’ she looked at the ceiling. ‘I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship right now. I’m still… really messed up, and I don’t want you to feel like… like I don’t care or something because I don’t really have much to give right now.’  
Sirius took her hand and squeezed it, causing her to look at him. ‘I can understand that. So we’ll just… keep doing what we’re doing. See how it goes?’  
Addy gave him a small smile. ‘You don’t mind?’  
Yes. He shook his head. ‘No. I understand. Really,’ he added to her questioning look. She smiled again, and although she didn’t say anything about it, she saw the momentary uneasy look in his eyes. He seemed to forget, that coming from a similar place, she knew those looks, those defenses. She had the same ones. So, she knew, while he may have understood, it made him uneasy. But honestly, she didn’t have it in her to say differently at the time. So, she resolved herself to show hm, as best she could, that she meant what she said.   
After Sirius had gone to classes for the day, he returned late that night after Pomfrey had turned in for the night, startling Addy by popping out of nowhere.  
‘It’s James’s invisibility cloak,’ he said unnecessarily, taking her expression for confusion.  
Addy nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I remember it. I’ve seen you lot disappear under that before, though I didn’t know it was James’s. Just a bit of a surprise when you don’t expect it.’ She smiled at his look of surprise.  
‘When did you…?’  
‘Last year. Astronomy tower…’  
His expression darkened, and he nodded slowly. ‘Forgot about that…’  
‘Never mind all that,’ she said dismissively, and pulled the covers back while scooting over. ‘Come here.’  
Sirius hesitated before he smiled and climbed in next to her, and she sighed in relief, pulling him in to a deep kiss. This was the easy part. For her anyway.


End file.
